by Erin Trejo
“He’s a divorce lawyer. I signed the papers,” I tell him as I take a long pull from the bottle in front of me.
“You did what? What the fuck is that about Reaper?” he snaps loudly. I glance around quickly making sure Molly isn’t anywhere within hearing distance.
“It’s about givin’ Molly a new start when I’m not here. She deserves at least that much.” I take another drink as Mason eyes me. “What?” I ask.
“You’re still bent on going back in there?” Mason asks.
I nod my head and rest my arms on the counter in front of me. I take in the wedding band on my finger. I never took it off because it hurt too much to think about. I reach for it now, pull it off, and spin it on the counter.
“I’m goin’ in. I’ve gotta make this shit right. The club doesn’t deserve a war because of me. I just need a little time with my boy before I set my plan in motion.”
“Seems to me you’re already settin’ it in motion to go with those papers. You think this is the best thing for her?” he asks as he leans on the counter. I slap the ring so it stops spinning before I slip it back on my hand.
“Yeah. I know it is. I’m gonna get Tom out of the picture and that’s it. That’s the end brother.”
“That’s bullshit. You know that, right? This isn’t just about her. You have all of us. We’re a goddamn family Reaper. You are the stubbornest son of a bitch I’ve ever met in my life.” Mason grits his teeth, but all he’s doing is pissing me off a little more than I already was.
“Shut the fuck up Mason,” I warn him. My nerves are on edge and my patience is running thin today.
“Fuck you! The sun doesn’t rise and set just for you. You’re being a fuckin’ coward.”
“Stop pushin’ me Mason,” I growl.
“Oh. Is the big bad Reaper getting’ pissed off? You think I give a fuck? So the world dealt you a shitty hand. Get the fuck over it. You’re more of a man than this, aren’t you? Since when do you let what God has done fuck you over? Huh? You’re called the fuckin’ Reaper for a reason.”
And… that’s it. He’s pushed me too far. I rise from my stool and narrow my gaze on his.
“Enough,” Mason chuckles as he moves around the bar and looks me dead in the eye.
“Go fuck yourself. You want to wallow away like a pussy? Go right on ahead. Let them win. Let Tom, Ramirez, and God fuckin’ win.”
He throws his hands out to the side to make his point, but that’s when I snap. I lunge toward him with my hands balled into fists. The first strike lands, but the second one doesn’t. Mason has me around the neck and slams me into to the floor before I know what’s happened.
“Fight like a man Reaper. Let that shit out,” he screams into my face.
I gasp for air as his grip tightens. Twisting in his grip I throw another punch landing on his cheek. Mason’s head snaps sideways and his grip falters. I shove him off me and climb to my feet ready for another blow.
“Stop!” I can hear Whitley yelling behind us. That isn’t going to stop us now. He wanted this. He practically begged for it. Pushing and taunting me.
“You wanna do this?” I ask him.
“Damn right I do,” he snarls.
He rushes me trying to catch me off guard, but I’m ready for him. I deliver a good blow to his ribs, but he counters with one to my jaw. I can hear the girls screaming for us to stop, but that isn’t going to happen. We keep going, not giving a shit. The more we punch the better I feel. This was something I really needed. I’m not really pissed at Mason, it’s more that I’m pissed that I missed ten years of my son’s life. I’m pissed that he’s now lying in a room down the hall dying and that there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
I didn’t hear the others come in when Mason and I are yanked apart. Whitley rushes to his side trying to wipe the blood from his face, but he swats her away and keeps his eyes trained on me.
“What the fuck has gotten into you motherfuckers?” Viking stands in the middle looking between us.
“Your boy here has a death wish,” Mason roars. I chuckle and wipe my lips on the back of my hand.
“You need to learn how to mind your own damn business Mason,” I say as I point at the fucker.
“You are my business. Did you forget who the VP is? Did you forget that we’re all family here? Did all that just slip your mind when you made that choice?” he asks. I get it, I truly do. This is just what needs to be done.
“Where were you guys at?” I ask Viking to make my point.
“One of the warehouses over on Planton burned to the goddamn ground,” he says.
I raise my eyebrow and look at Mason. “Who do you suppose could have done that?” I ask being a condescending asshole.
“Fuck you Reaper! You’re bein’ a fuckin’ coward,” he roars once more. When I start to move toward him Viking stops me. His hand stays resting on my chest as his eyes flash with anger.
“Is this about what I think it’s about?” he looks to me. I nod my head once.
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” Mason mumbles under his breath and shakes his head.
“It isn’t just that. Why don’t you tell him? Tell him what else you just did,” Mason eggs me on.
“Signed divorce papers.”
“You did what?” Fin snaps as he pushes his way to the front of the group. “What the hell are you thinkin’?”
“I’m thinkin’ that she will have a fresh start. She deserves that. I was thinkin’ maybe she could move on and live a life that she’s always wanted. I’m not gonna be able to provide her that and I for damn sure won’t make her a widow.”
“So that’s it?” her voice shakes my body to the core.
I hate the sound of her voice when’s she sad or upset. I close my eyes and tip my head back while trying to control my breathing before I turn to face her. When I open my eyes and look into hers I feel like shit. I feel like I’ve let her down, and in so many ways I have.
“You don’t understand Molly. This life. This thing that’s happenin’ is all my fault. I didn’t protect you all those years ago like I should have. I didn’t do my job as a man and that’s what fuckin’ kills me. Every time I look at you I see the mistakes I’ve made. I should have kept you safe from him. I failed. I should have kept my son safe. I should have been there to watch his first steps, to see him crawl, and to teach him how to play football. I fucked it all up Mols. I’ve made so many mistakes in my goddamn life. I couldn’t possibly fix them all. But, this one? I can fix this one. When I’m gone you can move on. You can start over and make yourself the life you’ve always dreamed of. You can be someone. You won’t have a worry in the goddamn world because I’m gonna make them all right first.”
The room is deadly silent around us. The air is thick. The tension is high. Molly stares at me, a mask of emotions on her face.
“You really think that’s what I want? Do you even care what I want?”
“It’s not about what any of us want Molly. It’s about what’s right. Don’t you get that?”
“I get that you want to run off and leave me all alone. I get that you want to fix everything, but there are some things you just can’t fix Roland. If anyone can see that it should be you!”
“I can fix this.” I step closer to her now. I’m standing mere inches from her. “I can make what I did to fuck this up right. It isn’t just us Molly. It’s the club too. They are my family as much as you are and I can’t turn my back on what I did to them.”
Her eyes fill with tears. The moment between us is intense, but it’s broken when Taz screams.
“Get in here,” her words rip the silence and shred any hope that any of us thought we had.
Chapter 29
Molly
Loss is hard. It’s even harder when it’s your kid. My heart has never felt so empty. We buried Drake two weeks ago. Nothing has been the same since. I drink until I become numb. Roland is constantly on the move. It’s like he can’t stay still or he’ll lose himself. I can’t say that I b
lame him. We all grieve in our own ways. We all hate and hurt differently. I don’t hate Roland for what he’s doing. I hate myself for not being stronger. I think about it every day of my life. Why didn’t he fight harder? Why didn’t I figure out something sooner? I always come up empty.
“You need anything else?” Fin asks as he sits on the couch next to me.
I hold up the bottle of Jack and shake my head no. This is all I need. As long as it makes the pain and anger go away, I’m good.
“You can’t drink yourself out of what you’re feelin’ Molly.”
“No? Maybe some coke will help?” I tell him.
“I’ve been there too. Drugs don’t ease it either darlin’. I would know.”
Fuck him. He doesn’t know shit. He never lost his child. The one thing that he loved more than anything in the world. I did. How dare he tell me that?
“Leave me the fuck alone Fin.”
“Wish I could babe. Look, I just wanted to let you know that we found Tom. We’re gonna be movin’ in on him soon. You know what that means?” he asks as if I give a shit. I don’t. Not anymore. Roland made his choices.
“Yeah, it means that I never have to look at his fucking face again. It means that everyone I loved will be gone. It means I’m alone. I’m all alone Fin.” The first part came out strong, but the rest came out in a mess of tears. Fin pulls me to him as I cry. “I’m so fucking alone.”
“You’re not. You need to talk to him. Tell him how much you need him Molly. Make him rethink this shit,” he urges.
I pull away and wipe my face. “I’ve tried Fin. Don’t you think I’ve tried? He doesn’t want me anymore.”
“That’s not true.”
Roland’s voice sounds from behind me. I look over my shoulder and see him standing there in his black jeans and a hoodie. No doubt he’s ready to go down for his cause.
“Oh, it’s true all right. I know it is. Otherwise I wouldn’t have those divorce papers sitting on the counter.” Roland walks around the couch, but he doesn’t sit.
“Give us a minute Fin.”
Fin squeezes my shoulder before he climbs to his feet and walks away. Traitor. I thought he was my friend.
“I love you Molly. You know that. I loved him too. I loved him more than I can say, but this is what has to be done to make sure everyone I have left is safe. I need you to understand that. I couldn’t face myself every goddamn day if somethin’ happened to you too.”
“You didn’t make him sick Roland,” the tears start falling again.
“I know that, but I still felt helpless Mols. I couldn’t do a fuckin’ thing to save him. Nothin’. Do you know how that makes me feel? I feel worthless as a dad. I fucked up. I won’t do that with you. You can hate me until the day you die, you can curse me and call me names. I don’t care Molly. I just need to know that you’re safe. I need that closure. Can’t you understand that?”
Roland turns on his heel and heads toward the door. If this is the last time that I will get to see him then I needed to tell him that I loved him, didn’t I? I need him to know that much. I shove off of the couch and stumble and sway as the liquor filters through my veins.
“Roland,” I call out to him. He stops walking and turns to face me. “You were a great father. He loved you more than you know. I love you more than you know. I understand it to a point, I just need you to know that I’ve never stopped loving you. My heart will never be the same.”
Letting that out was harder than I thought it would be. Roland smirks as he walks over to me and wraps his arms around me. He kisses me roughly and slides his tongue into my mouth. After a few minutes he slows the kiss before he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.
“Your heart doesn’t belong to me anymore Mols. As much as I wish it did, it doesn’t. I’m sorry that this is hurtin’ you. I’m sorry that I never found the two of you. God, you have no idea how sorry I am for that. I love you baby. I’ve loved you since the first time I ever saw you. Remember me always Mols.”
One more soft kiss and then Roland turns on his heel and walks away from me. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to feel right now. I don’t know which way to turn and what the fuck to do. Fin steps in next to me and his arm goes around my shoulder.
“He can still change his mind, ya know? Have some faith, yeah?”
He kisses the top of my head and walks out the same door Roland just did. I’m torn. I want to run after Roland. I want to beg him to stay with me, but that would be selfish. That would be me asking him to do something he didn’t want to, and I know in my heart that he thinks what he’s doing is the right thing.
“Come on sweetheart,” Taz pulls me into her side as the rest of the world becomes a blur.
My head isn’t in the right place anymore. It hasn’t’ been for two weeks and now the pain is only more intense. It feels as though my heart’s being ripped from my body and someone stomped it into the floor. Nothing else could possibly feel this awful.
Chapter 30
Reaper
Death was something I learned to be good at. Killing people became an outlet for me. I perfected it. The day I walked away from Molly was the day I sealed my own fate. Molly was the one that ran from me more than once. Now it was my turn. We found Tom that same night. It was a bittersweet moment for me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He asked when he saw me step into his house.
The same fucking house. I was shocked as fuck when we found him here. At first I didn’t believe the guys when they told me. What kind of dumbass comes back to the same place?
“Thought you might wanna talk,” I tell him.
Tom shoves out of his chair and watches me closely. There is nowhere for him to go. The guys have the house surrounded, just in case he tries to run.
“I don’t think we have much to talk about. She was always supposed to be mine. That whore of a mother of hers just didn’t realize it. I told her over and over. I guess that’s where Molly gets it from?”
His eyes are as evil as the devil. Son of a bitch, I’m going to enjoy watching him die.
“You would think that would piss me off, but it doesn’t. Watchin’ you die is payment enough for what you did to them.”
“Them? I couldn’t stand the damn kid. I was actually glad when she got him out of here. Looking at him reminded me of you. It made me fuckin’ sick,” he snarls.
This son of a bitch. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself before the cops show up.
“He died ya know? Had cancer.”
“You must be so sad. Unfortunately, I’m not. He was a bastard just like you. The kid thought he had a set of balls on him.”
I can’t take it anymore. I move forward and grab him around the neck and squeeze. Tom claws at my hands in an attempt to get away from me.
“That was my kid. He was everything to me. You took all that precious time away from me. He had bigger balls than you ever did,” I growl.
The sirens are within hearing distance now.
“Not much longer now Tom.”
“Reaper. The cops are three minutes out,” Fin says. I nod my head and glance over my shoulder at him.
“Get everyone out of here. Remember your promise Fin.” He closes his eyes like he wants to say something, but I speak first, “You promised me. Don’t fuckin’ fail me brother.” When he opens his eyes he smiles at me.
“I promised you. I don’t break my promises brother. She’ll be taken care of.”
I nod my head once and then watch him walk back out of the house. In a matter of minutes the cops are here with guns aimed. Yeah, I called in and reported a man fitting my description threatening to kill another man.
“Sleep tight Tom,” I whisper as I squeeze the rest of his life out of him.
I could have made it worse. I could have drawn out his death for hours, but what’s the point? Letting him live longer than necessary seemed like a waste of time to me.
The cops storm in screaming at me to let him go and how th
ey’ll shoot if I don’t. I don’t give a shit. When I can sense them closing in on me, I shift my grip and snap Tom’s neck. I can hear the crunch of bone and it sends a shiver up my spine. I didn’t want to leave any possible chance of them being able to resuscitate the fucker.
I’ve been sentenced to life in prison. I stand here in the yard with a handmade shank in my hand, just contemplating my life. I had dreams of what it would have been like for Molly and I if we could have spent forever together. If Drake hadn’t been sick. He would have played football and I would have been the dad in the stands cheering him on. But, none of that was my reality.
We are all destined to be something, and this right here is my destiny. I look to my left and nod my head at the two guys that are helping me. They were paid extremely well for their services. All they have to do is flank me until I can get in the middle of the crowd that surrounds Ramirez. He made sure to amp up his protection when he knew I was coming back in. That alone makes it all worth it.
“I love you Mols. I’ll see you soon Drake,” I mumble under my breath before I start to move.
My walk turns into a jog and in no time at all I’m standing face to face with the fucker that played me. The fucker that threatened my family. His smirk nearly pisses me off, but I love the surprise on his face when I shake the shank from my sleeve and down into my hand.
His eyes widen as I move in. The blade moves perfectly through his skin. Blood sprays from all angles as I pull it free from his neck and stab it under his ribs. I lose count of how many times I’ve stabbed him before he falls.
Silence fills the yard before I feel it. That burn, ache, the feeling of a blade entering my body. I could scream and fight back, but why? This is my fucking destiny. This is my fate. I always knew it was coming. The day I stepped foot in here not too long ago, I could feel it.
As the crowd closes in around me I hear my bones crack and splinter. Pain explodes inside of me. I crumble.