by Erin Trejo
Fin closes his eyes and sucks in a big breath. He’s silent for a long time before he opens his eyes to look at me.
“I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. I’ve tried all of my life to give you that. Somewhere along the line you grew up and I lost that connection to you,” he says.
“No. We have a connection Fin. You didn’t lose me. I lost myself. I found me again though. Viking reminded me of who I was. He pushes me to be what I want to be. He’s told me I should enroll in college.”
His eyes widen as he looks at me. “He did?” I nod my head and Fin walks closer to me and drops down on the bed next to me. “I’ve been so wrapped up in dealin’ with Molly that I didn’t see what Eric was doin’ to you. I missed it all until it was almost too late Carn. I’ll never do that to you again. I’m sorry that it happened to begin with. You’ve always been the most important person in the world to me, and I won’t let anyone come between us again.” He grabs me and pulls me into a hug.
“I want you to move on Fin. I’ll be okay. I promise. Molly needs you and I’m going to find my way again. Just like Viking
said I needed to. I deserve that much don’t I?” He pulls back and grins at me.
“You deserve a hell of a lot more than you’ve ever had baby girl. You deserve the world at your fingertips, and if Viking is the one to give that to you, then I’m all in. I don’t like our lifestyle with you in it, but I have no doubt that man will protect you from everything.”
“Well, he did take a bullet for me,” I tease him.
Fin shakes his head.
“Eric was shootin’ at you?”
“Yeah. Seems I’ve gotten too mouthy,” I say shrugging.
“Yes, you have. I just thank fuck that the bullet didn’t hit you.”
“Yeah, but I think it really fucked up his shoulder.” That part makes me feel guilty as hell.
“He’s been shot before. He’ll live.”
Fin stands up and holds his hand out to me. I take it and let him pull me up. He then leads me to the door.
“What are we doing now?” I ask looking up at my big brother.
“We’re gonna have a little chat with the man my sister loves.
Only seems fittin’ that I set out some ground rules.” I can’t stop the laughter that bubbles out of me.
“What kinds of rules exactly?”
“I dunno. Takin’ a bullet for you seems like a good start though. If that bullet would have hit you instead I think we would have had a very different talk on our hands,” Fin says with a playful smile.
“I probably shouldn’t tell you what happened after that then.” “What the fuck happened after that?” Fin snarls.
“We fucked in the janitor’s closet.”
Fins huffs but doesn’t stop walking. It’s funny watching his face when I talk about fucking Viking.
“You’re just tryin’ to get me to fuck up a cripple aren’t you?” laughter erupts out of both of us as we step into the main room.
I find Viking’s eyes on me from across the room.
“Jesus Christ I can see the fuckin’ look in his eyes from here,” Fin mumbles which makes me smile.
“What look?”
“The look that says he loves you. Go to your man Carnie.”
I walk away from Fin and head to Viking. I closely watch his face, his eyes, for any sign that I might be mistaking what he feels. I know what he told me, but it still feels off. When I’m within arm’s length he grabs me and pulls me against him.
“Does this mean the club knows?” I ask looking up at him to see his eyes dancing with laughter.
“They knew as soon as you stepped foot in that door all those years ago. I just made it official while you were talkin’ to Fin. You got a problem with that?” he asks and his alpha side is shining through.
I giggle, snuggle into his side, and reply, “Not at all.”
“Good. I need to talk to your brother.”
He kisses the top of my head, untangles from me, and moves swiftly toward Fin. Mason tosses his arm over my shoulders and stands tall next to me.
“They’ll work it out darlin’. You’re probably too good for him, but I like the way he lights up when he’s around you.”
I sigh and lean into Mason wondering what the hell all of this means for us.
Chapter 25
VIKING
We pass the joint back and forth. There’s an uneasy silence dancing between us. I know he’s uncomfortable, so I break the ice.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen Fin. We started out with just playful flirtin’. The more I was with her the more I fell,” I admit to him.
Fin nods while looking off into the distance.
“She’s my family brother. She’ll all I got left and I cherish her. I know she’s an adult now and growin’ up and all that shit, but it’s hard for me to let go of the past.”
I understand what he’s saying. I really do, but that isn’t stopping me from loving my girl.
“She doesn’t belong in this life Viking. She’s better than we are. I made sure to raise her to be better than we were. She wants to teach. Fuckin’ teach kids man.”
“And she will. I’m not that little pretty boy Fin. I’m not gonna hold her back from what she wants. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna push her ass towards it. She needs to be who she was meant to be. I’m not standin’ in her way,” I tell him.
He turns to face me with a strange look on his face.
“Don’t you get it Viking? You can’t push her. She’s stronger than that. If she thinks there’s a chance of not bein’ with you then she won’t go. That’s just how she is.”
My chest tightens as I think that over. I wouldn’t let her do that. It’s not who I am either.
“If you’re askin’ me to break things off with her it’s not gonna happen. I can’t do that.”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m askin’ here. I want her to go out and enjoy her life. I don’t want her to be stuck in the middle of this shit. I don’t want her gettin’ hurt,” Fin snaps.
He pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it up. Blowing out a ring of smoke he says, “I know you wouldn’t hurt her on purpose, but fuck Viking. We’re men. We’re human and we’re in a goddamn MC. Shit happens. It always does and some of it is beyond our control. Just look at Molly. I can’t live with it if that shit was to happen to my sister.”
Fuck. I understand his point. I haven’t done the best job of protecting her lately. There’s a lot of fault on me in this situation. I should have been the one to walk away.
“I get it brother. I really do. I don’t want her hurt any more than you do, but this is our life. I’m a goddamn Soulless Bastard until the day I die and you put me under, brother. I’m never gonna be that corporate rich guy in a suit, man. I know what she deserves and I know I’m not it. I just can’t let her go like that. I can give her space. I can let her have her freedom. But
completely let her go? It’s not gonna happen.” Fin nods and blows out a ring of smoke.
“You said you wanted her to go to school. You okay with lettin’ her go off on her own to do that?”
Fuck me. I didn’t think of that. I want what’s best for her.
“Yeah, but I’m not stayin’ away completely. She’ll have her freedom Fin.”
“And if she meets someone else while she’s at school?” he asks.
Why the fuck is he busting my ass on this? Does he really not want to see me with Carnie? Is that what’s going on here?
“I’ve thought about that too. If she does then I’ll let her go. I will respect her choices. I’m not forcin’ her into anything she doesn’t want with me. But, just so we’re clear here, I want her, but I’m not forcin’ her to stay,” I tell him honestly.
“That’s all I can ask for. I just want her to strive to be somethin’. She doesn’t deserve to be a nothin’ like me,” Fin admits.
“You aren’t nothin’ Fin. She might be growin’ up, but she still needs you. L
ike you said, she’s your family.”
He nods his head and looks around before he flicks the cigarette through the air.
“You’re right. Let’s go check on our girl,” he says slapping a hand on my shoulder. I grin and turn to leave when he stops me with a look over his shoulder. “I don’t wanna hear about you fuckin’ her in closets either man.”
I can’t stop the laughter that erupts out of me. Fin holds the door open and we both walk back in. You can hear a party revving up as soon as you walk in door. Fin grins at me over his shoulder. As soon as we step into the main room all hell breaks loose. The girls are dancing and singing. The guys are all hanging out drinking and talking. This is the perfect example of us as a family. Brothers. Fin and I lean against the wall to take it all in.
“Heard your house went down in flames?” he asks leaning closer so I can hear him over the music.
“Burnt to the ground from what Mason said.”
“We’ll rebuild it Viking. All of us.”
I tilt my head to the side to look at him. His eyes are serious.
“I appreciate that Fin. There’s a lot we need to talk about. I don’t even know if I wanna rebuild it. It’s my past and maybe that’s where it needs to stay,” I tell him honestly.
I turn my head and watch the girls. When I see Carnie everyone else just fades away. Her body sways to the music and her hands are in the air. She’s so carefree and it reminds me just how young she really is. She spins around, but when she looks my way she stops. Her smile could brighten up the darkest night, but right now she’s the brightness in my world. She moves from the crowd and comes to a stop in front of me. She glares up at me with wide eyes.
“What’s the look?” I ask her over the music.
“We have nowhere to go,” she hollers back.
I shrug, grab her around the waist, pull her into me, and say, “Doesn’t matter. I got all I need right here.” I lean down and kiss her. Her hands snake around my neck and her nails graze over my skin. Shivers race down my spine. The need to hold her and keep her all for myself is overwhelming. Saying I could let her go if she ever found someone else was probably a mistake. I can’t imagine what the hell I’d even do without her.
“Take me to your room,” she whispers in my ear.
I nod my head and grab her hand in mine. We head down the hallway a little quicker than I need to, but after the day we’ve had I want to get her undressed, naked, and fucked before we fall asleep.
“You in a hurry?” she teases when I kick the door closed and reach for her clothes.
I strip her naked and make short work of my own clothes before I walk her to the bed. I drop onto my back and the bed bounces beneath me. Carnie turns around as her eyes pierce me to the bone. I casually jerk my head to let her know I’m ready for her. She smiles even bigger as she walks toward me and climbs on the end of the bed. I watch her as her tits sway. Carnie straddles me and slowly slips down my length. I growl and bring my hands up to her hips.
“You’re gonna kill me one of these days,” I grunt as she takes me deeper. My body is tense and ready for release even though she just mounted up.
“Oh come on old man. You can handle little ole me. Can’t you?” she teases with that light in her eyes.
With one quick motion I have her around the waist and rolled over onto her back. She squeals before she looks up at me.
“You want me to show you what this old man can do?” I ask as I thrust inside of her.
Carnie arches her back and her lips part on a moan. I rotate my hips and pump into her frantically. Each new thrust sends me deeper into her. Carnie cries out my name and her nails dig into my skin. I fucking love every drop of it, of her. For as long as I’ve been alive I didn’t think I’d find my match in a woman. Yet here she is surprising me at every turn. I look down at her with her closed eyes and parted lips and I know I’ve found my match. It’s only going to make it that much harder to let her go when I have to. For now though? She’s mine. I’m going to show her just how much she belongs to me. She looks so fucking perfect like this. Happy even.
Chapter 26
CARNIE
This is stupid,” I mumble under my breath. I don’t know why he’s making me do this shit.
“The fuck it is. Shut up and look through them,” he snaps at me.
I lift the pile of papers in my hand and carelessly flip through them. Viking notices my lack of attention.
“Look at them like you mean it Carn. Jesus Christ. You want me to spank your ass right here in front of everyone?”
That perks me right up. I smirk over at him which makes him chuckle. The smile on his face is so goddamn perfect that I hate to ruin it.
“Maybe I don’t want to go anymore Viking. Did you ever think of that?” I ask as I drop the papers back onto the table and cross my arms defiantly.
Yep. I’ll act like a brat. Viking grabs the pile and holds them out in front of me.
“Yes you do. Stop with the bullshit and just look.”
I grab the stack of papers and glance down at them again.
They’re all for colleges. He has me looking at colleges. I can’t believe that I’m even considering this after everything that’s happened. He and I are so close now even though it’s only been a few months. I don’t want to ruin that, but for some reason Viking keeps pushing me to go. It makes me worry that he isn’t as into me as I thought he was. He tells me he loves me. He tells me that we’re going to make things work with us, but I find that really hard to believe since he has so much going on at the club and I’ll be away at school.
“The University of Miami is the closest,” I tell him setting the stack back on the table again.
Viking sighs, runs his hand through his hair, and replies, “I didn’t ask you what was the closest. I asked you to pick the one that fits what you need.” His eyes are tired. He’s had me up all day looking at colleges. Even some that were out of state, which I flat out refused.
“They all offer the classes I need. This one is the closest,” I smart off.
In the matter of seconds Viking has my wrists in a death grip as he’s yanking me from the chair. He drags me down the hall so quickly it all blurs. He spins me and pins me against the wall. His breathing is rapid and his eyes are on fire. I love pushing him to this point. I love seeing that spark of life inside of him.
“You’re testin’ me today baby girl. I wanna know why.”
I try to look away, but his strong hand comes up to grip my chin. He’s forcing my gaze to stay on him.
“I don’t want to leave Viking. I want to stay here. I want to be with you and Fin.”
My admission should be easy since he already knows this, but it’s not. It looks like it kills him more to hear it than it hurt to say it. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher and that dream still lives in me, but I also know how precious life is. I want to have as much of it as I can. I need to be with both Fin and Viking to do that.
“We ain’t goin’ nowhere Carnie. You get me? I’m gonna be here when you come home. Fin will still be here. It’s not like we’re sayin’ goodbye here. This is for you. You still have the chance to live your dream and I’m gonna make sure you do it. Don’t you get that by now?”
His words wrap around my heart and hold me tightly. A tear slips down from my eye and slides down my cheek. I love that about him too. The fact that he doesn’t want to hold me back like Eric did. In fact he pushes me to be whatever I want to be.
“I get it Viking. I just don’t like it.”
Viking leans in and presses his lips to mine. It’s a slow, sweet kiss that could steal my breath away. His hand slides up the side of my cheek and holds me gently. When he pulls back he smiles at me.
“You mean everything to me Carnie. My life wouldn’t be as full as it is without you. We’re gonna talk every day. I’m gonna come see you every chance I get. The time will fly by baby girl. Once you’re done I’ll have us a place ready to live in. I’ll give you whatever you want. I just n
eed for you to do this for yourself. Yeah?”
How can he make me feel like this? How does this one man manage to take my breath away.
“You promise me,” I say softly not sure what I’m even asking for, but Viking leans in with his lips barely touching mine.
“I promise you my forever Carnie. I give you my every day. All I want is you.”
Tears now freely roll down my cheeks as I bury my face in his chest. Viking pulls me in and holds me tightly as I cry. I should be thankful to have someone like him. I should be proud that the man I love wants more for me, but I’m scared. In the back of my mind I’m scared to death to leave both him and Fin. I’ve never been on my own. Fin has always been a phone call away and now they’re sending me off to college.
I almost can’t believe that I’m going to go. It shocks me. After being with Eric for so long, I never thought I would have the chance to live out my future the way I wanted to. Now I have Viking leading the way to it.
“Thank you,” I tell him softly.
His lips press into the top of my head.
“For what?”
“Believing in me, pushing me, and loving me.”
Viking chuckles and nuzzles his face deeper into my hair. “That’s the easy part baby girl.”
Chapter 27
VIKING
Well I never thought I’d see the day,” I say as I smirk at the bastards.
“Fuck you,” he spits.
I glance up at Fin and we both chuckle.
“I thought I made the message clear enough when I slit your boy’s throat? Apparently that was too simple a gesture. What should we do with the rest of these little shits Fin?”
I glance over at him as he twirls his blade in between his fingers. All was calm for a while. We laid back, recovered, and kept business moving forward. Imagine my surprise when the little fuckers of the rat boys showed up outside our clubhouse ready for a war they weren’t prepared for.