by MJ Ware
Tommy's eyes were shut tightly. "Tell me when we are out of here."
"Okay, open 'em," I said when we were almost but not quite out. Somehow, he knew we hadn't left, and he didn't open them for another few seconds, after we got to the ballroom scene.
Tommy got all excited and went on and on about the ballroom. "The ghosts aren't holograms, like most people think. The imagineers use an old stage trick called Pepper's ghost. There are actually mannequins under the ride, and a huge mirror that projects them onto the glass in front of us, so they look like dancing ghosts."
I nodded, pretending that I was interested and wondered how riding in the haunted mansion would get us back to the Matterhorn—and if Zoey and Sunny were safe.
"See how the women are leading their dancing? They didn't take the mirror image into account when they created the room, and so the dancing ghosts are reversed.
"Oh, and that spiderweb over there? Some kid tried to shoot one of the ghosts with a slingshot, and the glass can't be replaced, and it's so big they had to lower it in by helicopter when the building was being built. And can you believe that?"
"What I can't believe is that you've never ridden this ride before."
"I've watched the ride-through on YouTube plenty." At least he didn't seem as scared now.
Finally, when we were out of the ballroom, he said, "We're entering the cemetery. The doombuggies will turn completely around and face the other way, and we'll be able to jump out without the other riders seeing us." As the doombuggy turned, he added, "Don't push up the restraining bar, or the ride will stop. And be sure to jump to the right, not the left, or the cameras will see you."
"But you've never even ridden this ride!" I yelled as he pushed me out of our doombuggy.
We hid behind a fake tree until the buggies started coming by with no one in them. Which Tommy said meant they were between groups of passengers from the elevators.
"Quick," Tommy yelled, and we ran through the graveyard scene—filled with singing ghosts and spirits—behind a large tombstone, then down a hallway.
"Where are we?"
"Still in the mansion, but this is a service corridor." Tommy looked around, as if trying to figure out which way to go. "If I'm right, there's an exit around here."
We ran down the dimly lit corridor and up a set of metal stairs, which led to a steel ladder that was bolted to the side of the wall.
"Up there." Tommy peered up, toward the top of the ladder and a metal door in the ceiling.
"What, the roof? We're going on the roof?"
"We've got to avoid the robots."
Reluctantly, I climbed the ladder. The roof was really dirty and pretty hot. I followed Tommy to the edge. We had a perfect view of Splash Mountain.
"When the train goes by, jump," Tommy said.
The train tracks ran along a gravel channel, far below us. "What, are you crazy?"
"I don't see another way to get to the castle or the Matterhorn, do you?"
I didn't really know where we were, yet alone which direction we needed to go. So instead, I tried to decide which of the dozen reasons why jumping onto a moving train was a horrible idea I was going to use. Suddenly, the train whizzed by directly under us. I tied the straps of my backpack around my waist. "Fine. You jump first."
I waited, then glanced over at Tommy; his face was vacant, his eyes wide.
"Oh, brother." I grabbed him and jumped, pulling him with me off the edge of the building.
We hit the roof with a thud—but we made it.
"Stay perfectly still," Tommy whispered as the wind blew his pirate hat off. "There's people riding the train right below us."
We went through a wooded area. I could see the Big Thunder Mountain rollercoaster through the trees. No one was on it, but it was going. It appeared as if some of the rides were up and running now.
A moment later, we went into a tunnel. There was only a couple feet of clearance, so we had to keep our heads down, or they'd get knocked off. The smell of soot was pretty overpowering. Along one side was a scene of dinosaurs fighting, like a giant, life-sized diorama. The dinos didn't exactly look real, but I'd never seen them before, so it was still cool.
Tommy whispered, "Once we're out of here, we'll jump off the train at It's a Small World."
"I thought we were going to the castle," I cried, starting to wonder if Tommy wasn't just taking the scenic route.
"Shhh! I already told you, A Small World is the closest the train gets to the castle or the Matterhorn. We should be able to make it to one of them from there."
"Have I mentioned that this is a terrible plan?" I mumbled.
The train went over a bridge, past Toontown and then right through It's a Small World. When we were behind the clock tower, we jumped. We hit the ground pretty hard; it was a miracle neither of us broke any bones.
"Wait until the clock stops chiming, then we'll go through that door," Tommy said. The clock was signaling six p.m.
I peeked around the tower. "Dang, the ride is going." Everyone standing in line was staring up at the clock, watching the procession of characters that came out to announce the top of the hour.
Once the clock stopped, we went through a maintenance door that led right into the ride.
"We should be on the second level." Tommy looked around. "We've got to get down and find an exit into the park."
We walked behind the scenery, which I was surprised to find out was mostly made of just cheap-looking plywood. Large motors, covered with dirt and grease, made some of the scenery move, but a lot of the rooms had been updated with computers and advanced-looking servos. Every once in a while, we poked our heads out, looking for an exit.
Everywhere, speakers blared with the high-pitched singing of the Small World theme song. It was quickly getting on my nerves.
"There's one," Tommy said when we were in a huge room with, like, a hundred of the little dancing and singing dolls. He was right; there was an emergency exit along the far wall.
"How are we going to get across the room?" I asked, looking at the waterway in the middle of the room that the ride boats floated down, hoping Tommy would know of a secret passageway or something.
"We'll have to swim."
"Swim? Why can't we jump across one of the boats? Some of them have empty rows."
"Sure, if you want to do it the easy way."
We waited until a half-full boat floated by, and we made a run for it. We had to jump on a platform with some dancing dolls, then leap in the boat. The people sitting there were staring at us with shocked expressions. I ran across the boat, smiling at the riders until I felt something snap at my rear.
It was one of the dolls. "I think I snagged a passenger."
I laughed, imagining how ridiculous I must have looked.
Tommy had already jumped across and stood, looking horrified. "Zack, I—I think it's attacking you."
Chapter 16 – Attack of the Killer Dolls
Tommy was right, as I quickly discovered: the doll wasn't just along for the ride. "Ouch!" I screamed. "It bit me." I pulled it off and jumped onto the platform.
As the boat floated away, I realized just how much trouble we were in.
Dozens of Norwegian dancing dolls closed in on us, small but fast.
"They must have downloaded our pictures," Tommy said, stating the obvious.
"There's the exit!" I pointed across the room and said, "Run."
The dolls jumped up, their sharp teeth snapping as they flew at me.
Tommy took out his sword—the one that was supposed to be mine—and started swatting the mini-monsters away as we ran.
As I pulled off one, two more latched onto me. Most grabbed onto my tutu or what was left of my wings, but a few managed to bite into my arms or the back of my legs. I ignored the sharp stabs of pain and concentrated on the door. By the time we dashed through the exit and into the park outside, I was covered in evil monster dolls.
"Tommy, a little help," I cried.
Outside
the ride, a crowd started to gather around us. Tommy used his sword to knock the dolls off me while I stomped their little plastic skulls in.
"Whose bright idea was it to give the It's a Small World dolls razor-sharp teeth?" I asked as I pulled the last doll off my rear. "My tutu is in shreds." Some of the crowd laughed.
"Don't worry." Tommy stared at the crowd around us. "I'll buy you a new tutu for your birthday." More laughter.
"Thanks for watching," I said nervously. "Be sure to check us out at the Golden Horseshoe Saloon to see our full show, Zombie Dolls from Neverland, daily at two and four p.m."
We spotted an opening and ran through the crowd.
"Let's head back to the Matterhorn," Tommy said. "If we hurry, we should outrun Susie Jo."
"Yeah, I don't think distance running is her thing."
We ran down a large path toward the Matterhorn.
Tommy stopped in front of the teacup ride. "Guards, everywhere," he said.
All along the base of the Matterhorn, security guards stood, spaced every twenty feet or so. They kept waving their hands at visitors, as if they were directing traffic, but their real job had to be to keep us away from the secret laboratory.
"We can't get past them," I said.
"If we go around the far side of the teacups, we should be able to make it to the castle."
"Oh yeah, the zip line. How could I forget Plan B?"
We turned and headed the other way, right as a golf cart ran into us.
"Hah! I've got you now." Susie Jo Sikes jumped from the driver's seat, just like she used to jump from her desk when they were serving jumbo chili cheese dogs in the cafeteria.
Tommy turned and started running back the way we came, but I grabbed him by the collar and spun him around. I had a better idea—or, at least, I thought I did.
Chapter 17 – The Terrible Teacup Tussle
I picked up Tommy, tossed him over the short fence around the teacup ride, then jumped over after him.
As we made our way across the ride, Susie Jo tried and failed to clear the two-and-a-half-foot fence.
I was sure we were out of her thick fingers, when the ride suddenly started. Within a few seconds, we were spinning around like—well, like teacups. Except we weren't actually in a teacup.
"Hold on." I grabbed Tommy's hand right as he started to slide away. With my other hand, I held onto one of the teacups.
"Hey, you're keeping me from spinning!" shouted a girl of maybe nine or ten, with freckles on her cheeks.
As we spun around, Susie Jo finally dove over the fence and was getting up.
"Zack, I'm going to be sick." Tommy turned a familiar shade of green.
"Hold it. We have to make it to the exit," I said. "Grab that teacup there."
Right before Tommy grabbed it, something smacked my hand. "Ouch!"
The freckled girl hit me again with one of those giant lollypops they sell all over the park. Automatically, my fingers let go.
Tommy and I went crashing into another cup, one that was spinning. We bounced off it and hit something else. Round and almost as big as a teacup, it was Susie Jo—she wasn't as squishy as I'd thought.
"When I get a hold of you," she cried as we flew off in another direction, "I'm going to wring your little necks!"
We kept bouncing off things until I finally caught hold of a railing.
I wanted to climb over, but the whole world was spinning, and I couldn't figure out which way to go. Tommy sat on the ground next to me, his eyes still rolling in his head. I held his hand to keep from falling over. Amazingly, my backpack hadn't fallen off.
I was about to give the fence another shot when, like a giant bowling ball, Susie Jo rocketed towards us.
She plowed into us, and we all bounced over the railing.
I tried to get away, but one of Susie's legs had pinned me like a steel girder from a collapsed skyscraper.
"You're mine now," Susie Jo said.
Chapter 18 – Nauseating Nuptials
Tommy's head rolled around as he mumbled something incoherently.
"Little troublemakers." Susie Jo marched us through the park, holding us by our shirts. Tommy's feet barely touched the ground.
"What now?" Tommy panted, still looking as green as an alien from the Dog Star.
"Well, I have an idea," I said, "but you're not going to like it."
"I don't think we have much choice. If you've got an idea, go for it."
"Shut up, you two," Susie Jo ordered. "I'm sick of you cute kids, always thinking you can get away with whatever you want."
Tommy turned his head to look at her, and I punched him as hard as I could in the stomach.
Okay, I know you're thinking I'm a total jerk for sucker punching Tommy like that. You've got to believe me, I didn't want to. I mean, Tommy and I aren't exactly close, but I've never even been in a fight before—unless you count aliens, or the principal, or maybe Zoey—but with her I just get beat up. My point is, Tommy isn't a bad kid, and I wouldn't have punched him unless I really thought I had to.
As expected, Tommy somehow had more puke, which he deposited all over the front of Susie Jo's freshly pressed uniform.
"Oh, gross. You two are in for it now." Susie Jo was completely horrified, but she just kept right on walking.
"She didn't let go," I said, amazed.
"You punched me in the gut for nothing, Zack." Tommy looked as if I had just sat on his puppy.
"Sorry, Tommy," I said, feeling genuinely guilty (something that doesn't happen often).
Fortunately, the guilt only lasted a second, because something in Susie's vomit-splattered face caught my attention. It was the same look Sunny had when she first saw us. Except Sunny was more than a tad smarter than Susie Jo. I watched Susie for a few seconds, hoping she'd figure it out.
No such luck. I'd have to help. "Susie Jo Sikes," I said. "You never did stop bullying little kids, huh?"
"What'd you say?" She lifted me off my feet (which, it turns out, is pretty uncomfortable when you're in a leotard). "How do you know my name?" She turned Tommy around, looking deep into his eyes. "And you, you look so familiar."
"I should. You've taken my lunch money every day for the past three years."
"Not to mention the swirlies," I added. "I hated the swirlies." Susie's hands began to shake.
"And don't forget the wedgies, Zack? No one gives a wedgie like Susie Jo Sikes," Tommy added. "I don't know how many good pairs of underwear—"
"It's Susie Jo Traddles, now, and if you don't shut—"
I think the horrible realization hit all of us at the same time.
Susie, finally realizing who Tommy was, screamed and dropped us on our butts. At the same moment, Tommy started screaming. He must have realized why Susie Jo had the same last name as him:
She was Mrs. Tommy Traddles—Tommy's future wife.
Chapter 19 – Tinker Bell Takes Flight
They both screamed as I stood up. They screamed as I lifted Tommy off the ground. They screamed as I dragged him away.
They screamed as we rounded the corner and got out of sight.
After that, I couldn't hear Susie, but Tommy continued to scream. My first impulse was to slap him, like you see in the movies. But hitting Tommy once was all the violence I could stomach in one day.
By the time I'd dragged him to the castle, his voice was gone, but his face made it clear he was still screaming on the inside.
"Tommy, Tommy, snap out of it." I shook him. "Look, if you don't get us into the castle, then this reality will become the real one, and you'll really be married to Susie Jo. So snap out of it! If we can get back, you'll be one person again—one person who isn't married to Susie Jo."
He nodded, but he was still freaked out, and really, I couldn't blame him. I can think of few things more disturbing than discovering you're married to Susie Jo.
Tommy walked toward a door on the right side of the castle with all the enthusiasm of the undead.
"How do we get in?"
I asked. "It's locked."
Tommy held up an ID card that was speckled with puke.
"Is it Susie Jo's? How'd you manage that?"
He didn't reply.
I took the card, careful to avoid the bits of barf. But there wasn't anywhere to put it. "There's no slot."
Tommy grabbed the card from my hand and waved it in front of the lock. There was a clicking sound and the door popped open.
"How'd you figure that out?"
Tommy shrugged as if to say, lucky guess.
Inside, it was still done up like a castle, with stone bricks along the walls (though I think they were fake) and iron handrails.
"Hurry up! We don't want her to catch up." I pulled Tommy up a staircase.
But the passageway didn't keep going up. It went straight, and then out a door which led to some sort of back lot right next to the castle.
On one side were the backs of the buildings, just off-white bricks. The other was trees with the Big Thunder Railroad a way off behind them—which kind of irritated me, because it seemed like we'd just done a circle around that ride. It smelled faintly like churros and corn dogs.
"Which way?" I whispered to Tommy.
He pointed to the right, and we started walking.
A couple of maintenance guys went by, but we were wearing our costumes, at least sort of. Tommy had lost his hat and had bits of sick on his shirt. Mine was mostly in shreds by now—but they didn't give us a second look, so we kept walking, keeping our eyes on the ground.
Tommy stopped.
"Where to now?" I asked.
His hand pointed right in front of us and then started going up, pointing higher and higher until it was almost straight up in the air.
He pointed to a large tower right in front of us. Painted green with fake branches on the top half, it looked as if half a Christmas tree was stuck on top of it. Clearly visible were two pairs of steel cables going from the highest point, running hundreds of feet across the park. When I saw the cables I gulped—they were way the heck up there.
A small building stood at the base of the tower. Susie Jo's security card opened that door, too. Inside were two harnesses and a Tinker Bell mask. I almost put the mask over Tommy's head so I didn't have to see his pathetic face.
"We're going to have to climb." I put a hand on his shoulder. "Tommy, I need you to snap out of it."