by Lexi Blake
* * * *
The baby’s in a good position, but I don’t feel comfortable sending you home. I know she wants to be there, but I’ve got a feeling. I’m making the call to stay here.
She didn’t want to stay here. Here was cold and too bright. She wanted to be home.
It’s going to be okay. Just breathe.
Henry’s hand clung to hers as the hours passed. Hours? Sometimes it felt like minutes. And then time would slow and the world seemed foggy and unreal.
Except for the pain. Something was wrong. She shouldn’t have done this. Why had she done this?
Because we love each other. Because we wanted a baby. Because I talked you into it.
She shook her head. She couldn’t put this on him. She’d wanted it, too.
Why did Caleb have to keep pushing her? Why couldn’t he leave her alone? Didn’t he know she was dying here?
Hey, it’s going to be okay.
She was sick of everyone telling her that and she told Laura.
Use that anger, sweetie. Let it fuel you.
Hours floated by. Hours and hours, and she didn’t take the drugs. She could get through this.
Just hold my hand. Break it if you need to. I won’t let go.
She floated on pain and hope. She held on to her husband. Laura was there, too. She’d brought her familiar blankets, and the lavender oil that always calmed her down. There was a whole group of friends waiting outside, reminding her that home wasn’t a place. It was a group of people. It was love and kindness and caring. It was a feeling she could feel no matter where she was in the world.
And somewhere in those hours when she cried out and held on, when she pushed and panted and rested back only to do it all over again, in that time, she felt her mother with her. As surely as she felt Henry’s hand in hers, she felt her mother’s love in her soul.
She would make mistakes. This child she was giving birth to would feel the brunt and bear the burdens of her mother’s flaws. And she would feel her mother’s love even after she was gone. Her daughter would have only to reach out and it would be there, a well of love and light she could draw on. Like Nell could in those long hours. No matter what, her mother had loved her, had branded her soul with that love, and it couldn’t be destroyed by anything so flimsy as death.
That was what it meant to be a mother.
So when the time came, when her daughter’s heart rate dropped and Caleb announced he had to go in, it was simple to say yes. To throw away every plan she’d made. To toss it all off without a single regret and say yes to anything that saved her child. Then she was the one lending Henry strength before Caleb gave her the drugs that would allow him to perform the surgery.
I’m so sorry. Nell, if we could have gotten to the hospital…
But she wasn’t sorry. Regret might come later, and she might look back and wistfully wish it had gone another way, but now only one thing mattered. As the darkness took her, she sank into warmth and believed that they would be okay.
Chapter Eleven
Henry Flanders felt years older, and so young it hurt. Older because that night two days before had been beyond rough. He’d thought he would lose them both, and a black void had opened in front of him.
But then he looked down at the tiny girl in his arms, her chest against his, and he felt like the whole world was new. He’d shed his shirt because Nell had told him their daughter needed to be skin to skin. She’d told him a whole lot of things when she’d woken up and gotten to see their daughter for the first time. He was planning on doing anything she asked of him because that night had been…the worst and best night of his life.
Yesterday had been okay. Nell was still in pain from the emergency C-section, but she was determined to do everything she could to get back on her feet. Holly had come up to the clinic three times a day to take Nell for a walk. Holly had been through it and promised Nell that moving might be painful, but it would save her so much more discomfort down the line.
So he’d watched his wife gingerly move around, trying to recover.
God, if only he’d been able to take that pain. He’d never felt as helpless as he had in that moment when Caleb had told him Poppy’s heart rate had dropped.
The door came open and Caleb strode through, his clipboard in hand. He glanced over at the machines that monitored Nell’s vitals. “Has she been sleeping all right?”
“Yes, but she’s ready to get out of here and go home.” He’d already talked to her midwife, who’d promised to come out as soon as the roads cleared. Until then, Caleb could easily make it to their place. He wanted to give her something…anything.
“She can go home this afternoon. Everything looks good. Little Poppy there is perfectly healthy, and Nell’s moving along nicely. She’s going to want to get off the meds before she’s ready,” Caleb started.
“No, I’m not.” Nell yawned and winced. “I’m going to do everything you tell me to, Doc. This sucks, and I don’t think that turmeric tea is going to take away the pain. But it will help with inflammation.”
“You’re being surprisingly reasonable,” Caleb said.
“Well, I am stapled together,” she admitted. “I’ve thought a lot about the fact that what happened to me wasn’t natural.”
“It was perfectly natural,” Caleb said with a frown. “Was I supposed to let you…”
She forced herself up with a wince. “No. That’s what I’m saying. Without that surgery I would have died, so I will follow the traditional medicine world in this case. I can’t take care of her properly if I’m in pain. The drugs don’t make me loopy.”
“When they do, you’ll know it’s time to get off them,” Caleb said. “About two weeks should do it, but until then, it’s best to stay ahead of the pain.”
“I’ll make sure she gets everything she needs.” And he knew what she would want. He eased out of the chair as Poppy started moving. It was like she knew her mom was awake and she could get where she wanted to be. “You want to hold her?”
That brought a smile to his wife’s face. “Yes. I want to see if she’ll latch.”
“Naomi’s on her way in. She’s the expert.” Caleb moved to the door. “Like all things with this whole parenting thing, be patient. You’ll find your way. Henry, you should go back to your cabin and get things ready for your girls. You haven’t even had a shower in days.”
He hadn’t been willing to leave them. He’d slept on a cot beside her bed. It wasn’t like this was a big hospital where they had a nursery. Naomi and Caleb had taken long shifts, and Tyler Davis had come in to cover when they needed a break. They’d had plenty of help, but this was his family and he wouldn’t leave them for his own comfort.
Without a bit of self-consciousness, Nell shrugged the top part of her gown down and put their daughter to her breast. “You aren’t going to be able to make fun of Michael Novack anymore, Henry.”
Was he really stinky? That wouldn’t do. But he didn’t like the idea of leaving her here alone with Caleb, who was a great doctor but probably would get involved with something else and only check on her and not hover over her like she deserved.
The door opened again and all of his excuses fled. Holly and Laura walked in, carrying some flowers. They would absolutely hover over her. Her best friends would take care of her.
“Hey,” Laura said, beaming. “How’s our girl?”
He would be happy to share her with her sisters. That’s what Holly and Laura were, and it was so good his daughter would have this marvelous family to rely on.
“I’m achy, and lactation hurts way more than getting my nipples pierced did.” Nell’s eyes went down to the baby in her arms. She’d had to take out the rings he loved so much and wouldn’t put them back in until Poppy was done with nursing. “But I kind of don’t care because of how beautiful she is.”
Before Laura and Holly could take over, Henry slipped in and gave his wife a kiss. “I’ll be back before three. I’ll stop by the Trading Post and grab some food I
can make for you. I want you to rest and love on our daughter for the next two weeks.”
“You’re going to spoil us both,” she said with a dreamy smile on her face.
“You bet I am.” It was all he wanted to do.
“I should warn you that I saw Gemma this morning. Jesse tried to fix the plumbing and now their bathroom is flooded,” Holly said.
He sighed. “I’ll go by after I hit the cabin. But I’ll be back for you two.” He kissed his daughter’s forehead. “Love you.”
He reached for his shirt, pulling it over his head and smoothing it down. Maybe he did need that shower. He’d barely left the room since Poppy had been born. He grabbed his wallet and his dead cell and left the room even as Nell, Laura, and Holly started talking and laughing.
She was in good hands.
He blinked in the light of day and bit back a yawn. The snowstorm that hit the night Poppy was born had passed and the roads had been plowed. It was a gorgeous winter day. He felt like he’d been slammed with a sledgehammer.
Nothing a couple of hours of sleep couldn’t fix. Yeah, he wasn’t sure when he would be able to do that.
“Yep, you look about right.” Nate was striding down the sidewalk, a bag from Stella’s in his hand. “Get ready. You are not going to sleep much the next couple of weeks.”
He felt a smile cross his face. It was good to know all of this was normal. “I can handle that. And thanks so much for the diapers.”
Callie had brought them a present of a dozen organic cotton diapers in various colors. He was going to have to learn how to clean those suckers.
“You’re welcome. You should know that Callie had a bunch of the women around town over to make some meals for you. And Cade. They’ll drop it all by as soon as Nell gets sprung from Caleb’s tender care.”
Cade was an excellent cook, and he’d been trying out some vegan recipes recently. “That’s wonderful. We appreciate it so much. I would love to be able to focus on Nell and Poppy. And Caleb was…well, go easy on him. He wasn’t expecting to have to do an emergency C-section and he’s still calming down. He did not like being in a place where he could lose a mom or baby. And he’s got Holly to think about now.”
“I’ll see if I can buy him a beer. You let us know if you need anything.” Nate tipped his Stetson and walked on toward the station house.
Henry took a deep breath of crisp air. Snow covered the ground, making the whole world white and bright. The sun shone down and he felt like he’d finally made it.
His wife knew who he was, and the spy had gotten the heroine, too. While she’d slept he’d finished her book and the message had been clear. She loved all of him. She forgave him.
He got into their Jeep and plugged in his dead phone. He hadn’t even thought about using it. He’d spent all his time fascinated with the two women who would hold his heart forever.
After the storm of Poppy’s birth, the last few days had been peaceful. Poppy slept a lot, and so did her mom. He loved to sit in the rocking chair Holly had brought up and hold his infant.
Tonight he would place her in the cradle he’d made with his own two hands. They would keep her in their bedroom while she was nursing. He was going to redo the guest room as Poppy’s room.
How odd it was to think of her spending her whole childhood here in Bliss. He’d moved so many times. So had Nell. The world had seemed a transient thing until he’d come here.
He was pulling onto his drive when the phone finally had enough charge and started pinging. A lot. He put the Jeep in park and glanced down at the screen. Had something gone wrong? He should have kept it charged.
He breathed a sigh of relief as he realized it was texts. A whole bunch of texts and missed calls. From Seth. Damn, he hadn’t called Seth. He should have, but the days had flown by.
Henry, I’ve got some weird pings on you. There’s a pattern coming up, and I don’t like it.
He was probably being paranoid. Everything had been quiet. He moved to the second text.
I don’t know where you are, but I need you to call me. I’ve managed to find one of the members of the cartel who got away. I think he believes that you know where the money and drugs that went missing around the time of your death are, and he wants it back. There’s a bounty on the Dark Web. At least I think they might be talking about you. Call me soon or I’ll call Nate Wright.
That had been thirty minutes ago.
He reached for the ignition. He would go straight back to the clinic.
“I wouldn’t turn that engine over if I was you, Bishop.”
Henry moved slightly and could see there was a man standing beside the Jeep, a revolver in his hand. He checked his other side and found yet another man there, a rifle in his hand. From his rearview mirror he caught sight of two more behind him.
They weren’t playing around.
He could shove the door and take out the one to his left while he brought up his weapon, and shoot the one on his right before he could get that rifle up. He would have to move quickly to evade the two behind him, but he thought he could manage it.
If he had a gun. But Henry Flanders didn’t carry.
Henry Flanders was about to take a whole lot of pain.
“Get out of the Jeep,” the largest of the men said.
He might have a chance to run. He knew the woods far better than they would. They likely weren’t acclimated to the elevation. Yes, he could run down river and make his way back into town.
“Leave the phone.”
The damn phone had gone dark, and it was still plugged in. He calculated the odds of being able to get the phone and get away and finally eased out of the Jeep, holding his hands up.
He would bet his life these were mercenaries and not from the cartel. They would need him alive to collect the bounty. Of course he really was betting his life, but he had to take the chance.
God, it was so much worse when a man had the world to lose. He couldn’t be John Bishop, couldn’t flip that switch on and turn down Henry Flanders’s horror at the thought of not seeing his wife again, not watching his baby girl grow. Because John Bishop loved them both, too. He’d finally managed to be complete, and it could be the very reason he died.
He eased out of the Jeep.
“You sure that’s the guy?” One of the men behind him sounded unsure. “He doesn’t look like some dangerous spy. I want the money, but you know it’ll go poorly if we offer the cartel the wrong guy.”
Oh, he was about to show them.
That was when he felt something hit his thigh.
“Yeah, that’s Bishop. I got the picture from a contact who’s still in the CIA. Says he tangled with this guy a few months back,” the boss said. “He told me not to fuck with him.”
And he hadn’t. The world was starting to go fuzzy because he’d taken a damn tranq dart to the thigh. He wouldn’t be able to run. In a few seconds, he wouldn’t even be able to think.
“He also told us we need to get in and out pretty fast or these guys in town will be all over us.”
Henry hit his knees because his legs didn’t work anymore. He tried to make them move, but he was so weak.
“Grab his feet. Let’s get him out of here before someone comes along,” a deep voice said. “We need to contact the cartel and get our money and disappear as fast as we can.”
The world started to go dark and he thanked the universe that at least he would pay for his sins alone. At least they wouldn’t touch his girls.
His wife and daughter. They would be safe.
It was all that mattered.
* * * *
Three o’clock came and went and Henry didn’t show up.
By three thirty, Nell had called, and when he didn’t pick up she knew something had gone terribly wrong. He’d said he would be back by three. He might have been ten minutes late or so, but not this long without calling her.
It was silly now to think she’d been worried he would leave without a trace. Henry would never leave her side. No
t unless something bad had happened.
“I can go to your cabin and check,” Laura offered. “I would send Cam, but he and Nate are working an accident over the pass, and they’re not answering anything but emergency calls. Apparently it was bad. They called out three departments to help. But that accident happened before Henry left.”
“He probably fell asleep,” Holly offered. “He looked tired when he left. Newborns can wreck your sleep schedule. He probably thought he could take a nap and then his body was like nope, you are sleeping, mister.”
Nell shook her head. “No. He didn’t. He wouldn’t. Something’s happened.”
She knew it deep in her soul.
“Someone pass me my phone. I turned it off so it wouldn’t disturb Poppy,” Nell said.
“Of course, but he’s fine,” Holly insisted as she grabbed the phone.
Laura was walking with Poppy in her arms, soothing the baby with motion. “Are you nervous about this? I think Henry’s fine, but I don’t want you to worry. I can call Rafe. He’s at city hall, but he can go out to the cabin if we honestly think something’s happened. Sierra’s with Hope and Beth this afternoon. We’ve started a play group, but it’s really so we can take afternoons off.”
A sense of panic was crowding out everything else. Where was he? Had he fallen or had an accident? He wouldn’t have gone over the pass so he wasn’t involved in that accident, but the roads could be hard to navigate this time of year.
“Yes, please send him.” She would far rather inconvenience Rafe than not help her husband if he needed it. If she was embarrassed that she panicked at the end of this, she would count that as a win.
Laura handed Poppy to Holly, grabbed her cell, and walked out into the hallway.
She was panicking for nothing. That’s what she told herself, but some deeper instinct was at play. Something that told her this was not nothing.
This was what she’d feared since the moment she’d found out about Henry’s past.
The phone came on and she saw Seth had called. A couple of times.
And knew she was right.