Me & Joan (of Arc)

by Karen Sunde

You don't like them.

  Lili: I never say that. Should you listen to me?

  Joan: Well, you said...

  Lili: I know you’re comrades, but come clean – did you never want one of them...a little closer?

  Joan: You’re asking if I'm a virgin?

  Lili: Darling, I know you're a virgin. It's what you call yourself. La Pucelle. Would you lie? You haven't even got Mary's motivation – "I swear, Joseph, I was alone the whole time."

  (Joan pulls away, angry)

  Lili: Sorry. I take it back! But haven’t you ever been sweet on someone?

  Joan: Even if I had...

  Lili: These priests tell you to be a eunuch! You think that's what God wants?

  Joan: God needs me for a soldier! What kind of soldier could I be, if...

  Lili: If you were a whole woman?

  Joan: I have to sleep beside soldiers. If they have thoughts of me...as a woman, I'd lose my power.

  Lili: Your power.

  Joan: It has a power.

  Lili: "Purity?"

  Joan: My possession of myself.

  Lili: Denial of yourself.

  Joan: My not belonging to a man has power.

  Lili: You think if you slept with a man, no man would follow you?

  Joan: It's a vow I made! For my mission. When my mission is done...

  Lili: You can live for you?

  (Joan doesn't answer, but gazes away from Lili)

  Lili: (Almost whispering) Joan...do you believe in love?

  Joan: (Smiles) It's the closest thing to God.

  Lili: I mean between a man and woman.

  Joan: In love they become like God. They create life.

  Lili: What if a woman loves a priest.

  Joan: (Pause) St Margaret's priest was married.

  Lili: What if the priest is afraid.

  Joan: He'll trust his heart to tell him the plan. All of God's plan is holy.

  Lili: (Beat) But then your bleeding...

  Joan: (Confused) ...is a sign of sin.

  Lili: Oh, Lord...

  Joan: When I hadn't bled yet, I thought...it was because I was chosen.

  Lili: You are! It’s a miracle sign – that someone soft enough to milk a baby...is also strong enough to save her entire country.

  (Joan melts, clouding with emotion; Lili holds her)

  Lili: So how about we celebrate...that.

  (Several priests hustle towards them, including Felipe. They come crowding into the cell to look Joan over)

  Lili: Well, well. Here come more celibates to celebrate. Bet they ain’t ready for your news.

  (Joan goes to her knees while the priests stand tsk-tsking, shaking their heads. Young Tomas, is behind the others)

  Father Superior: You call yourself La Pucelle?

  Joan: Yes, Father. Please give me blessing.

  Fathers: (Hissed, among themselves) We have nothing to do with virgins. There may not be a female, not even a nun, but only men may be with men.

  Joan: (Her hands press her belly) Please, holy Fathers, I have need of the help of a woman.

  (The Fathers all stare at her blankly)

  Joan: Could you send a woman to see me?

  Father Superior: There are no women here.

  Father Inferior: (Hastily flicked) We shun them. They have excessive water, few brains, fewer morals.

  Felipe: It's in their name "Femina."

  Father Inferior: "Fe" meaning faith, but "minus" meaning less.

  Father Superior: Femina – a person of less faith – is woman.

  Felipe: A lower species than man.

  Father Superior: You are wearing men's clothing...

  Joan: Yes.

  Father Superior: ...which is punishable by death.

  Lili: By death?

  Joan: I'm wearing it since I am God's soldier.

  Father Superior: Who appointed you?

  Joan: Please...I'm only a girl.

  Father Superior: Precisely. Who appointed you God's soldier? Whose permission did you obtain?

  Joan: I don't know how to answer your law.

  Father Superior: Did you ask your parish priest?

  Joan: Good father, when an angel appears to me, must I ask the priest's permission to see him?

  Father Superior: (Shocked) Insubordination...

  Joan: And how can the priest advise me if he hasn't seen the angel?

  Father Superior: Unbearable pride.

  (Murmurs and jottings down among the priests, repeating what she's said)

  Father Superior: Have you more to say?

  Joan: (Flustered) Please, Father: why would an angel come to me, if he weren't sure I could see him, and hear him, and do his bidding myself.

  Father Superior: I believe we've heard more than enough. Fathers?

  (Murmurs of ascent. They begin to crowd out)

  Joan: Don't leave me alone!

  (Father Superior stops. Joan stares at him, grips her belly in terrible confusion, decides to appeal to God)

  Joan: Please God! Though I'm unclean...I need to confess!

  Father Superior: (Beat, eyeing her shrewdly) Prepare to confess, and be judged.

  Joan: Then may I take communion? May I go to mass?

  Father Superior: Will you dress as a proper woman?

  Joan: I cannot, until my work is done.

  Father Superior: Again, you answer yourself.

  (Father Superior moves out, joining others who still crowd the door, staring in at her)

  Joan: But maybe...

  Father Superior: (Archly) Maybe?!

  Joan: Maybe I could wear a skirt for mass, and then dress again as a soldier?

  Father Superior: Do not mock the Holy Church!

  (He slams the cell door. Joan cries after him. Only Tomas remains, unseen, in shadow)

  Joan: Father!

  Lili: No! Don't call him.

  (Joan stands straight, silent, still gripping her belly. Lili is hoarse, gasping, as though the encounter gave her a physical beating)

  Lili: (Rasping) You can't dress for them. I see their hate. Why? What have you done to them?

  Joan: (Tight, clinging to herself) They're holy men who obey God's laws.

  Lili: Joan, you have to be careful. This is more dangerous than the battlefield.

  Joan: (Quiet, trying to meditate) No, it's me. Power has made me dangerous. I'm the enemy.

  Lili: No you're not!

  Joan: (Sadly) It doesn't make sense anymore.

  Lili: You can't trust them, Joan! They want you to hate yourself.

  Joan: (Beat. Simply) Why did God ask a woman to do this?

  Lili: (Looks at her. Pause) Do you want me to leave?

  Joan: No. I'm very lonely now. (Beat) You're going to betray me.

  (As Lili is alarmed by Joan's words, Tomas moves into a ghostly light ray)

  Lili: No...(Seeing Tomas, freezes) What are you doing here?

  Tomas: I've always been with you. You know that. (He looks at Joan)

  Lili: We don't need you.

  Tomas: (Gently) Joan...

  Lili: Leave her alone!

  Tomas: Joan...

  Lili: You're not worthy to touch her. You touched me, then left.

  Tomas: I need forgiveness.

  Lili: Something's very wrong with you. Look at me!

  Tomas: (Avoiding her) I disobeyed.

  Lili: Disobeyed what? The law to hate women?

  Tomas: The law to not touch them.

  Lili: The law to not love them.

  Tomas: No. The law is love.

  Lili: How can you love? You don't know what it is!

  Tomas: (Looking at Joan) I can love her.

  Lili: Because she's a saint? Then why do your brothers hate her?

  Tomas: She needs my ministry.

  Lili: You're not qualified. You're sick. You'll destroy wha
t you touch.

  Tomas: Joan...I'm worried for you.

  Lili: Don't listen, Joan.

  Tomas: Please look at me. Please don't despair.

  Lili: You can't trust him.

  (Joan is raising her head)

  Tomas: That's it. Look up.

  Lili: No matter if he's young, and kind, and seems to understand...he can't!

  Joan: Will you confess me, Father?

  Tomas: Of course I will.

  Joan: Oh thank you!

  Tomas: But you must be careful, Joan.

  (Joan kneels, her head bowed)

  Lili: He belongs to the Fathers, Joan. If you trust him, you're theirs!

  Joan: (Fastening happily on Tomas) But you will confess me? And you'll say mass for me?

  Tomas: The charges against you are serious.

  Joan: (Beginning confession) Forgive me, Father...

  Tomas: Joan, please listen.

  Joan: ...for I have sinned.

  (Tomas is troubled, but acquiesces, assuming a formal position)

  Tomas: How long since your last confession.

  Lili: Please don't, Joan...

  Joan: I think...a whole day, Father. And in that time...I deserted my post.

  Tomas: Were you doing bad things, my child?

  Joan: Oh no, I was doing God's will.

  Tomas: Did you hurt anyone?

  Joan: No...

  Tomas: But you led soldiers.

  Joan: To save their country, only.

  Tomas: Joan. You've been responsible for many deaths.

  Joan: They should have gone back to the country that's theirs.

  Tomas: What powers have you used?

  Joan: The power given me by God.

  Tomas: Did you ever dance with fairies?

  Lili: He's their spy, Joan! Don't answer.

  Joan: (Angrily, erupting at Lili) Go away! I need God's light!

  (Lili staggers, hurt by Joan's sharp rejection)

  Joan: (To Tomas) The fairies teach life's joy.

  Tomas: Dear child of God...the Fathers will examine you first...for virginity.

  Lili: (Weakened) No...

  Joan: (Frightened) What?

  Lili: (Rising, steely) They want to see if you got your power by sleeping with the devil.

  (She moves behind Tomas, who's leaning earnestly toward Joan)

  Joan: No!

  Tomas: I'll be with you. Try not to be frightened.

  Lili: (Putting a hand on Tomas' shoulder) Will you?

  (Tomas responds, turning his head)

  Lili: How can you be with her or know how she feels? You've sucked poison.

  Joan: Father...Father...?

  Tomas: I'm here, Joan. I won't leave you.

  Joan: (She prays, relaxing) Thank you, Father... Our Father, who art in heaven...

  Lili: To you, she and I are the same – white legs for you to split.

  (Lili, touching his face, kneels. Tomas, confused, responds to her as her priest)

  Tomas: This is a fantasy you've had for a long time?

  Lili: (Childlike) Yes, Father. Since I was a girl in confession.

  (Lili tells a childlike story – utterly simple, pure, while, transition-less, "under her breath" she also carries on a seduction. Tomas will try to go on conducting the confession, but be drawn irrepressibly into the fantasy she describes. Joan, finding relief in prayer, grows ecstatic)

  Lili: (Sultry) I'm a woman.

  Tomas: And it still troubles you?

  Lili: (Sultry, moves her hands on her body suggestively) Do you understand me?

  Tomas: Your...fantasy?

  Lili: (Childlike) There was a priest. (Sultry) I'm a woman. What do you want me to do?

  Tomas: And you had thoughts of him?

  Lili: (Childlike) I knew I was wicked, Father, because he was a priest. (Sultry) What are you thinking of, Father? This? And this?

  Tomas: But you...

  Lili: (Childlike) But one day, in the park, I was sure he put his hand on me.

  Tomas: But he...

  Lili: (Childlike) Only lightly, nothing really. (Sultry) You've never had a woman. Have you.

  Tomas: And then you dreamed.

  Lili: (Childlike) I dreamed we'd meet behind the altar. He'd take me in his arms. (Sultry) You can't touch women.

  Tomas: But that wasn't evil,

  Lili: (Sultry) But you want to.

  Tomas: Dreaming of something isn't the same...

  Lili: (Sultry) And that makes you afraid.

  Tomas: ..as really going out...

  Lili: (Sultry) Does it make me evil?

  Tomas: ...and acting...

  Lili: (Sultry) Because you're afraid?

  Tomas: ...on the dream.

  (The Fathers emerge from all panels, and will slowly converge upon and seize the back-in-grace, happily-in-prayer Joan)

  Lili: (Childlike, beginning to weep) But I did. I went in after mass...

  (Tomas can no longer contain himself, and reaches, as she speaks, toward Lili)

  Lili: I went behind the altar, and he was naked.

  (Tomas takes hold of Lili, draws her into his arms, kissing her passionately. As she yields – and they swiftly accelerate until they're making love; Joan is being lifted by the priests onto the examination table, while Lili, coming to climax, gets a