by L.A.A. Law
Chapter Ten – Gone
My legs turn to jello. I plop onto a nearby bench, stunned at the revelations of the day and the sensations his impassioned kiss awakens in me. This is all too fantastic to comprehend; the possibilities and dangers war within me. Longing to find him and assure him that I want to be with him no matter where our fate lies, I know looking for him would be futile.
I’m shocked when the door opens. My secret hopes dashed as Gabriel comes toward me, his expression grave. What if Andrew has left?
“Don’t worry, he didn’t leave.” I’m about to ask how he knew, but remember his gift. “You know everything”
I can only nod my head.
“He’s afraid for you.”
“I know.” I sound breathless.
“It’s not wise for you to get involved with us. We could all be lost. There is no recovery from the fate that awaits anyone who gets trapped with us. It would destroy him to hand you over to what destroyed our mother, our family, our future!”
My head spins as he verbalizes the repercussions from the choice I can’t escape. I won’t turn away from Andrew. Whether they are aware of it or not, my fate is already tied to theirs. Maybe I was on this path ever since that day at the Lake. Maybe, they need me as much as I know I cannot exist without him. “You have to find him before he leaves forever. You already know that we are connected and I’m sure you know where my fate lies now! Please Gabriel!” Overwhelmed by the thought of never seeing him again, I put my hand over my mouth to prevent an escaping sob.
“You don’t know what you are asking.” Gabriel’s tone is sedate. “Do you understand the consequences? Once you become entrapped, there is no turning back, no reprieve and no escape from the evil that waits or the one we will be enslaved to serve!”
My anxiety mounts, Andrew could be even too far for Gabriel to reach him. “Please you know your brother’s reactions to losing souls and you know he is making a choice for me now. He is doing what I fought my whole life against, he is taking away my choice, it is my life and it should be my decision!” An unfamiliar air of determination fills my voice.
“I will find him and bring him back, but Mia you have to understand that this affects him too. He’s right. You are too special to risk. He cares for you but knows what getting involved with you could mean. He understands the sacrifice our father made for our mother, he was the one who convinced Eva to send Jackson away and then tried to talk Jackson out of his decision when he returned.” His voice is impassioned, desperate. “It is in your best interest to walk away while you still can! You have had a lot to digest, all of which is fantastical so it makes the choice seem surreal, but I warn you, the consequences are very real! Please promise me that you will consider this.” Then he disappears.
As the hours pass, I become more fearful that Gabriel cannot convince Andrew to return, let alone give me a chance to choose my destiny. I know Gabriel is right, the story is surreal, the people fantastical and some very frightening. I’m certain of only one thing. I cannot walk away from Andrew. I need him, no matter what the cost. The only times I have ever truly felt peace was the day at Lake Anna when I lay beside the majestic eagle and the moment I came here and set my eyes upon the calm, clear sky in his. Despite this, I am keenly aware that the cost could be an eternity of hardship, suffering and servitude. Regardless of the price, I am willing to pay it.
I need something to help me calm down. Noticing a small apple tree, I pick one. Biting into it, the taste reminds me of apple picking as a child. A cool rush of air breaks through my reverie. Andrew is standing before me, his eyes reflecting the crushing agony my choice hoists upon him. Rushing toward him, I drop the apple at his feet and wrap my arms around him. “I’m so happy you came back. I thought…” He stiffens. I drop my hands. “Andrew, come sit and talk with me.” I plead.
Reluctantly, he sits. An indiscernible emotion rips through his features. “Mia, I came to tell you that no matter what you say, I will not allow you to make the choice that you are considering. I won’t let you suffer the way my mother has!”
Staring into his resolute eyes, anger wells within me, I want to shake him, scream at him that he has no right to take my choice away, but instead I draw upon my raging emotions to sound determined. “You wait right there Andrew, tonight, I listened to everything you had to say with an open mind and unobstructed heart. You will do me the same courtesy. You are not taking the most important decision of my existence away because you are unyielding!”
“Mia, you have no idea what you’re asking me to condemn you too!” His stoic tone is more impressive, but I can see the pain which refuses to leave his eyes. “At best, he leaves you to be torn apart daily in the desolate, flaming abyss! At worst, you will be set forth to bring about carnage and condemn additional souls!” Rising, he picks up the apple. “Did you enjoy eating the apple?” I don’t understand why he sounds aggravated.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would mind, I got hungry.” My apology disarms him.
His eyes become soft as he sits. “I’m not upset that you ate the apple, but even this pleasure would be taken from you. You would become his puppet for all eternity!” His voice cracks. “Can you even comprehend what you are contemplating? You can’t get involved in this, please trust me,” He pleads. “Once made, this decision is not something you can walk away from. We are going to fail and those who are foolhardy enough to get involved with us will perish by our side! I won’t allow you to suffer that fate! Do you understand the gravity of what I would be doing to you?” His tone strangled. “Not only will your soul belong to the darkness, but our special gifts are the key to an escalation of the war on this plane. The darkness will use us to directly affect the elements, lives and souls of all who inhabit this Earth!”
His eyes turn turbulent gray. “Mia, God allows free will and the devil can only create his creatures of the night, but even they have free choice. It is only his shadows, who have no choice, but they may only assist on this plane, not directly interfere. If he controls us, he can directly wreak havoc here! Take myself and Nicholas; I could be used to keep healthy those who chose to do evil while Nicholas advances the death of potentially good souls before they have an opportunity to become strong. If you, the strong soul that you are join us, your power will be stronger!”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your soul is strong. The powers that our union would pass to you will be more potent. We saw this with Damian. He is stronger than Serena and can even split his apparitions. We suspect that it is because his soul is not hindered by any connection to the underworld in the way ours are.” He closes his eyes. When they open, his features turn resolute. “I won’t allow myself to love you! I won’t have you forced into doing his bidding! Just think about how you would feel extending the life of a child rapist so that he could continue to steal others innocence!”
My mind reels at the devastating images but my choice is unchanged. I need to make him hear me. “Andrew, please let me speak!”
“I’ll listen, but I won’t let you sway me,” His tone is unwavering.
That did it, “How dare you!” I yell. “How dare you decide how I will live my life!”
“At least you’ll have a life to live!” He retorts.
“I said you are going to listen, so don’t interrupt! All my life people have told me how to live and you are all wrong! Everything I have done has led me to you, to this and the final decision is mine! You said it yourself, we all have free choice and you are not supposed to suppress that.”
“Mia, I’m not bound by that. I am not an angel, I’m a creature!” He grabs my chin, lifting my face and stares intently into my eyes as if he is trying to bend me to his will.
I try for an equally impressive stare, but know I’m not even close. “You are bound by that because of who your father is! Maybe I can help! If my soul is as strong as you believe, we should be together, searching for a solution which will forever forgo anyone becoming his pupp
et.”
“It’s your strong soul which makes you such a lure for him!” He spits out. “If he could turn you, the way he turned my mother that would be another victory!”
“All the more reason to entrap me with you, when you prevail, he loses another force.”
“Mia, I won’t risk you.” He looks tortured. “We are not going to find a solution and even if we do, look at what we are, look at what he made us! What if his imprint is what brings doom? What if that is what forever prevents our finding a solution? I can’t allow you to suffer and give him one more puppet to manipulate! If you think what your parents did was wrong, how do you think you will feel when he is pulling your strings? Can’t you see that I’m trying to save you!”
Grasping his hands tightly, I need to make him see my point. I can’t allow his stubbornness to extinguish my first sparks of life. You already saved me! Now let me rescue you. I know where my fate lies! Don’t you see? Everything that has occurred in my life happened to lead me here to you. In you, I have finally found the missing piece of my heart. My fate was sealed the day I was born! Did you ever consider that I was sent to help you? Maybe that is the purpose of my existence and the reason you got hurt fighting with your brother at the Lake. Had you ever been hurt like that before?”
“No, but that doesn’t prove anything.” The anguish on his face becomes more pronounced. “Can’t you see that we can’t be saved! We don’t deserve to be saved!”
“You can’t believe that!” I retort exasperated.
“I do! We have already endangered three other lives and destroyed one! I won’t endanger another! I spent my existence trying to ensure strangers would not suffer under his rule. The thought of my turning over you, someone who I…” He stops abruptly, squeezing his eyes shut. Opening them, he is in control again. “The thought is unbearable!”
“Andrew, please I won’t push, but I know our fates are tied together! Otherwise I would have never uncovered the answers about your family.” I stroke his agonized face lightly with the back of my fingertips. “Please don’t close yourself off from me. Nothing has to be decided now. I know this is a decision with grave repercussions, but I’m begging you not to take the choice away from me while I’m thinking through everything you shared with me, not after you have given me so much.”
Searching my eyes for answers, I squirm; hoping one of his talents is not discerning lies. My decision and fate are already determined. After what feels like an eternity, he speaks, his tone resigned. “I won’t do anything now, but I am going to make you see the vileness of our existence. You will repel the idea of becoming a pawn in this sick existence!” Sighing, “I should get you back, the storm is getting worse.”
The wind blows snow violently around us as he practically carries me across the courtyard. He walks into the kitchen. Jackson is reading the paper. “You should eat and I need to check on some patients.”
Fearing that he is actually running, my worried eyes shoot up to his. “Are you coming back?” My shaky voice reveals my anxiety.
Understanding fills his features. “I promise to be back shortly.”
Jackson turns to me. “You know everything, don’t you?”
“I’m definitely more informed.”
Compassion fills his features. “The decision is easily made isn’t it? Even though they don’t think they deserve our love, we both know differently. If he is what you want, fight for him. I knew from the first moment that I loved Eva. Don’t give up, he needs you!”
“I knew he was unique the moment I saw him and I know my fate lies with his.”
Eva enters, concern resonating from every pour. “How did it go?”
“He told me everything.” I wrap my arms around her. “I’m so sorry. All the while, you were listening to my little contrivances, you were dealing with this.”
Her voice is soft. “We all have issues, just look at the patients here. It’s what we make of ourselves despite those inequities which define us. I have faith that we will prevail.”
Jackson hugs her. “That’s what I love, her unfailing faith that good will win out.”
She laughs and turns to him. The love that passes between them makes me hopeful.
As I shower, all the revelations cause my head to spin but my heart is not confused, it holds steadfast and belongs only to Andrew.
When I come out, he’s sitting on the couch. “You look surprised to see me, your door was unlocked. I hope you don’t mind.”
We sit quietly, searching each other’s eyes for answers to unspoken questions. I finally break the silence. “What are you thinking?”
Taking my hands in his cool grasp, his desolate eyes pull at my heart. “Mia, I know what you asked for, but I can’t get involved with you! I could never reconcile myself with the consequences.” His tone turns agonizing. “You came here to escape those who took away your choices. My falling in love with you would destroy any chance of you ever making a choice again and not just in this lifetime, but for all eternity! He would be pulling the strings defining your every action!”
His tormented features bring the crushing tsunami back upon me as my tears escape. “I’m sorry” Is all I can whisper.
“It has been quite an evening.” Seeing my unbridled tears, his voice turns comforting. “You need to sleep. Stress is very taxing.”
“I’m afraid to sleep.” My eyes glance down at my wringing hands. “I know you want to leave or have me leave, you could use this time to convince the others that this would be best, but it’s not!”
He gently lifts my chin, his gaze holds such promise. “If I promise not to leave or speak with anyone, will you go to sleep?”
Despite his words, I cannot resign my fears. “I’m too afraid to let you leave.” I confess. “Would you stay with me here?” I peer toward the couch.
His eyes lock upon mine, searching. Hesitantly, he rises, goes into the bedroom and returns with a pillow and coverlet. “Sleep and I promise that I won’t move.”
Closing my eyes, I fall into an uneasy sleep. Images of winged and tailed creatures battling amongst the clouds invade my dreams. I hear him. “Mia, you’re safe, you must be dreaming.” I feel his fingertips gliding down my cheek.
My dreams shift to Eva, Jackson, Gabriel, Catherine and Andrew in canoes upon a crystal lake. I’m on shore. Andrew paddles toward me. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning flashes across the water, striking the heart of the lake which is immediately set it ablaze. Five dark shadows spring, their eyes blazing like freshly lit coals. It’s Serena, Damian, Jonathan, Lucy and Francis. My pounding heart obstructs my throat, I cannot scream. I watch helpless, knowing this is the end! They are going to tip the boats and cast their siblings into the blazing fires. Gaping at this nightmarish scene, I see something inexplicable. Andrew stands, his body vibrating, his image a blur, all of a sudden, Nicholas emerges from Andrew calling for his siblings to tip the boats. I scream. “No, leave them alone and I’ll go with you!” Nicholas flies towards me with arms outstretched. My eyes open, I’m sitting up, shaking uncontrollably in Andrew’s embrace.
I clutch him like a drowning man holding a life preserver while his soft words try to comfort me. “You’re fine, it’s only a dream. I’m here.”
A loud knock makes me jump. “Mia, are you alright?”
Andrew responds. “She’s fine.”
What? He sees my confusion. “You screamed. What were you dreaming?”
I need a moment. Something about the dream is tugging at my consciousness. Running the dream in my mind, devoid of any emotion, I realize as the lake catches on fire, the others are trying to hoist themselves in, not tip their siblings over. They are seeking refuge, not revenge. Andrew rises, but it is Nicholas who emerged, drawn from Andrew, his face fierce with hatred. I’m certain that if he reached me, the others would be safe. If I tell my dream to Andrew, he will think I am afraid of being cast into the fire, but my fear is for them, not myself. I would gladly go into the fire
if they could be saved.
His stroking my hand brings me out of my introspection. He is waiting for me to say something, but what can I tell him? “I’m sorry, I dreamt we were separated in a storm and you were in danger. I couldn’t reach you, but knew if I could you would be alright.”
His features become dismayed. “Mia, you can’t concern yourself with our problems. You have an opportunity to reunite with your mother. You can’t throw that away on a lost cause!”
His words inflame me. “You are not a lost cause.” I shout angrily. “You bring peace to all who enter, including me! I also know what you did with my mother. She sees me for the first time!…”
He interrupts. “That’s why…”
I put my hands on his lips. “No, you listen to me Andrew! You have an unbelievably loving soul, even if it is trapped. Nothing evil can hold something that good! Look at what you have accomplished without the benefit of soulful guidance. Do you really believe that would be possible if your loving soul hadn’t imprinted upon your consciousness?”
His face turns grave. “I know that the darkest demon made me. I know I’m a demonic monster, it’s you who are unwilling to accept that!”
Filled with rage, I see myself swinging to slap his face. He catches my wrist. His touch dissipates my anger. As my fingers brush his cheek, my anger turns to passion. My free hand moves up his neck, while the one on his cheek slides down. Pulling him toward me, my lips find his. It is not a gentle kiss as my desperation to have him stay with me fuels my desire. My body contours to his. My passionate assault surprises him. His arms wrap tightly around me, crushing me to him. He kisses me back with such passion, it could fuel a hurricane.
As his reason returns, he hoists himself from my embrace. “This is wrong! You know what it will cost you!” Desire and confusion rip through his features.
Breathless from the kiss, I murmur. “I’m sorry. Your thinking about yourself that way made me lose all reasoning. You have to know that it is not true! I will behave and keep my promise not to push you.” I hold out my hand. “Friends?”
His face softens. “Always. Dress warm, it’s still snowing.”
“Will I see you later?” I hear the solicitousness in my voice.
He kisses my forehead. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Crossing the courtyard, I slip, falling backward into someone’s arms. “Thank you.” I turn and gasp as Nicholas’ eyes meet mine. His features are cold but not angry, his eyes calculating.
“You’re welcome. I would like to apologize for my behavior on our previous encounters and hope that we can start over.” He holds out his hand.
Shaking it, I reply softly. “That would be nice. Thank you for your assistance. I need to see patients.”
Finishing the last patient, I enter the residency and can hear voices from the kitchen. Andrew is sitting with his back toward me speaking with Jonathan. He rises and kisses my cheek. “You look tired.” His kiss surprises me. His lips are not their usual cool nor did they cause my pulse to race. He introduces me to Jonathan. Turning to him, anxious to see the sky blue eyes I longed for all day, I’m stunned to see a flash of gray eyes and Nicholas’ blonde hair. Forcing myself to stay calm, I realize Jonathan is speaking to me about coming here and my family. As I answer, I’m aware that Andrew is studying my responses and then I remember Jonathan’s gift. Turning to Andrew, my suspicions are confirmed. Nicholas is sitting next to me. I rise. “I’m sorry, but it has been a very long day. Thank you for waiting for me.”
Later, I hear a knock and Andrew’s tentative face meets mine. His sparkling eyes make my heart race, confusing my thoughts and I am certain he is standing before me. “Come in. How was your day?”
“It was very difficult.” His features are tense.
“Was it one of your patients?”
“No, I’m upset with myself for having Eva bring you here knowing that Nicholas held a grudge and believes if I was out of the way, he could convince the others to follow him. I should have sent Eva to you again. I let my own selfish desire to see you impair my judgment.”
“You wanted to see me again?” My voice reveals my delight.
“Mia, most people when they see an injured animal, pass it by, but you, even after I was fixed up, spent the rest of your time, caring for me. When you stroked my feathers, it was the first spark of life I felt since our conversion! In my unrealized desire to interact with you again, to feel that connection, I failed to see the most immediate danger to you is me!” His tone dejected.
I can’t let him shut himself off from me. Hesitantly, I stroke his cheek. “You are not a threat to me, you are wonderful, amazing and…” I bite my lip before I blurt out that I love him.
“I’m not! I am the worst threat imaginable. You don’t understand!” He pulls back from me.
“Then explain it to me.” I retort exasperated.
“Gabriel fought against falling in love and when he failed, we lost her. He will never forgive himself for the plague he brought upon her.”
Gabriel never talked about a wife and I saw his encasement, it only held two illuminations. “I don’t understand?”
His features appear to drift to a distant memory. “We were in Jerusalem setting up a makeshift hospital when Gabriel met a missionary. They worked together for years. She fell in love with him, but he fought against it. One day when she was out, he told me we had to leave. Losing focus for an instant, he confided that he loved her. In that moment, we stood in horror as he watched his third angle glow then disappear! We thought everything was fine, but when she didn’t return, we searched for her and found her body or at least pieces of her remains. Her convoy hit a mine and there was only one badly burned survivor, Lucy.”
I gasp. “Poor Gabriel” Tears fill my eyes. “I thought vampires couldn’t die.”
“She wasn’t an immortal! He hadn’t changed her. He was crushed as we realized what happened to her soul, knowing that if his life never touched hers, her essence would be among the clouds, not smoldering in the embers!”
We sat in silence until I couldn’t bear it. “Gabriel’s story is all the more reason that we should be together because then nothing could separate us the way death separated them.”
Staring at me as if my words plunged a stake into his chest, his voice turns stern. “Mia, I don’t have a heart and I refuse to turn yours over to him! I care for you, but I can never let it go beyond that. I refuse to condemn your soul to this sick existence. I can’t offer you anything more than pain and eternal torture!”
The knowledge that my choice is causing his haunted eyes to fill with such unendurable sorrow constricts my heart like a vice. Desperate to relieve his agony, I can only think of one thing to offer him relief from his torment. “Andrew I’m not seeking anything more than your friendship. It brings me such comfort and peace.” Hoping my features do not betray my words, revealing that I could never let anyone else into my heart, I carefully continue. “I am just beginning to find myself and can’t even imagine committing myself to anyone right now, so your concern about denying me a future is quite premature.”
I’m relieved as he relaxes. Draping his arm over the couch, he tells about an interesting case he is working on. I feel a tug and the next thing I know, I am sitting on shore overlooking a beach as we enjoy a twilight picnic. The sun is sinking toward the horizon as his arms wrap around my overheated body. Staring out over the ocean, the beach appears almost holographic and Andrew is now sitting across from me. As my face lifts toward the sinking sun, I do not feel its rays warming me. Our surroundings have a surreal quality. Glancing back to him, for the briefest of moments, he appears almost transparent wrapped in a golden glow. Looking down at my hand, it appears semi-transparent too. I return my gaze to his sparking, dancing eyes. Shifting up on my knees, I glide my fingertips along his jaw line, down his neck toward a soft smattering of chest hair; my hand melds into his skin as if we are one. Desire unfurls within me as his hands s
kim over my shoulders, up my neck, cupping my face. His face moves slowly toward mine. I feel his warmth even before his lips are upon mine. Kissing me as he lowers my back toward the sand, I do not feel the course grains. The beach has disappeared. We are surrounded by white haze. He hovers over me almost as if he is floating. I feel him, but not his weight as his lips caress my neck with soft, sweet kisses. I pull him down upon me.
“Good morning sleepy head. It’s six a.m.” I awake startled and flushed, the tingling sensation still lingering on my neck. My eyes meet his. Despite his friendly greeting, he looks distracted, his eyes unfocused. I wonder if it is because he stayed with me again last night.
Before I can consider this further, I realize what time he told me and jump up. “Oh no, I’m late! I didn’t mean to fall asleep and keep you here. I’m sorry.”
“Actually, it was quite enjoyable watching you have a peaceful sleep instead of the disturbed one I foisted upon you the other evening.” I catch an indiscernible emotion behind his stiff smile. His eyes crinkle, he looks worried and his voice trails off. “You looked quite content all night. Was there anything special you were dreaming?”
My cheeks turn crimson and I stretch my neck, trying to dispel the tingles I still feel from his caress. “I think it was just being close to a good friend. I hope you weren’t too uncomfortable.”
He hesitates as if weighing what to say, but then settles on humor. “You can use me as your human pillow any time.”
Trying to keep our encounter light, I tease. “You do double very nicely as a pillow. Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in as long as I can remember.”
Reaching the door, he turns. “I’ll tell your tyrant boss that I made you late. Dress warm, it’s still icy out.”
As he leaves, the image of our kiss flashes before me, strangely feeling like a long forgotten memory, more so than a dream.