by L.A.A. Law
Chapter Twenty-Five – Arrival To Tragedy
Before we even open the car doors, Gabriel is there. “Andrew, I’ll help Mia inside. You have to get over to the psychiatric building, it’s Marcus.”
Andrew is a blur streaking across the lot. “What happened?”
“This morning, Marcus went walking with one of our interns on the trails and suddenly began running. The intern lost sight of him. As he came upon the ice covered lake, he saw a break in the middle and called us immediately. We arrived in less than two minutes, found Marcus at the bottom, fished him out and revived him, but he is still unconscious and in bad shape.”
Gabriel picks up Nicholas as I take Kayla. While we walk back, I learn that they have no clue why Marcus ran, that the intern didn’t hear anything, but that Marcus’ head snapped around like someone called him then bolted.
We settle the twins and Gabriel volunteers to stay with them so I can check on Marcus myself and if Eva needs any help.
Walking over, I catch Jackson in the hallway who informs me that Eva and Andrew are working on him now, but that Eva is worried about Stephanie who is having a very hard time with this and is frightened that something may have infiltrated Sanctuary.
I go and speak with her and try to reassure her it was just an unfortunate accident, but she knows how Marcus hasn’t liked the water since losing his brother to it and so do I. My heart sinks at the realization of what this could mean, but she seems a little better as we discuss that he may not have even realized he was on the lake because of the snow cover.
Entering Marcus’ room, Andrew is alone. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
He comes over to me. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine, but I’m worried about Stephanie, she is frightened that the shadows are coming for him.”
“Did she say that?”
“She was talking about the shadows and what happens when someone dies. Do you think he will make it?”
“He is beginning to respond to the medication and I have advanced the healing, but I can only advance what the body can heal, if it is too damaged, then I am useless.” He sounds disheartened.
“I’m sure you helped. You need to give yourself a break.” I say taking his hands.
“But if I…”
I bring our intertwined hands to my lips. “You have to stop! You can’t solve all of our problems, nor can you take them all on. Sometimes we have to accept that there are things beyond our control. Some things are fated to happen.” Despite my words, his eyes grow more troubled.
“Do you really believe that or are you just trying to lessen my guilt over being unable to save your family and possibly Marcus?”
“Look here Andrew you did not kill my sister or David! You did not give my mother an inoperable brain tumor. Nor did you make Marcus go into the lake!” I retort angry.
My voice softens. “You do however give people, whom the world labels hopeless, a safe haven to voice their beliefs, fears and thoughts without fear they will be ostracized or considered insane. Do you have any idea of what you have given them by doing this?”
The look that crosses his face tells me he blames himself for their suffering. “Andrew, you did not bring the demons upon them! They existed long before you were formed so stop blaming yourself for every encounter, every attack and every death they have caused. It is not your fault and it is not because of you! Stop blaming yourself for something that you did not start and no matter how long you exist you will not end.” My voice is harsher then I intend and I take a moment.
“When they got you, when your own family suffered tragedy because of them, you could have become so introspective that no one else mattered. If that had happened, this place would never exist, but it does and just think of all the people you helped and saved from being set adrift on their own to suffer in silence, locked away without a voice, always thinking that they were delusional or crazy for what they witnessed. Instead, you and your family established this haven where they find hope and peace from the surreal. You placed yourselves down on the priority list and probably impaired your abilities in your quest for answers in order to help others.”
I grab his face, making sure he hears each word. “Can’t you see how your self-sacrifice has given life to those who society would have never let have one! So no matter what happens to Marcus, to me or anyone you come in contact with, you have to understand that it is not because of you. Do you hear me?”
He stares at me, anguish clouding his features. “I understand what you are saying but if shadows, demons and the creatures created were not allowed to cross over, your life would go on untouched by the darkness which should never interfere with the light on this plane! People’s lives could go on as they should with free will and they could make their choices without influence or interference.”
“Andrew, you talk as if people themselves never choose to do evil. I am sure every murder, arson, and robbery is not all influenced by the darkness, unless you count the darkness within us all. I can hear my frustration and am sure it doesn’t go unnoticed and hope it doesn’t deter from my point. “The idea of the Garden of Eden vanished a long time ago and it wasn’t because a serpent thrust the apple down Eve’s throat. If I remember, she chose to eat it and then didn’t Adam do the same. They had more than they could ever ask for and still it wasn’t enough. People all have good and bad within them, it is the choices that we make which define us. You were human and when tragedy struck, you could have shaped your life to reflect your anger over your circumstances, but didn’t! You could have focused on your quest and the search for answers only, but again, each of you chose to look beyond solving your own puzzle to try to make life safer for others along the way.”
“We weren’t always like this. When we were first transformed, it was pretty ugly, especially when we gave in to our natural instincts, people died!” He shakes his head as if trying to dispel a disturbing memory. “Even when we found alternative eating habits, there were times when we fought and people got hurt. It was bad for a long time.” He stops speaking abruptly.
“All the more reason for you to be proud of what you accomplished.” I grab his hands and kiss them gently. “I’m sure it would have been simpler to give in to your natural instincts, but you fought them and now you are trying not only to save yourselves, but those you bring into your lives. It can’t be easy to help so many find peace before moving on when you yourself may never get to travel.”
The monitor goes off, startling us. Andrew starts CPR as I charge the defibrillator. Catherine comes running in and bags him. I administer the paddles, nothing, again, nothing, then finally the third time, his heart starts beating. Catherine and I monitor Marcus while Andrew goes to speak with Gabriel.
Upon his return, we learn they contacted a neurological specialist and he instructs Catherine on the further tests they need to conduct before he gets here and then turns to me. “Mia, you should go back to the residency. There is nothing more anyone can do until we know more.”
“Keep me apprised.”
“I promise, keep your phone by you and I will call with any changes.” He kisses me before wheeling Marcus out.
Jackson comes out of the twins’ room when I walk in. He heads to the door and turns to say goodnight. “Do you have a minute?”
“What’s up?”
“Has Andrew always blamed himself for what happens to people or is it worse since I arrived?”
“Ever since I have known him, he has carried guilt around for what happens to those around him. He struggles with his inability to protect everyone and not being able to bring peace to his family. He helped raise his siblings and from what Eva told me, when the fight began, Gabriel was the first to fall. Andrew rushed to his side, trying to rip the demon from him, but could not make him budge. While he was doing this, three more of his siblings fell. By the time he realized what was going on, there was only he and Eva who had not been transformed. He trie
d to get her to move, but she was so frightened she didn’t budge and he couldn’t carry her fast enough to get away. When he threw himself on top of her to protect her, they tossed him aside as if he was a rag doll. He saw her thrash about and scream more than the others because by then, she knew exactly what was coming for her. Then to torture him further, they held him down as he ripped their mother apart. Andrew watched helpless, unable to stop it.” My heart sinks further and further down with each word, I can see it happening. I can feel his pain.
“When he was converted, he was strong, but still his power to heal was limited by what we are. He watched his family get torn apart, helpless and then was not able to bring them together as they split on how to resolve this issue, if there is a resolution to it at all. If that weren’t enough, he still fears that any resolution which they find will not bring his family peace. He can’t stand the thought of watching them being ripped apart over and over again. It is like a father who watches helplessly as his child is in danger and he can’t save them. Andrew has been a second father to this family and those instincts, the desire to protect us extends beyond just his immediate family now. He believes that since we are stronger and have been granted celestial gifts, we have a duty to protect the weak, ‘to keep them safe from things which should not exist on this plane’ as he so fondly likes to quote.” We can’t help but giggle that is his favorite quote.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Does Eva ever speak about their life before?”
“She’s spoken of their better memories, especially when things get complicated.”
“Did she ever talk about how Nicholas was, before their tragedy?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I’m just curious.” I say softly, hoping my voice doesn’t reveal more.
His expression turns from thoughtful to surprise. “I never really noticed, but no, she didn’t really mention Jonathan either. Is there a particular reason you asked?”
I try to lie. “No, I’m just curious.”
“It is more than just curiosity, I can see that.”
“Jackson, I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Mia, if you know something, you need to share it, if not with me then with Andrew. I think that there is a link that they share when they are together that is going to solve this, but putting the necessary connection together of what that is has always eluded me, so if you have any ideas at all, Mia please!” His voice is pleading and I know he is thinking of Eva, not himself. I can see it in his eyes, he would move heaven and earth to save her from the fate he fears awaits her. He joined her fate not only because he loves her, but I can see his desperation to protect her.
“I don’t have anything concrete.” In truth I don’t, I only have my feelings around Nicholas and what Andrew told me, but I don’t want to betray Andrew’s confidence. “I just think it is strange that when Andrew told me stories about their life, he didn’t mention Nicholas. Now you are telling me that Eva didn’t mention Nicholas or Jonathan. It seems odd, but other than that I don’t have anything. It’s just a feeling.”
“What type of feeling?”
“I can’t describe it. It is just a weird feeling that I get around Nicholas, especially since he was pretending to be Andrew and then the story that Andrew told me about how he would be affected by the things Nicholas did, as if he himself were doing those things. I don’t know, there is just something about that which is tugging at me, but I can’t make sense of what it is.”
He grabs my hands. “Mia, promise me that you will think about whatever is eluding you about him! I know you are perceptive and when I first came here, I noticed something strange with him, but it never revealed itself to me. Now, knowing he was in league with them, even though he is reformed, makes it all the more important that if you know anything that you let someone know.”
“I promise but it is very illusory and may even be my prejudices regarding him that colors my perceptions. I’m just not sure.” My mind is racing, sifting through my conscious memories and hopefully on some level my unconscious observations for answers.
“I should get going and see if they need help.”
When he leaves, I concentrate on my encounters with Nicholas searching for any type of clue, but am interrupted by Kayla’s screaming. Running, I pick her up before she wakes Nicholas, she is burning. Catherine surprises me as I have Kayla in the tub to cool her down.
“Can you get the infant fever reducer in the medicine cabinet?” I ask straining to stay calm.
She’s back instantly and on the phone. “Eva, I need you to come to Mia’s, Kayla has a high fever.”
Although my anxiety increases with Kayla’s temperature, I know Eva is busy. “Catherine call her back, she has to get Marcus’ test results to the specialist.”
Eva walks in, rubs Kayla’s head revealing a temperature of 103.9, listens to her lungs and wants to get her into x-ray; she hears fluid in her lungs. The x-ray confirms pneumonia which Eva says probably settled in her lungs at birth.
“She’ll be fine. We can even set up a monitor and IV drip in her room so you don’t have to leave Nicholas. I know what I’m doing.” She says calmly.
“I know she is in good hands. Andrew told me you were once a pediatrician.” I say confidently.
“Oh he did, did he?”
Andrew walks in. “What did I do now?’
“You were giving away family secrets again.” She teases and punches his shoulder. “I have to consult with the specialist.”
Andrew heads over to the bed, listens to Kayla’s lungs then flips on the x-ray. Placing both hands directly where the fluid settled, he closes his eyes in concentration. I stare. The space around his hands appears electrically charged. Kayla sleeps through it all. When he removes his hands and opens his eyes, they look weary. It’s strange, when he came in, I could see his worry, but he did not look worn. I wonder if healing others weakens him. He moves to me, wrapping his arms around me. “She’ll be fine.” He kisses my head.
“I know.” I lean into his chest. “How is Marcus doing?”
“He hasn’t regained consciousness. The tests revealed a contusion at the base of the skull and swelling. Gabriel is scrubbing and Dr. Sapazian is coming.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Looking up, I’m surprised to see his features looking normal.
“There is nothing medically you can do, so maybe we should take Kayla back and then I’ll return.” His tone is somber.
I can see he wants to say more but doesn’t. “If there is nothing medically, what aren’t you asking me?”
With trepidation, he mutters. “Asking for help may not be a bad idea.” His eyes shift toward the heavens.
“I can do that.”
His smile is blinding. “Come on, let me get you back.”
“I can get her back, you need to stay.”
“I would feel much better, if you let me get her across. I can do it faster, it is still brisk outside.”
“Alright, I’ll meet you there.”
He and Kayla are out the door before I gather her things.
It’s two in the morning when Andrew returns. I had just put Nicholas down and am administering Kayla’s antibiotic. His picturesque features are strained and his bright eyes wary. Crossing the room, I pick up his hands, kissing them. “How did the surgery go?”
“We lost him twice, but finally relieved the pressure and he is in recovery.” His voice sounds strained.
I tug on his hands backing up into the couch. “Sit, you look exhausted.”
He forces a laugh. “I don’t get tired, remember.”
“You do feel stress, keeping everything on your shoulders makes you wary. Physicians orders, sit down.” Knowing what I am about to do, my heart quickens. I can feel my blood heating, making me flush. I hesitate then carefully draw my hands up to his collar and across his strong shoulders, removing his lab coat. Folding it over the arm of the coach,
I return my hands to his shirt collar. The butterflies in my stomach are now fluttering and taking flight as if to escape, but I continue.
My little subconscious’ comical characters appear once more. Angel is shaking her head. Do you really think this is a good idea considering how hot you are getting? What if it takes you to someplace you don’t want to go? He’ll run this time. Internally, I shake my head. In that moment, red devil decides to chime in. You are trying to bring him peace, how bad can that be. Besides when your images do appear, it isn’t like you both don’t enjoy them. He is a man after all. A man who has been celibate for centuries, give the guy a break. His head drops and he shakes it as if he feels pity and then continues. If he won’t allow himself pleasure in this existence, the least you can do is fulfill his needs in his fantasies. The satiated feelings that tingle and linger with you remain and offer him pleasure as well. I shake my head internally once more and strive to strictly concentrate on the here and now and begin repeating a mantra. He needs to relax, bring him peace not pain.
My heart pounds faster and harder as my fingers deftly unfasten each button, but I remain in the here and now refusing to let my desire win out or remove me from my task. I want to help him relax. My hands brush over his shoulders as I remove his shirt. I feel him shudder. His intensely beautiful eyes flare with desire before closing and tightening in concentration and I know that he is doing the same, focusing on staying in the here and now. My breathing quickens as I look upon his perfect physique. I curl my lips tight in hopes of slowing it down.
Shifting myself to the back of the couch, I move my hands and begin massaging the base of his neck and shoulders. My hands feel as if they are wrapped around a granite cylinder on a cold winter’s day. The only real movement I feel is his intermittent shudders as my hands move across his back and shoulders. Otherwise, I doubt I am relaxing any of his solid, stone muscles. His eyes remain closed and my heart refuses to slow.
Being so close to him and touching his sculpted muscles ignites a blaze of desire within me that spreads like a wild forest fire throughout my entire being which could never be extinguished.
After a while, he relaxes, leaning into me. I am glad that we have not drifted. His face holds no hint of defensiveness in his serene features. He looks so alluring. I cannot help but kiss the back of his neck gently, becoming lost in the moment. My hands wrap around his waist as my lips brush his shoulders. In a quick movement, his hands are around me and I am sitting in his lap. He caresses my cheek while his other hand moves slowly down my spine causing me to shiver. As his perfect porcelain lips brush against mine, my hands glide gently over his beautifully sculpted chest. The coolness of his body is not enough to dampen the flames of my desire. My hands clasp behind his neck pulling him closer. His gentle kiss intensifies as his own desire detonates, unleashing the man within. His cool resign gone, his lips moving against mine, needing me, claiming me, his arms tighten around me, crushing me to his bare chest. His lips move from mine, caress my cheek, leaving a trail of gentle, cool kisses while moving slowly to my ear.
“Mia you are so beautiful.” He whispers. “I…” In a flash, I am sitting on the couch alone and he is gone. My heart pounds erratically in my ears as my head spins, I cannot get up and go after him. Leaning my head against the wall, I draw my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them trying to hold my body still.
I’m immobile. If he only said it, if he did not catch himself, stop himself, we would be tied together, our fate would be sealed the way it should be and the missing piece of my heart would be cemented in place for all eternity. He almost allowed himself to voice the words, I’m elated, but the image of his leaving quickly overshadows my joy with fear. Panic grips my heart causing it to race for a different reason. What if he fled fearing he would slip? I spring to my feet and pace wildly in a room that is suddenly all too small. “He promised he wouldn’t leave, that we could talk about it. He promised not to take away my choice! He couldn’t leave now, he would feel too guilty if something happened to Marcus, but look at what happened, he almost said…” I cannot let myself finish the thought. “What if he was overcome by what he almost admitted? What if he changed his mind and decided it was better to leave than for us to talk about it? Stupid! Stupid! You try to do something good and instead drive him away! Could you possibly do anything else to drive him away?” My hands fly up to my eyes, misting with aggravated tears.
I didn’t hear him come in, but he stops me mid-pace, holding me tightly once more to his chest. Oh if he could only admit his love for me, this is where I want to be, held close to him, feeling him, caressing his every muscle, loving him. I can’t help but sigh as I snuggle close to him and breathe in his wonderful, alluring scent. “Mia, you did do something good for me, you didn’t do anything wrong.” His voice is soft, no trace of trepidation or anger. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I promised you I wouldn’t leave and I won’t. I just needed time to…” He inhales deeply.
I finally risk a glance at him. “Were you outside? Did you hear my little rant?”
“Pretty close.” He smiles. “I didn’t mean to listen.” His voice is contrite. “I was leaning against the wall trying to clear my own head.” He strokes my cheek gently.
“Andrew, I didn’t mean to…”
“What tempt me?” He inquires amused.
“I was only trying to help you relax. You always do so much for me. I wanted to give something back to you, but sometimes I lose my focus when I’m with you.”
“I seem to have the same problem.” He chuckles. “It’s just that you are so beautiful inside and out that I lose myself in you. I don’t want to say anything that…” He closes his eyes and seems to struggle. I wait. When his eyes open, they appear calmer. “Mia, I said we would talk about everything. I promise I will not diminish your thoughts, but I’m just not ready to have that conversation yet and if I had lost my concentration as I could feel was about to happen, I may have said something that would have taken away any possibility for you to have a choice. I just cannot reconcile myself or live with the idea of imprisoning you now!” He holds me tighter and I can feel his mounting anxiety as we embrace.
“Andrew, I know that you carry so much on your shoulders, not just me, but all the people around you. I was not trying to push you into that conversation. My only intention tonight was to do something nice, to help you relax, to help you feel the peace which you always strive to bring to me.”
His index finger is on my lips. “I know. Besides, I’m the one who started, not you. It’s just that when I’m around you I feel as I used to feel when I was human. I think as I used to about sharing my life with that special someone, settling down and starting a family.” He shakes his head and appears to be struggling with his thoughts. “Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t mean that I am using you to feel like I used to…” He pauses searching for the right words. He lifts my hands to his lips and kisses them. “It’s just that you are the woman I would spend my time with if I could spend my time with anyone.”
My love for this man, who fights against his own happiness to keep those he loves safe, entrenches itself deeper in my heart. Without a doubt and despite the hell which may engulf our future, I want to be with him, to grow with him and share everything with him, but I know to tell him this now will only cause him pain so I settled for words I hope will bring him peace. “I understand exactly what you mean. I’m sorry for making you anxious, I wanted to make your day easier, not add to it. My only intention tonight was to help you relax after a very trying day.” I whisper.
“Mia, you make every day better for me by just being here and by how much you care for me. Even when I was in my lowest state, you came into my life and showed me compassion and caring like I never imagined possible. You make every day brighter and bring to it a sense of peace which is far beyond anything I have ever experienced!” He states earnestly, kissing me on the cheek.
I lean into him, exhausted from the long da
ys.
He sweeps me into his arms. “Come on, you’re dead on your feet. I’ll take the next feeding and what time does Kayla need her medication?”
I want to argue, but am just too tired. “She needs Tylenol in about forty-five minutes and then antibiotics in three hours.”
Carrying me into my room, he pulls the covers up around me. I am out instantly.
Waking, I jump out of bed, it’s seven. Jackson is in the living room.
“Are you feeling rested?” He grins.
“Andrew should have woken me before leaving for rounds?”
He laughs. “Andrew finished hours ago. He’s checking on Marcus.”
“What! It’s only seven.”
“Yes, seven pm, you slept through the day.” He laughs louder.
Looking out, I see the darkened sky. “I’m so sorry, I’m such a problem.” I mutter.
“You’re not a problem. I’m only here because I won. You should see the fights that go on whenever we have an opportunity to spend time with them. I know you love them, but we do too, their facial expressions are a blast.”
“How is Marcus?”
“He’s still unconscious, but his heart rate is stronger.”
The next few weeks pass by quickly. Marcus remains in a coma, but there is no trace of Kayla’s pneumonia. Thanks to the many helping hands, I settle into a routine that allows me to feel as if I am contributing something and not always taking.