by L.A.A. Law
Chapter Twenty-Eight – Andrew’s Absence
By the time everyone is dancing, the twins have fallen asleep and are nestled in their swings. Andrew rises, taking my hand, leading me to the dance floor. As he places his hand on my waist and we began dancing, I can’t help but get lost in his ice blue eyes, a part of me hoping that we stay in the here and now. Despite the rest of the room disappearing from view, relief washes over me as the song remains unchanged. Drawing myself closer, I rest my head on the lapel of his dark suit, feeling his statuesque chest against my cheek. I feel so comfortable and natural being close to him and sigh contentedly as my heart recognizes that this is home. I could stay like this forever, content in his arms. As the next song comes on, he leans down, whispering in my ear “Our song”. He caresses my cheek with his porcelain lips before spinning me around.
We continue dancing as he pulls me back into his chiseled physique, but as he does, I feel his pocket vibrate. Without releasing me, he brings the phone to his ear and speaks in a hushed tone. “I can’t hear you, you’re breaking up. Slow down. What happened? How many are trapped. We’ll be leaving within the hour.” He slips the telephone back into his pocket and whispers in my ear. “There has been a collapse in a hospital in Brazil which we helped establish. There are people and patients trapped. I have to gather up some of my siblings and go and help.”
“What can I do?” I ask concerned.
“Stay here, help Jackson and Nicholas run things and hopefully we’ll be back in a week. I’ll miss you, but you can reach me on my cell and I’ll call you.” He kisses me gently before going to tap Gabriel on the shoulder. He whispers in his ear and then they both move alerting Catherine, Eva, Serena, Damian and Francis. They depart without another word.
Watching him go out the door, I realize that we have not spent a night apart since shortly after my arrival and I hate to be separated from him now, but know there are people here who need caring for, especially the terminally ill.
As the night wears on, I even dance with William who is anxious to show me sketches of Stephan and Marie. As we flip through them, I notice a picture which I assume is Andrew but don’t remember him in that pose any time this evening. “When did Andrew sit for this sketch?”
William laughs. “That isn’t Andrew. It’s Nicholas.”
Looking closer, I can’t believe the resemblance to Andrew in his drawing. Usually, William portrays Nicholas’ eyes with much more ferocity and his hair much lighter. “Your drawings of him are usually more severe, especially the eyes and his light hair. What brought about the change?” I inquire curious.
He laughs again. “Haven’t you noticed the changes in him doc, or am I more observant than my own shrink?” He teases.
“What do you mean?” I inquire, but I’m already scanning the room for Nicholas who remained with Jonathan.
“Doc, his physical appearance has changed, his eyes are not as dark as before and his once almost platinum hair has turned darker.” Listening to William my eyes finally find Nicholas and I can’t help but stare, realizing he is right.
William speaks softly. He is now almost at my ear, probably not wanting anyone else to hear. “His attitude has changed too. As his physical features turned less frightening, his attitude also changed, he is not so filled with anger anymore. He even talks to us now. Doc, I know you may not believe me, but the shadow which I could see around him is much lighter, less obtrusive.”
“I hadn’t really noticed that before, but I guess he has been even talking to me more lately. You really are more observant than I am. I guess I am going to have to sharpen my skills and you will have to send me a bill for your services.” I joke with him, but my mind is already turning, trying to consider what this change could mean and whether it had anything to do with what happened to him that night when they found him. “William, I need to find Jackson, please excuse me.”
Jackson is not in the nursery. I am about to search for him when the twins start crying. My father seems out of his element, so my questions must keep. I go over and take Nicholas. “Where’s Andrew?”
“He and some of his siblings had to leave. There was an emergency in one of their clinics that they had to handle.”
“Do you think that he will return in the morning? I wanted to get a chance to say thank you before I leave.”
“I don’t think he’ll be back that soon. You’re leaving in the morning?”
“Yes, I have to assemble my staff. They want to start on this project as soon as possible.”
“I’m really happy for you, dad. I’ll tell Andrew that you said good-bye when he comes back.” With that my father excuses himself.
The patients had already left, when Stephan and Marie approach me.
Marie embraces me. “Thank you for all of this. Where is Eva, I want to thank her for allowing me to borrow the dress?”
“She had to leave on an emergency, but she and the others wanted me to pass on their well wishes to you.” I gather the twins’ things and smile at her.
Uncharacteristic for my brother, he hugs me. “Thank you for everything. We are going to start home tomorrow so we can get the house together before I start my new job. I’ll make sure that Martin and Suzanne get whatever they want for the house. It’s very nice of you considering everything that you and I have been through.”
I look at his softened face. “Stephan, I really do mean what I said. We have endured enough and this is a new beginning for all of us. I hope we can stay in touch and build a new relationship, for your family and mine.”
We walk back. Martin and Suzanne offer to stay with the twins and ask to stay on. I assure them they could stay as long as they like and that their help will be invaluable, especially since I want to help out while the others are gone. Knowing how late it is, I offer them my room.
When I return to the nursery, Jonathan and Jackson are folding the tables and chairs.
“What can I do to help?”
Jackson comes over to me. “If it wouldn’t be too uncomfortable, maybe you could help Nicholas in the kitchen, store the leftovers and clean the dishes. I just need to move the beds back in place and will join you.”
“That’s fine. Is there anything I can take with me?”
Jackson retrieves a tray of leftover cake slices.
Nicholas is already washing dishes and turns when he hears me enter. Looking at him close up, I gasp realizing just how much of an increase in resemblance he now has to Andrew. I wonder if he has darkened his hair or if not, if he is aware of what is happening.
Hearing me, his eyes drop to the floor. “If I make you uncomfortable, I can leave and finish later.” He mutters without looking up.
“No. I’m sorry.” I say stepping closer. “I knew you were here. It’s just when you turned, you look so much like Andrew, I didn’t mean to...” I am tripping over my words. “I guess I’m just missing him already. It’s very nice of you to help considering my family made the mess. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” I am now standing next to him and pick up a dish rag, taking the plate from his hands.
He smiles tentatively.
“Nicholas, I do have a question.”
“Sure, what is it?” He sounds a bit relieved, now that my tone is less strained.
“Where do you hide all of the food, it kept disappearing, but no one ever got up?”
He laughs. “We all sat by the plants. It makes good compost.”
We finish the dishes rather quickly and are wrapping up the remaining leftovers.
“Mia, could you answer something for me?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“You love my brother, don’t you?”
I hesitate wondering where he is going with this, but decide it can’t hurt to answer. “Yes very much.”
“Even though you know what we are and what the price is if he admits to loving you back.”
“I would love him no matter what the consequences. I know that there is a
risk. He has been very honest about that, but he is worth it.” Saying the words so freely, I feel my heart swell with all the love in my heart for him.
“Do you think you could still love him if he wasn’t as good and perfect, if he had some of me in him, some of my personality?” His inquiry is laced with trepidation and his eyes dart to the floor. The intensity in his eyes before he tore them from my view tells me that he is not asking out of mere curiosity. He is searching for something and I realize there is a pleading in his tone. He seems worried and I feel compelled to answer, to allay his fears, but am unsure why. “Nicholas, I spent my whole childhood feeling inadequate. As you know, I was also part of a twin, the lesser part, the one who was never quite good enough, never lived up to the potential that was expected of her. In truth I can’t get past that feeling of inadequacy now, so yes, I would love Andrew no matter what! I am so far from perfect and don’t expect that anyone is. We all have our shortcomings and things that we wish we never did. I know you have done things in the past, but my advice is to leave them there. Move on. Nicholas you know your brother and family love you and I know you can do the right thing in the future, I believe you when you say you have changed and know that Andrew believes that too.”
I surprise myself as my hand moves to stroke his cheek. I wonder if it is a reflex reaction. He resembles Andrew and I always find myself holding Andrew’s face when he doubts himself. Nicholas’ face is not as hot as before, but is not the cool porcelain feel of Andrew’s, yet I feel something familiar and strange at the same time as my thumb strokes his cheek. Nicholas appears shocked and as reason sinks in as to what I am doing, I hurriedly remove my hand and place them behind my back, happy that I have not angered him.
“Nicholas, I know you regret what you did to me before I came and what happened to my sister, but I also know that you have good inside of you. Your family knows this too. They believe that only by working together will you have a chance at solving this to make you whole. As much as my sister and I disagreed, since her death, I feel like a part of me is missing.”
He stares at me and I can see that he regrets what happened with me and then he mutters softly. “Thank you for answering me. I know you have every reason to be suspicious of me, but I didn’t ask with any ulterior motive in mind. Andrew is very lucky.” He sounds sincere.
We finish up. As Nicholas walks out, Jonathan and Jackson come in. I notice Jonathan’s strange look, he is glaring at Nicholas, he may even be angry. He departs quickly without a word.
“Was working with Nicholas alright?” Jackson’s eyes burn with concern.
“It was fine.” I say reassuring, “Our conversation was odd, however.”
“What did you talk about?”
I recap our discussion and by Jackson’s face, he is also perplexed. We walk back to the residency, dividing up the work. Inside my suite, everyone is sleeping. I walk into the kitchen and make some tea. Jackson follows me. “Was there anything else Nicholas said?” He inquires leaning up against the counter.
“No, but have you noticed a change in Nicholas’ appearance since the night he returned?”
“What do you mean?” He asks bemused as to what I am trying to get at.
“I don’t want to influence your answer. Just think.”
His features register that he does realize a change. “His hair has gotten darker which is strange; it has always been so light. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before.”
“Is there anything about his face you’ve noticed?”
He closes his eyes and I can tell he’s concentrating. “It seems less intense.”
Frustration wells within me and I can’t hold my tongue. “What about his eyes?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t paid much attention. They seem dark gray, when the sun hits they appear darkened blue. Why?”
“If you look at them now, they are lighter. They are blue, not gray or pitch as when I first came here, not as light as Andrew’s or Eva’s, but they are lighter!”
“That can’t be! I know I’m not very good at depicting colors, but I know his eyes have always been dark. You must be imagining it because you miss Andrew.”
“I’m not. Look at them! I didn’t notice them either. William pointed it out to me.” I clear my throat, knowing that Jackson needs to know this and will not betray William’s confidence either, but I still cannot escape feeling a little guilty telling him. “Jackson, William says he sees a shadow or glow around you all and that the dark shadow he usually sees around Nicholas has lightened as well. What do you think this means?”
“I don’t know, but his physical changes and asking if you could love Andrew if he had some of Nicholas’ personality is strange. I don’t think he is trying to deceive you again especially since they know you can see through Jonathan’s distortions, but something is up.”
“Jackson” As this idea pops into my mind, I feel guilty. I believe Nicholas is trying to change, but what if I’m wrong. Do I trust myself enough to stay silent when someone else’s eternity is on the line? I try to phrase it in a manner that doesn’t sound as accusatory. “You don’t think there’s a possibility that he’s been deceiving us all, saying he wants peace and would instead try to hurt Andrew by using me, do you?”
“No, I don’t think that he would try that anymore.” I hear myself let out a sigh of relief, especially since Jackson sounds so confident. “I know that Nicholas has dreamt of you and Andrew and the bond you share since he came back.” My mouth drops open in surprise. “He has also been dreaming of when he was in love, but since that night none of us have gotten any indication that he wants to hurt you. In fact, from all indications, he seems very grateful. You saved him! If you hadn’t forgiven him, his soul would have been claimed right then, according to his thoughts and dreams. At least that is the fear that they instilled in him. Each time Gabriel gets a read on him or we have entered his dreams, we come up with a true change of heart toward you.”
He sighs. “But if you are right and something is making him look more like Andrew, how would you tell them apart?”
I can feel the heat rising to my face. “No matter how much Nicholas may resemble Andrew, my heart would not react to him the way it does to Andrew. I know it!”
He laughs. “I know exactly what you mean. You’ve seen how much Serena looks like Eva.”
“Yes, sometimes I can’t tell them apart until she is speaking to me.”
“They tried to use her to drive me away, but no matter how much they look physically alike, Serena could never jump start my heart the way being close to Eva does. Nor do her eyes dance like Eva’s when she’s happy.”
I can’t stop my escaping giggle. Jackson and I are alike in so many ways. I force myself back to the present situation. “Jackson, do you think that he is aware of his changes or that they could be originating because of something that happened the evening they got hold of him?”
“Mia, I’m not sure exactly what is going on, but our last discussion really got me thinking. Eva was desperate when they first changed to hold on to a piece of her humanity. She wrote down her memories. I went and took a look at them and they don’t seem to mention Jonathan and Nicholas until later. Even then, the writings were different. They weren’t descriptive like when she wrote about the others, they didn’t flow right. It was as if she was trying to force their appearances.”
“Are you saying they weren’t there? Why would they separate when all they had was each other?”
“I’m not sure what I’m telling you, but I am going back down tonight to reread the stories and look for an explanation.”
“Can I come with you?”
He looks toward the twins’ room. “Wait until their next feeding and if you are not too tired, I’ll come back. You have to sleep too you know. When Andrew comes back if you look like hell, you know who he’ll blame.” He laughs.
My mind is raging with curiosity concerning Nicholas, his changes and this surreal wor
ld which now seems to consume my every thought, while holding my future at bay. I had never given much thought to good and evil before coming here or the idea of heaven and hell and who fought to rule. These were all abstract ideas, stories. My mind drifts to my mother’s comments regarding having a guardian angel guiding her hand. I always thought it was her skill, but now I wonder if she really did have one. My thoughts shift to all of the individuals here whose destinies were forever changed by the surreal. William seems to hold considerable insight regarding this bemusing world, and reflects his knowledge in beautiful Technicolor that rivals even the most educated scholars. I mentally flip through images of all his paintings and sketches. Each depicts a great light penetrating the darkness. Even the portrait of Andrew’s family portrays the two sides, those who always wanted to follow the path of right with those who wavered, who had the light trying to pierce their surrounding darkness. Hopefully tomorrow I can speak with him and see if he has any other light to shed upon this befuddling world.
My thoughts are interrupted by the twins rustling. I feed them and put them back to bed, leaving Martin and Suzanne a note before calling Jackson.
We walk down to an old root cellar that is completely re-outfitted with concrete. Reading Eva’s stories, I am astounded at how they transcend the times. Their father, Raphael, always worked as a fisherman or farmer and Ann would stay in obscurity caring for the children. As they became older, they lived in Italy. Ann worked looming wool. Andrew taught the others how to work the fields and would then take the vegetables to market alone. There were references to Gabriel doing the same, but never Nicholas or Jonathan.
Reading on, I could see what Jackson meant. When Eva did refer to them, it was as if she put them there because they must have been there, but they were not directly involved in the action.
A dim light streams through the open doors announcing the breaking dawn as I come across the account of the little bridge. Eva’s notes reveal that Andrew was hoping to catch a deer, but lost his bow and arrows when he fell into the water below. I laugh when I read that Eva rescued the bow and one arrow and handed it to Andrew telling him to make the shot a good one.
Jackson comes over to me. “We should go. There is a lot to do. Can you tell the kitchen staff to cook and that Gabriel is gone? I’ll start rounds in the terminal building.”
As we walk back, I tell Jackson about the story Nicholas told me and how Eva’s records and Andrew’s account note that it was Andrew who almost drowned. He can’t understand why Nicholas would have thought it was him either and decides that he will ask him about this tonight.
For now, we have to put the surreal aside to deal with real world issues. I say good-bye to my family. It is nice leaving on a good note.
The day speeds by. I haven’t heard from Andrew and hope that they are safe. My subconscious laughs, reminding me that Andrew has survived throughout this world’s tumultuous history.
Mrs. Ferguson takes a turn for the worse. I contact her family and am surprised at the gruff reply to just call the funeral home when it happens. After completing my rounds, I know her time is close and want to do as Andrew would do, ensure she does not die alone. As I sit in the silence, my thoughts drift back to William’s paintings especially the one with the angel and I regret not being able to speak with him. I drift and in my dreams, I see the heavenly angel holding the child, adorned in light, but this time, she is running from her shadowy counterpart who is childless. The angel runs through the forest, across a bridge stretching over a fiery river until she is trapped upon a steep cliff. She struggles, but cannot get up the rocky cliff. Others with long sharp teeth and fierce black eyes join her shadowy counterpart. As darkness approaches, the angel clings to the child trying to protect it, shielding his eyes from the approaching horror. She turns the child toward the cliff, so he cannot see the approaching darkness about to engulf them both. I want to scream but cannot find my voice. The shadowy figure is upon them and then retreats from the light which is now dim, with a child in its arms. The child it carries is not the sandy haired child still clutched in the angel’s arms, but a dark shadowy being whose head is ablaze. The shadows all but disappear, and I watch as the angel’s light flickers and a red ring of fire engulfs them both! The angel stares at the fire, her eyes wrought with fear and dread. A tear rolls down her cheek just before the vibrating of my phone wakes me from my nightmare.
“This is Mia.” I hear crackling in the background. The reception is bad, but I recognize the voice immediately and so does my raging heart.
“Mia, can you hear me?”
“You’re a little scratchy, but yes. Have you arrived? Is everything alright? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Is everything alright there? Are you alone or with Jackson?” His voice sounds strange.
“I can find Jackson for you. I’m with Mrs. Ferguson.”
“No, that’s fine. Are you sure that you are alright?”
“Yes why?”
There is nothing for a moment and then his response sounds flat. “I just miss you.”
“I miss you too. What’s going on there?”
“I will tell you about everything when I get back. They’re calling for me.” The phone goes dead before I can even say goodbye.
I stick my head out and there is no sign of Jackson. I call, but it goes straight to his voicemail, so I leave a message.
Mrs. Ferguson flat lines and I make the arrangements, but am surprised Jackson hasn’t called. I hope nothing is wrong.
I return to the residency, bathe the twins and my phone finally rings.
“Mia, sorry, I just got your message. Is everything alright?”
“Yes. Did Andrew get in touch with you?”
“I spoke with him.” Jackson’s voice sounds strange too, but before I can ask him about it, he says he has to go and I am once again listening to the dead air of a phone closed too quickly.
Suzanne and Martin graciously stay in my room again tonight in case I need to step out. I hear Kayla stir and go to rock her. As I do, I can hear the wind blowing and something falls outside. Looking out into the encroaching darkness, I don’t see anything, but as my eyes scan further, I think I see movement among the trees, but it’s just too dark to be sure.