by Eden O'Neill
He stared my direction through the glass, and though Bru had returned to him, Dorian’s attention was on me. He winked, right at me, then waved a hand in my direction.
Motherfucker.
This wasn’t some kind of scouting or friendship he was genuinely brewing with my brother.
This was something else entirely.
The dark prince was making a statement.
I heard it in bounds.
Chapter Seven
Dorian - age 10
I couldn’t find Charlie, but he was really good at this game.
I hunkered down behind one of my mom’s flower pots. I watched for my best friend Ares but hoped I wouldn’t have to tag him. He was really good at laser tag too, like Charlie, but he got really aggressive about it and sore when he lost. He wasn’t the one anyone wanted to find them.
I stayed quiet.
I couldn’t hear anything, but everyone was so good at this game. Even Wells and Thatcher despite them being smaller. They bugged the crap out of Ares and me until we let them play this time. I wouldn’t mind it, but Ares got crazy sometimes. Last thing we needed was someone getting hurt and all our moms and dads yelling at us. Last time we’d played hard together, Wells had skinned his knee and Thatcher had tackled Ares because he’d been the one to do it. I just wanted to play a game, not get our parents screaming.
A shuffle sounded directly behind me.
I stiffened behind the pot, my finger hugging the trigger of my laser gun. I eased out for a look, but a hand slammed against my mouth and, next thing I knew, someone was joining me behind the pot.
Charlie.
He placed his finger to his lips, telling me to keep quiet. He had dark hair, real dark like my mom, and in their kid pictures, they looked exactly the same. He waved at me to come with him.
I went.
I followed close behind, trusting him for some reason despite us not being on teams. I always trusted Charlie.
I was right to.
He pushed me out of the way, as Ares launched at us. I didn’t know how Ares could see with all those brown curls surrounding his face, but he always managed.
“Take that, suckers!” Ares called, shooting at both Charlie and me with a quick finger.
Charlie was quicker.
Holding me back, Charlie used his height to shoot a direct shot right at Ares’s laser tag vest. The lights on Ares’s vest went off like crazy, and Ares started groaning as he ripped it off and tossed it to the floor.
“No fair,” Ares gritted, his face changing in color. He pouted. “Charlie, you’re like way bigger than the rest of us.”
With a chuckle, Charlie stood tall. He was taller than us since he was twelve and we were ten. Charlie pointed at him. “Didn’t stop you from taking out Wells and Thatcher so quick.”
I’d seen it too. Ares had gone for them first despite them being weaker, and Thatcher had been so angry he’d said a curse word and left the game.
Wells hadn’t been far behind.
We were all best friends, but Wells and Thatcher were close like Ares and I were. I think that was mostly because of our ages. Ares and I were ten, and Thatcher and Wells were nine.
Charlie was all our buddies, though. Especially mine. He was my mom’s brother despite him only being a couple years older than me.
The other guys always joked about that, about Charlie being my uncle when uncles were supposed to be really big. Charlie always got on them real quick about that, though, and he was like a big bother to all of us.
I mean, he was Batman.
Tackling Ares, Charlie told him to go find Thatcher and Wells and apologize. Ares grumbled about it, but he eventually left. Charlie stayed behind with me, and after he showed me a couple moves with the laser gun, we decided to go to the kitchen and get a drink.
“I bet Mom made lemonade,” I said to him.
She always did when Charlie came over, knowing it was his favorite. He didn’t come by a lot since he and his parents, my grandparents, traveled all the time.
Grandpa Lindquist, my mom’s dad, married Charlie’s mother, my grandma Helen, before I was born, but Grandma Helen wasn’t my biological grandma. My blood-related grandma died before I was born.
Grandpa Lindquist was really fun. He took Charlie and Grandma Helen all over the world, and Grandpa always brought stuff back for me. Because they did travel a lot, it was always extra special when Charlie came by. Usually, it’d be for a few days or something while Grandma and Grandpa went on weekend trips. Charlie had been here since Friday, and we’d had a blast all weekend with Thatcher, Wells, and Ares.
Charlie chased me down the hall and together we ran into the kitchen, laughing. It took us a second to realize we weren’t alone.
And that my dad was here.
Dad shouldn’t be here. He worked in business and was always busy.
He wasn’t alone.
He held my mom. Her face was red. My great-aunt Celeste was there too.
My stomach twisted.
Great-Aunt Celeste held Mom’s hand, rubbing it. Dad ran his hand down Mom’s back, and when Mom faced Charlie and me, her eyes were all red.
Like she’d been crying.
I started to go toward her—why was she crying?—but Charlie held me back.
He had my shoulders.
“Hold on, Robin,” Charlie said to me. I was the Robin to his Batman always.
Charlie’s words came out whispered, though, and when I looked up at him, his eyes were wide. Like he’d seen a ghost or was scared or something. Charlie rubbed my shoulders. “What’s going on?”
My parents said nothing. Great-Aunt Celeste said nothing.
But then my mom moved.
My dad allowed her to, her steps so quiet when she came over to me. She placed a hand on Charlie’s face, smiling at him, but it looked weird.
My stomach clenched again.
She squeezed Charlie’s face before going down to me. She took my hand. “Love, I need you to go with your dad for a little bit,” she said, gazing back at him. “Your great-aunt and I need to talk to Charlie.”
Charlie’s eyes expanded, his face white like an actual ghost.
I faced Mom. “Why, Mom?”
“Honey, I just need you to go. Just for a little while, okay?” She placed a hand on my face and, suddenly, my dad was in front of me.
Dad placed out his hand.
I took it, but I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t leave Batman.
“Batman?” I said to Charlie, but all he did was blink. He said nothing. He couldn’t.
My mom and great-aunt were too busy leading him out of the room.
Dad took me outside, just the pair of us, and I didn’t understand. He also told me he’d had my god dad Ramses come by to pick up Ares. He was Ares’s pop, and Ramses also took Thatcher and Wells home. Dad said they had to leave because we all had to talk about something here.
My palms sweated in the garden built by my dad’s mom. She’d planted all the flowers in our backyard by hand. My dad grew up here, and I’d heard him say once that the garden was the only reason he kept the house.
I never understood why he’d ever want to get rid of it. Our house was really nice and big. The garden planted by my grandma only made it better.
Dad had his hands in his pockets, walking beside me. “Do you remember the story I told you, son?” he asked, causing me to look up at him. Most people said I looked just like him, but he always said I had my mom’s eyes. I didn’t know if I liked that because my mom was a girl, but Dad said it was a good thing. He said it all the time actually. His lips thinned. “The story about your grandmother. My mom?”
He told me a lot of stories about her. Like how beautiful she was.
She had to be if she planted all these flowers. I twisted my hands. “Which one, Dad?”
He stopped in front of a willow tree, a koi pond circling it. He faced me. “How she’s always here in this place, and even though we can’t see her, she’s always there. Her and your aunt Grace.
”
My aunt Grace was his sister. They had both died before I was born.
I nodded. “Yes.”
Dad took a seat with me on a concrete bench, and my stomach got all queasy again. I didn’t know why we were out here, or why they’d all separated Batman and me.
“There was an accident, Dorian,” Dad said to me, his voice rough and weird sounding. It sounded like Mom a little bit inside. He folded his hands. “An accident involving Grandpa Lindquist and Grandma Helen.”
“What kind of accident?” My voice was quiet, and I wondered if my dad heard it.
But then, he looked at me full on. He always looked me in the eye. Like he could see me when sometimes adults didn’t always do that. My teachers always made me feel little or invisible, but Dad never did. He placed a hand on my shoulder. “It was while they were away. A traffic collision late last night.”
“Well, are they okay?” My voice sounded funny now, and I turned back toward the house. I wished I had X-ray vision, or some kind of cool tech like Batman. I wanted to see in the house and find Batman.
Dad squeezed my shoulder, and I stared up at him. He shook his head. “They didn’t make it, son.”
His voice was quiet now, but I didn’t understand. Didn’t make it? “Dad?”
He brought his arm around me, cupping my arm. He squeezed. “Do you understand what I’ve told you, Dorian? What this means?”
I gazed away, the wispy tails of the koi moving around in the pond. I nodded. “Grandma and Grandpa are gone.” I stared up at him. “They’re not coming back.”
I wouldn’t get to see them again, and I already didn’t get to see them a lot.
My chest hurt, my stomach like someone punched me again and again. I didn’t realize I was crying until I had my dad’s shirt clenched in my fists, and I sobbed in his chest.
He let me stay there, holding me while he rubbed my back. He held me so tight, my dad’s hugs always solid and strong. They always came when I needed them.
And when he gave them, he didn’t let go.
“What about Charlie?” I heard myself say. Again, I didn’t know how Dad heard me. I sniffed into my dad’s shirt. “What will happen to Charlie?”
“He’ll live with us now, son,” Dad said, hugging me so tight. “He’ll live with us, and he’s going to need us. He’s going to need family.”
I couldn’t hear his words after a while, not over my own tears. I didn’t like crying in front of my dad. He never cried, and neither did Charlie. They were both Batman.
I needed to be Batman.
Chapter Eight
Two months later
Dorian - age 10
Charlie’s room was quiet again that night.
It was like he didn’t exist.
He never left his room, and the house staff brought him all his meals.
Mom and Dad were worried. Especially Mom. I knew because she let Thatcher, Wells, and Ares stay over again tonight.
It was a school night.
The guys came over all the time these days. Sometimes when I just wanted to be by myself too. I heard our dads talking and saying it was best we were all together now. Our parents were all friends, and the last couple months had been bad.
Mom had just stopped crying.
She always did it at night. Before my dad came home from work, she’d be in their room, and her crying made me want to cry again too.
I didn’t. I tried to be strong every time, but I couldn’t help it during the funeral. There’d been two caskets, one for Grandpa and one for Grandma. Dad said they weren’t inside it. He’d also said Grandpa had wanted something where they turned his and Grandma Helen’s body into ash, and Ares got real gory when he explained it to Thatcher and Wells. He hadn’t told them when I’d been around. He’d whispered that one night after they thought I’d fallen asleep during one of our sleepovers.
I heard it.
We always invited Charlie to play video games with us, but he never came, no matter how many times I knocked. Dad told me one day Charlie just needed some time.
I gave him that until tonight.
I couldn’t help it, passing by his door after getting some milk from the kitchen. My buddies were asleep in my room, but Batman was all alone in his. Mom and Dad put him down the hall from me, his own room.
I started to knock, but decided not to since he never answered. I opened the door, and the light from my flashlight bled inside.
He sat on the bed.
He had his arms wrapped around his legs, and my chest hurt seeing him. I missed him so much. “Batman?”
He turned to me real slow. Like he was a robot, and the cogs needed oil. His legs lowered when I came in the room, and when I sat on his bed, his lips lifted a little.
“Hey, Robin,” he said, his smile put on. It was like he was trying to do it for me. “You still up?”
I nodded, turning my flashlight off. I looked at him. “You?”
He laughed for some reason after I said that, a really small laugh. It made my chest hurt again. He tilted his head at me. “Want me to tuck you in?”
He had in the times he’d come over when I’d been sick or something. And though I didn’t feel good tonight, real sad too, it felt weird him doing that for me. I gripped the flashlight. “Want me to tuck you in?”
He smiled again. “Last I checked, I’m your uncle, Robin.”
But he wasn’t my uncle, not really. It had never felt that way, not to Thatcher, Wells, or Ares either. Charlie had always been our brother.
Wells, Thatcher, and Ares were my brothers too. If I could be brothers with my best friends, then that made what Charlie and I had even stronger.
I jerked the sheets until he moved enough to get under them.
“I’m tucking you in,” I said, making him smile, and I didn’t stop until I got him snug in there. I made sure it was real tight like when Mom did it, but not too tight like Dad. I wanted him to actually breathe.
Charlie watched me the whole time, another one of those sad smiles on his face. Dad said he might have those for a long time.
I’d wait as long as they took to fade.
I caught myself doing them too, but I never did in front of Batman. He needed to see I was strong.
After I got him in, I sat beside him. He looked at me. “Now, what?”
I shrugged. “Now, you sleep.”
I waved a hand over his face like it was magic, making him laugh again. He shook his head. “Thanks, Batman.”
My eyes twitched wide. I frowned. “But you’re Batman, Charlie.”
Charlie wriggled out of the tight tuck of the bedding, taking my hand with a small grin.
“Tonight, you’re Batman,” he said, my insides whirling. I never got to be Batman. I was never big enough. Charlie made a fist, putting it out to me.
I tapped it.
I started to get up but stopped. “Charlie?”
He opened his eyes, having already closed them. “Yeah?”
I played with the flashlight. “We’re brothers now,” I said, nodding. “I know not technically but…” I shrugged. “We’re brothers now. We’re brothers.”
I wanted him to hear that, to know that. We always would be brothers, and brothers protected each other.
Charlie put his fist up again, tapping mine. “For life, Batman,” he said. “For life.”
Chapter Nine
Dorian - present
I didn’t sleep last night.
I kept seeing Charlie’s face.
It whirled in my memory like a goddamn wound, and I ended up in my sweats. I jogged around the neighborhood until I tired my goddamn legs out, then ended up in the basement gym after that.
Chestnut, our family Labrador, stared at me like I was fucking crazy, but I didn’t stop curling weights until I couldn’t feel my arms. I even lifted like a fucking idiot, spotter be damned. Working out helped me not think so much, and I needed not to fucking think. I sweated through my top until I had to take it off, and by the time I
thoroughly wiped myself out, I had time to sleep for about an hour before my alarm went off.
I hit it without missing a beat.
A quick shower, then I was downstairs, academy uniform on and making smoothies for Mom and me. She liked hers completely green, but I still needed some kind of fruit in mine to make it tolerable. Going vegan my freshman year had been a son of a bitch, but after I researched on all the ways going meat-free could enhance my playing ability, I decided to give it a shot.
Needless to say, my plant-based mother had been thrilled, but I didn’t give a fuck about saving the animals or some shit. I just wanted my body in top form, and eating this way, my body got stronger and faster on the field. I’d been quarterback since junior year and ran circles around my teammates. Lifted more too.
Mom was late.
She used to be up before me, but today, the coffeemaker once again said she’d stayed in her room long past her usual time. Mom made her own hours. She worked for the city, but they didn’t give a shit when she showed up.
She came into the room frazzled.
Her hair was still wet too when she breezed into the kitchen, purse on her arm and looking like she was trying to go a million different ways. She was dictating a laundry list of tasks she obviously had to do for the day into her phone, but even when she was all over the place like this, she still managed to look lovely. I knew because if my dad was here, I’d catch them doing things that made me want to burn my eyes out on any given day.
It was sick catching them sneaking around like a couple of teenagers. Even with their room being on the other side of the house, it wasn’t enough to not hear things. I had to go to the basement if I wanted to drown that shit out.
“Dorian, love, did you happen to make an extra—”
I handed her the smoothie I’d made. “Green like you like it.”
She took a sip, and the euphoria in her brown eyes told me I’d done a good job. It was just about the only thing I got from her, her eyes. My mom had hair nearly raven black, real dark like Chestnut’s fur, but her skin was fair, and she couldn’t hold a tan to save her life. We went to the beach enough, and she burned just stepping out of the car. She draped an arm around me. “You’re a godsend, honey. Thank you.”