Risking It All

by Melissa Stevens

  “It’s nice to meet you too. I hope you don’t mind my joining you tonight. I know this is time with your mom, but I didn’t have anyone to watch the game with.”

  “It’s okay.” Tommy’s tone serious as he continued. “It’s always good to have someone to enjoy a good game with. I just hope we make a good showing of it.” He tilted the top of his head toward the field. Thorne had to wonder if the kid was always like this or if this was for his benefit.

  “We’ve got a pretty good team this year. We can hold our own. Maybe, if it’s okay with your mom, I could take you to the locker room during half time to meet the team and coach.” Thorne looked up at Nancy for permission. He probably should have run this by her before suggesting it in front of the boy, but it had just occurred to him. She had these boys in her class, so he hoped she’d agree.

  “Mom, can I? Please?” the excitement in his voice made him sound more his age than he had since they’d arrived.

  Nancy’s gaze met and held Thornes for a long moment then looked down at her son.

  “All right. If you’re good and you listen to Mr. Whitman and Coach Valdez. Remember, I work with them both and they’ll tell me if you don’t listen.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I won’t make trouble.”

  “I know you won’t, but the players are a lot bigger than you are and they’re hyped up for the game. You need to be careful or you might get hurt on accident.” She hugged the boy. “I know you’ll be good. That’s not my worry.”

  They sat to wait, there was still a while until the game started.

  “What grade are you in Tommy?”

  “Third, sir.”

  “Hmm. Third isn’t that when you study times tables?”

  “We’re working on them, sir.”

  “Stop calling me sir, I’d be okay with Thorne but I suspect your mom will be more comfortable with Mr. Whitman or you can call me Mr. W like my students do.” Thorne suspected the sir was because of his father, and likely a lot of his parents’ friends, were military. He knew some people weren’t called sir, but he didn’t know which were and which weren’t. Military ranks and addresses were a jungle he was easily lost in.

  “Whitman or W will be okay, but not Thorne.”

  “Thorne?” Tommy asked, looking at him, not Nancy.

  Thorne lowered his voice, as if he was telling the boy a secret.

  “Actually, my name’s Hawthorne, but I like Thorne a lot better.”

  Tommy wrinkled his nose.

  “Me too.”

  “To tell you the truth, I got off lucky. I have a brother named Yeats.”

  “Yeats Whitman?” Nancy’s eyes went wide.

  “Yep. After they named me Hawthorne they decided everyone got classic poet names.”

  “Everyone? How many of you are there?”

  “Four. I’m the oldest, then Frost, then Charlie, and Yeats is last, he’s not out of high school yet.”

  “Charlie? That’s not one I recognize.”

  “She’s the only girl, and the only one who got a real first name. Charlotte, for Bronte. But she hates it. She is such a tomboy. She’s not as bad as she used to be. For years she refused anything remotely girly, including her name.”

  “Cool! What does she do? Can I meet her?” Interest and excitement were apparent in Tommy’s voice.

  “She lives with my folks still. She’s slowly taking over the ranch operations from Dad. She trains horses in her spare time.”

  “You grew up on a ranch? Where?” Nancy asked.

  “Not too far. It’s a little over an hour east of here. Not so far that I can’t see my family mostly whenever I want.”

  “That would be nice. My folks are in Colorado.”

  “But your brother’s here in town.”

  “Warren is, yeah. There are five of us all together, but I’m not as close with the others.”

  “What about the other side?” He glanced down at Tommy, hoping Nancy would understand he was asking about his father’s family without his having to come out and say it.

  “Oh. We don’t see Grandma and Grandpa. They yelled at Mom. Told her she killed Dad and to never call them again,” Tommy piped up, showing that Thorne wasn’t as subtle as he’d hoped.

  Nancy’s face went pale, as if someone had slapped her. Not noticing her reaction, Tommy turned to his mom. “I don’t get that though, you weren’t there. You were home with us.”

  “I know, baby. Grandma was hurting and some people deal with their pain by making other people hurt. Our talking to her, reminded her of Daddy, and that hurt. So we’re giving her space. They’ll come around.”

  “I don’t know about you two, but I’m hungry.” Thorne tried to distract Tommy from seeing how his words had accidently upset Nancy.

  “Me too! Mom can I get something to eat?”

  “Sure. I planned to get dinner here tonight. I’ll take you down in a minute.” She turned away.

  “I’ll take him, if you don’t mind?” Thorne hoped she’d let him, as it would give her a chance to regain her composure.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?” She dug into the small purse slung across her chest. “I’ve got some money here.”

  “Don’t worry about it, you can pay me later.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He waved away her concerns. “This way I don’t have to worry about change.”

  “Thank you.”

  Thorne stood, Tommy following suit. “What can we get you?”

  “What? Oh, just a burger, no onions.”

  “Is that all? Something to drink?”

  “A bottle of water would be nice.”

  “You got it. Let’s go, buddy.” Thorne let Tommy lead him down the stairs and off the grandstand.

  “I messed up, didn’t I?” Tommy glanced up at Thorne as they walked side by side toward the concession stand.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Talking about Grandma and Grandpa. I made Mom sad again, didn’t I?”

  Thorne wasn’t sure how to respond. He didn’t want to lie to the boy, but he wanted to make him feel better. But he had to tread lightly. He didn’t want to step on any toes, especially not Nancy’s by saying the wrong thing.

  “It’s not your fault. You didn’t make her sad. Like your mom said, some people handle pain by making other people hurt too. That hurt can last a long time. But it’s not just what they said that hurts her.” They reached the line and took their place. Thorne squatted down till he was eye to eye with Tommy. “She’s not hurting because of what you said, she’s hurting for you. She feels bad that you don’t get to see your grandparents, to know them, because of them.” He waited to see if his words were sinking in or just bouncing off the boy’s surface. When he saw the boy thinking about what he’d said, he continued, “Give them some time. They may come around. They may not, you never know. The important thing to remember is it’s not because of you. With either your grandparents or your mom. Got me?”

  “I think so.”

  “Good.” Thorne stood and they moved forward with the line.

  “Do you really just work with Mom? You’re not dating her?”

  The sudden change of topic threw him for just a second, then Thorne glanced down at Tommy, unable to keep the surprise off his face.

  “I just work with her.” He knew he shouldn’t but he had to ask. “Does your mom go on a lot of dates?”

  “No.” Tommy frowned.

  “Does she spend time away from you and your siblings, other than for school?”

  “She takes baths sometimes at night, after Jasmine’s in bed.”

  “But not out of the house?”

  “No.” Tommy’s frowned.

  “If she doesn’t date, that you know of, and she doesn’t go anywhere but school, and she doesn’t leave you, when is she finding time for me to be dating her?”

  “I guess she’s not.” Tommy’s frown didn’t ease. “But she’s pretty right? You’d want to date her?”

  Thorne had been ar
ound kids, not necessarily kids this age, more teenagers but he could tell there was something behind Tommy’s questions.

  “Yes, she’s pretty but that’s not all there is to wanting to date someone. Pretty is just the outside. Sometimes the people who are the prettiest on the outside are some of the meanest or ugliest on the inside. Do you know what I’m saying?”

  Tommy was quiet for a moment and they stepped forward with the line again. They were next at the window and Tommy stayed quiet until they stepped up, Thorne ordered the burger for Nancy, and his own, as well as drinks.

  “What do you want?”

  “A burger’s good.”

  “Everything on it?

  “No pickles please.”

  “Sounds good. Water or a soda?”

  “We aren’t allowed soda so I’ll have water.”

  “Make that three waters, please,” Thorne said to the teenager on the other side of the counter.

  The kid gave him his total, and after he’d paid they handed him the water then asked him to move to the next window so they could take the next order. Thorne handed Tommy his water and stepped to the other window with him.

  “There’s this girl in my class. All the boys think she’s really pretty, she’s got this shiny smooth hair that reminds me of the feathers on those black birds. But she’s not nice. She tells everyone what to do and is mean if they don’t do it. Is that what you mean by ugly on the inside?”

  “That’s a good example, yes.” Somehow, that Tommy understood sent a beam of pride through Thorne. He had no right to be proud of the boy, but for some reason he was.

  Over the loud speaker the announcer started introducing players and they ran out on to the field one by one.

  “We’re going to miss it!” Tommy bounced from one foot to the other in his impatience. “The game will start before we get back to our seats.”

  “They’re going to do our team one at a time, then the other team. There’s plenty of talking that goes on before the game starts, we’ll have time.” Thorne couldn’t help but smile at the boy’s excitement over the game. He’d come partly because it was good for teachers to support the team, partly because he’d wanted to spend the time with Nancy, and meeting one of her kids didn’t hurt either. But listening to Tommy’s excitement was getting him wound up too.

  Tommy jumped and stretched, trying to see what was happening on the field over the crowd.

  “Sir?” the kid behind the window said, then handed out their food. A glance in the bag told him the special orders written on the paper wrapping.

  “Thanks.” Thorne tucked the two water bottles under one arm and took the bag in one hand and grabbed a handful of napkins with the other, shoving them in the bag before he turned back to Tommy. “Come on, let’s go eat these before they get cold.”

  The next morning, cup of coffee in hand, Thorne stepped out on to the balcony overlooking the park across the street from his apartment complex. The kids playing and trying to fly kites, even in the slight breeze this morning reminded him of Tommy. He sat in one of the pair of steel rockers he kept out here for enjoying cool evenings and sipped his coffee as he thought about the boy.

  Tommy had surprised him. Thorne hadn’t thought much about it before meeting him but now that he did, it made sense for the boy to be a little more mature than the average eight-year-old.

  Thorne felt for the boy, and for his mom, for all the things they’d gone through, the hardships they’d learned to deal with. He didn’t have to know about each one to know they were there. Blackjack wasn’t more than an hour from Ft. Watterson, Thorne had known more than a few military families, students as well as friends. He’d seen firsthand how rough it could be for those left behind.

  Nancy was the first military widow he’d met, at least the first near his age, but he didn’t have to experience it to know the whole thing must have been horrendous for the entire family.

  His cup empty, Thorne stood and went inside. He glanced at the clock, then picked up the phone and dialed a number he’d known since he started attending school. He listened while it rang, going to his recliner and sitting down.

  “Hey Mom, how’s it going over your way?”

  “Good as can be expected. It’s getting cold at night and I think we’ve got a storm moving in.”

  Warmth spread through Thorne at the comforting, familiar tones of Mom’s voice.

  “I haven’t looked at the weather lately, there may be a storm coming in. How’s Dad.”

  “As difficult as ever. You know how he is. He and Charlie got into it again this week. She was getting things stocked for the winter and he started telling her how to do it, who to talk to, who to buy supplies from and who we don’t do business with. You know how he is.”

  He did. Thorne could imagine his father and sister yelling at each other, each trying to be in charge and do things their own way. They’d all had the run-ins with Dad as he tried to tell them how to do pretty much everything. He and Frost had solved the problem by getting out on their own. Not that it stopped Dad from telling them how he thought it should be, only that it wasn’t shoved in his face when they ignored him. Charlie wanted to take over the ranch, which meant she needed to stay and deal with Dad. Thorne wished her luck, and he couldn’t help but be glad it wasn’t him.

  Thorne visited with Ma a while, debating the whole time if he should tell her about Nancy and ask her advice, but in the end, decided not to. Not yet. Maybe if they ever became more than friends. Until then, it was better to keep it to himself.

  After Ma finished telling him all the hometown gossip around Garrett, she gave the phone to Dad. Thorne asked a few questions and got one or two word answers before he wished his father a good day and got off the phone. It had been a typical call, right down to the feeling like he was pulling teeth to even get Dad to pick up the phone. He needed to make the time to get back and see them, but it wouldn’t be this weekend. Next weekend was Halloween. He could go then, but his complex had a bunch of kids and his place was known for giving good candy. He always had a ton of trick or treaters. Plus, he had mid-terms coming up and that always meant extra time at work.

  That’s when he realized that if next week was Halloween then Thanksgiving was coming up soon. Ma would expect him home for Thanksgiving Dinner. He wanted to be there, too. That was only a month away, he could wait till then. In the meantime, he had papers that needed grading before Monday, so he got up and went to the small table where he kept his laptop, and got to work.

  Chapter 9

  The morning after the homecoming game, Nancy stood at the stove stirring the scrambled eggs in the skillet as she thought about the previous night. Her heart ached at Tommy’s comments about his grandparents. She wished there were something she could do to get Thomas’s parents to see that they weren’t just hurting her with their ridiculousness, they were hurting their grandchildren as well. She shook her head and pushed them out of her mind as Mia came in the room.

  “What’s for breakfast?” Her voice was a little sleepy and her hair looked like she’d been through a tornado, but then it did every morning. She’d just sent Tommy to wake her, as she’d been the only one still asleep and breakfast would be ready soon. Warren had something planned this morning so they’d watched the kids at her place the night before so they wouldn’t have to drop them off early.

  “Egg burritos, if you want ketchup in yours, you better get it out.”

  Nancy watched her daughter go to the fridge, pull out the giant bottle and bring it to the counter.

  “Thank you. Go let everyone know they’ll be ready soon.” Mia hurried into the family room to relay her news and Nancy pulled the pan off the burner. With an ease that comes only with practice she scooped eggs onto the tortillas and rolled them, adding ketchup to her older daughter’s before rolling it. Mia was the only one who insisted on adding the sweet red stuff to her eggs. Nancy didn’t complain because at least she was eating the eggs.

  As she finished rolling the last burrit
o, the kids trailed in and climbed up into chairs around the table. Nancy served them then sat down and dug into her own burrito.

  “What are we doing today?”

  “This morning you guys need to do your chores. Rooms clean, laundry gathered, all the fun stuff.” She waited while a round of groans came from them all. “Then, if you get it all done, I thought we might go to the park after Jasmine’s nap. It will be turning cold out so we should enjoy the nice weather while it lasts.”

  Cheers erupted from the same mouths that had just moments before been groaning displeasure. Nancy smiled.

  “Eat up.”

  While they did their chores, she’d work on grading, then start laundry and while Jasmine napped. A few hours of sunshine at the park would do them all good.

  Hours later Nancy kept an eye on Mia and Mason as she encouraged Jasmine to climb the steps of the jungle gym so she could get to the slide her littlest wanted to go down. Tommy had found another kid to play catch with and they were a couple hundred yards away tossing a baseball back and forth.

  Sunshine warmed the day, but Nancy was still grateful for the canopy that shaded the playground equipment. It made playground time more relaxing for her, as she knew firsthand that direct sun on the metal could make it hot enough to brand.

  Jasmine made it to the top and Nancy cheered, then talked her baby girl to the slide and down, letting her reach the bottom and slide off without catching her.

  “I did it, Mommy!” Jasmine jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

  “You did! I’m so proud. Want to go again?”

  “YES!” Jasmine raced back to the steps and this time didn’t require the encouragement she had before to climb them.

  A warm feeling filled Nancy’s chest. Seeing her daughter grow in confidence and ability was more than a little fulfilling, but the sensation faded, only to be replaced with sadness. Not the deep overwhelming despair she’d had not all that long ago but still, regret. Regret that Thomas would never see this, would never get to experience it or see what kind of adults their children became.

  With a sigh, she pushed away the ache and forced a smile for Jasmine who reached the ground again and stood cheering for herself. Nancy joined in, genuinely happy her daughter had succeeded.