“I’m sorry. I’m just—”
She shook her head. “No, no. It’s okay.”
“Khlo, you don’t have t—”
“I’ll start packing up your bathroom.”
“Khlo, stop.”
She paused her movements, but she didn’t turn around.
“Look at me,” I said.
When she didn’t move, I walked over to her.
I set my hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face me. Her gaze sat heavily against my chest, and I crooked my finger underneath her chin. Her eyes met mine, and I gazed into those beautiful brown orbs. When those green flakes in her eyes came to life, it reminded me of Christmas, my favorite time of year.
The Christmas we wouldn’t spend together this year.
I love you. Say it.
No. That would hurt her more.
Then, kiss her. Leave her with something.
And then what? Tell her to wait for me?
You have to do something.
“Jay?” she asked softly.
I gripped her chin. “You’re my best friend. And no matter where I go, that will never change. Okay?”
She blinked. “Okay.”
“When I get to my aunt’s place, the first thing I’m doing is calling.”
Tears rushed to her eyes. “Okay.”
“And we’ll still do our late-night calls. And watch movies together over the phone. Okay?”
She paused, almost as if she didn’t believe me, and that broke my heart.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Come here,” I murmured.
I wrapped Khloe up in my arms and sighed. I felt her crying against my chest, and I did my best to be strong for her. The funeral had been yesterday, and things had been hard on all of us. The reception felt empty. The laughter felt stale. Even remembering my parents with stories felt trite and contrived. Nothing felt the same. Nothing felt good anymore. And as Khloe collapsed in my arms, I dragged her over to the bed.
“Come on. It’s okay. I promise,” I whispered.
She curled against me, and I cursed myself. I cursed how good it felt. I cursed my want to stay behind with her. Why the fuck did this have to happen now? I mean, I’d be eighteen in January. Couldn’t my aunt just come hang out up here until my birthday? That was only four-ish months. It could be another vacation for her.
A shadow moving out in the hallway caught my eye. I looked over toward the door and saw Mrs. Benson slowly come into view. She tossed me a sad smile before coming in. She sat down next to me on the bed and pulled her daughter into her lap. Khloe fought her mother, but her mother didn’t give in. When Khloe finally collapsed against her, I got up and turned my back.
I was jealous of the fact that her parents were still alive.
It hurt to be in this house. To smell my mother’s perfume and walk by my father’s cigar room. My mother had hated that room. It always clouded up the hallway, she’d said. But over the past couple of days, I had immersed myself in that room, drawing in the smoke-tainted air through my nostrils. I let myself sit in his chair and curl up against his robe. Hell, I even plucked one of his Cubans from the glass container and lit it up myself, coughing and hacking my way through the first five puffs before breaking down and crying.
How am I going to empty this house out?
How was I supposed to know how to do any of this? I owed the Bensons everything. Not just for taking me in this past week, but for helping me plan the funeral. Helping me pick out burial plots. Helping me with the payment for tombstones. I didn’t know about any of that.
They had made so many phone calls on my behalf, it was sickening.
And I had no idea how I’d ever repay them for it.
Maybe there’s a service I could hire to empty this house for me.
I packed up what I could stand to take. I even stole a few things from my father’s cigar room. Mainly his collection. I didn’t want to smoke them, but I wanted to light them up and smell him again. I took his white-gold lighter and the butane fluid for it. I packed up his smoke-laden robe and stole a few books from my mother’s library that I could stand to look at. Maybe I’d have the service pack up some of these things and put them in storage, at least until I could go through them and figure out what I wanted to keep.
But until then, this was all I could manage to touch.
I closed the front door behind me and gave one last look at my house before heading down the block with Khloe and Mrs. Benson. Once there, I locked myself in their spare room and didn’t come out for the rest of the night.
“Want some cocoa?”
Quinn’s voice woke me from a dead sleep. She stood looking down at me, holding a cup of steaming liquid.
I nodded slowly. “Sure. Yeah.”
I got out of bed and followed her down the hall to the living room, where I sat on the couch.
It was scorching outside. This summer had been the hottest on Connecticut’s record, but I didn’t care. I mindlessly sipped the chocolate drink and gazed out the living room window. I leaned over, staring down the street and getting a glimpse of the corner of my parents’ house.
“Quinn?” I asked.
“Yeah!” she called from the kitchen.
“Is Khlo here?”
“No, she went back to school.”
Quinn sat down on the couch with me, curling up with her hot cocoa. She started sweating, the damn drink was so hot. The television droned on with some sort of commercial. I furrowed my brow as I looked down into my drink.
“Why aren’t you at school right now?” I asked.
“I faked being sick so I could stay home.”
“Ah.”
“Figured you could use the company.”
My heart warmed at her words. “Thanks, kiddo.”
“Uh-huh.”
She laughed along with the TV, and the sound didn’t grate against my ears. I didn’t watch the television, but I did get a kick out of her laughter. Quinn always snorted after she laughed. Like, really laughed. It was honestly cute. And Khloe had the same quirk about her.
Though, it was immensely cuter on Khloe.
“She’s going to miss you.”
Quinn’s voice pierced my haze. “What?”
“Khloe. She’s going to miss you.”
I sighed. “I’m going to miss her, too.”
“Promise to call, right?”
“Oh, yes.”
“And come back to visit?”
“I only have to finish my senior year. Then, I’m free to do as I wish, apparently.”
“Good. Because we’re all going to miss you.”
I wrapped my arm around her. “Really? You’re gonna miss me, huh?”
She shrugged my arm off. “Not that much. But maybe a little bit.”
“Oh, oh, yeah. Just a little bit.”
She rolled her eyes. “Goofball.”
I grinned. “Love ya, too, Q.”
My eyes fell back out the window, and I sighed. I dreamed about what life might be like without Khloe only a few houses up from me. No more hanging out on the couch during rainy Saturdays watching old game shows. No more late-night back-porch conversations when her parents pissed her off. No more volleyball games to cheer relentlessly at just so I could embarrass her as much as possible.
No more seeing her in the bleachers at my basketball games.
A knock came at the door, and Quinn shot up. She raced for the door, sloshing her hot cocoa everywhere. I sighed as I set mine down. I figured whoever was at the door was probably there for me. I smoothed my hands over my shirt and tried to prepare myself. But when Quinn opened the door, I really wasn’t prepared at all.
An older woman with white streaks in her dark brown hair stood there. She looked at me and nodded, then beckoned with her head to come on. I almost didn’t recognize her. But I did recognize the beauty mark on her chin. Those thin fish lips my father had. And she had my father’s eyes.
“Aunt Maybelle?” I asked.
> “Come on. We have to head out,” she said.
I blinked. “But I’m not—I’m not ready. I’m not fully packed.”
“I know. I went to the house. I’ll help you with the rest. But we have to get your stuff to the airport. Our flight leaves at six.”
“So soon?”
“I have to get back home before I have to go back to work.”
“Mom!” Quinn exclaimed.
I winced at her voice. “I’m not ready to leave yet.”
My aunt sighed. “And I wasn’t ready to bury my brother. But we all have to do things we aren’t ready for. I might be able to buy another day off work. But that still doesn’t change the fact that I can’t move our flights. I’ve already moved them twice to give you some room.”
I heard Mrs. Benson rushing down the stairs, and Quinn started talking at lightning speed. As I stood there, staring at this strange woman I was supposed to go with, my only thought was of Khloe.
I couldn’t leave without seeing her. Without hugging her. Without telling her goodbye.
She’d never forgive me for that if I did.
Chapter 3
Khloe - Present Day
My glasses slid down my nose as I fiddled with my keys. Curses fell from my lips as my bag slid down my shoulder, and my coffee dripped over my knuckles; the sweetened black liquid almost wasted. I finally got my key into the door and kicked it open, my heel clinking against the metal door.
“Come on. Get inside,” I murmured to myself.
I sighed as the door banged closed behind me. The darkness of the backroom had become an all too familiar sight. I knew where everything was, despite not being able to see it, but as my legs carried me over to the light switch, I felt my shin slam against something.
“Shit,” I hissed in pain.
Okay. Maybe not everything. But still.
Six years ago, no one would have ever convinced me that the library would’ve been my domain to control. And not only that, but I would’ve laughed at them had they told me it would become my safe space. I’d hated reading as a girl. Sports were my thing. Volleyball, especially. But things change. People change. They grow, and they morph. They’re formed by their experiences. And me? Well, I was a product of the life I had lived.
The solitary life I had chosen for myself.
I flipped on the light switch and let out a relieved sigh. I glanced around the room before looking down, taking stock of the metal cart that had gotten in my way. The new hire, no doubt. Part-time punk high school kid who didn’t give a shit about books or how we filed things away or where things were supposed to go.
I kicked the cart into its designated corner before dropping my bag to the floor.
“All right. Much better,” I said breathlessly.
My coffee traded hands before I shook my soaked knuckles. At least a fourth of my coffee had spilled over the edge of my cheap thermos. All the more reason to get a new one, I supposed. And with my newest promotion to full-time head librarian, I’d surely have the money to get one now.
I’ve made it, John. I’m doing okay. I missed him. I missed him more than I could stand. But time always healed wounds. That much I knew. His funeral had been hard. Sitting there, with my back straight, watching his family next to me weep and cry and find solace against my shoulder. The funeral had been an absolute nightmare. Planning his last vigil here on this planet had sucked the life out of me. His heart attack had taken everyone by surprise since he had been such an avid runner.
I missed my late husband more than I could stand sometimes.
But it didn’t hurt anymore.
And that was something.
John’s funeral had been three years ago. When my mother called me and told me to get to the hospital as soon as possible, it was as if I had been reliving a nightmare—something that felt all too familiar. I knew the second I walked through those emergency room doors that it wasn’t good. I knew the second I looked into my mother’s face that my life would, once again, be altered permanently. That I would, yet again, lose someone I had given my heart, my soul, and the promise of my world to.
My lower lip quivered as I sipped my hot coffee.
These past three years had been long and hard. I had spent more and more time at the library as I grieved. It was the quiet place that I’d needed as I healed. And in that quiet space, I got to relive some of my greatest memories with John. I remembered our wedding all those years ago when I was only twenty and not quite out of college yet. I remembered all the vacations we took, jetting off to London for two weeks to see the Olympics live, or flying straight into Dallas as a late birthday gift to him to see the Super Bowl. John loved those charged events where everyone cheered and cursed as one.
“Khloe, you back here?”
Matt’s voice pulled me from my thoughts as the door beside me opened.
“Hey. I thought I saw the light back here. What time did you get in?”
I sipped my coffee. “Just a few minutes ago, actually. Do you have something to do this morning?”
He grinned. “Yep. A last-minute booking from the elementary school up the road. They want to bring the kids to hear a couple of stories and do crafts in the craft room. Apparently, it’s supposed to snow today, which means they can’t go to the petting zoo.”
“Well, what fun for you.”
He snickered. “It’s really not that bad.”
“A throng of jittery children sounds horrible. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Well, I love kids, for starters. And I’ve seen you around kids. You don’t hate them.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I can tolerate them just fine.”
“Ah, you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“Do you have working hours today?”
“Do you not know, Miss Head Librarian?”
I sighed. “No, I haven’t taken a look at the schedule for this week. Humor me, oh woeful employee.”
He smiled softly. “I work until two, then I’m done until Thursday.”
“Good to know.”
Matt was the children’s librarian, and usually, it was only the two of us. However, the library board—which was essentially the mayor and the family the library was dedicated to—released funds for the part-time employee I was very eager to fire. He hadn’t been doing the best job. This was the fourth bruised shin I’d have. And this was after telling him where the cart belonged at the end of the day on six separate occasions. He didn’t follow directions well, but Matt had a soft spot for the kid.
Well, all kids, actually.
So, I’d keep him around for another week or two. But if things didn’t shape up, I had no issues firing a sixteen-year-old. This was my house now. It had to run like a well-oiled machine in order to save my sanity.
I shoved myself ass-first through the door that led out into the main lobby of the library. I walked across the small hall and slipped my key into the door. Unlocking it brought me great pride, especially now that it finally had my name on the door. I opened it with my hip and quickly caught the coffee sloshing over the edge of my thermos with my mouth.
But when I bent down to pick up my bag…
“Looking for this?”
Matt’s voice emanated from behind me, and I slowly turned my head with my lips puckered up to the thermos. He chuckled as he handed my bag off to me. I blushed furiously and took it from him. I nodded my thanks before slipping into my office, and after the door swung closed behind me, I leaned against it.
“All right, Khloe. You got this. Another dawn, another day.”
While our library wasn’t large in size, we serviced a three-town radius, which meant a lot of kids passed through our doors. Those kids and their elementary school trips easily justified Matt’s position here. While I wasn’t a fan of his working hours, him preferring to work weekends was the reason why I got them off. Mostly. So, I tried not to complain too much. Though, the field trips always kept me locked up in my office unless I had to come out and speak.
I’d never been a big fan of small children.
They were grimy and sticky and bratty and spoiled. No one raised their kids to be respectful these days. I had been thankful that John hadn’t wanted kids. Especially since his sudden death would have left me a single mother.
I walked over to my computer and started it up, then I sat in my chair and sipped my coffee, trying my best not to waste any more of it.
“All right. Let’s see what you have for me today.”
I started sifting through the system, checking for any loans or overdue fees that needed to be collected. We had an electric scanner built into the side of the building, capable of scanning books as they came through. It didn’t automatically scan them back in, but it captured pictures of the title so I could rifle through them and enter them into the system. Not a perfect system, but a little more convenient than the old days where everything was done by hand and took forever.
I set up the system to send out automatic notices to all of those who had overdue fees. I double-checked those who had paid theirs against the system to make sure no one called to get angry with me. Then, I checked in the books. The library was empty for the first hour, usually, which meant I had time to toggle books in before going to put them away on the shelves. I enjoyed my empty mornings in the library.
A knock came at my door.
“Yes, Matt?”
My door inched open. “Want me to get started on the books?”
I nodded. “That’d be nice, yes. There are more overdue fees than usual. I have to send more notices out.”
He nodded. “Um, there’s actually someone out here to see you.”
I raised my gaze to his. “Oh?”
“Yeah. Someone in a police cruiser? Said it’s urgent.”
I grinned. “Get started on those books. I’ll handle it.”
I tapped away on my computer for a few more minutes before I pushed away from my desk. I rushed out of my office and barreled through the automatic doors to see the cruiser parked at the curb. Kent crossed his arms over his chest as I approached him, but my feet quickly slowed their pace. Even though I smiled at him, he didn’t smile back.
Dating My Best Friend: A Second Chance Romance Page 2