“Life’s got to be lived, no matter how long or short. You got to take what comes.”
I sniffled deeply as I set the small box down on his chair. The gaudy bronze-and-red chair was high-backed and shining. Still, after all these years. I started pulling out the few things I had in the box. The golden lighter. The new butane fluid I had purchased. The two cigars left. I set them where they needed to be, in their exact places around the desk. Then, I dropped the box at my feet before turning myself around.
With my palms pointed down and my knees unlocked, I readied myself to sit. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, though. A tear worked its way down my cheek as Piper whimpered from the doorway. Fucking hell, this was harder than I ever imagined it to be. I slid my hands quickly into the pockets of my pants, another tear leaking down my face.
“Don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life.”
It was like Dad’s memory was torturing me at this point.
My feet carried me quickly out of the room. I rushed back downstairs and finished unpacking the few things I had brought with me. The amount was meager, though. Five boxes and two duffel bags that contained the whole of my life. Then again, that’s what happened when you spent most of my past several years abroad. In the barracks. In a bunk bed. Or living out of a seven-hundred-square-foot apartment over a bakery in the middle of Vegas.
I stood in the middle of the downstairs hallway and slowly turned around. It was as if that damn storage shed was whispering to me. Calling to me. Haunting me in my nightmares. I stared down through the kitchen and out the window, taking in the small white dot in the backyard. A massive shed that, when cleared out, wasn’t much smaller than my apartment back in Vegas.
But it wasn’t cleared out.
“Shit,” I whispered.
When my aunt cleaned out most of the house, she put my parents’ things in there. Their clothes. My mother’s jewelry. Things that were precious to them that she didn’t know what to do with. With the keys to the house came the keys to that damn shed, and I didn’t know if I was ready to pilfer through and investigate it.
Maybe I can just leave it.
“In, and out.”
My therapist’s voice sounded so heavily in my ears that I jumped.
“In, and out.”
“All right, all right,” I murmured.
I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. I felt my stomach expanding. I felt my toes curling into the ground to root me. I cracked my neck and forced my shoulders to release, concentrating on relaxing my body. Unlocking my jaw. Unfurrowing my brow.
“In, and out.”
The more breaths I took, the more relaxed I felt. My therapist back in Vegas used to walk me through the exercises. She taught me how to become more in tune with my body and with the tension I carried.
“In, and out,” I whispered.
Piper nudged my hand, and my eyes fluttered open. And when my gaze fell onto that white dot, I locked back up again. My knees stiffened. My jaw clenched. My brow furrowed and my back straightened. Nope. Not today. Maybe another day.
Or maybe never.
“Come on, Pipes. Let’s go get some food.”
Piper barked with approval, and we headed for my truck. I whistled at her, motioning for her to get in the bed of the truck. On sunny days like this one, I let her ride back there to get some fresh air and feel the sun on her back. But just as I went to open my door to climb in, I paused.
Because I saw Khloe getting out of her car up the road.
I stood there, watching how she fiddled with her phone, how she tucked her purse underneath her arm. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, and I smiled. I hadn’t seen that motion in a very long time. Glasses suited her, though. They always had. I had to admit, part of my heart broke the day she decided to wear contacts regularly instead of wearing her glasses.
“Stay here, girl,” I said as I made my way toward Khloe.
I didn’t know what the hell I’d say once I got to her, but Friday had been fantastic. Her hand in mine had felt amazing. And having her stand beside me during that story time felt incredible. And I could have sworn she kept stepping closer to me.
That, alone, was enough to give me hope.
“Jasper?”
I waved as I stood at the bottom of the driveway.
“Hey there, Khlo—eeee.”
She laughed despite herself. “How are you?”
“Uh, I’m good. Good. Yeah, Piper and I are just going to get some food somewhere. Just got done unpacking my things.”
She nodded. “That’s good.”
“I just—saw you standing over here. Figured I’d come say hi.”
“Well, hi.” Her answers were brief, concise, unemotional.
Okay, maybe not a good idea. “Well, nice seeing you again.”
“You, too.”
Fuck. “Say hi to Quinn and your parents for m—”
“Why did you really come over here?”
I blinked. “What?”
“Why did you really come over here, Jasper?”
“I—I just—”
She looked at me with that prying stare. Khloe always did know how to read me. How to stare right through the bullshit and drill down to the truth. So, why continue to hide it from her?
“Piper and I are going to get lunch in order to avoid unpacking the shed out back. It’s, you know, filled with some stuff I’m not ready for yet,” I said.
Her face softened. “Some comfort food before the hard stuff. I get that.”
I nodded slowly. “Pretty pathetic, huh?”
“Not at all. Especially after what you went through.”
“Guess I’m just procrastinating. You know, delaying what has to happen eventually.”
“No one can blame you for that.”
We stared at one another for a moment before I drew in a deep breath.
“Well, I’ll see you around,” I said.
“Whenever you come back, if you need help, let me know. Okay?”
Her words shocked me. “Help?”
Khloe nodded. “Yeah. You know, going through that shed. I’m assuming it’s got your parent’s things in it. I remember seeing your aunt here a time or two.”
“Yeah. She was.”
“Let me know if you need any help with it at all.”
“That—actually sounds really nice. I’m going to take you up on that offer.”
“What time do you think you’d be back from lunch?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’m not hungry, but I guess food’s the only thing that came to mind to get me away from the house.”
Her gaze held mine before she sighed.
“My parents can wait. I was just popping by to say hey, anyway. Come on. Let’s go get started. Work you up a good appetite,” she said.
She started walking toward me as my eyes widened. She brushed past me, and the scent of her perfume dragged me along with her. I watched her hair billow back. Her shirt flowed wondrously over her soft curves. And as her jeans clung to her legs, I tried my best not to stare at the swaying of her hips.
Though the movement was mesmerizing.
“Piper, come!” I commanded.
I gave a piercing whistle, and she hopped out of the truck. I snapped and pointed next to me, watching as she went alert. Her snout pointed down, and her tail curled against her. As she walked with me, I felt her fur against my down-facing palm, preparing me for something I already felt coming.
The closer we got to the shed, the more my heart hammered. I stopped to catch my breath and felt Khloe staring at me. Waiting for me. I didn’t want her to see me like this. I wanted to tell her I’d catch her some other time with this bullshit. But she guided me forward with a kind smile and that damn perfume of hers.
“All right. You got the keys?” she asked as we reached the shed.
My trembling hand slid into my pocket, and I pulled out the set. I handed them to Khloe, and she quirked an eyebrow befor
e taking them from me. Sweat soaked through the back of my shirt, and I felt my heart surging to life. As Piper started whining, I watched Khloe open the shed door.
And the smell alone sent me to the ground.
I drew in shuddering breaths as my chest felt as if it were caving in. Piper jumped up and immediately began massaging the vein against my neck I felt bulging. So, I gripped her coat of fur. The world around me tilted, and it grew harder to breathe. My toes curled, trying to root myself to a ground that wasn’t there because I was sitting flat on my ass in the grass of my backyard.
Unable to move.
“Jasper, can you hear me? It’s okay. You’re safe. Jasper, can you hear me? It’s okay. You’re safe.”
Piper continued massaging, and my eyes fluttered closed. I gripped my dog tighter, and I focused on Khloe’s voice. A kind voice, coaching me through my panic. I drank it all in. Memories of my parents bombarded my mind. I felt myself spiraling, making me sick to my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut. I did my best to rein in my fears. And as my chest finally unlocked itself, I drew in a deep breath through my nose, trying not to gasp so hard for air.
As the world came back into focus, Piper stopped massaging my neck. My hand loosened against her fur, and I felt something warm against my knee. Against my chest. Against my cheek. My eyes fell open, and I looked down, watching as Khloe’s hands came into view. I blinked back the tears as beads of sweat dripped down my face, falling to her skin.
“It’s okay. I’m right here,” Khloe murmured gently.
Her hands rubbed circles against my knee and my heart. It thudded painfully against my chest. But my blood pressure didn’t skyrocket. I felt myself settling down. The gasping stopped. My legs relaxed. My heart settled down, and the world stopped tilting, which cleared up the sickness in my stomach.
“Do you need me to get you inside?” Khloe asked.
I shook my head. “One. Two. Three. Four.”
She whispered the numbers with me as I worked on the breathing exercises. As I counted down, I slowly rooting myself back into reality.
Khloe continued drawing soft circles. “Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven.”
With one final breath, I cleared my throat. I eased myself off the ground and felt her grip me as she helped me up. She tried to steady me as I teetered, and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. But more than that, I was shocked at how easy it had been for her to help me. It felt good, having her there. It felt comfortable, feeling her touch. It felt wonderful, hearing her voice in my ear.
God, I’ve missed you. “I have to do this,” I croaked.
Khloe started rubbing my back as my gaze found hers.
“I have to do this because if I don’t, this shed will just haunt me until I do. Which won’t do me any favors.”
She nodded. “Well, whenever you’re ready, I’m right here with you. Okay?”
And with her words, my heart skipped a beat.
Chapter 9
Khloe
Panic attack. I had just witnessed Jasper have a major panic attack. And it took all the energy I had to keep my own panic at bay just to help him. I mean, I didn’t know if I had helped. For all I knew, I’d made things worse, and he simply couldn’t tell me that. Or didn’t want to. I guess my heart was always meant to break for him. Because as I stood there, rubbing his back, I felt the tattered remnants of whatever was left of it shatter for him again. In those moments where he couldn’t catch his breath, I didn’t see a grown man. I didn’t see a grizzled vet. I saw the scared teenager from the emergency room. The one who could barely talk through his tears. The one who’d collapsed against me when the nurse told him his parents had died.
The one who’d comforted me on his departure instead of the other way around.
I hope I was able to help you this time.
Jasper turned toward the opened door of the shed, and my hand fell away from him. He walked in front of me, with his dog clinging tight against his side. I watched the darkness of that shed outline his frame, threatening to eat him alive as he stood there.
He still looked like that high school boy whose world had been turned upside down.
Go easy on him. He’s struggling, just like you.
I drew in a deep breath and walked up beside him. I slipped my hand into his and held it. Tightly. I looked up at him and found his stare, still laced with a few tears. And as I reached up, I wiped the sweat from his brow.
“Whenever you’re ready, the light’s on my side,” I said.
“I’ll never be ready, Khlo. But I have to do this.”
I reached for the light and flipped the switch, illuminating the space around us. As dust flew around in the air, I felt Jasper squeeze the life out of my hand. We walked into the shed together, barely able to move with all the stuff in there, but it was all neatly laid out, all of the boxes labeled and organized. The racks of clothes were situated in every corner of the shed, giving off an old scent even I remembered from my childhood.
The rose notes of his mother’s perfume and the tobacco from his father.
“Oh, God,” I whispered.
I had to be strong for him. I had to make sure Jasper didn’t feel a need to comfort me during a time like this. But staring at all this stuff hurt my heart. I blinked back the burning sensation behind my eyes and squeezed Jasper’s hand. I pressed closer against him, seeking the comfort of his warmth.
“What do I do with the clothes?” he asked.
I thought about his question. “I suppose that depends. Do you want your father’s clothes?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then maybe going through them and picking out what you don’t want is a place to start. If you wouldn’t wear those clothes anyway, you can donate them. Same with your mother. And the clothes you think you might wear, you can keep.”
He nodded.
“But we can do those later. Right now, we’ve got boxes in front of us to look through.”
He sighed. “Yeah, we do.”
“The first one I saw was labeled ‘bone china.’”
“Probably my parents’ wedding china they received.”
I nodded slowly. “Do you want to keep that?”
He shook his head. “I—I don’t know, Khlo. Khloe. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You’re fine.”
I panned my gaze ahead and slowly guided him deeper into the shed. We walked around the boxes, reading out their labels, and tried to figure out whether Jasper needed those things or not. It was a hard task. He didn’t know about a lot of the stuff. But there were some things that were a hard pass.
“I don’t think you need your father’s underwear,” I said.
“Nope. Definitely not.”
“Or your mother’s—”
“Don’t say it. Just, no.”
I giggled. “Good enough for me.”
“Or her shoes.”
“Your mother had such fabulous shoes.”
“You can pick some out if you’d like.”
I paused. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
He squeezed my hand. “Offer’s there if you want it. Same goes with her jewelry and her purses.”
I drew in a sharp breath. “Why don’t we try to figure out what you want to take back into the house now? That might be easier. What do you not have in the house right now?”
“Uh, well. I don’t have extra linens for my bed.”
“All right. What else?”
“Only got a couple of towels.”
“Good, good. Making a list. Great.”
“If there are pots and pans in here, that would be nice, too.”
I pointed. “I think that box says, ‘pots and pans.’”
We navigated over to the box, picking things up and putting them down elsewhere. After digging through part of the shed, we had what we needed: two extra boxes of linens for all the beds in the house, three boxes of pots and pans, Christmas decorations for the impending holiday season, and two boxes full of towels and other odd bathroom items.<
br />
I helped him haul them into the house.
“How’s that stomach of yours doing?” I asked.
He sat the pots and pans onto the kitchen table and sighed.
“Hungry, actually.”
“Well, there’s this cute little café in town that opened up a couple years back. They have outdoor seating so, I don’t think taking your dog with us would be an issue.”
“Piper.”
I nodded. “Right. Piper.”
“You want to go to lunch with me?”
He seemed as shocked that I’d offered as I did.
“I mean, I’m pretty hungry, too. So, yeah,” I said.
He stared at me for a long time. Blinking. Licking his lips. Searching my face for something.
“Thank you,” Jasper said.
I simply nodded, not trusting my voice.
He whistled, and the sound made me jump. Piper came rushing into the house and jumped up to lick Jasper’s face.
Noticing my expression, Jasper spoke. “Not a fan of dogs?” he asked.
“Eh, not a fan of the messes animals cause, in general.”
“Huh.”
I rolled my eyes. “Ready to go?”
“We can take my truck. Unless you want to follow me in your car?”
“That might be better. My parents are probably wondering why my car is in the driveway, but I’m not.”
“Sorry about that.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be sorry. Just get in your truck and wait. Shouldn’t take me too long to peel myself away from them.”
I watched Piper follow Jasper out the front door and shook my head. I understood it now. Why she was so important to him. But I felt a pang of something blossom in my gut that I didn’t want to own up to. How the fuck could someone be jealous of a damn dog?
Was that what I had been reduced to now?
Piper barked after me as I made my way back up the street. I jogged to my car, hoping and praying my parents didn’t come out onto the porch. I figured Quinn had them busy with something anyway since she still lived at home and all. I unlocked my car and got inside, ready to lead Jasper to the cafe.
Dating My Best Friend: A Second Chance Romance Page 6