by AnonYMous
These men now withdrew, to be replaced by three others, who moved the table back to the center of the room. One of them, with a drumsong lute, sat in the middle. A second, with an octagonal drum, stood on the left, while on the right the third stood with his arms folded. The man who was sitting down spoke a few lines of prologue followed by some auspicious remarks, and then struck up a tune on the lute. The one on the left beat his drum, while the one sitting down sang a song in Beijing style, interlarded with jokes. The man on the right kept interrupting with irrelevant remarks and received a good many cuffs over the head from the one sitting down, which drew loud laughter from the audience. It was a performance known as chaffing. Although it was not commonly performed in Yangzhou, no party given by the aristocracy or high officials in Beijing could afford to be without it.
The three continued their speech and song for some time before withdrawing, to be replaced by a lone performer. With a paper fan in his hand, he first imitated all kinds of birdcalls, as well as the sounds made by pigs, ducks, cats, chickens, and dogs, and also by carts—little carts, big carts, oxcarts, mule carts, carts with light loads, carts with heavy loads, carts going uphill, carts going downhill.
After that he hung up a silk curtain and slipped behind it. The audience heard two cats in heat calling to each other and a woman in her seventies or eighties coughing and wheezing as she summoned her daughter-in-law. Then came a young woman’s voice in a Taizhou accent muttering to herself, “My old man left and hasn’t been home in days. I don’t know if it’s whoring or gambling that he’s so keen on, but he’s left me here on my own. In this gorgeous spring season he has left me alone in bed! How can I get to sleep? I feel limp and listless, but just listen to those two stupid cats yowling out there all the time. They’re driving me out of my mind!”
OLD WOMAN, in a croaking voice: “Daughter-in-Law, come on, hurry up!”
YOUNG WOMAN, speaking to herself: “The old lady’s in the back and needs reviving again.”
YOUNG WOMAN: “Coming! Coming! Why did you call, ma’am?”
“I wanted to take a midday nap, but I couldn’t get to sleep, my whole body’s so full of aches and pains. I called you back here to give me a massage.”
“Just sit where you are. I’ll see to it.” (Sound of a back being gently pummeled.)
OLD WOMAN: “Harder!”
“I am doing it harder.” (Sound of the pummeling now hard, now soft.)
“Be a dear and sing me a song to cheer me up.”
“If I start singing popular songs in broad daylight, the neighbors will hear and laugh at me.”
“Then sing softly, dear. No one will hear you.”
“I don’t sing well. You mustn’t laugh.”
“What does it matter how you sing? It’s all in fun. Who’s going to laugh at you?”
YOUNG WOMAN, singing a “Nanjing Air” as she pummels her mother-in-law:
Everyone loves romance;
Only the gods refrain.
Love romance,
And it’s joy all day, unending joy.
Love romance,
And you’ll gladly pay a fortune for a smile.
Crave romance;
It’s sweeter than the sweetest honey.
My only fear—
He’ll have a change of heart.11
My only fear—
He’ll have a change of heart.
OLD WOMAN: “My dear, you were pummeling me as you sang, just as if you were beating time. You really sing very well. When I was young I loved to sing popular songs, but I can’t anymore. Now off you go and rest. I’m going to lie down in my room.”
“Ma’am, why don’t you take a nap in the room at the back? I’ll go to the front room and lie down. Then later on I’ll make you your afternoon tea.”
“Off you go, then, dear.”
YOUNG WOMAN, muttering to herself: “Once the old bag is off to sleep, I’ll go to the front door and have a bit of fun.” (Sound of a door bolt being slid aside and a door creaking open.)
YOUNG WOMAN, speaking to herself: “The street is so quiet it’s eerie! Oh, look, there’s a young priest coming from the western end of the street with an alms basket on his back, and he’s so good-looking, much more so than my old man. When he comes to my door begging for food, I’ll try to seduce him. I wonder if he’ll play along.”
YOUTH: “My lady, pray give us food. Amitabha Buddha!”
YOUNG WOMAN: “Young priest, why isn’t your master here?”
YOUTH: “His hernia has flared up. He’s in bed at the temple, and he’s sent me in his place.”
“Young priest, come inside with me.”
(As the youth assents, sound of a door being shut and a bolt slid into place.)
YOUTH: “My lady, I’ll be going as soon as I’ve received the food. There’s no need to lock the door.”
YOUNG WOMAN: “If you just close it, there are ever so many thieves about who’ll get in. It’s safer to lock it. Put down your alms basket. There’s something I want to tell you.”
“My lady, please give me the food and let me go back now. If I’m late, I’ll be in trouble with the priest.”
“It’s still very early. Put your basket down on the table. Now, let me ask you this: how old are you?”
“Fifteen.”
“Are you engaged?”
“Amitabha Buddha! We in the priesthood know nothing about engagement, or whatever it’s called.”
“Young priest, come into my room with me. I have some food I want to give you.”
“Amitabha Buddha! Why would the food be kept in your bedroom instead of in the kitchen? Look, I’m not a child! My lady, why are you lying down on the bed? Where is that food you were going to give me?”
“Oh, dear! My stomach is terribly sore! Please do me a favor. Come and rub it for me.”
“But I’m in the priesthood. How can I possibly rub your stomach?”
“Never mind about that! Hurry up!”
“I can’t rub your stomach.”
(Sound of the woman laying hold of the priest.) “Dear boy, come on, hurry up!”
YOUTH, crying out: “Ooh! Aah!”
OLD WOMAN, calling out: “Who’s that crying out in the front room?”
YOUNG WOMAN: “It’s nothing. I was just playing with the kitten.”
YOUTH: “My lady, please let me go.”
“You’re here now. You can’t go back.”
“Oh! Oh! Stop pulling my trousers down!”
“I’m going to, no matter what you say.”
(Sound of sudden knocking at the door.)
YOUTH: “My lady, we’re in trouble! There’s someone at the door.”
YOUNG WOMAN: “Don’t make a sound. Let me see who it is.”
YOUNG WOMAN: “Who’s that knocking at our door?”
MAN IN HIS THIRTIES, speaking in a Shanxi accent: “Ah’m back. Come on, open up!”
YOUNG WOMAN, panic-stricken: “Oh, dear! Young priest, it’s my husband. Quick, hide under the bed and don’t make a sound.”
YOUTH: “This is my unlucky day. Oh, dear! I’ve hit my head!”
YOUNG WOMAN: “Hurry up and hide! And don’t make a sound.”
(Sound of repeated knocking.)
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT, shouting: “Why don’t you open up for me? Ah’m going to kick the door down!”
YOUNG WOMAN: “Coming! Coming! The strangest thing happened. I was on the commode, and I couldn’t get up.”
(Sound of a door being opened.)
YOUNG WOMAN: “There you are!”
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Ah’m back. Hurry up and lock the door!”
(Sound of a door being locked.)
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Where did this alms basket come from? What’s it doing on our table?”
YOUNG WOMAN: “It belongs to an old priest, who left it here. He said he had some business to see to and would be back soon to collect it.”
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Ah’ve been playing Ten Lakes12 for two n
ights straight, and Ah needs to get some sleep.”
“Why not go and lie down in mother-in-law’s room at the back?”
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Why should Ah sleep in the back room instead of in my own bed? Wife, that curtain is moving. What’s that under the bed?”
“Go and lie down. I expect it’s just the cat chasing a mouse.”
“Ah don’t believe you, Ah don’t. Let me pull up the curtain and see what it is…Who are you? Come on, out!”
YOUTH: “Pray give us food. Amitabha Buddha!”
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Now, isn’t this just wonderful! You go out begging for alms and get yourself under people’s beds! Ah’m going to beat you up, you bald-headed little ass!” (Sound of blows and kicks.)
YOUTH: “Benefactor, sir, you’re doing me wrong!”
OLD WOMAN, crying out: “What’s all that noise in the front room?”
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “You go back to sleep. There’s someone here who’s expecting…”
OLD WOMAN: “Who’s expecting? Call the midwife at once!”
MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Don’t be ridiculous! Ah’ve caught someone in your daughter-in-law’s room.”
OLD WOMAN: “Wang Shuren, what are you doing in my house? We’re just celebrating a birthday and an engagement here. What would we want with an offstage mimic?”
At that point the screen was pulled aside, and the performer poked his head out and then emerged. His name was Wang Shuren, and his self-mockery drew gales of laughter from the audience. Just as he was removing the screen, the clock struck two.13
Lu Shu gave orders that cups, chopsticks, noodles, plates, soy sauce, vinegar, and small bowls be set out and invited everyone to drink wine and eat noodles. After the vaudeville troupe had finished, they asked for four hundred cash to go to the bathhouse and take a bath. When they returned, they played Ice Dish, Bat and Ball, and Soft and Hard Kung Fu, followed by various tricks of greater and lesser magic. Then everyone had afternoon tea, and the offstage man sang a “Teasing the Concubine” sequence. In the evening, they first provided dinner for the performers, then for everyone else. The guests played guess-fingers and drinking games, and the troupe did a number of lantern tricks. They also took a pair of tall glass lanterns with lighted wax candles in the middle and changed them into a large glass goldfish bowl with nine cups of water. The audience applauded repeatedly and rewarded them with notes. Then they sang several scenes from fan plays14 such as “Birthday Wishes for the Birthday Girl,” “Zhang the Immortal Provides a Son,” “A Dance for the God of Money,” “A Dance for the God of Examinations,” “The Prodigal,”15 and “Beating the Flower Drum.” After they sang “The Priest Roasts Meat,” the audience again rewarded them with cash and notes. When the fan plays were over, Lu Shu gave the performers eight silver dollars. They thanked him, gathered up their props, and left.
Lu Shu and Fragrance toasted all of the guests, who enjoyed themselves thoroughly. They played Flowing Cups based on the shou character until the clock struck two, when they took their leave.
After the maid and the handyman had tidied up the room and spread a thin brocade coverlet over the bed, Lu Shu and Fragrance undressed and lay down. Naturally Lu Shu wanted to celebrate Fragrance’s birthday with her and, equally naturally, she wanted to thank him for the birthday festivities. They were busy all night and did not fall asleep until dawn, but then slept on until the sun was high in the sky.
If you are wondering what happened, please turn to the next chapter.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Fragrance happens to fall ill;
Mo Ai throws his weight about.
A month or more slipped by as the love-struck Lu Shu continued to spend all of his time at the Jinyulou. One morning, following breakfast at the Futura teahouse, he accompanied his sworn brothers to a restaurant for lunch, after which he went on to the Jinyulou, only to find Fragrance lying on her bed fully dressed but with her hair still not done. She did not even get up to greet him when she saw him come in. “You still haven’t washed or done your hair?” he remarked in surprise.
“I feel a little dizzy, my eyes are all puffy, and I’m shivering with cold. I had some breakfast this morning, but I brought it up straight afterward. I still feel nauseous, as if I were going to vomit, and I have no strength in my limbs. I didn’t eat any lunch. How could I wash and do my hair?”
Lu Shu put his hand on her forehead and then on her body. She did not feel very hot, but he at once sent for a doctor.
After a short wait, a doctor named Ren Wanlin arrived. He came up to Fragrance’s room, and Lu Shu greeted him and invited him to take a seat. The maid offered the doctor tea, and he joined in some casual conversation. Then, with Fragrance’s arm resting on a small pillow, he checked her pulse. “The cold and hot elements are blocking each other,” he said. “She needs to fast for a day or two to expel the evil factors. If she continues on her present course, I’m afraid that complications will develop.” Writing materials were brought out and placed on the table, and the doctor picked up the brush and wrote out a prescription. Lu Shu paid for it as well as for the sedan chair fare, and the doctor took his leave. Lu Shu looked at the prescription:
DAY MONTH
First examination of patient. Cold and hot elements blocking each other. Nauseous, inclined to vomit. Quickly expel the evil factors, to prevent complications.
Bupleurum falcatum, 1.5 qian1
Pericarpium citri reticulatae viride, 1.2 qian
Platycodon grandiflorum, 1.5 qian
Agastache rugosus, 2 qian
Schizonepeta tenuifolia, 1.5 qian
Fructus aurentii, 1.5 qian
Lentinus edodes, 1.5 qian
Radix sileris, 1.5 qian
Jiaozha, 3 qian
Yinzaoxintu, 5 qian
Green ginger, 2 pieces, in place of water
Lu Shu immediately sent someone off for the ingredients as well as a suitable sweetener. He watched as a servant fanned the portable stove and decocted the medicine with charcoal, then placed it on the table.
Fragrance, however, refused to take it. Despite all of Lu Shu’s coaxing, she shook her head and would not drink. In desperation he picked up the bowl of medicine himself and tried it, then persuaded her to take a couple of sips. But at that point she shook her head again. “I really can’t take any more. I’d only throw up.” She hastily rinsed out her mouth with water. Lu Shu gave her some crystal sugar to take away the taste and helped her undress and lie down. Then, sitting on the edge of the bed, he rubbed her chest and smoothed out the bedclothes. Listless and out of sorts, she ate a little supper and then fell asleep.
Early the next morning Lu Shu got up and asked, “Are you feeling any better today?”
“A little better, but I’m still awfully dizzy.”
As Lu Shu was having his wash, Mother Xiao came upstairs and said to him, “Master Lu, there’s something you ought to know. Ever since the celebration, Miss Fragrance has not had her period. When I saw her vomiting yesterday, it crossed my mind that she might be pregnant. In my opinion, you should not be too free with the medicine.”
“Let me call Dr. Ren back today and tell him what you’ve just told me. We’ll see whether he thinks she’s pregnant or not.”
“Quite right,” she said, going back downstairs.
Lu Shu lost no time in sending for Dr. Ren and telling him that Fragrance had missed her period. The doctor took her pulse with great care and said, “Today the hot and cold elements have moved slightly apart, but there is still a little blockage left. She should continue on a strict fast for one more day, and then, after she’s had a bowel movement, there should be no further problem. As for pregnancy, it’s been only a few weeks, and nothing has shown up in her pulse. But my knowledge is limited, and I wouldn’t presume to conjecture. You should call in someone better qualified than I to consider that question.” Before taking his leave, he canceled the Schizonepeta tenuifolia and the Radix sileris on the prescription and added
one and a half qian of Pinellia ternate and three qian of radish seed.
Lu Shu asked Mother Xiao to come upstairs again. “I find this Dr. Ren rather indecisive,” he said. “He can’t tell whether she’s pregnant or not. Is there a good doctor around here?”
“The most famous doctor in Yangzhou has a very peculiar name, one you won’t find in the Hundred Surnames.2 His surname is the Ming of guangming,3 and his personal name is Chiyuan. I don’t know how many strange cases he has diagnosed correctly! Last year a general in Nanjing—I forget the man’s name—had a daughter who was suffering from bloat. Goodness knows how many doctors had failed to cure her. Her father sent four of his senior deputies on a large boat to Yangzhou, just to invite Dr. Ming to Nanjing. When the doctor arrived, he checked the daughter’s pulse through a curtain and was then invited into the reception room to prescribe a remedy. ‘Your daughter isn’t suffering from bloat,’ Dr. Ming told the general. ‘She’s pregnant. It’s a boy, and she’s in her eighth month.’ He wrote out a prescription to protect the fetus. The general received the news without any visible emotion and merely asked his aides and relatives to accompany the doctor at dinner in the study. He himself took a double edged sword and went into his daughter’s room, where, without asking her whether it was true or not, he slit open her belly with the sword and found a perfectly formed male fetus inside. He then went to the study and said to Dr. Ming, ‘Doctor, I salute you. You’re a great expert.’ When he told Dr. Ming what he had done, the doctor almost died of fright. ‘There’s no need to be afraid,’ said the general. He ordered a servant to bring out five hundred taels as a reward and told the deputies to escort Dr. Ming by boat back to Yangzhou. After that the doctor’s fame spread far and wide, and he was besieged by patients. Whenever he was asked to examine anybody, the cost of his medicines and fares would be several times what other doctors charged. As the saying goes, ‘Better a wise man than a doctor.’ Think it over, sir.”