by Simon Archer
On the top of the long train of slimy skin, Delilah had pulled out dozens upon dozens of eyes at this point, turning the Cthulhu-horror-show of optical discomfort into something more like spotted-leopard print, if every spot on the leopard was also bleeding profusely. The eyes tried to stay closed around her in a border of bare skin, but the sparked pugilist zipped between each glossy orb before they retreated back into the worm’s body, pulling them out with brutal accuracy.
Bodo, while unable to teleport around without being close to me, instead swung from mandible to mandible around the creature’s mouth, using the teeth like handles on a living jungle gym as the little pale wolverine-gorilla drew the attention of some of the bolo-whip tongues. Going above and beyond the call of duty, the magic yeti cub had even taken one of the bolo tongues underneath one of its arms, looping it around the others and bundling them together. Forced to move as one, the whip tongues slammed with much more power and momentum but couldn’t match the speed of the individual strands that had made the beast so horrendous to fight and avoid before.
Hikki’s healing magic got a workout during these latter stages of the fight, as the divots left behind by the missing eyes, as well as the spines of the tips of the tongue, sprayed acid out of the sockets, along with the leftover eyes themselves shooting directed streams of the green liquid at my party members. The bright, dissolving snot poured over the girls, the yeti, and the knight, coating them in burning gunk. Blips of forest green light floated out of the top of her staff, homing in on Delilah, Bodo, and even Starboros, cleaning them of the dangerous acid before they’d been murdered by it.
Despite all of these successes, as I looked upon the creature’s health, I saw that we hadn’t so much as made a dent in it. To be more specific, the health score stayed perfectly at eighteen thousand, regardless of what we did to it. All of these ripped-out eyeballs and gouged pieces of flesh hadn’t harmed the creature at all. It was bleeding and screaming like death was just around the corner, but the whole thing was essentially an act.
At any rate, I’d wasted enough time gawking and pondering and still didn’t have a solution for this stupid acid problem. It seemed plenty dangerous as it was, and that was without the addition of it being able to spray the stuff out of seemingly every orifice it had on it. Ripping out the eyeballs had proven to be marginally effective at reducing the amount of acid area by removing as many acid-shooting ‘turrets’ as we possibly could. Without a conventional way to harm it, that was nearly all we could do.
The acid that hadn’t made it onto one of my allies fell onto its back, distinctly not burning through its carapace like I’d hoped it might. Of all the things that weren’t harming it, the acid being useless may have been the most disheartening. Maybe it was more immune to its own acid than I’d first theorized. So much for that plan. Nothing was hurting it! It was like it wasn’t even there to take the damage--
Oh. Oh! OH! That must have been it! Even at this size, unless it grew thousands of times larger than this, then it wouldn’t ever be capable of causing earthquakes and creating volcanoes by itself. And it was still just sticking out of that hole in the bottom of the cavern, just as always. We must not have been fighting with the labyrinth worm grub itself. This was just some kind of sensory antenna we’d been tussling with. That was why it wasn’t getting any damage from us. Everything we’d done to it was just scratching at its metaphorical ear. Sure, annoying for it, but not nearly enough to be lethal. We were wasting our time.
And the true size of labyrinth worm adults baffled my ability to conceptualize it.
“We should leave!” I told the attack troop. “We aren’t doing anything to the actual worm! Everyone, head for the exit!”
“What?” the valiant Starboros shouted in disbelief. “How dare you suggest we run in our moment of triumph! A paladin is sworn to never abandon the cause, no matter how treacherous the battles ahead may be! Take courage, friends! Together, we’ll surely have victory!”
“This thing we’re slapping at isn’t the actual worm!” I shouted to the hardheaded knight. “We need to get out of here before we die!”
“Nonsense, comrade!” Starboros gave the giant worm another cleave with their massive greatsword into the labyrinth ‘antenna’s’ side. “I can’t just abandon the opportunity to become a legend when we’re so close to making it real! Look upon all the brutal carnage your peers have wrought upon the beast already! The dread worm practically breathes its last as we speak. If we only push our assault upon it for a while longer, our conquest is practically assured!”
“There’s probably a reason that killing one of these is so legendary!” I made a dash underneath the flailing giant piece of worm as it writhed against the blows to its body. “It’s really, really hard to do because they’re bigger than you think they are! We’re leaving!”
“Surely, you jest!” Starboros insisted upon their stubbornness yet again. “The legends are quite boisterous, friend! Do not be fooled by the inflammations of the poets and bards to sell a performance or two! How much larger can they be than this?”
As if to answer the question, crashing through the floor of the cavern was a pillar of dark, purplish carapace. Unlike the first piece, being the size of a bus, this one could have fit the main segments of four jumbo jets bundled together into one monster. From the bottom to the top, this column of flesh filled the space, pushing all of us to the edges of the room just to stay in the space. Hikki and Starboros barely found their way to safety in the chaos of the rumbling earth around them, the gilded warrior not quite escaping the thrashing of the beast’s colossal weight against their back and slamming against the outer wall.
More importantly, the tube of worm we’d found ourselves fighting beforehand had become uprooted, dragged along with the tunneling ultra-train by its circular connecting point and revealing itself to be just as I’d suspected and attempted to prove to Starboros. Bodo and Delilah flew off in twirling tumbles in reaction to their supposed foe leaving the area, the revenant landing first to catch the yeti before he crashed into the ground.
“Oh, well…” The gold knight’s bravado had diminished at the presence of the irrefutable proof of my theory. “Perhaps fighting the worm may not be the wisest course of action at this juncture, new comrades.”
“At least you can learn,” I sighed. “We should get out of here before we die.”
Just as I’d said the words, the stones fell over both the exit back into the tomb and the previously established cavern tunnels that led further into the weaving network that would be our escape. Two or three stones later, and every exit was sufficiently blocked, preventing our escape through them. We were officially trapped.
“That was a horrid bit of luck, chum!” Starboros jumped over next to me. “It seems that this tunnel shall not relinquish us so easily as that! What are you?”
With the phenomenally sized true body of the worm passing through the cavern, all of us could only wait and dodge the falling rocks that shook loose from the travel of the labyrinth worm grub’s main body. We each danced around the rubble that came down from above, struggling to avoid being crushed underneath the collateral damage to the caverns. After what felt like an hour or an eternity, the room now filled with loose boulders, we found ourselves running out of room to move in this space and growing dangerously closer to entombing ourselves with every stone.
“Quickly, new comrades!” Starboros pleaded, moving over to the other wall, near the side of the worm. “Perhaps we can ride the worm itself through the tunnel it has made back to the surface.”
“That seems like a likely way to crush all of our bones,” I told them, dodging to the side of a boulder as I spoke. “I like my bones specifically uncrushed, please, and thank you!”
“Then how would you suggest we avoid the crushing of our bones from these boulders, hm?” Starboros slashed through a boulder with their sword, accusing me of being an asshole. “Would that be a preferable form of crushing for you, sir?”
&nbs
p; “Well, um,” I thought aloud, realizing that Starboros may have had a point, “We could, um, maybe dig--”
“In here, Jeremiah!” Hikki’s voice resounded from below us from a hole in the ground, as I looked down to see a small, green hand waving from out of it, inviting us over to it. “Quickly, while I can still sustain the shelter!”
“Don’t have to tell me twice!” I said, running over to the hand and the hole it had come out of. “Starboros, come on! I found my suggestion!”
“You lot are a crafty sort!” The secret demon, never one to lose that pomp, trailed behind me as I made my way over to the hidey-hole that Hikki had made. “Lead the way, comrade!”
As we approached the hole, it quickly opened up to swallow the two of us into it before closing behind just as quickly, creating an egress that would rock the ages before us. Sliding down into the inner bowls of this new shelter, I quickly landed onto the rocky floor below us, moving out of the way quickly before Starboros tumbled in behind me, rolling further along while the light from the cavern above slowly faded with the closing entrance.
26
In the dark, I took my maul and lit it with an enchantment spell, allowing the magical light to fill the bunker that Hikki had created for us. The space was about as big as a room in a house, with no furniture, windows, or doors. Along with Hikki the architect and Starboros the heap of knight, the only other identifiable non-rock entities were Delilah and Bodo, who had also made it into the shelter with us before I’d come in with Starborus. As we all listened to the sounds of the crushing rocks above thundering against the walls and floors of the caverns we’d escaped from, we settled into the space around Hikki as she kept her hands glued to the walls of the room she’d made. Under the muffled noises of shifting earth, we huddled together to discuss the next move.
“Quick thinking, druidling!” The knight whipped up to their feet in a wave of undulating body, standing proudly once more. “You truly have a knack for magic and its practice. You have saved all of our lives this day!”
“Oh, thank you!” Hikki replied. “It seemed like a clever idea to me, too.”
“Thank you for saving us, Hikki!” Delilah crawled over next to the goblin and gave her a big hug to the side. “I believe this has allowed me to emotionally move on from you sneaking in another go at Jeremiah at your wedding.”
“I thought you said that we were even forever!” Hikki looked over to Delilah. “Delilah, if you are still upset by--”
“Hey, hey, it’s now officially behind us,” Delilah kept aggressively hugging the little druid. “Yes, we did agree, but I’m famous for being passionate and angry, but you’ve officially blasted away all lingering resentments with this kind deed. Thank you. Also, I was trying to make a joke.”
“Oh,” Hikki sighed in relief. “Good. I want us to be friends.”
“We were friends the whole time, Hikki.” Delilah wouldn’t let up her hug. “I’m just an emotional wreck that you don’t deserve as a curse of a friend. Thank you for indulging me.”
“Do not say that, Delilah!” Hikki leaned into the hug. “You are a great friend. You are the first real friend I have ever had. I would not trade you for anything.”
“Damn, you really are the sweetest person.” Delilah kissed Hikki on the head. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m glad we killed your brother and ran into your tribe.”
“I know what you mean,” Hikki said, “I would hug you back, but I have to maintain and strengthen this shelter with my magic, or it will collapse around us. I should only be a few moments more before I finish up.”
“Oh, so should I stop hugging you, then?” Delilah asked. “I’m sorry, the moment just felt right, and you are very huggable.”
“I actually get strength from being around living things,” Hikki explained, “so you are helping me sustain my spell with this hug.”
“Then maybe I should let Jeremiah hug you.” Delilah unlatched her arms. “I’m very much not alive anymore. I used to be a ghost until Jeremiah fixed me up. I think I’m a revenant now?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” I interjected.
“Well, I also am encouraged by hugs.” Hikki stretched herself from her hands on the wall enough to lean back into Delilah’s chest. “You are still helping and a blessing of a friend.”
“She truly is the sweetest little goblin, is she not?” Starboros commented loudly, “I wish to know more about her, and about all of you! We should introduce ourselves! I am known as Sir Dawnslayer. What is your name, little goblin druid?”
“Before she answers,” I stopped Hikki from continuing the conversation, “how about you tell us more about you first? I don’t believe we know anything about you, ‘Sir Dawnslayer.’ What brings a knight in gold armor so far below the surface?”
“Oh, that is quite simple, fellow adventurer!” the knight shouted. “I am on a quest for eternal glory, in the name of the Aurum Phoenix!”
“Really?” I questioned. “You work for the Order of the Golden Feather?”
“Oh, um…” ‘Sir Dawnslayer’ seemed flustered by my direct question. “That may not be, um, that is to say, that, um… forsooth… um…. perhaps the definition of ‘work’ might be revisited and defined for us, that we may better converse on the topic?”
“It’s a very simple question, ‘Dawnslayer.’” I gave the golden-armored demon a stare. “Are you a part of the Order of the Golden Feather, or are you not?”
The fact that he was so easily thrown off by pushing that thread even a little told me that there was more going on here than even I was suspecting. To be more specific, people with bad intentions usually didn’t have such a hard time lying on something so simple. If Starboros really was trying to use the heroic title for evil, then he wouldn’t have been so obvious that he wasn't who he said he was.
“Well…” Starboros’s tone calmed down. “I should not plan to sustain these fabrications if we are to continue to work together. But, before I tell you what I am about to say, I must ask you to swear to secrecy on the matter. This information cannot leave this pocket of dirt. Can you agree to that?”
“May I ask you something first?” I said, having been mostly won over by his willingness to share but still wanting to see his response. “Do you know about the Golden Feather’s policy on letting demons be paladins?”
“What?” The golden knight was thrown aback by the revealing question I’d asked, catching the not-so-subtle implication I’d layered underneath it. “What is the meaning of this? How do you know about me?”
“What is he talking about, Jeremiah?” Hikki asked. “Why are you both so concerned about demons and the Order of the Golden Feather?”
“I’m not so concerned as our pal over here.” I looked directly at the plated warrior I was referring to. “I think that the answer to that question might be life or death for you, wouldn’t it, ‘Dawnslayer?’ That’s more of a title, isn’t it? Do you have a name?”
“Do you already know it?” Starboros’s voice quivered in his helmet. “Please tell me who else knows about me. If word gets out about who I really am, then I can never join the ranks of the Aurum Phoenix’s faithful!”
“Oh, so you do already know about their policy?” I folded my arms. “So, despite the zeal and shiny armor you keep throwing around, you’re not a part of the Order of the Golden Feather yet, I take it?”
“That is regretfully true.” The knight slumped down dejectedly. “I am not associated with the Golden Feather’s ranks in the slightest. They are far too lofty for the likes of me.”
“That’s good to know.” I relented from my aggressive interrogation. “To be honest, I don’t know much about the Golden Feather myself, so it’s good to know their stance on certain topics. While they and I may have similar goals, I’ve yet to meet them in person. I don’t quite know if I can trust them.”
“What are your goals, sir,” Starboros asked me, “if I may be so bold as to inquire about them? You say that you know of the Golden Feath
er but cannot trust them. Why can you not trust the world’s most just order of paladin warriors dedicated to fighting the forces of evil everywhere?”
“I don’t think they’re bad people,” I clarified, “not all of them, anyway. I’m just playing things a bit more cautiously than joining up with them myself. We do share a similar goal of fighting off evil, but I’ve yet to be convinced that the Order is completely free of it within their own ranks.”
“Do you suspect corruption within their ranks?” Starboros asked, offended at the thought. “Is your trust in them so low? I assure you, on their behalf, that you will come to no harm from them, so long as you strive for a life of peace. They are all dedicated to justice, honor, and righteousness to the highest degree. No single paladin is allowed into their ranks that are not absolutely dedicated to those virtues at the cost of their very lives.”
“I suspect at least one bad egg managed to slip through the bottom of the basket,” I told him. “Someone who’s reporting directly to Sorcerer King Grune himself on the plans of the order and their strategies so the god-sorcerer can come up with counters and foils for them. Until I know who that mole is, then I’m not putting my full trust in them.”
“This is quite the accusation, sir!” the golden fanboy said, still defending the Order of the offense. “To say that the Order would fall so low as to overlook a cultist from Grune’s ilk walking right underneath their noses is preposterous! What proof would you have that these upstanding warriors of light and truth would be so blind as to let a snake into their fold without rooting it out themselves?”
“Whoever this snake is, they’re pretty high up,” I explained. “They’re privy to some of the deepest secrets of the Order, near the top brass, if not the top brass themselves. Does the Order have a pope? Some kind of head honcho who claims to speak for the Aurum Phoenix?”