I just shook my head no.
“So, this is what happens when you start to feel clearheaded, then, huh?”
“To be honest, I’ve always wondered, but I never thought to ask you. And what I did learn was there’s never going to be a total clearing.”
That was a lot of questions. But it’s not like I hadn’t thought about all of this stuff before. And now my daughter wanted me to tell her what I usually kept to myself?
I took a long sip of my tea, pressed the button on the recliner until I was almost looking at the ceiling. I didn’t say anything after I heard the microwave beep and Jalecia came back with her steaming hot tea and sat back down on the sofa. She just crossed her legs, and waited, as if I was about to give her a sneak preview into the future, of what she might expect, which was impossible because I could only speak from my experience, not hers. After a few minutes, I wiped the corners of my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Well, for starters, a lot has happened inside me since I lost Carl. I realized that nothing can ever be the way it was. And why should it? I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but there’s no sense beating myself up about it. I’ve learned from some of them, but maybe not enough of them. But that’s okay. There’s also a reason why it’s called the past. I have learned that it’s not too late to start taking better care of myself. I am grateful for having you and Jackson, and for having good friends. I don’t have a whole lot of regrets because I’ve done what I wanted to do the way I wanted to do it. So, to answer your question, I don’t feel old. What I do feel is grateful to be alive and in relatively good health. Which is why I’m doing everything I can to slide into home so I leave gold dust behind me.”
I couldn’t believe I just said that.
But I did.
And I meant it.
And I suppose I needed to say it.
And I suppose my daughter already knew what I was going to say but she just wanted to hear me say it.
I didn’t even notice Jalecia had gotten up from the sofa when she walked over, pulled the lever down on the chair, and then pulled me up to a standing position to give me a hard high five. Then we squeezed each other like mother and daughter.
* * *
—
In the morning I woke up in a panic. Even though I was happy to see my daughter and grateful for everything she had said and everything we talked about, my heart was beating so hard I could almost hear it. I lifted the duvet up and slid out of bed in slow motion as I stepped over my slippers, quietly opened my bedroom door, and walked down the hall to her old room. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door wide enough to see the shape of her feet under the light blue duvet.
* * *
—
I was in the pool when I heard a familiar deep voice say, “Ma, what are you doing out there in the pool this early?”
Jalecia, who was barefoot and still in her pajamas, had turned my phone to face me and there was Jackson wrapped in a black kimono. For some reason he looked Japanese. Although his hair was black and curly, his skin was almond, like his daddy’s. I stayed in the water to hide my bosom.
“How are you?” I asked, motioning Jalecia for my towel, which she refused to toss.
“Who’s holding the phone, Ma?”
And Jalecia turned it around to face her.
“Hi, Jackson. I’m your long-lost sister, Jalecia, remember me?”
“Hello, sister! I’ve been hoping to find you, but you found me so now neither of us are lost. You are still beautiful. Like our mom. How are you?”
Jalecia was already crying.
“Give her a second, Jackson! Can’t wait to see you all in a few weeks!”
“We’ll be waiting for you!”
“Where’s Aiko and the twins? Probably sleeping. I forget it’s tomorrow night there,” I said.
“They’re actually in the country with Aiko’s mother so I have peace and quiet for the next twelve hours. Jalecia? Are you still there? It’s okay, Sis. Really.”
Jalecia finished drying her eyes and turned the camera so they could see each other.
“Jackson, I just want you to know how sorry I am for how cruel I was to you all those years when we were growing up. Can you forgive me?”
“What are you talking about? I don’t remember you being mean to me. I just remember you were a brat.”
“She was a brat!” I yelled as I grabbed my towel and slung it over my shoulders because I didn’t want my son to see my breasts.
“Ma, what are you doing in the pool this early?”
“I have to do my laps and it’s how I get my day going.”
“Good for you! So, tell me how’ve you been, Jalecia? Can you come with Mom? It would be so nice to see you in person. The twins would love to meet you and so would Aiko. We live in a small apartment, but we’d make sure you’re comfortable. This way we could finally have a long overdue family reunion! How’s that sound?”
Jalecia looked at me, but Jackson couldn’t see her face. She was crying again.
“Hello? Come on. This would be so nice; and Aiko and I were thinking of coming over for Thanksgiving since it’s not exactly a holiday here. Akina and Akari would love coming to America! Gobble! Gobble! Say yes. We need this. I need to see you both. I mean what are you doing that’s stopping you from flying a mere twelve hours to see your brother and his family?”
“You know what, bro. I would love to sit next to Ma on that plane but I have had some serious health issues and I’ve made a commitment to doing everything I can to stay on track. I’ll tell you this much, I’m just so happy to see your handsome face and to know you’re doing well. You sound happy and content, and I will look forward to seeing you and your family for Thanksgiving. How’s that sound?”
“That sounds like you’re doing what’s smart. Okay, big sis. It isn’t life threatening, is it?”
“Not as long as I do what I need to do.”
“I understand. Could you text me your number so I can FaceTime you? I want you to meet the twins and Aiko!”
“Absolutely. Ma said they are so cute!”
“Yes, they are! Okay, they’ll be home from the country in the morning so I’m going to get a solid night’s sleep, but thank you for reaching out, Sis. You have made my night. And, Ma, do a few laps for me. See you soon! Love you! And hugs to you both.”
And the screen went blank.
Jalecia sat down on the edge of the pool, pulled her pajama bottoms up, and put her feet on the top step.
“I told you it would be okay, didn’t I?”
She nodded and smiled.
“It’s nice that he doesn’t remember the ugly stuff,” she said.
“You remember what hurts, but some of us learn how to forgive and some stuff is worth forgetting. So, why don’t you come on and get in! I keep this pool at eighty, otherwise I’d never get in here.”
“I can’t swim and I don’t have a bathing suit, but I’ll just pull my pajama bottoms up a little higher and stand here and watch you.”
“You had swimming lessons when you were a kid, Jalecia.”
“And that’s the last time I swam because I didn’t like to open my eyes.”
“Would you like to learn how now? Because if you do, I know a really good swim teacher.”
“Maybe. But it’s not a high priority, Ma.”
I got out.
“Ma! Well, look at you! So, this is what swimming and eating right can do for you? What size are you now?”
“Would you believe a twelve?”
She nodded.
Of course, I was just kidding because this swimsuit was a fourteen. But I still held out my hand and gently pulled my daughter out of the shallow end.
Kwame hung ten giant gold, silver, and white pearl balloons from the awning in front of the new House of Beauty and Glamour. He
also blocked a parking space and put the neon yellow sign there that I had professionally made which read:
GRAND RE-OPENING!
THE NEW LOCATION OF
THE HOUSE OF BEAUTY AND GLAMOUR
Wine/Refreshments
3–5 P.M.
20% Discount on Everything!
I wish I could get rid of the glamour part of the name because I don’t like it anymore. Plus, glamour is so subjective—a word Korynthia has been using lately that I have discovered applies to a lot of things—but it’s now a “brand,” which means it’s too late to change it after all these years. But then again, I decided that everybody who works here should dress to live up to it.
I looked at the clock.
It was two fifteen. I went back to my office to change into my real clothes in case someone showed up early.
John Legend was singing “Live It Up” on the playlist Kwame had made.
Perfect.
When I returned, I realized I was dressed to the nines, if I did say so myself. And since hips don’t lie, mine were still a little too curvy to wear that tight white dress Korynthia had bought me as a store-opening gift, thinking I could “rock it.” But you have to know what not to wear. Which was precisely why I had on a red pantsuit with a white silk tee and ruby earrings. I was praying these three-inch silver pumps wouldn’t hurt because they were as high as I could go.
The caterers had made a very cool display of finger foods. I slid a triangle turkey sandwich from the tray and put the entire thing in my mouth. On a separate table was sparkling water, tea, and that espresso maker you just use pods for because who needed a mess? I was going to have a bartender but that seemed a little over the top, so I decided to just have wine and use those throwaway clear glasses I got from Target.
Which was why Jalecia wasn’t coming.
“Take pictures and if you need me to help in the store while you’re in Tokyo I’ll be more than happy to, but only on condition that I can get a free makeover.”
I promised her.
Fatima, one of my new makeup artists, had already done me up and sprayed my face to set my makeup. I felt pretty.
Kwame and Parker had left about forty-five minutes ago to pick up his mama and Ma, who only agreed to come when she found out Carolyn was coming. Kwame drove my Volvo to pick them up so their wheelchairs would fit. The good news was Kwame had also agreed to house- and dogsit when I finally board that plane to Tokyo next week.
As soon as I heard Nat King Cole singing “Unforgettable,” I also heard the chime and saw Kwame and Parker pushing Carolyn and Ma through the front door. Ma was decked out in her silver wig and a red suit and those fake pearls she loved better than the real ones I had given her years ago. She had on gold ballerina slip-ons—I couldn’t imagine where she got them. Carolyn looked like she had gained a few needed pounds and she looked nice in her red dress and slip-ons just like Ma’s. There was a whole lotta red going on in the House this afternoon.
Before I could say hello, Ma started popping her fingers and said, “Lord, I love me some Nat King Cole!”
“Hello there, foxy ladies!” I said loudly, even though they were the first to arrive.
“We’re not deaf, Loretha! But this sure is a classy place you got here. Better than that other ugly one. I like it except this floor looks like a candy apple. But to each his own.”
“Hello, Loretha. This place looks like something you see in a magazine. Very classy. And thank you for inviting me.”
“You’re welcome, Carolyn, and I hope you enjoy yourself this afternoon. You both look lovely.”
“We know it,” Ma said, as she wheeled herself over to the rack where all the paisley robes were.
“Do these come in petite? You know I’ve shrunk.”
“Yes, they do.”
“They are pretty,” Carolyn said, rolling next to her, but she acted as if she was afraid to touch them.
“I’ll get you one for your birthday,” Ma said to her.
“But my birthday was two months ago.”
“Then I’ll buy it today and you can wait and wear it next year. I just hope I get the family discount. Where is everybody? I thought this shindig started at three?”
“It does, Ma.”
“Well, it’s almost two thirty.”
I walked over and gave them both a kiss on the cheek.
“Do you have any place where we can sit without taking up all this space with our Mercedes-Benzes?”
“Hold on a minute, Geraldine,” Carolyn said to Ma. I hadn’t heard anybody call her by her real name since I was a kid. “See those nice leather recliners over in that room with the floors that look just like my gray kitty I used to have?”
“Those are for makeovers,” I said.
“What kind of makeovers?” Ma asked.
“I have two wonderful makeup artists who just put a little something extra on your face to make you look prettier.”
They looked at each other.
“Then we want to sit in those chairs. Come on, Carolyn, get your lazy behind up. You know you can make it over there. You’ve been doing real good.”
They both stood up and locked their wheelchairs, then locked arms and walked over toward the beauty room.
“Watch your step now, mademoiselles!” Kwame said.
They both just waved their hands in the air and the two makeup artists, Fatima and Lucia, who had been waiting in our relaxation room in the back, came from behind the curtains and introduced themselves.
Fatima, who could be Lupita Nyong'o’s twin, had a shaved head and was six feet tall. She always wore African beads and went barefoot.
“Are you from Africa?” Ma asked her.
“I believe we all are,” she said. “But yes, I’m from Senegal.”
“And I’m Cuban,” Lucia said.
“You don’t look Mexican,” Carolyn said.
“She’s from Cuba, Carolyn. Where Castro was a dictator.”
“Oh, where the folks came on boats and went to Miami.”
“So what look are you two seeking?”
“I’m seeking sexy and seventy,” Ma said, though I was trying to pretend like I wasn’t listening.
“I just want to feel like I’m out on a date,” Carolyn said.
“I’m your date, honey!” Ma said and started laughing. “How long will this take, because we want to look good by the time the guests get here.”
“It depends on how beautiful you want to look,” Fatima said and touched Ma’s cheeks. “You have beautiful cheekbones, ma’am.”
“Why thank you. And take as long as you need because we might get you some new customers if you do us justice!”
“How much will this cost?” Carolyn asked.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ma said. “My credit is good here.”
“Okay, ladies, I’m going to put these paper cloths across your chests so we don’t get any makeup on your beautiful dresses, then we’re going to lean the chairs back and we just want you to close your eyes and relax.”
“I love this already,” Ma said.
“I feel like we’re in a movie,” Carolyn said.
“Then roll ’em,” Ma said and closed her eyes.
* * *
—
Like clockwork, at two forty-five my girls arrived dressed to kill. All except Sadie, who had her wife call to tell us she had laryngitis and wouldn’t be able to make it. But Sadie was never that keen on makeup or getting gussied up anyway, so it was okay. And Lucky, who was now about fifty pounds lighter, wore a belted purple dress that hung on her like a beautiful drape. I was so proud of her. She had told me that of course Joe was not coming and Ko had told me Henry, who had been a big help, opted to leave this day for the ladies, but it was really because the NBA playoffs were on and he had invited his boys ove
r.
We turned the door chime off because people were coming in like everything was free or something. I couldn’t believe it when I saw Peggy walk in. She looked good. Like she had turned to Jesus or something. She walked straight over to me and said, “Hello, Loretha. Thank you for inviting me. Congratulations on your new place, even though I never saw the other one. You look good in that red. Can I give you a hug?”
And I hugged her without answering and whispered in her ear, “Thank you for everything you did for my daughter. And I’m sorry for being so ungrateful.”
She pushed me away and then whispered in my ear, “You had a right not to trust me, but I was going through a hard time myself and Jalecia made me feel like I was finally responsible for somebody. But we’re here now and she’s good, so it’s all good, okay?”
And then we stepped away and looked at each other and smiled.
“If you would like to pick out something you might like, anything, just bring it to the counter. And thank you for coming.”
“Can I get one of those girls to put some makeup on me?”
There was a line forming but I said, “Yes. I’ll see to it that you get cuts.”
“Thank you, Loretha,” she said and walked over and took a seat. When I saw the various ages and ethnicities waiting, it was clear that adding makeup artists was a damn good idea.
I started waving when I saw Cinnamon—who had left Jonas and the babies at home, thank you, Jesus—and she was dressed like she was going on an audition. But right behind her was Odessa, who, unless I was seeing things, had a man by her side. I could not believe it when right behind them was my fine swim teacher. I suspected every woman in the place—white, black, Latino, and Asian—would be drooling over him, since he was now the tallest and sexiest of the four men here. I hoped Kwame wouldn’t lay eyes on him with Parker around!
Odessa walked over to me and said, “Sis, I would like you to meet a good friend of mine. Derrick, this, of course, is my twin sister, Loretha. I told you it would be a classy beauty supply shop, didn’t I?”
It's Not All Downhill From Here Page 31