by Gina Azzi
When we land in Boston, I head straight to my home and throw myself into my bed for a long sleep. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and while I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I’m not feeling much gratitude at the moment.
Because tomorrow, I need to let Indy go. I need to make sure she understands that we broke our own rules, that we’re making things between us more than what they should be. I need to cut her loose and wish her well and watch as she moves on, dating and flirting with men who aren’t me.
And I need to fucking smile and nod and act like I’m not bleeding out inside.
I close my eyes and am relieved when sleep claims me.
21
Indy
Thanksgiving is hands-down my favorite holiday. Most people choose Christmas but I love Thanksgiving. I like the gratitude underlining it, I like the gatherings, and I really love yams with marshmallows, pumpkin pie, and stuffing.
Plus, being in New England this time of year adds to the allure of the holiday. It’s beautiful. Really beautiful. The kind of beauty you see on postcards and wonder if it’s real or not. The leaves that line the trees are deep golden, wine red, and burnt orange. The cold wind makes for rosy cheeks and perfect sweater weather. The blue sky is endless, sprinkled with fluffy clouds. It’s simply exquisite.
But this Thanksgiving, my chill vibes are jittery. I’m nervous that Noah’s coming. Although part of me questions if he is still coming. After he punched Jace at last night’s game, I haven’t heard from him. He’s ignored my messages and calls and if I didn’t hear from Claire that Noah and the team are fine, I’d be worried. Instead, my feelings are hurt.
“Happy Thanksgiving!” I greet Aunt Mary and Uncle Joe as I pull open the front door of my parents’ home.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Indy.” Aunt Mary kisses my cheek hello.
“How’s the turkey coming?” Uncle Joe asks as he takes my aunt’s coat from her shoulders.
“Dad hasn’t messed it up yet,” I inform him.
“There’s still time.” He grimaces and hurries to the kitchen.
I laugh as my aunt rolls her eyes. “I’m sorry Vanny couldn’t come.”
Aunt Mary shrugs, giving me a soft smile. “Me too. I miss her. But, such is life. She should spend the day with Mike’s family. We get them for Christmas, you know?”
I laugh again. “Yeah. Are Claire and Austin nearby?”
“Oh, yes. They just went to pick up Noah. It was so thoughtful of your mom to invite him.” Aunt Mary gives me a knowing glance that I try not to read into.
My mom enters the foyer and whisks Aunt Mary away with the promise of wine. The doorbell rings again. I take a deep breath and smooth down my dress over my thighs. Glancing at myself in the mirror near the door, I take in my appearance. I took extra care this morning, curling my hair, applying eyeliner and two coats of mascara. I’m wearing a high-necked, long-sleeved dress with tights and boots and while it’s not the sexiest thing in the world, it’s me.
I stride to the door and pull it open. “Happy Thanksgiving!”
Austin grins, Claire rolls her eyes and calls me a dork, and Noah stares at me like he’s never seen me before. His expression is tight, severe. His posture is stiff. But his eyes, they bleed with emotions I don’t understand and a wariness I don’t like. My stomach drops and my nerves intensify. What happened in the past forty-eight hours that I missed?
“Come on in,” I say, ushering them out of the cold.
My cousins kiss my cheek, pass me their coats, and set off for the kitchen but Noah hovers.
“I can take your coat.” I hold out my hand.
He shrugs out of it and passes me his wool coat, his eyes intense as he studies me. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back last night.”
I shrug, glancing at him over my shoulder as I place the last coat in the closet. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Give him the chance to explain. “I figured you passed out.” I keep my voice light. Friendly.
He nods, his mouth pressed into a line.
“Congrats on the win,” I add.
He snorts, the sound derisive. “Yeah, thanks.”
I close the closet door and turn to face him, crossing my arms over my chest. I don’t know why I feel defensive and on edge but I do. Almost like a blow is coming and I need to protect myself from its force. “What happened with Jace?”
Noah winces, shaking his head. “Nothing. It was stupid. I”—he clears his throat, his eyes blazing—“overreacted.”
I bite my bottom lip, wondering if he’s going to say more. He doesn’t and the silence hovers between us, strained. But not strained with sexual tension and heat. Nope, this time, it feels all wrong. There’s an edge to Noah I don’t understand, there’s a coldness in his expression, an anger in his tone. “Is everything okay?” I ask, my stomach roiling. Something is wrong but what caused it?
He stares at me, his lips fluttering like he’s trying to form words but doesn’t want to say them aloud.
A flare of concern fans in my stomach. Did something happen? Is Easton okay? I’m about to ask him when the doorbell rings again. I hold up one finger to Noah as I spin around and pull the door open. “Happy Thanksgiving!”
“Happy Thanksgiving, beautiful.” My oldest childhood friend, my best friend, Aiden is standing on the porch, holding a gorgeous bouquet of fall flowers.
“Aiden!” I shriek, flinging my arms around him. “What are you doing here? I mean, welcome. I didn’t know you were coming.”
He laughs, wrapping his arm around my waist and hugging me back, quickly moving the flowers out of the way. “Then my surprise worked.” He kisses my cheek. We step inside and he hands me the flowers. “For your mom.” He winks.
I grin. “With marigolds and sunflowers?”
“I know they’re you’re favorite,” Aiden admits, adding a bottle of wine to my arms and shaking off his coat. He turns and holds out a hand to Noah. “Hey man, I’m Aiden.”
Noah clears his throat, reaching forward to shake Aiden’s hand. “Noah,” he says coolly, his eyes narrowing.
Aiden doesn’t notice Noah’s coldness, probably because he’s never met Noah before, but it causes me to do a double take. While I’ve come to know Noah as friendly, engaging, and warm, this version of him is ice cold and harsh.
“I’m going to grab a beer,” Noah mutters, taking off for the kitchen.
I blink, trying to understand the shift in his behavior. Maybe something really did happen with Easton. Turning back to Aiden, I take in the big smile of my best friend and beam back. “I’m so happy to see you. When did you get into town?”
“I’m here for a conference,” he explains. “It was earlier in the week but my mom told your mom and then your mom called and thought it would be a great, big surprise if I showed up for Thanksgiving dinner. That’s why I didn’t tell you I was coming. I wanted to surprise you. Plus, Mom and Dad are celebrating in the Caribbean this year with Marissa.”
I laugh. “Tough life. Your sister was smart to move to paradise.”
“Tell me about it.” Aiden chuckles, wrapping his arm around my back as we set off for the kitchen. My family’s loud laughter and chatter fills the house with warmth and I snuggle into my friend’s side.
I haven’t seen Aiden since I moved to Boston but we were neighbors in Tampa and I spent most of my childhood hanging out in his backyard and cheering on his baseball games. Not counting my cousins, he’s the closest person I have to a sibling and I’ve missed him.
“Aiden Hardsin!” Dad exclaims as we clear the threshold. Dad drops the turkey baster and gestures for Aiden to come closer.
“It’s good to see you, Mr. Jemmy,” Aiden says, hugging Dad hello and using his childhood name for him.
Dad chuckles, popping the top of a beer bottle and passing it to Aiden. “Welcome to Boston. Have your toes fallen off yet?”
Aiden laughs and lifts his foot to show off his boots. “I messed up when I went for fashion over warmth.”
Mom sidles up
to Aiden’s side and he wraps her in a hug. “Happy Thanksgiving, Lee-Lee. Indy stole your flowers.”
Mom laughs and introduces Aiden to the rest of our family.
Everyone receives him warmly, like normal people. Everyone except Noah who hangs back with a scowl on his face, his eyes darting from me to Aiden and back again.
What the heck is going on with him? I lift an eyebrow but he turns away and a burst of anger blazes through me. If he’s not going to talk to me and tell me what’s going on, what am I supposed to do, read his mind?
Shaking my head, I busy myself by filling a vase with water and Aiden’s bouquet. Then, I pour myself a glass of wine and join the huddle around the kitchen island.
Aiden is telling a story about his first experience ice fishing and Austin is cracking up along with my dad and Uncle Joe. “I don’t get it.” Aiden shakes his head, placing his beer on the counter. “You literally just sit there. For hours.”
Claire grins at him. “Were you by yourself?”
“That’s the thing”—Aiden glances at my cousin—“Everyone is in their own little ice hut. Something about the silence and solitude. Man, the only thing I could think about is I hope my balls don’t freeze off.”
My family laughs and I roll my eyes, swatting Aiden on the back. He turns and smiles at me, his eyes warm and dancing with amusement. “Next time, I’m taking Indy. We all know how much she loves the outdoors.”
“Good luck with that, son.” Dad clasps Aiden’s shoulder. “I still can’t take her fishing after that time—”
“Did you see the hook in the fish?” I cut him off.
Aiden’s smile widens. “How else did you think we were going to catch the fish, Indy?”
I huff, even though the memory of Aiden’s and my first time fishing makes me grin. “With a net,” I admit as my family’s laughter swells.
Aiden wraps an arm around my shoulders and hugs me close again. “That’s why you’re the best, Indy. Your heart’s too damn big.”
“She’s always been that way,” Aunt Mary agrees, taking a sip of wine.
Dad brushes a kiss over the top of my head. Pockets of conversation break out as small plates are filled with the assortment of appetizers Mom spread out on the kitchen island. Wine corks are popped, beers are opened, and laughter flows as easily as the alcohol. Through it all, Noah is quiet. Reserved. Very unlike himself.
But his eyes rarely leave me and every time I catch his gaze, they’re dark and desperate, brimming with a sadness I don’t comprehend.
“Ugh, it was the worst first date ever,” I groan, raising a hand to my face.
“Wait, wait. We never heard this one.” Austin points at me but his eyes are on Aiden. “You gotta tell it, man.”
Thanksgiving dinner was a success. Our bellies are stuffed, our cheeks are rosy, and Mom is clearing the table for dessert with Aunt Mary’s help. Dad and Uncle Joe are chatting in the kitchen but the “kids” have taken over the den. For the past fifteen minutes, Aiden has been sharing embarrassing tales of my childhood with my cousins and Noah, and I’ve been blushing and laughing along with them.
But this story… I cut Aiden a look. “Don’t.”
He grins back, tugging on my hair. “But you looked so beautiful that night.”
“Oh my God.” I snort, pushing his shoulder. Aiden wraps his hand around my wrist and tugs me down until I’m perched in his lap.
He leans around me and gazes at Austin, Claire, and Noah. Austin and Claire look ready to burst into laughter, knowing an embarrassing story is coming. But Noah looks livid. His jaw could shatter steel and a muscle ticks in his forehead. His grip on his beer bottle is so tight, his knuckles are white. Still, he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask me if we can talk so he can tell me what the hell is going on.
By this point, I’m annoyed by his less than stellar attitude. He’s the first guy since Jace who has spent a holiday with my family. My best friend is in town visiting. Instead of being charismatic, Noah is surly. And I’m disappointed in him. As such, I look away and focus my attention on Aiden as he says the words I dread. “The afternoon of Indy’s date, she insisted my brother and I include her in our baseball game.”
Austin groans, knowing where this is going.
“I tried to talk her out of it. We were playing with a bunch of guys on the Varsity team and they were all pretty good. But Indy tagged along to the park, begging my brother, John, to let her play. When we got to the park, we’re short a player and so John reluctantly agrees, telling her she’s going to play in left field. We’re in the sixth inning, the score is tied, and a beast of a guy—”
“Clarke,” I say, remembering the senior with perfect clarity.
“Clarke”—Aiden nods—“steps up to the plate and hits a wicked line drive, right past the third baseman. Indy, not actually in left field but hovering around the edge of the infield picking dandelions—”
Austin snickers as Claire grins. Noah glances at me, his eyes softer than they’ve been all night.
“Indy looks up, wondering what all the commotion is, and the ball hits her right in the face.”
“Shit,” Austin says, looking at me. “Were you okay?”
I shake my head as Aiden continues. “She went down. Like, out cold. Everyone is running over to her. Someone is calling her mom. Guys are swearing, looking panicked. I slide next to her and slip my hand under her head. I’m calling her name, cradling her head in my hand, screaming at John to call Dad. And Indy’s eyes flutter open and she looks right at me. Her mouth is moving but I can’t hear her words so I lean closer. ‘Indy,’ I say, ‘are you okay? Can you move?’ And she looks right at me and says, ‘Aiden Hardsin, if my face is bruised for my date tonight, I’m never speaking to you again!’”
We all crack up.
“How bad was the bruise?” Claire asks me.
“She had two black eyes and an intense bump on her forehead,” Aiden answers.
Austin snickers. “What’d your date say?”
I wrinkle my nose, standing from Aiden’s knee. “He asked to reschedule,” I say as calmly as I can while my cousins howl.
“Sounds like you guys have known each other your whole lives. Been there for everything,” Noah comments after a few minutes.
“This one?” Aiden hooks his finger at me as I pick my wine glass up off the coffee table and take a sip. “She’s been my best friend since I was three. We were inseparable. I went to all her damn dance recitals—”
“Hey, I came to your baseball games.”
Aiden nods, polishing off his beer. “Yeah. We carpooled every morning.”
“He taught me to drive stick.” I snort, recalling that disaster.
Aiden grins. “I took you to prom.”
“Junior prom,” I clarify.
Aiden’s smile dims. “Yeah, you were with that dick Edwards senior year.”
I shrug, picking up the wine bottle. “It was still a fun night.”
Noah’s eyes track between Aiden and me as if he’s trying to find some missing link. I glance at him, about to call him out and just ask what the hell his problem is today when Aiden says, “We’ve been through it all together. Which is why I wanted to tell you in person, Indy, that I’m moving to Boston.”
My neck snaps toward his and I place down the wine bottle. A bubble of excitement swells in my chest. “What? Are you serious?”
He grins at me, nodding. “Yeah. I just got the call yesterday. I’m being transferred and well, I’ll be here full-time in about two months.”
“Oh my God!” I lunge myself at Aiden, throwing my arms around his neck. “This is the best news ever!”
22
Noah
I want to punch Aiden Hardsin in the fucking face the same way I hit Jace last night.
Jesus. My hand clenches into a fist, the scrapes along my knuckles protesting. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I just going to go around beating up all the guys who got a hard-on for Indy when I’m not willing to stake a dam
n claim?
I can’t. I can’t do that to her.
And Aiden, as annoying as he is, seems like a genuinely decent guy. The kind of guy that’s been looking out for Indy for the past two decades. The kind of guy who seems to hate Jace. The kind of guy that holds all her childhood moments in his mind and recalls them with perfect clarity.
I drain my beer. Bitterness and anger fill my mouth and I swipe another beer from the coffee table. In the kitchen, I hear Indy’s parents and aunt and uncle talking. Out here, the fire is warming up the space as her family and friend sit, reminiscing. This is the life she deserves. The one where she comes home to a man like Aiden and they curl up by a fire and talk about their days, recall funny stories, and make plans for the future that they know will happen.
The realization that Indy’s and my lives will never make sense the way they’re supposed to, in the manner that’s best for her, fills me with dread. How does she not see this? I’m watching her beam at Aiden—tall, works out, blond with blue eyes and an easy grin Aiden—who has been by her side every step of her life. They share private glances and inside jokes and so much goddamn laughter that my ears ring.
“I’m here for two weeks,” Aiden continues. “And then, back to Tampa for a month and then, relocating.”
“Wow!” Indy exclaims, excitement shining from her eyes like a beacon. Like Aiden just announced he cured cancer in his sleep.
Jesus, listen to me. I need to stop being so bitter. I knew from the start that we didn’t have a chance; we were never supposed to have a chance. At the end of today, I was going to tell Indy that we need to pump the breaks. That things were getting too complicated, too messy. And now…yesterday’s idea flickers to life in my mind and I swallow.
The perfect guy for Indy is sitting right here, looking at her with so much love and respect that my fingers curls into a fist. I open my mouth and force my idea, the one Easton warned me against, to detonate in the den.