by Anna White
“Keep growling like that everyone will believe you hate me.” He flashed me a wicked smirk that made my groin twitch with excitement. I rolled my eyes and pushed harder against the muscle of his shoulder.
“Put me down.” I ordered as we reached the rest of the group and he did as I asked.
“As you wish.” He literally dropped me. Not softly but with force. I frowned deeply at him as I heard Jay laugh. A true hearty laugh and steadied myself against him.
“Arsehole.” I pushed Haz with some force and watched as he shrugged.
“Fuck,” Jay laughed and glanced at us both. I was still trying to pull my heels from out of the grass but the blaze of the fire was warming me through “you really don’t get along do you?” He stated. I heard Chlo snigger slightly and frowned at her.
“She’s ungrateful.” His words stung me. He said it like he meant it. I scoffed with disgust and turned to face the fire.
“Coming from you.” I muttered to myself and watched Chlo smile to herself. He nudged me slightly and I turned my head to face her. Her brown eyes were dancing as she examined me.
“You know you won’t fool me.” She whispered and I frowned.
“What?” I almost gasped and tensed involuntarily.
“I know the way you look at him and the way he held you when he carried you,” her eyes left mine as she turned back to face the fire, the ambers of the flames made her skin glow and I felt my heart flutter a little as I thought about him. “I know him Avaya. He doesn’t hate you at all.” Her words were barely audible but I heard them. Shit she knows. I too turned to watch the wonderful orange flames of the fire and heard the countdown from 5 - 1. I stepped back slightly from the fire and watched as Chlo rested her head on Connors shoulder. Nance gripped Jay in her arms and I watched as he spread his arm around her back. The sky instantly lit up with beautiful colours. Blues, greens and pinks. As they exploded in the sky it rumbled above the sea. It was beautiful. I glanced towards him, his expression was still and unreadable. I watched as Jay looked back at him and then down at me before he looked away again. I stood awkwardly watching them before I felt his hand trace my back underneath my blazer. The satin of my shirt was the only thing stopping his skin from touching mine. I glanced up at him and heard the music blaring as the booms lit the November nights sky.
“I want you to come home with me.” He whispered against my ear softly and I shook my head slowly.
“This is so beautiful, don’t you want to watch them?” I heard him take a deep breath and felt him release my back before he took his hand in mine.
“Not really, they bring up some not so nice memories for me.” His voice almost broke and I felt my heart stop. The warmth of his hand became a little colder.
“Then let’s leave?” It was at this moment I knew I’d probably go anywhere with him. I didn’t want to see him hurt. I glanced up at his eyes and watched them soften instantly.
“I don’t think you realise how good you are Avay.” His fingers ran over my chin and I moved it softly. I looked around at the crowd of people who surrounded us and watched him harden again. I hated hiding this. I followed him, walking on my tip toes, trying my hardest not to ruin a nice pair of heels in the thick mud. He pulled on my hand slightly as we reached the front of the bar. His hands held my face as he kissed me slowly. The feeling of having him like this was all consuming and I suppressed a moan threatening to escape from my throat.
“People are still around you know?” I whispered against his lips as he pulled away a little, I watched as he smiled and I smiled too. He pulled on my hand softly and we made our way back towards his car. As we climbed in he started the engine which was still fairly warm from our drive here. He turned on the heating and I shivered. He laughed a little and I frowned.
“Do you trust me?” He questioned and I rolled my eyes.
“I suppose I’m going to have to?” He lowered his eyes and I grinned. I reached for his hand on the gear stick and felt him take mine in his softly.
“I meant what I said this morning, you know? I don’t want to play games.” His eyes were fixed on the road ahead and I nodded. I didn’t either.
“I think Chlo knows.” I muttered and he shrugged.
“Nah, she wants to believe she knows.” His words didn’t comfort me much. I watched as he pulled up at Alfie’s house and stopped the engine. He turned a little to look at me and I smiled. I felt shy under his gaze. He pulled my hand and kissed my knuckles. “I was gonna take you to the cabin, but I bottled it. I,” he began to speak and I could tell he was struggling with his words “well kinda, it’s too cold for the cabin. We spent a lot of time down there when we were younger. I spent some time there in the week, cleaning it and stuff.” I don’t think I had ever seen him lost in thought before but here he was rambling on. I leant to kiss him slowly, the feeling of his soft lips on mine sent my heart rate through the roof. “I dunno how to do this Av.” I smiled.
“Oh you do. You have no trouble.” I raised my eyebrow and smiled.
“No,” he shook his head softly and took his beanie off before he gestured between us. “This.” I gulped as confusion coursed through my veins. I shook my head and looked towards the house. I heard him clear his throat and watched as he left the car and jogged towards the house. I followed and the warmth instantly hit me when I closed the huge front door behind me. I rubbed my arms and exhaled. He was smiling at me, his blue eyes seemed lighter and I ran my hands around his neck slowly. I loved seeing him like this. Relaxed and smiling.
“I hate seeing you cold.” I admitted.
“I’m never cold?” He shrugged and I chuckled.
“No I meant cold hearted.”
“I am cold hearted Av, you just don’t see it all of the time.” I shook my head at his comment and ran my lips over his.
“You aren’t cold Harry.” His breathing became heavier and I felt his hands creap underneath the shirt on my back.
“You have no idea the world of shit you’ve got yourself into.” His words were raspy and sexy and sent a tingle down my spine. I felt the weight leave my feet as he placed me around his waist and carried me up the stairs towards his room. “I can’t leave you alone, I’m selfish,” he planted a kiss against my lips and then another “I am cold Av,” I shook my head again at his words and kissed him again but softly and slowly. I parted his lips with my tongue and deepened our kiss, his weight was now over me as my back hit his bed. My blazer was already missing.
“I didn’t have you down as the talking type?” I whispered once our lips had parted. My eyes opened to see his gaze burning down on me. I ran my arms over his back and pulled his jumper over his head. I watched his Adams Apple rise and fall and started to undo the buttons on my shirt. I watched his eyes follow my fingers down my shirt and heard him groan. I pulled my arms from my shirt and kissed him softly once more. He pulled away slightly and glanced down at me underneath him. His eyes looked lost as he examined me.
“I don’t want to fuck you Avaya.” I felt a stab of disappointment in my chest.
“Oh?” I began to sit up a little and felt him push me back down before he kissed my cheek and chin and then my neck. My body ached for him.
“No, not tonight.” His words were a whisper and I gulped. I wanted him and he was turning me down.
“Then don’t?” He smiled against my ear and kissed just below it. I loved it when he did it. My eyes shut involuntarily. I ran my hand over his shoulder and pushed against it softly.
“I don’t think you understand.” He ran his thumb over my lip and jaw as he kissed my chest. “I’m not going to fuck you,” that didn’t get easier to hear and I felt my desire burning the more he touched me. “I want to make you feel cherished.” My heart flipped the moment the words left his mouth. His lips were against my collar bone and I felt him run his hands behind my back to unclip my bra in a swift movement. His lips were against mine within seconds, I cupped his face in my hands and felt him deepen his kisses, his hand traced my
hips towards my jeans and I helped him undo them and pull them off. I wanted nothing more than him. Our kisses were messy, full of need and passion but there was a different air in them tonight. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind and pulled his t-shirt over his head. His chiseled physique over me sent my stomach into a knot. I ran my nose over his and felt his hand slip between my legs. I was already soaked. I bit my lip as he ran his fingers between my slit. I heard him groan as he pressed his fingers inside me. My head tilted backwards slightly and I struggled to keep my eyes open. His stubbled rubbed against my nipple. I moaned softly as the rhythm of him thrusting his fingers pushed me slightly closer to the edge. “Kiss me Av.” He whispered as I glanced down at him. His blue eyes were hooded with desire and I kissed him. He was resting his weight on his forearm as he lay over me and I ran my hands through the back of his hair. This was like nothing I’d ever experienced with him before. I wrapped my legs around his waist and heard the rip of the foil packet. The anticipation built up in my stomach and as he leant down to kiss me he filled me. A whimper left my lips and my eyes closed. He was slow at first, and gradually thrusted deeper and quicker. His lips rarely left mine, a feeling of euphoria was building and I gripped his shoulder softly.
“Harry.” I groaned a little against his soft lips, I felt his lips turn upwards into a smile.
“Let go Av.” His low sexy voice was enough to push me over the edge. I did. I let go completely. The euphoric feeling ran through me in a wave. I heard him whimper my name against my neck and shivered beneath him. I’m in trouble. My legs trembled as he pulled himself out of me and I ran my fingers against the stumble of his jaw line. I wanted to tell him how I felt.
“You’re beautiful.” He studied me and didn’t seem to rush to move. I could feel myself blushing as I smiled.
“I’m not. You're blind.” I smiled as he pressed his soft lips against the corner of my mouth.
"I thought we'd been through this once?" He smirked and I shrugged slightly. He was still leaning up on his forearms enclosing me beneath him. I watched as the muscles in his arms tensed and ran my fingers over them. My eyes grew heavy as he lay next to me. We didn’t speak another word and I don’t remember anything else.
Chapter Six
Vens.
Part of me wanted to run. As quickly and as far away as possible. As I glanced down at her dark hair covering her beautiful face I exhaled and lay her head on the pillow. She was so peaceful and barely spoke a word afterwards. Tonight was different. I felt deeper for her. I’d never felt like this, not even after Chloe. Not like I’d stolen something from her. Something that she’d never get back. She touched me in places I’ve never let anybody touch and I had no idea why I let her. You fucking idiot. I lay on my side gazing at her shoulders, they were so dainty and then her face. I ran my fingers along her soft skin and I felt my heart begin to race. Why did she let me do this? I shook my head and shifted a little, the feeling of her tiny hand reaching across my abs stopped me almost instantly. I didn’t ever want to hurt her and I probably already had. The thought killed me. Her head dug into my chest and I ran my hand over her hair. I was sober. I’d done this while I was sober and I felt calm, relaxed and happy? I kissed her head softly as she squeezed me.
“Haz?” She muttered whilst partially in slumber. Hearing my name being spoken from her sweet mouth made my heart beat harder. I don’t think I’d ever tire of it.
“I’m here beautiful.” I muttered back. But she didn’t stir again. I’ve fucked up here.
She was awake before me. She wasn’t clothed. She was still wearing those white lace knickers I'd peeled off her the night before and my t-shirt. I smirked as I watched her watch the television that was mounted on my wall and cleared my throat.
“Oh I'm sorry did I wake you?” She blushed pink and I shook my head.
“No.” I pulled her arm softly so that she lay next to me. I wonder what she’s thinking about.
“Do you need to go?” Her words were quiet and I tried to make eye contact with her but she couldn’t look at me. My chest pounded and I ran my fingers underneath to pull her chin up to me.
“Why would I need to go?” I whispered, longing to know her thought process and watched as she shrugged.
“I thought you might need to you know?” She glanced down at my arms where my track marks were fading and I shook my head. The stab of disappointment reappeared.
“You're better than that.” In one swift movement she was beneath me again, I felt the rate of her heart pick up and kissed her bottom lip softly. She stroked the bottom of my neck and I shivered. Before her this was off limits. She must have clocked the change in my expression and stopped almost instantly.
“I'm sorry?” Why is she apologising? Surely it should be me? I shook my head and stroked her cheek softly.
“Are you going to tell me what's wrong?” She looked away from my gaze again and shrugged.
“I just know when I leave this room we’re gonna go back to acting like we didn’t happen. Like last night didn’t happen,” I watched the tears gather in the corners of her eyes and I swallowed the lump growing in my throat “it’ll just be hard that’s all.” She couldn't look me in the eye.
“Look Av. It's for the best. I promise you.” She pushed herself up from underneath me and before I knew what I was doing I clutched her hand in mine. “I've tried to tell you that we are off limits? I keep trying to keep away from you. My aim isn’t to hurt you Avaya.” My words were stern and I watched as she looked at our hands. I ran my thumb over the back of her hand that I was holding and watched as her eyes closed softly.
“What if this isn’t best for me?” Her eyes filled with tears again and she shook her head.
“Trust me when I tell you that us keeping our distance is a good thing. You’re safer that way.” The tears escaped her eyes and I watched them fall silently down her face. You’re hurting her. My subconscious reminded me of the fact. I was and had been since I pulled her on that dance floor at that wedding. I squeezed her hand in mine and watched as she rose from beside me.
“Please don’t cry?” I pleaded. Seeing her beautiful pale green eyes full of tears was bad enough but knowing I’d caused them felt like a knife was stabbing through my chest. I watched as she took my T-shirt off and placed it next to me on the bed. I was no longer touching her. Instead the hand I’d held so tightly was now wiping away tears. Tears that I had caused.
“Can you take me home?” Her voice almost broke as she glanced at me, I simply nodded and stood watching her get dressed in the clothes I’d taken off her so gently the night before. I gulped as I reached for a top from my draws and placed it over my head. Her usual happy glow wasn’t there. She was pained. Fuck. I held in a groan and watched as she left my room. The usual empty feeling in the cavity of my chest returned almost instantly. I followed her down the hallway and the stairs towards my car, there wasn’t anybody around and part of me was glad. I didn’t want to have to explain any of this to anyone. Maybe this would be a good thing. Maybe now she could get on with her life and be safe, safer away from me. I closed my door and placed the key fob in the ignition.
“You can’t keep doing this Haz,” her voice was unsteady and I felt tears prick in my eyes. For the first time in probably 7 years I was about to cry. “If you don’t want me just tell me? I could probably live with that,” she continued and my chest thudded. “If you just could admit that the only reason you want me is because I’m off limits,” I shook my head. Is that what she thinks? I couldn’t look at her. I cleared my throat and pulled off Alfie’s drive.
“Avaya,” I began to talk, my voice wasn’t stable, it quivered and broke at the thought of her name “I do want you and it’s not because you're off limits,” I shook my head again and thought about telling her why she was so forbidden but I couldn’t. It would only put her in more danger.
“Then for God's sake just tell me why!?” I could see out of the corner of my eyes she was staring at me and I gripped the
wheel.
“Avay please stop.” I was almost begging her.
“You don’t get to call me Avay anymore Haz.” Her words hurt as she hissed them at me. I punched the steering wheel as I pulled the car over and looked at her.
“For fuck sake Avaya if he finds out…” her eyes softened as she glanced at mine. I watched her cock her head to the right and froze under her watchful eyes. Shit you’ve said too much.
“If who found out?” Her voice suddenly seemed stronger, stronger than mine and I clutched the wheel. The hum of the engine was the only sound, that and her calm breathing.
“Enough.” I meant it. I pulled back into the traffic and placed my foot on the accelerator. She needed to get out of this car. She needed to be home and away from me before I opened my mouth and it was too late. Fury was burning through my veins. I’d dragged her into this mess and now I couldn’t fix it. I glanced towards her face as we pulled up outside her home. She didn’t say a word the whole way there. Her expression was unreadable. She didn’t look at me when she moved to exit the car. She didn’t speak. She just climbed so effortlessly out of the car and walked into her house. My chest felt empty again, as it always did when she left and I placed my head in my hands.
“Fuck!” I growled. Every part of me ached. I needed her, I was an addict and now I was worried she’d became an addiction.
Walking into the house I felt cold and as though I would explode at any minute. Chlo raised her brow in my direction and I shook my head. I made my way towards the kitchen and she followed me. She knew me probably better than I knew myself. I usually hid my feelings well.
“What’s happened?” There was worry in her tone. I never understood why she cared so deeply for me. For somebody like me. Somebody who was capable of breaking every single thing he touched. I shook my head as I examined her pretty face. Her blonde bob swished as she poked my chest.