by Anna White
“Can I see? I talked her into it.” Marls ripped the phone from my hand and giggled as he unlocked it to watch the video.
“Jesus Christ.” He whistled and I scrambled to my feet to take it off him.
“Alright enough now.” I patted his shoulder and picked his jaw up from off the floor. He turned to look at her and his eyes traced her face.
“I’m gay and even I,” I placed my hand over his mouth in an attempt to stop anything else from coming from his lips. She grew redder in colour.
“I said the exact same thing to the photographer when she sent me the video.” Chlo chuckled and Av shot her a look.
“What video!?” Her voice was intense and I chuckled as I picked her up.
“Wanna see?” I smirked and watched her shake her head. “It’s nice.”
“Nice is a shit describing word Harry.” I scoffed back a laugh and shrugged before I moved her hair behind her ear.
“It made me hard.” I whispered in her ear and bit down on her ear lobe.
“What did she send you?” She ran her nose over the stubble on my cheek and I shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter? I love it. Thank you for my gift. It couldn’t have been any better and I don’t think you’ll ever top it.” She pushed my shoulder softly as she blushed.
“Don’t be stupid.” She whispered. Her lack of self confidence drove me insane at the best of times but she needed to see what everyone on this boat but her saw. I frowned and placed her on the floor. “Thank you though. I’m glad you liked them.” She placed a kiss against my lips and discreetly squeezed my man hood. I gasped a little as the shock of her doing this sprung over me. I shook my head in disbelief and smirked as we joined the rest of our friends.
Holt - August
The second we landed in England the atmosphere between us all changed. Jay and Haz were no longer relaxed and happy they were uptight and snappy. I shook my head as I reached for Nancy’s arm. We were walking back from Starbucks. My mind was now tormented by the sad thoughts of how being away from here completely changed the dynamics of us all.
“Are you going back to Alfie’s now or later?” She questioned as she sipped from her cup and I shrugged.
“I should probably stop off and see my mum. We’ve all been away for 2 weeks?” She nodded and we stood awkwardly in between bustling people who were walking to catch their train home, or to catch up with loved ones. I shrugged at her and reached to hug her softly. I needed some time to get myself together and I was pretty sure he said he was going to the gym with Jay anyway. As we walked Nance stopped in her tracks, I frowned at her and she pulled me to stop with her. She was looking dead in front of her and I instantly felt a little sick when I spotted him. His huge dark brown eyes burnt through me. I frowned and wrinkled my nose instantly. My mind was now consumed, full of questions and I felt as though it was about to burst. I glanced up towards Nancy who was now slightly white in colour, which made it even more daunting because she was tanned. Extremely tanned. I looked up in the direction of him noticing a few of his lads stood by him, he was never anywhere on his own. He grinned at me and I felt sick.
"What is he doing here?" I heard Nancy whisper under muttered breath. I shrugged, my feet firmly planted to the same spot. It wasn't that I didn't want to move, I just couldn't. He rolled his eyes and my stomach started churning.
"So, girls do you know where I can find Mr Vens and Mr Conway?" He said in his skin crawling tainted Italian accent. I shook my head, an automatic reaction to his question. I neither wanted him near them or did I particularly care what he had got to say.
"No." I snarled, his eyes darken and I took a deep breathe in.
"I think you're lying Miss Holt." His tone was intense.
"What if I am?" I felt Nance grip my hand tightly in hers and I frowned deeply at her. She looked terrified and I squeezed it softly. She knew nothing of him. But he didn't look like he was the playing games type of bloke. I frown at her.
"Where is he?" He asked again, I shrugged as I spotted Chloe and Missy leaving the uni campus across the street. She quickly jogged over towards us. Blonde hair bouncing, along with her other assets.
"Rava! What are you doing here?" Her sweet smile was fake and I knew she'd be burning inside.
"I need to find the elusive brothers." She laughed and tapped his shoulder.
"We can't help you there. After all they have their own business to attend to." Her voice confident with an air of 'I'm lying' to it. I breathed out once more, I spotted him looking down at my hand. A smirk crossed his face before he laughed and took a step closer to my face. Nancy took a step back as he stroked my face.
"You have a lovely tan." He ran his hand over mine which had my ring on and I dipped my head to see what he was doing. I nodded.
"That’s what being abroad does to you." My voice even more disgusted than before. Everything about this man made me sick.
"Hmm, I heard.." He turned away from me before they all walked off to yet more flashy cars, I rolled my eyes in disbelief before taking a look at Chloe. "Av be careful. You know he's out to get you." Soft and gentle was her tone, I couldn't grasp my words to respond to her.
"Fuck he ent playing is he? What the fuck does he want with you?" Nancy was now questioning everything and I shook my head.
"Don't worry about it." I gulped down the lump in my throat. Missy placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it softly.
"Chloe's being serious Avaya, he's not a nice man." She lifted her sleeve and revealed a scar on each wrist. Flashbacks from the first night we saw him at Alfie's bar spun around in my head. They were very faint rope marks. My eyes widened and I didn't feel so brave anymore. I ran my hand over the scar before she pulled away.
"What happened?" She glanced towards Chloe who nodded at her.
"I was like you, brave, in love and stupid." She sighed.
"He doesn't take any prisoners. He certainly doesn't care who he hurts." Her words seem more stressed now "only he realised with me there wasn't a point because it wouldn't hurt Haz, not in the way he wants it to." Her eyes filled with tears and she wiped them away. My heart filled for her. I always thought she was a bitch, that she was just a coke head but while we were away I'd seen a softer side. A soberish side. She must have really loved Haz, just as I did. "This was many years ago, he just knows you're something special. So be careful." She turned and jogged away, Chlo patted my shoulder and chased after her. I turned and stared at Nancy who is stood in denial.
"You're in deep Av. Don't drown." Nancy was clearly still in shock from the conversation. I should probably tell Haz? That’s if I could even find him.
I made my way back to Alfie's which is where I felt most safe. I ran upstairs and jumped in the shower. I mulled over earlier events in my head. My hair was in knots, conditioner would be the only way they would break. I ran the brush through my hair and looked in the full length mirror at my body, an unusual athletic curvy shape. I wrapped a fluffy white dressing gown around it before I spotted Jay behind me in the reflection.
"Chloe told me about earlier?" It was a question, he tried to make it sound like I didn't have to answer but deep down I knew an answer is what he wanted.
"Yeah, what does he want with you both?" His eyes shifted to my chest, which was slightly on show, I awkwardly wrapped my gown tighter, his big brown eyes were looking in mine as if he was searching for something in them. I flushed pink as he sighed.
"We owe him money for that distribution we should have done, we didn't do it. We were too busy." He huffed out loud and I hugged him. "You know 6 months ago, I would never have imagined you'd be stood near enough naked in front of me." He smirked and I punched his chest.
"Jay stop being a pervert!" He laughed, I was not amused. I looked at him with my carry on the story eyes.
"He knows Haz isn't using, well trying his best not to use. He knows you're why. See his half of the business is distribution, we source it and sell. Haz was a customer, now he's not buying..."
"Look, we want out we just haven't found a good way to tell him. I know my way around the law and believe me we are cutting it close." I shook my head and he stroked my dripping wet hair. Is there any 'good way' of telling practically a gangster you want out? Somehow I didn't think there was.
"Just keep low." He warned as he turned to leave I reached for his arm.
“Jay?” He stopped and spinner around to look at me. “Will I have to leave you all alone? Is there any other way he will stop?” He huffed and shrugged at me.
“I don’t know. I don’t think Harry’s public displays of affection towards you have helped. I’ve had messages from people who have said he knows that he met you with flowers. He knows he took you to that hotel… The soppy Instagram posts.” His speech faded out and he shook his head. “I don’t know is the answer. I really don’t. Just promise me you’ll behave?” He smiled softly at me and I nodded. He left the room, leaving me with more questions than I'd ever had. I never knew how to take Jay, he always looked so serious even when he was happy. I made my way across the landing and spotted famair faces. Alfie being one of them. I darted to hug him and watched him smile.
"Hey Av!" His tousled blonde hair had grown whilst we'd been away. I squeezed a little and glanced back up at him.
"I've really missed this house. I mean Maldives was brilliant but I wish you'd have been there it was so nice." I was gutted when Alf couldn't come. He'd got meetings scheduled for the first week we were away. Meetings about another bar he'd brought with some investors. He squeezed me a little and smiled.
"Yeah it looked great Av and you look well for it." He was always so sweet to me. It was all he'd ever been to all of us.
"Do you know where Haz is?" I released him for my gasp as I questioned him. I watched him shake his head, his blonde hair shook with the movement of his head and I made my way towards the kitchen where I called him. It rang and rang and rang. Then went to voicemail. My heart pounded. He always answered the phone. Shit answer the phone. I tried again and shook my head. My mind began to race and I instantly felt sick. I rang again and he answered.
"Where are you?" I questioned.
"What would you say if I asked you to run with me Av?" His voice wasn't steady at all and I shook my head.
"What?" I paused confused. "What are you talking about?" I heard him exhale.
"Av," I knew that tone and tears began to fill my eyes "we can't be together if we stay here. We've gotta run." I stood staring at the wall in front of me in the kitchen.
"Haz, please come home? We can't talk about this over the phone." My words are stern and the phone went dead. My hands shook as I sat waiting for him to come home. What the hell had happened? If I left I'd have to leave my mum. I shook my head and placed it in my hands. I jogged up the stairs again and flopped on our bed. I lay there for a while. Thinking about the possibility of leaving, as my mind ticked over time my heart followed pursuit. Our bedroom door opened and he stared at me laying on the bed. I shot up and glanced at the cut that was pissing blood from above his left eye. I walked over towards him and cupped his face in my hands as I ran my thumb over his lip and was split too.
"Fuck Haz what's happened?" My eyes were wide as I examined him. His facial expression was serious. The blood from his eye poured on my white dressing gown as he shook his head. He picked me up and placed my back against the wall with some force.
"He knows Av. He fucking knows." His eyes were frantically searching mine. Confusion pulsed through me. "He knows I want out and he wants you." His voice broke as he spoke and tears left my eyes. I was unsure why I was crying. We knew this was a possibility. I shook my head and gripped his face with my hands.
"No?" He placed kisses against my lips, the taste of blood flooded my mouth from his split lip and I opened my eyes as he pulled away. He placed me back on my feet before he pulled a suitcase out from underneath the bed. I watched him as he counted banded 50 pound notes and placed them into a bag. I shook my head as he glanced at me. I sat with him on the floor in amongst the piles of cash and gripped his hands.
"Haz I can't go." I muttered. My voice was barely a whisper. He squeezed my hands in his and as I looked towards him his face filled with anger.
"What'd you mean?" His jaw was clenched and as I wiped away the tears that had fallen down my face I shrugged.
"I have a life here, my mum would go fucking insane she'd call the fucking police Haz. I can't just run." His eyes darkened the more I spoke.
"I give it a month before he gets his hands on you and then you will have no life to drop Av. He'll fucking kill you." It was at this point that I was unsure he was talking about Rava. I wanted to question why he'd kill me but I'd lost the ability to use my words. I just sat staring at him. I stood to my feet and watched him rub his head. "Fuck Av I'm sorry." The was blood all over the floor and I just shook my head. He stood too and took me in his arms. A teardrop left my eyes as he held me upright. "If I lose you Avay." He whispered and it broke my heart. I gripped his t-shirt in my hand and pulled away from him slightly. I wanted to tell him he wouldn't but I had no idea what lengths he'd really go to to hurt Haz. "I'm so fucking sorry I dragged you into all of this. I should have fucking left you alone." My gut wrenched at his words and I held his face in my hands again. The blood was still trickling as I studied his pained expression. I shook my head and stepped towards the bathroom.
"Let me clean you up." I murmured as I pulled him towards our bathroom. I made him sit down on the sink and searched for cotton wool probably for too long before I pressed the balls of cotton on his wounds. He flinched a little and I glanced at his lip that had started to swell. His eyes were sad and so lost. "How did you end up in this state?" I questioned quietly.
"I'm not bad? There were 4 of them and 1 of me. You should see the other lads." I knew he was trying to make light of the situation but I didn't find it funny. None of this was funny. A wave of sickness hit me and I leant against the sinks for a while. "Av what's up?" He frowned and I shook my head slowly.
"I think it's just all been a little bit much." I whispered as he came to rub my back. "Shall we take a break?" I questioned. In my head the rationale was great. We would put space between us and then Rava would leave us alone. He shook his head.
"Is that what you want?" I watched his Adams apple rise and fall as he held back water in his eyes I shook my head.
"No. Not at all." I almost laughed and I watched him smile.
“What if we just act as though we’re on a break?” He placed some space between us before he picked up his own cotton wool to clean my bloody stained face. “If you won’t run with me then we’ll just have to steal moments like these?” My breathing stopped as I replayed his words.
“So you want us to sneak around?” He shrugged.
“I don’t want to sneak anywhere with you. I want us being broken up to be believable. I want you to be able to finish up whatever it is that’s keeping you here and then we can fuck off together.” I held in a smile and I ran my nose over his.
“You know you’re impossible don’t you?” I smiled to myself a little as he cupped my face.
“Promise me you’ll try?” His words were almost a whisper and I shrugged.
“Fine?” I planted a kiss against his lips and pulled him closer towards me. “C’mon you. Bed.” His eyes lit with that familiar fire and I smirked to myself as he followed me towards the bedroom.
Saturday
I'd been back at work for what seemed like forever. Since the night he came back beat up something had changed. He was no longer affectionate in public and it was like we'd broken up. We'd steal moments like we did before either of us could admit we felt something for each other. I was early to Jamanes class. It was one of the only things I looked forward to at the moment. I let out a large sigh as the skin on my back made contact with the mirror behind where I was sat. Marley smiled down at me and I rolled my eyes.
>
"Well don't you look like a bundle of joy?" I scoffed and shrugged.
"Well let's face it I'm not exactly having a great time am I?" I snapped and I watched him raise his brow. Jamane handed me his hand and pulled me up. Dancers were now finished warming up and it was time to learn some new moves.
His choreography to ‘Bloodline’ by Ariana is fabulous. Memorising the steps I joined at the back, unable to stop myself and I smiled to myself as Buddy kept looking at me. I grabbed my bottle of water from the off the side and glanced at Jamane, he was so excited and I tapped him softly on the shoulder.
“This is really bloody good.” He had a huge grin on his face, his pearly whites were harsh against his caramel skin.
“Thanks,” he was smiling, watching everyone completing his routine “you know people have approached and asked me if you are really you?” He smirked at me and I frowned.
“What?” I questioned, confused by his statement and I leant against the wall.
“Like people have seen you on the Tube and they are like proper fangirling over you.” I burst into laughter and punched his arm softly.
“Don’t be stupid.” I scoffed and he shrugged before smirking. “Fine don’t believe me but you’re performing shortly.” He winked as he walked away from me and I frowned deeply. I had nobody to back me up this time. Nance had missed this class because she had promised she'd go for lunch with her father. I heard him beckon groups and watched as Chlo and Jay walked through the doors of the studio. My mouth almost fell to the floor and I gulped. Why were they here? I shook my head at him and he shrugged softly in my direction before he pointed towards Chlo. She smiled as she reached to pull me into an embrace.
“Hey?” She looked me up and down and I smiled weakly at her. I had missed her face. I hugged her again softly and she stroked my hair. “Go and smash it.” I smiled and nodded as I took my space on the dance floor. I performed the choreography and then watched other groups perform. They were all extremely talented and I smiled to myself. Their passion and flow really shone through in this class and I was proud to call Jamane a friend. Class ended and Jamane was pleased with his accomplishments and so he should have been. People were leaving the double doors after class and I was left in the company of Marley, Jamane, Jay and Chlo. Chlo looked somber. My bet was that she knew what was going on, she always knew everything and I smiled weakly at her once more. She winked and nudged Jay. He was now staring at her and I looked at Marley and Jamane who were going through footage from class. I brought my legs up to my chest as Jay made his way to stand in front of me. He offered me his hand. His expression was unreadable as I took his hand and followed him out of the gym. I pushed my sweaty hair back from my face and glanced over the hills where the summer sun was lingering in the sky. He climbed the hill a little more and I followed him. I took a deep breath and he stopped when we hit the top of the hill. His hair looked darker and I swore his wrinkles had gotten deeper. He placed his hands in his pockets and I watched his mannerisms change.