Serious. Intense. But something fierce blazed in his eyes.
Then quite suddenly it was he who crossed the distance, taking my face between his hands, his palms hot against my skin.
‘Why tell me that?’ he demanded, staring down at me. ‘Is it supposed to make me care that you’re alone?’
He was angry; I could see that now. ‘Why?’ I shot back, staring up at him, something fierce rising inside me too. ‘Has it made you change your mind?’
‘No.’ His fingers tightened on my jaw. ‘I’m a selfish prick and I don’t give a shit about you or anyone else.’
And then, before I could move, he bent his head and kissed me fierce and hard, his tongue pushing inside, exploring. Demanding. Taking.
There was no finesse this time, none of his practised charm. None of his usual focus or care. The kiss was rough, raw and totally uncompromising. The kiss of a man who had a point to prove and was going to use me to prove it.
I shuddered as he ravaged my mouth, desire gathering tight and hot inside me, because although he’d been angry it wasn’t anger I tasted in the kiss. It was desperation. Hunger. He wanted to prove that he didn’t want anything from me, or from anyone, but the desperate way he was kissing me told me otherwise.
And instantly all my own anger drained away.
No wonder he was desperate. No wonder he was hungry. He’d given everything he had to the people he cared about, and because his mother had died and his sister had been too young he hadn’t got anything back.
No one had given him what he needed.
Except for now. Now he had me. And I had plenty to give.
I tore my mouth from his, staring up into his blazing eyes. ‘Tell me what you want,’ I said fiercely. ‘Tell me and I’ll give it to you.’
He took a moment, as if he didn’t understand at first. And then the silver light in his eyes seemed to grow brighter.
‘Strip,’ he ordered roughly. ‘I want everything off. Now.’
I didn’t hesitate. My hands shook as I pulled at my clothes, discarding them quickly onto the floor, Damian’s gaze burning as he watched me.
Once I was naked, the air moving over my skin, he pointed to the floor in front of him. ‘Down. Now.’
I dropped to my knees, the wooden floor hard beneath me, my pulse getting louder and louder in my head.
His hands dropped to his fly and he undid the button, jerking down the zip. With one hand he pulled out his cock while with the other he reached for me, his fingers tangling in my hair. ‘Open your mouth,’ he demanded, and when I did he shoved his cock into it, stretching my lips wide around him.
‘Now suck it.’ His voice was hardly recognisable, a deep, rough growl, and I responded, closing my mouth around him and taking him in deep. So deep he brushed the back of my throat.
He made a harsh sound, his handsome features tightening with pleasure, and I liked it. Liked that he was taking from me and that I could give him what he wanted.
But I wanted to give him more, so I began to suck him hard, licking around the sensitive head in the way I knew he liked, teasing the ring in his dick with my tongue, letting my teeth graze him. He tasted good, musky, salty and male, so I took him deeper, tasting him harder.
Another growl escaped him, the look in his eyes burning me alive as he stared down at me. God, he was incredible. His jaw was hard, the intensity he always kept masked suddenly blazing.
His fingers tightened in my hair, his hips flexing as he thrust into my mouth. I wanted to shut my eyes, give myself over to the experience and to him, but I couldn’t drag my gaze from his face.
He hit the back of my throat, making me groan, and then abruptly he pulled out of my mouth, his fists in my hair. ‘Lie down.’ His voice was rough, breathless, and he released me. ‘On your back.’
And I did, my breathing fast and short, the nagging ache between my thighs getting stronger. I was wet and I wanted his hands on me, wanted his mouth, but I wasn’t going to ask. He’d done nothing but give me pleasure for the past week and now it was my turn to give. He could take me, use me however he wanted. This was for him.
The floor was hard against my bare back, the wood cool, and it made me shiver.
‘Spread your legs,’ Damian growled, staring down at me.
And I did, spreading them wide, my thighs shaking.
His gaze dropped to my bare sex and stayed there, making me catch my breath. Then he dropped to his knees between my legs, still staring at me, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. He took out a condom packet and ripped it open, and there was something incredibly erotic about the deliberateness of his movements that had me shifting restlessly on the floor.
My breathing was embarrassingly loud, but I could hear his too and it was just as fast, just as ragged. But he didn’t move any faster, taking out the condom and slowly rolling it down over his cock, still glistening from my mouth.
Then he looked down at me and put his hand out, his palm settling on my stomach, the heel of his hand pressing lightly on my clit. Bolts of fire ignited as he pressed down, pleasure licking up inside me. I gasped, my hips lifting automatically into his hand, wanting more, wanting harder.
But he took his hand away. ‘Roll over.’
I sucked in a shaky breath and did as I was told, the wooden floor pressing against my hard, achingly sensitive nipples. But the rest of my senses were completely focused on the demanding man behind me, breathless with excitement about what he was going to ask of me next.
I jumped when his hands settled on my hips and he hauled me up onto my knees, leaving my face pressed to the floor.
‘Legs apart,’ he ordered, one knee nudging the inside of mine and forcing them wider.
I couldn’t stop shaking and I started to pant, his heat behind me a tease and a temptation.
Then his hands were between my legs, spreading apart the folds of my sex, and I felt his cock push against me. There was no delicious teasing now. He thrust in hard, penetrating me deep before sliding out, then thrusting in again.
Pleasure spread out in a sharp wave and I shut my eyes as it washed over me, rolling me over and over, swamping me.
He thrust deeper, harder, the slap of his flesh against mine combining with my ragged breathing and the rough, masculine sounds of his own pleasure echoing off the walls.
My hands had spread out onto the floor, my nails digging into the wood as if I could hold on to it, stop myself from being washed away in the flood of sensation. But it was futile. He moved faster, my body shuddering against the wood, rubbing against my nipples and my knees. It was painful and yet somehow incredibly erotic at the same time.
I gasped as he shoved himself deeper, his hands gripping my hips so hard they were going to leave bruises. But I didn’t care. I wanted bruises. I wanted all the evidence I could get that he’d taken what he needed from me.
I hadn’t been able to give to anyone before, but now I could and I wanted to give him everything.
And he took it with both hands, shoving himself into me, his fingers digging into my flesh, bruising my knees and setting free my heart.
But it wasn’t all for him and I should have known that even now, even while he was taking, he still couldn’t stop himself from giving. Because, just when I thought I was going to have finish myself off, he reached around and found my clit, his finger pressing down hard.
‘Come, Thea,’ he growled.
And because I was his to command I did, sobbing against the floor, barely aware of his own roar of release as he followed me.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Damian
MY HEAD WAS RINGING, the blood pumping hard in my veins, and it took me a couple of moments to realise I’d slumped forward over Thea’s naked body and that she was pressed to the floor beneath me.
Fuck, what had I done?
I’d never j
ust taken what I wanted from a woman the way I had from Thea. I’d never just taken what I wanted from anyone.
All I’d meant to do was tell her why I couldn’t give her anything more than the sex and good times we’d agreed on. And I’d been honest about it because I hadn’t wanted her to think that it was all her fault.
Yet as soon as the words had come out of my mouth all the grief and anger had come rushing back. Yes, anger. Because I hadn’t wanted to think about it, let alone say all those words out loud. And they all fucking hurt.
But then she’d stood there looking at me, her beautiful eyes full of tears, telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. That she wasn’t going to ask for more. Wasn’t going to ask me questions. Wasn’t going to push me into caring.
Then she’d mentioned Mr Chen and the legacy she was carrying on, and the choice she’d made to remain alone, and something inside me had clenched so goddamn tight. Almost as if the thought of her being alone hurt. And that had made me angry because I didn’t want to care.
Yet somehow I hadn’t been able to get rid of the tight feeling in my chest, so I’d kissed her, because I was a giant fucking cliché who thought sex would make things easier.
But it hadn’t. All I’d felt was hungry. As though I needed something for which I didn’t have any words. Something to do with her. And then she’d said she’d give me whatever I wanted...
I didn’t know why that had made me so hard. Why the sight of her doing everything I told her was so fucking erotic. She hadn’t stopped me, hadn’t told me no. And I knew she would have kept on giving me what I asked for, no matter what it was, because that was who she was. A natural giver.
Unlike you.
It was true. Because of course I didn’t give to people. But I made sure I didn’t take either, so it was a win-win situation.
Except right now it didn’t feel very win-win.
She was trembling beneath me and all I felt was shitty, like the biggest prick alive. Like I’d taken advantage of her generosity and her passion and used her in the worst way possible to work out my own selfish anger.
Hating myself, I quickly pulled out of her and shifted so I wasn’t lying directly on top of her. I probably should have walked away from her at that point, just left her there. Either that or taken her to the bedroom to ensure there was no more talking.
But I didn’t. Instead, I dealt with the condom before gently scooping her up in my arms, carrying her over to the couch and sitting down on it, gathering her close in my lap.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said roughly, stroking her silky dark hair. ‘Thea, I shouldn’t have—’
She put a delicate finger on my mouth, silencing me. ‘Yes, you should. You don’t have to give all the time, Damian. It’s okay to take and it’s okay to take from me.’ A blush stained her lovely skin, going all the way down her neck and across her chest. ‘Besides...’ Her dark eyes glowed. ‘It was hot.’
Hot? She’d thought me being a giant, selfish arsehole was hot?
Fuck.
I gently took her finger from my mouth, held her hand in mine. ‘No. Don’t do that. Don’t make it okay.’
‘Why not?’ She lifted a brow. ‘It was okay. It was more than okay.’
‘Me being a selfish dickhead is okay? No, Thea. Because you’re wrong. I never give anything to anyone.’ My heartbeat was racing and I couldn’t seem to slow it down. It was important that she understood this—no, shit, it was vital. ‘And I never take, either, because that’s the whole fucking point.’
She was silent, her silence filling the room, and somehow it felt suffocating, like pressure tightening around me on all sides. And I wanted to push her aside and leave, just get the fuck out there, but she was soft and naked and warm. And I couldn’t do that to her.
You’re screwed, mate.
Yeah, I was. Because once you started not wanting to hurt someone you were already on the slippery slope that led down towards caring about them. And, once you cared, that was it. You were fucked.
‘You do give,’ Thea said quietly. ‘What do you think you’ve been doing for me all this time? You didn’t call the authorities on me the night you found me. No, you let me talk you into a blow job and then you took me to bed. And then you fed me breakfast and bought me clothes. And you let me talk about Mr Chen and you told me I was rare and precious. You didn’t have to do any of those things. You didn’t have to make me feel good.’ Her gaze searched my face. ‘But you did. Isn’t that all giving?’
‘No,’ I said, because I had to. ‘Sex is easy. The rest is just money.’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous,’ she said calmly, settling against my shoulder, completely unconcerned about being naked in my arms. ‘You could have kicked me out onto the street and got me locked up. But you didn’t. You let me lie around your apartment, plied me with gin and gave me the most incredible neck massage because you could feel I was tense. You might not think that’s any big deal, but it is to me.’ Her mouth softened. ‘In fact, it’s a massive deal to me, Damian. I’ve never had anyone look after me like that. I’ve never had anyone look after me at all.’
I had to stop her. I had to. ‘Thea—’
‘No. I know what it means to me and you don’t get to tell me otherwise.’
My heartbeat was raging out of control, tension coiling through every muscle. I wanted to do something to relieve it, something violent, but she was so delicate and soft, like a precious jewel in a bed of velvet, and I couldn’t bear to move her.
‘Don’t make me into something I’m not,’ I said hoarsely. ‘I’m a selfish fucking guy and I’ve never pretended to be anything different.’
Something flickered in her eyes and it looked horribly like sympathy. ‘I think that’s what you tell yourself, Damian. But that doesn’t make it true.’
My jaw was so tight it ached and I didn’t know why she was telling me this stuff. I didn’t know why I was simply sitting here listening to it either. ‘Then what’s the truth?’ I demanded, more forcefully than I’d intended. ‘What do you think I am?’
‘I think you’re lonely,’ Thea said, her dark eyes never leaving mine. ‘I think you’re lonely just like me.’
I didn’t know what I’d expected. But it wasn’t that. And what was even worse was, as soon as she said it, a deep pit opened up inside me, the black hole of need that I’d told myself time and time again wasn’t there. That I’d covered up with jewels and money, parties and noise. So I could pretend it didn’t exist.
But she knew. This little woman with her dark eyes and her silence. With her passion and her soft touch. She’d seen it—she’d reached inside me and somehow opened it up as easily as the lock on my fucking office door.
‘No,’ I said, because what else could I say? I didn’t want that pit to be there. I didn’t want anything to do with it. ‘No. How can I be fucking lonely? I’m constantly surrounded by goddamn people.’
But Thea only smiled, and it broke me a little, because her smiles were as rare and precious as she was. ‘Because you don’t let anyone in. You hold them at a distance. And that’s okay, I get it. After what you went through, I understand completely. But cutting yourself off kills something inside you. I should know—it happened to me.’ She lifted a hand to my jaw, her fingertips brushing my skin. ‘But meeting you brought it back to life again. And I saw what I’d been missing all this time.’
Everything in me wanted to deny it and to deny her. She was going to drag me down that slippery slope into caring if I let her. Into pain, hurt and grief. Back into worrying about people and wanting to save them, into being helpless because I couldn’t do a fucking thing.
I didn’t want it. What I wanted was to let her go, walk away. Never come back.
Except that black hole inside me wouldn’t let me do it. She was too warm and her touch felt so good. And it felt weirdly as though I’d been dead too all this time, thinking that
I was alive and enjoying life. Thinking that I was fine, that I didn’t need anyone. Until she’d turned up, standing on my terrace in Hong Kong, watching me with her too-perceptive gaze. Seeing straight through me and into my soul.
‘It’s okay,’ she went on quietly, still watching my face as if it fascinated her. ‘We can give and take from each other. Just a little bit. It doesn’t have to mean anything if we don’t want it to.’
I didn’t know what to say to that, except, ‘Thea.’
And she only smiled more deeply, as if I’d said something profound. Then she reached up and pulled my head down so her hot mouth was under mine, stealing my breath and any other words that I’d been going to say.
Then that black hole opened up inside me, all the need flooded out and I’d pushed her back down onto the couch cushions before I’d had a chance to think about it, her warm, soft curves beneath me.
She gave a little moan of delight, arching up into me, and I knew that, just like before, she’d give me anything and everything I wanted.
So I didn’t think. I stripped my clothes away so we were skin to skin and I took everything I wanted from her, everything she had to give.
Then I gave it all right back to her.
Perhaps we could do this after all. Give and take. Just a little bit.
Just for a while.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Thea
I REACHED FOR Damian’s hand as the limo pulled up in front of the grand columned entrance of the British Museum. There were crowds of people standing outside, assembled media and interested tourists gawking at the procession of beautifully dressed people going through the museum doors.
It was the night of the launch for the Black and White Foundation, an event Damian and I had both been anticipating and dreading in equal measure.
He’d seemed to take what I’d said about give and take to heart, and over the past couple of days had talked to me about his sister.
I thought he felt that he’d failed her somehow, though I wasn’t sure how, not when he’d told me how many years he’d spent working hard to give her the life his mother would have wanted her to have. I thought he felt he’d failed his mother too, though again I wasn’t sure why, not when he’d done everything he could for her.
Dirty Devil--A Sexy Billionaire Romance Page 14