by Erika Wilde
He hesitated, his gentle caresses stopping. Then he asked very carefully, “Didn’t the doctor tell you?”
By the tone of his voice and the troubled look marring his brows, she was certain she wasn’t going to enjoy what he had to say. “Tell me what?”
He released a deep breath. Now that the issue had been brought up, it was obvious that he felt obligated to carry it through. “About your amnesia.”
“Amnesia?” Her voice rose to an incredulous pitch, and she experienced an adrenaline rush of distress. “But I remember you.” Which was why she hadn’t been overly alarmed at the other little things she couldn’t recollect. But now that he’d used the word amnesia, her lack of recall made more sense, not that she liked it one bit.
“And thank God for that.” He tenderly brushed her hair away from her cheek, his fingers lingering on her skin. “But there are other things you might not remember.”
Well, she certainly couldn’t argue with his statement. Stunned, she could only shake her head in wonder and fear. How strange it was not to recall certain parts of your life, yet know other things so instinctively. Like her inexplicable emotional and physical connection to Noah.
“Tell me what the doctor told you,” she asked, and listened to him explain her level of amnesia, and that while she might be able to remember certain aspects of her past and current life, other things might not be clear at all.
She shook her head in shock. “Is this retrograde amnesia permanent?”
“Not according to the doctor,” he reassured her. “You suffered a huge trauma when you hit your head, and he said that you’ll start remembering things in bits and pieces over the course of the next few weeks or months. He’s confident that you’ll have a full recovery in time.”
She shivered as a chill rippled through her. “But in the meantime, I’ve only got half a memory? How frightening is that?”
He gave her hand a tender squeeze. “I know it has to be scary, but I promise I’ll be here for you.”
Knowing she could count on Noah brought her immense comfort, because at the moment she was feeling incredibly alone and vulnerable. “Thank you.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He bent close and brushed a kiss on her cheek.
His lips were warm and sensual, the scent of him musky and all male. His morning stubble lightly chafed her skin, eliciting a stirring of desire in her blood. Her heart beat hard and fast in her chest, and she was surprised that the monitor she was hooked up to didn’t go haywire. When he lifted his head again and met her gaze, his eyes were dark and intense.
She exhaled a slow breath as they stared at each other. She craved and wanted this man in ways that defied her current state of mind, and all she knew for certain was that the feeling was honest and true. She trusted her instincts where Noah was concerned, because, for now, her gut intuition was all she had to depend on.
A nurse walked into the room, shattering the intimate moment between them. Noah sat back in his chair as the woman came up to the side of her bed and started adjusting the IV drip. She wore a pastel smock, and the badge hanging around her neck identified her as Shirley Richards, RN.
“You’re awake,” she said pleasantly, and smiled at Natalie. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“As good as can be expected.”
The nurse nodded in understanding. “I’ll give you another dose of medication to help with the aches and pains. You’ll be sore for a few days, but you’re darn lucky that you didn’t sustain any internal injuries.” She wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her upper arm and pumped it full of air.
As Shirley took her vitals, she glanced across the bed to Noah, then back at Natalie. “You’ve got yourself quite a fiancé there,” she said genuinely. “He was determined to stay with you and has been by your side all night long waiting for you to wake up.”
Her eyes widened as she was dealt another dose of shock to deal with. Her fiancé? She and Noah were engaged? She snuck a peek at her left hand and saw no evidence of an engagement ring but knew that didn’t mean anything at all. Undoubtedly, this man was part of her life in some capacity, and when Noah didn’t deny or correct the woman’s comment, she had no choice but to believe it was true.
And belonging to Noah wasn’t an unpleasant thought at all.
“I’m thinking you might need to use the restroom, yes?” Shirley asked once she’d written her numbers down on the chart in front of her bed.
Natalie smiled sheepishly. “That would be nice.”
“You should be okay to get up on your own, but I’ll be here to help you the first time, just to make sure your legs are steady and you don’t get light-headed. And then there’s all the IV stuff that can get in your way.” The nurse transferred her professional gaze to Noah. “Can you give us about fifteen minutes to do the girl stuff?”
“Sure.” A wry grin canted the corner of his mouth and he stood. “I need to use the men’s room myself.”
He winked at Natalie and turned for the door. She watched him walk out, eyes drawn to his wide shoulders, his strong, lean body, and his confident swagger. No matter how she racked her brain trying to recall something as important as an engagement, her mind remained frustratingly blank.
Regardless of her unreliable memory, one thrilling, exciting thought took precedence: this gorgeous, breathtakingly sexy man was all hers.
CHAPTER FIVE
After taking care of personal business, Noah washed his hands, then splashed cool water on his face, trying like hell to push away the guilt eating at his conscience. He dried the dampness from his skin with a paper towel and shoved his fingers through his hair in a paltry attempt to tame his unruly morning look.
Natalie believed he was her fiancé. When the nurse had made that announcement, he’d witnessed Natalie’s surprised expression and had held his breath, waiting for her to ask him if it was true. Much to his relief, she didn’t question the woman’s casually tossed words, which saved him from outright lying to Natalie’s face. For now.
Bracing his hands on the edge of the porcelain sink, he stared at his reflection in the restroom mirror, noting the lines of exhaustion at the corners of his eyes. Undoubtedly, he was lying by omission, because he planned to use the fiancé pretense to his advantage, to remain as close to her as possible so he could protect her until he nailed the source of her fears the night before. And he knew there would be more fabrications as they became necessary and until she fully regained her memory—all for her own good. For him, it was one hundred percent a safety issue.
He suspected she didn’t remember the threat that had scared her, and that made her even more defenseless and too damned vulnerable to the guy she’d run away from. He was beginning to think she was the target of a stalker. What else could explain the hysterical words Natalie had spoken last night before getting hit by the car?
I’ll never be safe. He won’t go away.
Right now, with her amnesia, she didn’t have the advantage of knowing something was wrong, and her instincts might be skewed by memory loss. Her vulnerability put her too much at risk for another encounter that might turn hostile.
And there was no way he’d allow anything else to harm her, not if he could help it.
He left the restroom and stopped at the vending machine in the waiting area. Buying a roll of the strongest mints available, he promptly tossed three of the peppermint Life Savers into his mouth and chewed. While he waited a few more minutes before returning to Natalie’s room, he came up with a game plan. He’d ask her casual, no-pressure kinds of questions and see what she did and didn’t recollect. He refused to feed her any information or outright tell her the truth about what had led up to the accident, because if she didn’t remember, he knew it would only cause her panic and paranoia.
He popped three more mints for good measure, and when he arrived back in her room, she was settled back in bed with a breakfast tray on the small table in front of her. She was still wearing her hospital gown, but her hair had
been combed and was smoothed back behind her ears.
She glanced from her meal to him and wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Blech.”
He chuckled as he came up beside her. “That bad, huh?”
“While I can’t recall what my favorite breakfast food is, I’m sure this isn’t it. Watery scrambled eggs, oatmeal that looks like paste, and dry, cold toast.” She indicated each item on her tray with a point of her finger. “The only thing that looks worth eating is the fresh fruit.”
He had to agree that her breakfast didn’t look at all appetizing. “Then eat the fruit and drink your apple juice, and I’ll try to sneak in something good later.”
She grinned. “How about a pepperoni pizza?”
He chuckled at her enthusiasm, glad to see she was quickly gaining back her energy. “A big ol’ pizza box is a bit obvious, don’t you think? That’ll have to wait until you’re home.”
“Home?”
The frown creasing her brows told him that she was having a hard time placing where she lived. Which was perfect for him. “My place. We just moved in together.”
“Oh.” The one word escaped on a breathy note of sound.
He played his cards very cautiously, not wanting to upset her in any way. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“Well, no, not really.” She shrugged. “I mean, if we’re engaged, that would make sense.”
She was so trusting that he had to push aside another wave of guilt that assaulted him—and remind himself that it was the only way he could keep her safe.
She sighed softly. “I just feel like I’m learning who I am all over again. Or at least parts of who I am.”
“That’s how it’ll be with certain aspects of your memory, according to the doctor.” Since she wasn’t digging into her breakfast, he filched a grape from the compote and lifted it to her mouth. When her lips automatically parted, he slipped the piece of fruit inside. “We’ll do lots of talking and that might spark those repressed parts of your memory.”
While her mouth was currently occupied, he casually brought up another subject, wanting to know what she might recall about her past. “Do you want me to contact someone in your family to let them know about your accident?”
“I don’t have any family,” she said automatically.
Surprised, he asked, “You remember that?”
“Yeah, I do,” she said, equally stunned by the knowledge. “You were testing me, weren’t you?”
As her fiancé, he should have known about her family, and was grateful that she saw his question as a way of testing her mind and memory. That would definitely work in his favor to get information from her. “Yeah, I was. What else do you remember?”
She plucked up a wedge of cantaloupe, slipped it into her mouth and thought for a moment while she chewed. “I remember that my parents died when I was about five in a house fire and I grew up in foster homes.”
Oh, wow, he thought, blown away by her confession and unable to imagine what a tumultuous and difficult childhood she must have had. He’d lost his parents, too, but at least he’d been lucky enough to have his brother, Cole, raising him and his sister, Joelle. They’d been a strong family unit—then and now. “How about relatives?”
She shook her head. “Both of my parents were only children, so I don’t have any aunts and uncles, and my grandparents are dead, too.”
He urged her to take a drink of her apple juice. “Do you remember how last night’s accident happened?”
She paused, and he could see her straining to recall details. “I remember walking with you…but I was afraid of something?”
She looked at him with uncertainty in her pale blue gaze, waiting for him to confirm her question. “Yes, you were. What were you afraid of, sweetheart?”
She closed her eyes, and her face scrunched up in an obvious attempt to force thoughts into her head.
“I…I don’t remember.” Frustrated, she dropped her head back onto the pillow and released a low, discouraging growl. “How is it that I can recall so much about my past—you, even—but I can’t remember other things? I feel like there’s a huge, gaping hole in my life.”
She sounded near to panic over her inability to control what her mind could and couldn’t recollect. Weaving their fingers together, he sought to soothe her the best he could. “I’m here for you, Natalie, for anything you want or need. Anything at all.” And he meant it, too.
She pushed her breakfast tray aside, her appetite obviously gone. “I want my memory back. All of it,” she said stubbornly.
Of course, she’d ask for a wish he couldn’t grant. Knowing she was desperate, he focused on the positive. “Tell you what, let’s concentrate on the things you do remember.”
Her gaze touched his eyes, lingering long enough to make him feel as though she could see all the way into his soul. She took in the rest of his features slowly, as if scrutinizing each one, then finally came to rest on his mouth.
“I remember kissing you,” she said abruptly, her voice low and husky with awareness. She dampened her bottom lip with her tongue, and her breathing deepened. “Come here,” she whispered.
Mesmerized by her request, he moved the small table in front of her completely out of their way and leaned toward her, bracing a hand on the pillow beside her head. The position caused his chest to press against her full, generous breasts, and he had the fleeting thought that he wished they were both naked so he could feel her skin on skin.
He was uncertain what she intended, but whatever she had planned, he was a willing participant.
Her soft, slender hand traveled up his arm to his shoulder, then her fingers slipped through the hair at the nape of his neck and she drew his head down to hers. Lost in the need reflecting in her eyes, he complied, watching as her lashes fluttered closed and her lips parted for him even before their mouths touched.
While their first kiss had been an act of desperation, this one was born of the sensuality that burned bright between them. She nibbled on his bottom lip, and he let her have free rein to taste and explore to her heart’s content, no matter the cost to him physically. He was already hard and thick, completely aroused—a normal, lusty reaction when it came to her.
When she deepened the kiss, he welcomed the damp heat and slow, penetrating slide of her tongue, and met it with his own. He stroked long and slow, hot and deep, and she kissed him back the same way, eagerly and instinctively. So much passion. So much heat. Intense and uninhibited.
A purr of pleasure rumbled in her throat, and he groaned in appreciation, too. She was an irresistible temptation, a searing drug to his deprived libido, and she made him restless and hungry for more of her.
By the time she let him go, she was panting for breath and his own pulse was racing wildly. Their faces were still only inches away, and he wanted to drown in those trusting, velvety blue eyes of hers. Wanted to strip away the sheet and the flimsy gown separating them and bury himself deep inside her lush body.
The latter wasn’t an option. Not here. Not now. Not until she regained her memory and could better define her emotions. It was obvious to him that she didn’t realize that she’d been avoiding him and her attraction to him for months now. But this Natalie was giving into desires that had always been inside of her, desires she’d hidden from him before today.
Interesting.
A lazy smile hitched up the corner of his mouth. “And that was for…?” he murmured questioningly.
She caressed her palm along his cheek and skimmed her thumb along his full bottom lip, though her gaze never left his. “I needed to make sure what I feel for you is real.”
“And is it?” He had to know.
“As real as I know it to be. You feel good and right, and I really like kissing you.”
He laughed, relieved, and ran the tip of his finger down the slope of her cute nose. “Just so you know, you have permission to kiss me anytime you’d like.”
Smiling, she settled back against her pillows, suddenly looking ti
red. While she might appear okay physically, he knew it would take a couple of days for her to fully regain her strength again. And right now, she needed more sleep.
He straightened, making a quick decision that would benefit them both. “I’m going to leave, but I’ll be back in a little while.”
Dread flared to life in her eyes. “Where are you going?”
Her panic-stricken expression clutched at him, and he instantly tried to soothe her anxiety. “I need a shower, shave, and a change of clothes. And you need to rest. Are you afraid to stay alone?” he asked gently.
“Just a little nervous,” she admitted, her cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink. “I feel so out of place and disoriented, and you’re like an anchor in this storm I seem to be caught up in.”
“I’m sure that’s very normal.” Reaching for the call button, he set it within her reach. “Tell you what, here’s the buzzer for the nurse, and if you need me for anything at all, here’s my cell phone number.” He jotted his number on a napkin and set it by the hospital phone beside the bed. “Don’t hesitate to call me, even if it’s just to hear my voice.”
She inhaled deeply, as if inflating her courage. “You must think I’m a complete basket case.”
No, he didn’t think that at all. Her nerves and fears were legitimately based, but he wasn’t about to enlighten her of that fact, or the reasons why. She didn’t need any more stress to deal with at the moment.
“I’m not always this clingy, am I?” she asked, even as her lashes grew heavy and drooped.
She sounded so embarrassed at the thought that he couldn’t help but grin. “You’re only clingy when it counts, sweetheart,” he teased.
“Good.” Her eyes closed completely, and she mumbled drowsily, “Will you bring me back fresh clothes, too?”
She thought he could because she believed they lived together. “You bet.” Luckily for him he’d claimed her car keys and ID from her purse before handing over her personal effects to the nurses, so he had everything he needed to get into her apartment and confiscate enough items to make it appear as though she’d moved into his house. But first, he had to call a cab to take him back to his car, which was still parked at Murphy’s.