Don't ever look for me.
Natalie."
The little girl cries even more, and I’m panicked. I try to calm her down by rocking her. I'm not prepared for a baby. I don’t know where to start. When her crying becomes more and more desperate, I feel like crying too. I'm just an idiot!
Someone knocks on the door. Inside my heart, I hope it's Natalie, but when I open it, I see a woman I've never seen before.
"Yes?"
"Hi, I'm Maddie..."
"Look, I'm not buying anything," I tell her and shut the door. She knocks insistently, and I open again.
"I'm not selling anything. I live next door, and the baby's crying brought me here. Why is she crying?"
If I knew, it would be easier. I look at her, puzzled, and she stretches out her arms. "Can I help?"
"Yes, please," I tell her and hand her the baby.
"Shhhh ... it's alright, sweetie. Everything’s alright," she whispers, resting the baby on her shoulder while massaging her back. Emily calms down, and I'm fascinated. That's all?
"I'm sorry I shut the door in your face. I feel like a complete idiot." I shield myself by rubbing my face.
"Don't worry. What happened?"
"I don’t know."
"Okay," she says, placing Emily in the basket.
"Maddie?" I call her, and she raises her head. "Did you say you live next door?" She nods.
"Welcome to the neighborhood. My name is Jace. I'm sorry I didn't come by to say hello. Time has flown, between work and my messed-up life."
"Don't worry. Life keeps us busy. She's a beautiful baby."
"Thank you," I tell her, and I start crying.
"Hey..." She comes over and touches my shoulder. "Being a parent is a wonderful experience. It may happen that you don't understand what your daughter is up to, but in time you’ll learn."
"I ... I'm sorry ... I didn't want to distress you. You’ve been very kind. Thank you." She smiles at me. That smile makes her even more beautiful.
"Where’s your wife?"
"I'm not married."
"Oh, okay. Your girlfriend?" she asks cautiously. When I shake my head, she looks at the baby and then at me. "Jace, where is the baby's mom?"
"I don’t know."
"What do you mean?"
"She left the child in front of the door with this letter and disappeared." I'm pissed off, and my tone startles her. She takes a step back. I'm a fucking idiot!
"Please tell me you're kidding!" She looks at me. When I don't say anything, her gaze goes from the baby to me and the living room.
"You're not kidding,” she whispers in disbelief. "This little one is less than a week old." I stay silent because I don't know what to say.
She sees the letter and looks at it, but before reading it, she looks at me. I nod, and she reads it. Once finished, she says nothing. She seems angry—indeed, furious.
"Maddie..."
"What did she leave you for Emily?"
"Only what you see on the table."
She looks around, takes a diary from her bag, looks at the baby's folder, and writes down some things.
"Please go get these things. They’re urgent. You can find them in the pharmacy or at WonderBaby." She tears the paper out of the book and hands it to me.
"I’ll be right back," I say, but I stop at the door and look at Emily.
"I'll take care of her, I promise you. Go, now," she tells me as if she’s reading my thoughts.
"Thanks."
I go to WonderBaby, closer to home, and get diapers, creams, wipes, powdered milk, two bottles, and pacifiers. I pay for everything and run home.
When I enter the house, Emily is still asleep. I see that Maddie has taken out a bowl and filled it with water. She sips the bottles and pacifiers in it and puts the bowl in the microwave. In the meantime, she beckons me to come closer, and I do.
"Watch here...” She points to the box of powdered milk. "Here are the quantities of powdered milk to dissolve in the water. Emily is still little, so she’ll eat about one ounce of milk every two hours, but she’ll ask for it when she's hungry. "
"Okay. So, I put the water in the milk powder, and it's ready?"
“You must heat the water first." She stops the microwave, rinses the bottles, dries them, and starts making milk by explaining how to do it right. Once ready, she takes my arm and pours a drop on my wrist.
"It feels too hot."
"Great! You saw that dad's instinct emerge,” she says, smiling. I find myself smiling with her, too. She manages to make me relax.
"We usually leave it under cold water for a while." She puts another drop on me, and it seems the right temperature.
Emily wakes up and starts crying.
"Pick her up and go sit on the sofa." I do as she says. Maddie kneels in front of me and slightly raises my elbow. "Perfect, this is the right position. Now you can feed her. Never feed her when she’s fully stretched out, as it can be dangerous."
"Okay." Emily takes the bottle and starts eating. She makes some lovely noises. She runs out of milk quickly, and I'm amazed at how relaxed she looks now.
"Put her on your shoulder and walk a little with her in your arms. Be careful to support her head." As soon as I get up, Emily burps. She poops, too.
"Good, little one. Look carefully, please. We can use the table for now, but you must have a nursery and a changing table. I'll help you get them if you want." She puts the blanket and a sleeper on the table and makes Emily lean on it. She takes off Emily's pants and opens her diaper, which is full of poop. God, how much it stinks!
Maddie laughs, explaining to me every step as she changes Emily’s diaper. I observe so that I’ll know how to do it later.
"Clean and eaten. You’ll see that she’ll sleep for at least two hours."
"You were my lifesaver, Maddie. I don't even know how to thank you."
"You don't have to. I love children. Go and rest too. I'll leave you alone." She writes a number on a piece of paper. "This is my phone number. If you need help, call me, and I'll be right over."
"God bless you, Maddie."
She smiles and takes her bag. "Jace, go to sleep. You look tired. I promise you; everything will be fine."
"Okay, thank you," I whisper. In my heart, I believe her because she has given me so much calm. She goes out of the door and closes it softly.
I pause to look at Emily, seeing the perfection of this little girl. I stretch out on the sofa and fall asleep with the basket next to me.
Chapter 7
Maddison
I go home to get my cell phone and then go out.
I stop at WonderBaby to buy everything that Emily will need for the first months of her life: to dress, a crib, a cot, a chest of drawers, two changing tables, a stroller, bath supplies, blankets, sheets for the crib, soaps, baby monitors, diapers, a music box, and a thermometer. I also see a lovely pink Minnie that I get for her. The clerk helps me load everything into the car, and then I return home. I take off the labels and wash all of the little girl’s things. Then, I take a shower and put on a pair of shorts, a tank top, and sneakers.
When the dryer finishes, I take out everything, fold it, and place it in the laundry basket.
It will be almost milk time, so I go to Jace. I knock slowly, and he opens sleepily.
“I’m sorry to bother you. How are things with the baby?”
“Come in. She’s still sleeping.”
“Would you give me a hand, please? Two minutes, and we’ll be back to her.”
He checks on Emily and nods. We go into the car, and I open the trunk. His mouth drops open in amazement.
We take everything and go back into the house.
“Does she needs all this stuff?” he asks incredulously.
“Yes … I was thinking of putting the crib here and the cot in your room or her nursery.”
He looks at all the stuff and the stroller in amazement and is moved.
“Maddie, you really are an angel.”
“I left the wings at home. Too bulky,” I say, giving him a wink.
We laugh as Emily starts to move. “Make the milk,” I tell him as I go to the little girl. “Hello, princess, did you have sweet dreams?” I ask her, playing with her little hands.
“Here you are. Do you want to give it to her?” he asks me.
I shake my head. “No, Daddy, it’s your turn.”
I put her in his arms, and Jace feeds her. After the burp, Emily needs her diaper changed. I leave it to him. He panics at first, but in the end, he understands how to do it. We change Emily’s onesie, and I take her in my arms.
“We have to start sorting things out. In two hours, you’ll go to sleep, and you need to have the cot in your room set up.”
“Okay. I’ll take care of it.”
I cradle the little one, singing a lullaby. When she falls asleep, I place her in the crib. I turn on the baby monitor and run home to get some vegetables and meat.
When I return, I go up a few steps and call Jace. I can’t invade his space any more than I have.
“Jace!”
“Yes?”
“Are you a vegetarian?”
He bursts out laughing, which makes my heart beat faster. “No, Maddie, I love meat.”
“Just wanted to be sure.”
* * *
I start cooking, making as little noise as possible. Emily sleeps with Minnie next to her, and dinner is cooking. I’ve assembled the changing tables, arranging what will remain on the ground floor.
Someone knocks on the door, and I go to open it.
The man looks at me and then at the door number.
“Hi, I was looking for Jace. Who are you?”
“Hi, I’m Maddie. Jace is upstairs.”
“Hi, Maddie. I’m Chris.”
“Please come in, but be quiet. Otherwise, the baby will wake up.”
“The baby?” he asks, disbelieving as he enters. He stops in front of the crib and then goes upstairs.
After a while, the boys step out. Chris greets me with a smile and leaves.
“That changing table goes up the way it is. After every meal, you need to change her diaper. It will be easier for you with this.”
“Will I ever be able to thank you enough?”
I smile and go back to cooking as he approaches me.
“What an amazing smell. What are you cooking?”
“Your dinner.”
“Mine? No, you’ll have dinner with me. After all the trouble, can I offer you at least one dinner?”
“Offer me? I’m cooking it.”
“Indeed, you’re right,” he says, laughing.
“Are you done upstairs?”
“Yes, please come and see if it’s okay.”
“Um...” I say, embarrassed, but in the end, it’s for Emily’s sake.
“Maddie?”
“I’m coming.”
I follow him upstairs, where I pull the cot close to his bed and move the changing table to a corner. In the nursery, I arrange the baby’s rompers.
Emily cries. Jace wants to go to her, but I stop him by placing my hand on his chest. I feel a jolt. When I look up at him, he tries to say something, but I stop him.
“It’s my turn. I’ll wait for you downstairs for dinner.”
“Okay,” he whispers as he watches me leave the room.
Chapter 8
Jace
Maddie was my lifeline. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have known how to start this journey.
Chris was shocked when I told him about the baby. But when he saw Maddie, he started to get a thousand crazy ideas.
I'm going to take a shower and shave. It's hot, and I have a feeling that she has changed the temperature in the house.
I put on a pair of shorts and go downstairs. I freeze when I see Maddie changing Emily, playing with her little feet and hands. This image makes me smile. Maddie is so sweet with Emily.
"What can I help you with?" I asked, startling her. That wasn’t my intention.
She turns, and her eyes linger on the tattoo covering my chest and left arm.
That look ... I miss the feeling of being looked at like that.
"You can finish with the baby while I put dinner on the table."
"No, I'll take care of the dinner," I tell her as I go to the kitchen.
Emily falls asleep in Maddie's arms. Maddie puts her in the crib and sits across from me.
I bite into a piece of steak and almost moan at how good it is.
"Why did you come here to Nanteville? People usually prefer big cities."
"I was living in Philadelphia, and I was forced to move. I saw some pictures, and I liked the place."
"Why forced?”
She looks down. “For my ex.”
"What happened?"
She sighs. I don't want to force her, so I give her all the time she needs.
"We’ve been together for three years. In the last year, he became more and more violent, and I left him. But things have only gotten worse.”
"Are they getting worse? How?"
"He followed me everywhere, and if I was alone, he hurt me." I feel more and more nervous.
"Did you report him?"
"Of course. I also got a restraining order."
"If you escaped here, it means it didn't help."
"No. In the ER, they told me I have a cracked rib, and I should have rested. My best friend told me I had to leave, or the next time I met him, it would be worse."
Instinctively, I take her hand, but she pulls it back. She just ran away from a disastrous situation, and it's expected that she doesn't trust you, you prick!
"I'm sorry."
"It belongs to the past. And you? What happened to Emily's mom? "
It's my turn to sigh. "We've been together for about two years, and I thought we were happy. I asked her to have a family, and she agreed. It was the worst mistake of my life. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy to have Emily. I've always wanted to have something of my own, someone who loves me for who I am."
"What happened, then?"
"I don't know. After five months of pregnancy, she changed. Shortly after, she moved in with her mother. At least I was able to come for her medical visits. We rarely spoke. And then she decided it wasn't worth having a family, and she left us. I didn't even know she had given birth. "
“That's unbelievable! Someone like that doesn't deserve to be a mother. How could she leave you two? The positive side is that you have a little angel.”
I smile. I have two angels, even if one isn’t mine.
“You said you love children. What do you do?”
“I'm a pediatrician. And you?”
Sexy. I imagine seeing her in stilettos, a white coat, and nothing else.
Jace, what the fuck is wrong with you?
I clear my throat. "I'm a fireman."
“Oh, sexy.”
I laugh because I'm not sure she really meant it. I glance up, and it's like looking at her for the first time.
Her hair is gathered in a messy bun, which I’d like to undo. She has a sweet face, and her green eyes are so sincere and sweet but also tired. I'm sure that if it weren't for me, she’d be asleep by now.
We finish dinner talking about several things for Emily. I load the dishwasher while she makes milk for Emily.
Chapter 9
Maddison
“Here you are! All yours.”
“No, it’s your turn!” he says, taking me by surprise.
“Really?” I ask, almost skeptical.
“Sure.”
I pick up Emily and give her the milk. She stares at me throughout the feeding, completely stealing my heart.
I change her and put on her pajamas, then rock her and sing a lullaby. When she falls asleep, I take Emily to her bed, covering her with a sheet. Then I pause to look at her for a while.
Goodnight, my lovely angel.
I turn to leave the room when I hit Jace’s hard chest. We look at each other for a moment. When I l
ick my lips, his gaze lands on my mouth. I take a step back.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”
“That’s okay. Is she sleeping?”
“Yes.”
We go to the kitchen, and I prepare the formula so that he’ll only have to add water.
“You have to tell me how much you spent today on Emily.”
“Why do you need to know?”
“Because I have to pay you back.”
“No, you don’t have to. They’re a present for her. And you still have a lot of things to buy.”
“Are you sure?
“Hundred percent.”
“In that case, thank you.”
I smile. “Go to sleep, Jace. Take advantage of it when she sleeps.”
He nods. I say goodbye, then go home. Leaving the baby makes me feel sad.
The baby or Jace?
I shake my head to dismiss this absurd question as I put on my robe.
As soon as I touch the bed, I fall asleep. Fatigue has got the better of me.
* * *
I wake up feeling the phone buzzing. I pick up with my eyes closed.
“Hello?”
In the background, I hear Emily’s crying, and I wake up instantly.
“Hi, Maddie, I’m sorry I have...”
“I’m on my way,” I tell him, ending the phone call. I put on my slippers and leave the house quickly. It’s still dark outside. I don’t even know what time it is. I knock on the door. When Jace opens it, he gasps.
“What happened?” I ask worriedly.
He clears his throat as I take the baby and rock her.
“I don’t know. After she ate, I changed her, and she burped. Then she fell asleep, but soon she started crying again.”
“Oh … shhh, it’s okay, princess.” I put her on the changing table and open the diaper, checking for redness. I touch her tummy and notice that it’s a little swollen. I smile when she relaxes at the massages.
“Okay, it’s colic. It’s normal in babies. It’s nothing serious.” I pick her up and notice Jace yawning.
“Go to sleep. If it’s not a problem for you, I can stay with the baby.”
In a Heartbeat Page 2