Listen to her spouting that BS. But she wasn’t wrong that it would be an issue if nobody hunted the monsters around town. . .
“Okay, why don’t we pick some random quest? Gotta show Komekko our best side, right, Megumin?” I gave her a half smile.
“That is true enough. Only Aqua got anything to do yesterday; I must show her that her big sister can hold her own, or I’ll lose her respect.”
When we were going to look for some random quest, though, Luna turned to us with a huge smile. “Don’t worry, Mr. Satou. I already have something for you, a quest worthy of such a powerful party!”
Well, that sure didn’t inspire confidence.
Heck, we had just finished getting rid of Lucy’s ghost, one of those things nobody else wanted to do. And now she was foisting something else big and dangerous on us? I took her by the arm, this woman I knew well by now, and pulled her over to a corner where Komekko wouldn’t hear us. “Listen, Miss, you know exactly what my party is like, right? Cut us some slack here—normally you wouldn’t touch us with a ten-foot pole, but now you get all friendly? Just because you’re pretty and cute and sort of my type doesn’t mean you can go bossing me around.”
She smiled, not completely upset—maybe she’d heard the whole pretty-girl thing before—and said, “Oh, ah-ha-ha, ‘pretty’? You’re a smooth talker, Mr. Satou. . . All right, let’s do this. If you complete this quest successfully, then you and I can go on a date when I get off work today—how’s that?”
“That’s not what I’m angling for here. And for that matter, every adventurer in town knows the rumor that you’re afraid you’re getting past your prime.”
She looked very serious. “Excuse me, Mr. Satou, but perhaps I could ask you who’s spreading that rumor?”
“Anyway, thanks but no thanks. We’re off to hunt some frogs or something.”
I made to leave, but I felt an iron grip on my arm. “I won’t let you get away, Mr. Satou—everything else aside, this particular quest must be done by you specifically. That’s one thing I’m sure of. The quest I’m asking you to complete would be absolutely impossible for anyone in Axel except for you.”
I found myself frozen in place by the woman’s suddenly grim demeanor. It was definitely her demeanor that did it and not the fact that I was enjoying the way she was holding my arm, which caused me to press up against a certain part of her anatomy.
Something she said sparked a memory. “This particular quest.”
“It seems you think very highly of me. Maybe I shouldn’t be saying this, but let’s be honest with each other: When I actually have to legitimately fight, I’m just a small fry.”
“I know that, of course.”
What, she wasn’t going to try to argue it?
Everyone in the Guild was running around, getting ready to take on this or that quest. Luna stared straight at me and said:
“The quest only you can handle is. . .”
3
A little forest to the west of Axel was home to one gigantic tree. This tree was well-known to our adventurers and Guild employees, and although supposedly no one was allowed near it, there was no end of travelers from other towns.
Why would people come from so far away? It had to do with the monster living under that tree. A character called the Leisure Queen. Think of it as a higher form of the Leisure Girl I’d slain a long time ago. . .
“Hey, Kazuma, I think we should take a pass on this quest. We’re dealing with the Leisure Queen, right? She’s been there for ages—do you know why no one has gotten rid of her?” We were on our way to the forest. Aqua, behind me, had been lecturing us for some time on the wisdom of this job.
“Kazuma, Kazuma. You know, I myself am not very eager to have to deal with this Leisure Queen. . .” So even Megumin wasn’t feeling it.
“I wish both of you would leave Kazuma alone. I grant that the Leisure Queen is a boon to certain people. Like those who are suffering from a terminal illness—some might ask what’s wrong with them going to the Queen to expire peacefully. But for exactly that reason, that forest has become the go-to place to commit suicide. That’s what that is. As a servant of the gods, I can’t countenance killing oneself. And I can’t let a creature that murders live, even if her victims go to her willingly.”
Darkness was trying to stick up for me, but I didn’t think she really got it, either. I set down the backpack I was carrying and turned to the three of them. “Listen, we haven’t decided we’re going to kill her yet. Do any of you really believe that I’m out to defeat the Leisure Queen for money or fame?”
“Sure we do. For a few experience points or some cash, you’d be happy to destroy even the sweetest fairy, wouldn’t you? Like those Snow Sprites of mine you secretly killed—I haven’t forgotten, you know. I’d even given them names!”
Geez, was she still upset about something from that long ago? I heaved a sigh and said, “I’ve told you again and again, I didn’t have anything to do with that. They melted because you put them by the fireplace.”
Once upon a time, when we’d gone to hunt some monsters called Snow Sprites, Aqua had decided to capture and raise them instead. When she couldn’t find them the next day, she arbitrarily decided I must have done it.
“I told you when we ran into that Leisure Girl on our way to Crimson Magic Village. Those aren’t good monsters; they’re evil, evil, evil.” My party members had called me monster and demon and all sorts of other names, but I’d kept trying to explain it to them. I really thought I had brought them around. . .
“Well, I’ve thought about it since then, and it seems fishy to me. If she was so awful, then my unclouded eye should have seen through her.”
“Your unclouded eye is blind!” I shot back, causing Aqua to puff out her cheeks. I pulled something from my backpack.
“Hrk. . .! Kazuma, is that. . .?”
It was a magical item that had helped (and hurt) us more than once in the past: a bell that rang when someone told a lie.
I knew if we just went straight to exterminate the Queen, Aqua and the others would try to stop me. Hence the bell. It would help us establish once and for all how awful this creature was and prove that I had been right all along.
“Watch and learn, girls. Specifically, learn that I’ve been telling the truth.”
I was feeling pretty confident, but Aqua eyed me doubtfully.
We trudged through the dark forest, on our way to the tree. There weren’t many monsters in these woods. From what I’d heard, earlier adventurers had proactively gotten rid of all the other enemies in the area so that none of them would harm the Leisure Queen.
I had no idea how long we had been working our way through the woods. I was even starting to doubt we were going in the right direction at all when:
“Hey, Kazuma, is that her? Something’s sparkling over there.”
I looked where Aqua was pointing and saw what seemed to be the one bright spot in this gloomy forest. We headed toward it and discovered a massive tree along with a small spring of water. No trees grew beside the spring, so it caught the sunlight, glittering with the reflection.
That was when someone called out to us. “Have you adventurers come in search of relief? Or are you simply lost?” The voice was gentle and musical; it was relaxing just to hear it. I turned toward the speaker, who said, “Or. . .have you come specifically to see me?”
There she was: a beautiful woman, the lower half of her body basically made of vegetation. She looked friendly—downright pleased to see us.
4
Uh-oh. I hadn’t been expecting this.
“So are you the Leisure Queen?” Aqua demanded.
The woman cocked her head. “Leisure Queen? Is that me? I see—you humans do like your names. You gave one to me as well—is that it?” Then she happily repeated the name to herself several times. “Thank you so much—may I personally express my gratitude to the one who gave me this name? I’m afraid they’ll have to come to me, as I can’t leave this spot.�
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The Leisure Queen was so friendly, so earnestly fun, that I knew then and there, things were much worse than I had ever thought they would be. We had exchanged only a few words, and I could already see that not only Aqua and Megumin but even Darkness was starting to feel some affection for this creature. The Leisure Girl we’d taken out in Crimson Magic Village had played on people’s desires to protect small, weak things. But this lady’s strategy was to outright make friends, pleasant and fluent from the start.
“Huh. I see your roots have become completely fixed to the ground. I guess that makes you different from the Leisure Girl—she looked completely human,” Aqua said, heedlessly getting closer to the creature to touch the roots.
“No, don’t do that!” the Leisure Queen exclaimed, all pretense of friendship forgotten. Aqua flinched with surprise, and Darkness stepped forward to cover Megumin and me. “You must not touch my roots,” the Queen said. “They might harm you, whether I want them to or not.” She looked sadly at the ground.
“. . .Hey, what’s going on here? If there’s anything that’s bothering you, I’d be happy to talk about it.”
Aqua sounded worried, and I was thrown for a loop by the Leisure Queen’s words. I’d sure never thought she would deliberately tell us she was dangerous. What was the story here? Was this creature really a higher form of the Leisure Girl? She wasn’t quite what I’d been expecting. . .
I whispered all this to Darkness, who looked amazed that this was just occurring to me now. “You’ve always insisted that the Leisure Girl was a blackhearted monster, right? But this Queen has always been known as a creature of integrity. Enough so that every adventurer sent from our town has agreed about it. Ultimately, even the Adventurers Guild argued about whether or not to destroy her. They couldn’t agree whether she was really a monster who harmed people and therefore the valid object of a hunting quest.”
“So that’s why it came to me, huh? Come to think of it, Luna did say something about an investigation quest. I guess she knows that with my experience with the Leisure Girl, I won’t let down my guard around this one—that I’ll be able to take a good, objective look at things.”
“I think that might be giving both of you a bit too much credit, but one thing that’s for sure is that people did appreciate your willingness to destroy that Leisure Girl.”
The practical problem with having a Leisure Queen around was that everybody wanted to be the object of her affections. Adventurers would leave everything behind, even family and friends. For them to find their final rest in the arms of a monster was deeply ironic.
“It was a serious argument,” Darkness continued. “Which is really better: to die alone and lonely or, after a difficult life, to live out your last days with a beautiful woman—even if she is a monster?”
So you could die by yourself, unremembered, or you could go to your rest with a beautiful woman smiling upon you—even if you knew you would be monster food after that. I had to admit, that argument made it hard to think of this creature as wholly evil.
. . .At least, not if this Leisure Queen didn’t also turn out to have a real dark side. Without ever taking my eyes off her, I said, “I want to ask you something. What happened to everyone else who’s come here? What kind of end did they meet?”
“A very easy one,” the Leisure Queen said. “Faces peaceful and relaxed.” She sounded matter-of-fact, yet as if she might burst into tears. “But it seems you are not like the others who have come here, are you?” She smiled fleetingly at me. “The only way I can continue to exist in this world is by killing you humans.” She didn’t even try to conceal the nature of her existence. “You look to be very strong of heart. . . Listen, it pains me deeply to ask such a thing, but. . .” The slightest tremble passed through her body. “For the sake of my beloved humans. . .would you exterminate me?”
That smile was sort of awkward.
Damn, what’s this about?
Could it be this monster had a legitimately pure and decent heart?
I remembered the time Aqua had exorcised a Lich named Khiel. He’d asked for it himself, saying something about wanting to go to the person he loved. This Leisure Queen was asking me to get rid of her so she wouldn’t hurt any more humans.
But wait, think back to the Leisure Girl. I’d been taken in by her at first. The only thing that had allowed me to exterminate her was dumb luck. If I’d left her alone, I was sure she would have been feasting on some unfortunate traveler right about now.
“You can’t!” Aqua exclaimed. She took the Leisure Queen’s hand. “You mustn’t throw your life away when you aren’t even suffering from a terrible illness or anything! Listen to me. In this world, no one and nothing is useless. The only things that should vanish from this world are the undead and demons! Even monsters—there are delicious ones, and cute ones, and even kind ones like you! Even NEETs should go on living, so a good-hearted creature like you should live so much more!”
The Leisure Queen looked moved almost to tears.
“She’s right—you haven’t done anything wrong. In fact, people widely consider Leisure Girls to be a place of final respite for retired adventurers. Everyone agrees that it’s better to meet your end in someone’s loving arms than to die a slow, painful death from illness and old age. When they come to you, an even higher form of Leisure Girl, it is their own choice. You don’t need to worry.” Now Megumin was holding the Queen’s other hand and even giving her a sort of hug.
“So it. . . It’s all right for me to exist in this world. . .?” The Queen gazed at them with something like confusion.
Only Darkness didn’t seem convinced; she looked from me to the Leisure Queen and back again.
This was virtually a re-creation of the scene outside of Crimson Magic Village. Ugh. I was probably going to get myself chewed out for even thinking about using this, but. . .
“Say, Kazuma. This Leisure Queen, do you think. . .?” Darkness stopped when she saw the object in my hand. “H-hey, that’s. . .”
The magical object I had gone out of my way to borrow for this trip. The lie-detecting bell. I’d seen it used on me time and time again—now it was my turn. I took it toward the Leisure Queen; Darkness backed away a little. Why did she have to look at me like that? I was just an adventurer trying to be sure of what I was dealing with.
“Quit staring at me like that; I’m going to feel hurt. I’m not made of stone, you know.”
That got Aqua and Megumin to turn and look at us.
“H-hey, Kazuma, what’s that in your hand? It’s not that, you know, ringing thing, is it? I know all about that.”
“K-Kazuma? Surely you don’t doubt her? Surely you don’t need to use that thing. . .”
Both of them looked as freaked out as Darkness, as if they couldn’t believe I was really doing this. Meanwhile, the Leisure Queen cocked her head intently and said, “What do you have there?”
“Oh, this is a magical item that knows when you’re lying,” I told her. “If you say something untrue, it jingles.”
The forest was completely silent as the Leisure Queen and I stared at each other. Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness were all glaring at me, incredulous that this was happening. Hardly able to bear it myself, I approached the Leisure Queen. “Look, don’t worry. If this thing doesn’t make a sound, it’ll mean we can completely believe you. The Adventurers Guild might even rethink wanting to get rid of you.”
Yeah, all of us here would be witnesses. But. . .
“You’re right, of course. I’m a monster; what right do I have to expect you to trust me?”
But please don’t look at me so sadly. You’re killing me, here.
“Hey, Kazuma, the way you look right now—it’s totally like a woman who announces happily that she’s pregnant, but she’s been sleeping with other people, and it shows on her face so much that even her husband starts to wonder if it’s his kid.”
“That is going a little far, Aqua. Although I certainly recognize this person’s pencha
nt for infidelity and his tendency to constantly doubt everyone around him. . .” Megumin trailed off; maybe she realized that what she was saying was a bit of a non sequitur.
“Thank you, both of you. But it’s all right—I’m a monster. I’m used to not being trusted. I beg you not to think twice about it. And you, sir, please don’t look so sad. Don’t blame yourself. . .”
The only one who actually seemed to have something to contribute to this conversation was the Leisure Queen, a fact that practically made me cry. Dammit, why did the Guild lady have to stick me with this job? Did people really think I was that unfeeling? It was enough to hurt a guy. . .
As I stood there stupidly with the bell in my hand, Darkness said gently, “There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. I think this is the right thing. Why don’t you give me the magic bell? I don’t want you to always have to be the villain.”
No, no—my instincts were still telling me not to just naively trust her. The Leisure Queen hadn’t taken her eyes off the bell since I’d brought it out. She had pretended not to recognize it, but I thought she knew exactly what it could do.
Darkness, oblivious to what I was thinking, took the item. “Leisure Queen, let me ask you something. What do you think of us humans?”
“. . .You humans are immensely important to me. It’s not an exaggeration to say that without you, I could not exist.”
Aqua and Megumin watched the bell closely, but it didn’t ring.
Darkness let out a profoundly relieved sigh and said, “There—I’m sorry for doubting you. Please forgive us. But that’s enough to clear your name. . . See, Kazuma? Come on—cheer up. Things went weirdly smoothly today, don’t you think?” Darkness sounded like there was a huge load off her shoulders.
But I didn’t look at her as I said, “What happened to the adventurers and travelers who came to you, after they died? You used them for their nutrients, right?”
The Arch-Wizard’s Little Sister Page 11