by Sadie Moss
We meet up once they’re finished with us, out on the main lawn.
“Any plans for the day?” I ask. I’ve got too much on my mind to sit still, and I’m almost sad we don’t have classes. I could use the distraction.
Things are still a bit awkward after last night. We all seem to have privately come to the same decision, which is to just not talk about it. But it’s making our conversations a little more stilted than usual.
“Asher and I are going into town,” Dmitri says, his tone short. “We’ve got shit to take care of.”
“Godspeed then,” I reply dryly.
Cam shrugs. “I was hoping you’d want to go on a hike with me?”
We’ve been running together through the woods every morning, but a hike suggests something a little longer. And physical activity sounds good. “Where to?”
“Up the ridge,” he says with a grin. The school grounds are massive and include a section of sharp rises almost like foothills. But we’ve never gone there since it’s a little too intense for a morning run. “What do you say?”
Well, it’ll be one way to work off my anxiety. I haven’t seen Roman all morning, not even while I was being questioned, and I can’t help but worry about him, although I internally berate myself for being so concerned. The whole atmosphere at the academy isn’t helping, either. Everyone’s tense and freaked out, so people are either getting off campus or staying in their dorms. It’s freakishly quiet around here.
“Sure.” Can’t hurt, right?
“We’ll see you later then. Have a good hike,” Asher says, giving me one of his sweet smiles. Dmitri just turns and starts walking away. Dick.
“Thanks.” I grin back at the brown-haired mage. “Have fun in town.”
After they leave, Cam and I return to the dorm to suit up in some proper workout gear, then head for the woods.
“I’ve always loved the outdoors,” he admits as we walk down the path. “Asher and Dmitri aren’t big fans, so I’m glad you like going out with me.”
“No problem. Helps me work off some steam.”
Cam laughs. “Yeah, and you’ve got a hell of a lot of steam to work out, Sin. I’ve seen you in Combat class; you’re ruthless.”
“Old habits,” I reply, breathing deeply as we leave the curated part of the campus grounds behind and head into the trees. The forest is peaceful, welcoming, and colorful in the fall. It makes me feel like schoolwork and everything else, all my fears and responsibilities, are far away.
“What, were you a boxer in a previous life?”
“No. Just got used to defending myself.”
He glances sideways at me from the corner of his eye. “Sounds intense.”
I shrug. “It is what it is. As a bartender, you can get unruly customers. Especially if you’re a girl.”
“I get that. When you’re all alone, you’ve got to learn to depend on yourself and no one else.”
It sounds like he speaks from experience, and that takes me by surprise. “Um… yeah, exactly.”
Cam chuckles lightly. “What, you thought my life was all sunshine and roses just because I’m not brooding all the time like Dmitri?”
I feel like crap, because that’s exactly what I thought. “Maybe.”
Slowing down our speed a little, he casts his gaze up to the sky. “I’m…” He blows out a breath, his blue eyes darkening. “My parents died when I was sixteen. They were scientists, always doing experiments with magic. Seeing how far we could push our powers, what we could do with them, looking at the line where magic ended and science began, and how we could combine them. They were running some tests in the lab one day and—I guess they pushed a little too hard. I still don’t know exactly what happened, but…”
He shakes his head. “Nothing more fun than a Circuit representative coming to your school to pull you out of class and tell you that your parents are gone. I had to fend for myself after that. I didn’t want to be put in a home.”
My heart thuds hard in my chest, pain for him making my stomach twist. That’s awful. Sixteen is way too young for something like that—not that there’s ever a good time.
I look up at him, searching his face. “You’ve been on your own this whole time? But you’re so…”
“Cheerful?” Cam shoots me a wry grin. “Well, what else was I supposed to do? I had to get people to like me, to be on my side, so they’d help me out. And so long as I’m laughing… I’m not thinking about the shitty stuff. Best kind of self-medication, and it doesn’t cost a fortune. Unlike heroin.”
I snort. “That’s an awful joke.”
“Yeah, not one of my best. But you know what I mean.”
“I do.” I really, really do. “I wish I was as good at that as you are. I’ve tried to stay upbeat for Maddy’s sake, but sometimes, especially when we were younger, I just got so mad. At my dad for leaving—I know my mom getting cancer wasn’t his fault, but it felt like it was. And I was mad at the universe for letting it happen. At the doctors who couldn’t save her. Even at my mom, just a little, for dying. How could she do that to us? How could she leave her kids like that? It doesn’t make any sense, but it was just easier to feel angry than to feel sad.”
Cam nods. “I get it. We all cope in different ways. Sometimes…” He looks out over the path, sunlight shining on his thick blond hair. “Sometimes I just want to scream, you know? It’s been years, and I’m okay with it. Mostly. No, not okay—more like used to it. And then something totally innocent triggers a memory of them, and I get angry all over again because it’s just so fucking unfair.”
“Yes!”
The word bursts out of me. It’s such a relief to have someone else who understands, who knows what it’s like. It’s hard to talk about this stuff with people who’ve generally had it pretty easy in life. They don’t understand, and honestly, a lot of them would rather not hear about it. I never would’ve expected Cam to be someone I could relate to on this level, but at the same time, it makes so much sense.
I look into his sky-blue eyes, which shine with a mixture of sadness and happiness. “I’m sorry.”
He cocks his head, frowning. “What for?”
I stop walking, turning to face him. “I dunno. I feel like I underestimated you. You’re a great guy, and I knew that, but I guess I just took your jokes at face value. A lot of people take me at face value, and I hate it.” I feel nerves writhing in my stomach like snakes. I haven’t really talked about this with anyone before. Who would I have confided in, anyway? Ajax? The other bartenders at The Den? “People never really… I didn’t have many friends before now. I know I’m cranky, and I tend to push people away, so I just wanted to thank you. And Asher. You haven’t let me do that. You’ve been so kind and thoughtful. You’ve been my friends and helped me feel safe, and I… I just want to thank you.”
Good lord. What a lovely fucking pile of word vomit. I seriously suck at this.
“Of course.” Cam takes a small step toward me, smiling. “Elliot.”
“Whoa, using my real name, this did just get serious.” I laugh, although some rogue butterflies have gotten loose in my stomach and are making it flip-flop.
He chuckles. “I like how tough you are. That’s part of why I became friends with you. I mean, aside from thinking you’re funny and gorgeous.”
I can feel my face heating up. “Shut up.”
“Hey, I’m allowed to compliment you. We’re friends, and friends can think highly of each other.” He winks at me, one corner of his full lips tilting up. “I’m serious though. You might think you’re closed off, but you kind of wear your emotions on your sleeve. And I saw that you were like me. It drew me to you.”
It slowly dawns on me that we stopped walking quite a while ago. As we’ve talked, we’ve drifted nearer to each other, and now we’re standing incredibly close. But I don’t want to pull away. I should, I know that. Especially since I’m not sure about this whole relationship thing. Sex, I can do. But Cam wants more than that. And I don’t know if
my heart can handle giving it to him.
But at the same time… won’t Cam, of all people, understand?
As if reading my thoughts, he reaches out, cradling the side of my face and gently wiping away a bead of sweat from my temple with his thumb. “You say I make you feel safe? The thing is, Sin, I feel safe with you too.”
Oh, goddamn it.
I would dare any woman not to kiss him after that.
Whatever fears I have about my inability to handle a relationship suddenly become so much less important than pressing my lips to his. I’ve wanted to do this for weeks, and his words just broke a dam I didn’t even realize was overflowing.
Cam makes a startled noise as our mouths meet, but he quickly wraps his arms around me, pulling me against him. God, he’s all muscle, which I could tell by looking at him—he’s broad-shouldered, solid, and his t-shirts stretch across his chest and biceps—but seeing it and feeling it are two entirely different things.
My hands roam all over his body, trying to memorize the feel of him in case we never get the chance to do this again.
Cam kisses quick and fun and dirty, which doesn’t surprise me at all. His tongue slides into my mouth and tangles with mine, making heat rush through my veins. Fireworks explode inside my stomach, killing off the damn butterflies as sparks ricochet through my body.
Good. Who needs butterflies anyway. This is way better.
We take a few steps back, and the next thing I know my back is thudding against a tree, and Cam’s leg is sliding between mine. This is a bad idea, but I don’t want to stop. My blood is hot and sparking, and we’re grinding up against each other as our heartbeats pound in a synchronized rhythm. Fuck, he’s good at this. Confident and commanding and—
There’s laughter from farther up the path, and we both jump, tearing away from each other. Cam’s mouth is red, his lips swollen, and his chest is heaving. I can see the outline of his cock through his gym shorts, and my pussy clenches in response.
It’s a good thing the approaching group is being loud, otherwise there’s no damn way I would’ve heard them. We could’ve been caught with our pants down.
Possibly literally. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly.
I can’t believe I got that carried away in public. I’ve never been this impulsive before. First it was sex in the alley, then in a damn alcove in a school hallway, and now I’m making out on a hiking trail—what’s gotten into me?
The group of people coming down the slope are also students. I recognize them from around campus, although I don’t know their names. That’s pretty standard for me. Despite my promises to myself to get to know more people at the academy, I mainly stick with the ones I’ve already met. They all know Cam though, and they say hi as they pass by, exchanging some quick small talk before moving on.
Once they’re gone, he and I look at each other. I can feel my face heating up, and his cheeks flush a little too. All I really want to do is shove him against that tree and pick up where we left off, but the tiny shred of rational thought I’m clinging to makes me resist that idea.
I’m not opposed to a fun hookup, but only if it’s clear that’s all there is to it. And with Cam, that wouldn’t be the case.
He has feelings for me.
And I have feelings for him.
Which, if I were a normal girl, would make us perfect relationship material. But because I’m me, it just makes me seize up in terror.
“Should we, uh, move on?” Cam asks, gesturing up the trail.
“Yeah, good idea.”
He shoots me a lopsided smile before turning and heading up the path, subtly adjusting his pants. I try not to think about that, or how good his ass looks as he walks up the incline. Or the way my body came alive when he touched me, or the way my heart seems to open up every time I’m around him.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus.
I’ve known the whole time that I’m in over my head with this magic academy thing. But I’m only just now realizing… I’m in way over my head romantically too.
Chapter 20
The Circuit doesn’t seem to find anything, or at least, there aren’t any arrests made. There’s a memorial for Trevor, and another school-wide assembly is called. Dean Hardwick assures us that every possible precaution is being taken to keep us safe, but despite his promises, a few families pull their kids out of school.
The shitty thing is, Griffin Academy is really the only option that exists for training our particular brand of magic, so dropping out leaves those students shit out of luck. I understand why they might not want to stay, given the circumstances, but it sucks that they have to make that choice. Hopefully if—no, when—the killer is finally caught, they’ll be able to return to the academy and catch up on whatever classwork they missed. They shouldn’t be punished just for not wanting to get murdered.
Most of us stay despite the danger, but we’re all a little jumpy for a few days—literally. Raul accidentally surprises me in class one afternoon and I end up on the ceiling, clutching it for dear life while Raul apologizes profusely.
But as the days pass and there aren’t any more attacks, things start to get back to normal. Well, mostly normal. Ever since the attack, Roman’s been getting an awful lot of attention from the students.
The female students, I should point out.
I actually thought people were going to be more suspicious of him. It surprised me how scared I was about it. I didn’t want Roman to be ostracized or gossiped about because of someone clearly trying to set him up, but I really shouldn’t have worried. Instead, the opposite has happened. Everyone is furious at whoever framed him and tried to smear the name of the school’s most popular teacher, and the women especially are taking it upon themselves to try and cozy up to him to offer their “condolences”.
I can’t help but notice Professor Tamlin seems amused by the whole thing. That odd curl of jealousy comes alive in my chest again. I know it’s probably because she just doesn’t care if girls flirt with him, and I’ll admit, I find the whole thing kind of amusing too. But there’s a part of my mind that whispers insidiously, telling me she’s amused because she knows she can have Roman back anytime she wants.
Worrying about that is stupid of me though. I’m the one who keeps pushing Roman away and ignoring the signs that he wants a relationship of some kind with me. If he were to go back to Josephine Tamlin I’d have nobody to blame but myself.
Damn it.
Oh, and speaking of my frustratingly gorgeous professor, Roman has finally stopped being so hard on me in class. He was easing up on me before the attack anyway, but I kind of think he’s taken my covering for him the night Trevor’s body was discovered as a sign that something else really does—or could—exist between us.
Not that he’s been inappropriate in class or anything. But he’s been paying more attention to me than the others, helping me with my techniques. It’s been good for me. I’m getting better at controlling my magic, and a lot of that is directly attributable to the work he’s done with me. I’ve finally reached the point where I’ve stopped freaking out about accidentally hurting someone with my sonic boom.
Roman’s face when I demonstrated in class how I can focus it on a target is something I’m going to treasure forever. He seemed so damn proud of me, and I couldn’t even believe how happy that made me feel.
Alyssa definitely picked up on the look I gave him, which is… I don’t know what. Trouble, probably—I just don’t know what kind yet. Her capacity for passive aggression is astounding. The other three girls follow her everywhere, sometimes gleefully and sometimes not. I get the impression that sometimes they’re tired and don’t want to deal with me that day, but they always traipse along after Alyssa and do what she says.
I can’t help but wonder if that’s what it’ll be like in the “real world” too, once I graduate. If I’m going to be playing the game of cliques and in-crowds with powerful magical families for the rest of my life.
Fuck. I really hope not.
<
br /> A few weeks after Trevor’s death, just when I think everything is getting back to normal—it all goes to shit.
We’re eating breakfast in the dining hall: Cam, Asher, Dmitri, and me. Most of the school is here, since a lot of us have morning classes, and the atmosphere in the massive room is relaxed and sleepy as we all talk and eat.
I’m groaning into my oatmeal about how I’m not ready for finals, which are looming on the horizon, and Cam’s complaining about his Monday night seminar when a scream goes up from somewhere near the front of the room.
My heart lurches in my chest, and I half-stand to try to see what’s going on. But before I can find the source of the noise, more shouts and screams rise up all around us.
“What’s going—aaaah!”
Asher’s words end in a pained yell, and I whip my head toward him, fear twisting my stomach. The magic dampening brace on his arm is burning away, the metal melting as if under high heat. Then Cam shouts too, and I think Dmitri grunts, but I barely register the sounds because scalding, white-hot pain tears through my forearm, making my nerve endings scream.
I grip my arm as the brace burns away, a yell tearing from my throat as the pain intensifies. All around, people are doubling over, sobbing as their magical cuffs dissolve into liquid metal.
Then a massive bolt of lightning strikes the table next to ours.
Everyone around it ducks for cover, their screams shifting in tone as terror mixes with pain. For a horrifying moment, I think we’re under attack. And I must not be the only person who thinks that, because more magic erupts around me. A second year with disintegration power hurls a blast toward where the lightning appeared, and students scream and scatter as the table explodes into dust.
Oh shit. Our braces. They’re all gone.
No one in the hall has their power restrained anymore, and all of them are scared and hurt. Just like the first time I unleashed my sonic boom, their power is rising to the surface as an instinctual defense mechanism.