by Sadie Moss
Now that I’m here, I realize I didn’t really plan what I wanted to say. I’m sorry sounds so inadequate, and it doesn’t begin to cover everything I want to tell him. Asher’s been so sweet and supportive of me. I don’t know how to thank him without sounding like a sap, but I want to.
I’m also scared as hell to say the words.
He likes me, I know he does. And I like him too. A lot. But until my feelings are actually expressed out loud in human English, I still have plausible deniability. Because liking Asher? Caring about him? It’s dangerous. For my heart, and for his damn life. I couldn’t ask for more evidence than what’s right in front of me. He was my friend, and he got hurt because he was trying to help me. How much longer until something else like this happens? How much longer until the people in my life get hurt and die, or get tired of me and leave?
It’s not just Asher I’m starting to care for, either. It’s Cam, with his humor and his hidden depths and his determination to be there for me. His sweetness and openness. It’s Roman, with his insistence that there is something between us, his magnetism and mystery, his conviction that I can become more than what I am now. It’s Dmitri, with his silent, grouchy protectiveness, the way he watches out for me and then pretends he’s doing no such thing.
I care about all of them.
God, that’s a terrifying thought.
It makes me feel like I’m at the top of a roller coaster, about to go down a steep drop—except I don’t know if I’m wearing a safety harness or not. I don’t know whether I’m going to go on the ride of my life or crash and burn.
No matter what else I might be confused about though, there’s one thing I know for sure. I really want Asher to be all right.
Please, I think. Please get better.
He doesn’t ever have to know how confused and messed up I am. He doesn’t have to know that it scares me how much I care about him. I just want him to be okay.
As I gaze down at his face, Asher’s eyes crack open, and he looks at me. I nearly jump a mile, my heart stuttering in my chest.
And then I realize—his cuff isn’t on.
None of the patients’ cuffs are on in here, probably something to do with the healing process. And that means Asher could possibly hear inside my head.
Oh God, I hope not.
“Hey,” I murmur, my voice shaking a little. Keeping a smile pasted on my face, I work desperately to erase every private thought from my mind. But it’s like when someone tells you not to think of a pink elephant, and all of a sudden that’s all you can fixate on. “Um… I just wanted to come see how you’re feeling. You know, check how the infirmary pudding is and all that. And to make sure you’ll be back on your feet soon. I’ve… I’ve got nobody to help me with my homework now.”
His lips spread in a wan, tired smile. “You don’t have to be defensive with me, Elliot,” he says in a low voice, almost a whisper.
I swallow hard around the sudden lump forming in my throat. “What do you mean?” Deny, deny, deny.
Asher gives a small sigh, and his gorgeous green eyes soften. “I heard you.”
Damn it.
He starts to sit up, and I quickly rearrange the pillows to help prop him. “Careful,” I hiss. “Don’t move too fast.”
“As if I couldn’t already tell you care,” he murmurs, not letting me distract him from the subject. “Elliot, it’s okay. You don’t have to hide anything from me or anyone else.”
That’s just the thing. I do. When you let people care about you, and when you let yourself care about them, nothing good comes of it. They leave or you lose them. I’ve already got Maddy to worry about. I can’t—I won’t—let myself get worked up into knots over anyone else.
Asher reaches out and takes hold of my hand, squeezing gently. I squeeze back before I can stop myself. Every time I touch him, it feels so right, so comfortable, that I have to remind myself all over again why this is a bad idea.
“The problem with my power,” he says quietly, “is that I can see sides of people nobody else can see. Most of the time it frustrates me. I wish the world could see how thoughtful Dmitri really is. Or how hurt Cam’s been in his life, how much losing his parents still affects him. I wish people who say and do cruel things would let their real thoughts show, because most of the time, they’re just scared and lonely and lashing out. I always think if everyone was more honest, more true to how they think and feel, the world would be a better place.”
His voice is soft but strong, and his gaze draws me in like a tractor beam.
“But with you… I kind of like that I’m one of the only people who knows how you really are. Who knows what you’re really thinking and feeling. And underneath all your cranky swagger, Elle? You’re a very, very sweet woman.” Asher gives me a crooked, shy smile. “And I like that it’s kind of our little secret.”
Oh… wow.
My heart thumps unevenly in my chest. It doesn’t escape my notice that he called me Elle. No one’s ever called me that before, not even Maddy, and I… I like it. It feels like that’s our little secret too.
And what he just said? That might be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever told me.
Of course, Asher hears me think that too. I know he does because he blushes in response. I roll my eyes. “I’m never going to have a safe thought around you again, am I?”
“Only until my cuff comes back on,” he reassures me quickly.
I can’t help myself. He’s unbelievably sweet and so goddamn adorable, and I’m so relieved he’s okay.
But it’s not the relief urging me on. I just really want this.
So I think two words as clearly as I can.
Kiss. Me.
Asher’s eyes widen in surprise, and he jerks his head up to stare at me. Whatever he sees on my face must confirm what he heard in my head, because a wide grin spreads across his face, growing slowly until it’s taken over, like he can’t believe I actually thought that “out loud”.
He leans in, or I lean in, or we both do, and when our lips press together, it’s soft and gentle and feels like summer rain after a long, unrelenting heat wave. It feels like something breaking apart, but in the best way possible.
I get lost in the kiss, so overwhelmed by the feel of him that I forget to worry about all the thoughts he can read plain as day in my head. Nice thoughts. Mushy thoughts. Thoughts that would make me cringe with embarrassment if I weren’t so busy kissing Asher like my life depends on it.
He licks the seam of my lips, and when I open my mouth, our tongues meet like long lost friends. I feel both safe and turned on, and before I know it, my upper body is practically draped over his as I try to find some way to get us closer.
But we’re in an infirmary. There are people around. He’s still healing from his injuries.
That last thought, more than the other two, prompts me to reluctantly pull away. Asher looks happy and a little dazed, and his shaggy brown hair is sticking up where I ran my fingers through it. I lick my lips, tasting him on them as I draw back. For a second, we just stare at each other, still lost in the magical little bubble our kiss created.
“You’re really okay?” I ask him, brushing my fingers over the back of his hand. “You don’t have any lasting damage, or—?”
Asher shakes his head, his moss-green eyes warm and gentle. “No. I had a concussion, but just the kind I needed to sleep off. The healing the infirmary staff can do with magic—it’s not perfect, but it can take care of a lot of things. I’m just fine. I’ll be back in the dorm with you all in a day, at most.”
“No, no, take your time.” I wave him off, quirking a grin. “I’ve enjoyed sleeping in your bed; much comfier than mine.”
He chuckles, threading his fingers through mine and squeezing my hand. And for just this moment, there’s no threat of the school shutting down, no psycho on the loose, no finals stressing me out. Nothing.
It’s just Asher and me, and it’s wonderful.
Chapter 24
The next da
y, Cam, Dmitri, and I clean the room in preparation for Asher’s return, although I’m sure the two men will join me in denying it if anyone asks. The fourth member of our motley little group grins as he enters the room, still moving a bit slowly, like he’s getting used to being out of bed and able to walk around on his own again.
“You look like you just got out of prison,” Dmitri grunts. “What, did you get tired of all the rest and no homework?”
Asher flips him off good-naturedly before setting his things on his bed and glancing around. “You guys cleaned.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrug evasively. “The place is always this neat. Maybe you’re just the messy one.”
“Nah. Cam’s the messy one.”
“Ouch!” Cam laughs, pressing a hand dramatically to his heart. “Et tu, Brutus?”
The guys greet Asher with a slap on the back and a punch on the arm—although I notice their greeting is a lot lighter than usual—but I don’t feel like punching him, so I duck in for a quick hug. His body is tall and lean, his muscles firm beneath my hands, and he smells like citrus and lemongrass. His brace is back on, so he can’t hear my thoughts, which is fine by me. I’m still not sure what to do about that moment we shared in the infirmary, although I’ve replayed it in my head a lot.
Feeling a little awkward that my quick hug turned into a not-so-quick grope, I pull away, avoiding Asher’s gaze.
“We’re going to be late, you know,” Dmitri points out with a grumble.
“Oh, hush.” Him, I’m happy to punch. And I do—hard—on the arm. “Asher’s back. Who cares if we’re a few minutes late to class?”
“It’s not class,” Cam says. “There’s some kind of assembly going on. Students. Staff. Everybody. Hardwick’s giving us all a talk.”
Oh, damn. I don’t want to say it out loud and worry the guys in case I’m wrong, but I can’t help but wonder… if this is it.
If Hardwick’s going to tell us they’re shutting the academy down.
If that’s the case, then I don’t see any reason to hurry. I still have my issues with this school, but I’ve come to realize what an important place it is. To me, and to all the other students and staff too. When I’m here, it feels like I have some sort of handle on my destiny. And I’m not going to let this safe haven for my friends be shut down. Hell no.
“We’d better get going,” Asher says, ever the rule-follower.
Cam and Dmitri look like they’re on the same page I am as far as this whole getting there on time thing goes, but they put on their jackets because… well, we’re all kind of trying to accommodate Asher right now. He did just get out of the infirmary, after all.
We head downstairs. The main hall of the dormitory is quiet as we walk through it, and when we push open the doors and step outside, there’s a figure coming up the front steps.
“Roman?” I shoulder past Dmitri to meet him.
He looks relieved to see me. The corners of his eyes relax a little, and his jaw stops clenching. “Elliot, there you are. You’re all right,” he says, his tone carefully neutral.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t she be?” Dmitri demands as he steps up beside me, so close his shoulder brushes mine.
I glare at him. I can fight my own battles, thank you, and I don’t like the implication that I need to have the guys around to look out for me like guard dogs. If I’m okay, it’s because of me, not because some big strong man protected my weak ass.
It is nice to know Roman cares so much—and that the guys also care enough to be offended at the suggestion that they’d leave me alone and vulnerable. But I don’t need the darkly handsome necromancer watching out for me so closely. Or Dmitri, either. I’m an adult, I can handle myself.
“We’re going to the assembly,” I tell Roman. “We were just waiting for Asher. You didn’t have to come all the way over here just to check on me.”
“I know. I just—” He breaks off, his gaze flicking to the three men behind me.
Oh fuck. This is awkward. I don’t have any kind of agreement or understanding with any of these guys—how could I, when I don’t understand it myself? But there are definitely some unresolved feelings between all of us. I’m not sure if Roman knows that the other three are aware of our hookups, but I can tell he’s trying to play it safe and keep his “professor” hat on, just in case.
“I’m fine, Roman. Really.”
Aware that I’m breaking about a dozen of my own rules, I reach out and touch his arm gently. I feel his muscles stiffen and then relax under my touch, and my heart squeezes as I realize he truly was worried about me.
Given what my three roommates told me about their interest in sharing me, and their disappointment when they found out I was sleeping with Roman, I half expect them to raise their hackles at the obvious connection between us. But they don’t, not even Dmitri.
Interesting. Asher did say they wouldn’t compete with him either. So does that mean they’d be willing to share me with him too…?
I force myself to focus, pushing that thought away. Jesus, Elliot. Get it together!
Finals are almost here. Someone’s been attacking the school. And now we’re late for an emergency assembly. There are bigger things to be concerned about than my insane love life.
Tearing my gaze away from Roman’s, I hustle down the steps, calling over my shoulder, “We should go before we’re any more late. The assembly must be important for Dean Hardwick to gather the whole school.”
If he is planning to announce the closure of the academy, I want to be there so I can voice my objections. Not that I expect him to take a vote on it, but someone should speak up.
I turn down the path toward the auditorium, and a moment later, the guys and Roman all follow me. It only takes us about five minutes to reach the large stone building, but as we approach, I feel something… odd emanating from inside.
The hairs at the back of my neck stand up, and I can sense it, like a smell in the air.
Magic.
I hear the men coming up behind me, and their steps become uneven as they drift to a stop. They can sense it too.
My heart in my throat, I open the doors and enter slowly.
Once I’m inside the building, it becomes obvious immediately what the problem is. Yeah, this is definitely not normal.
There are a few students ahead of me, and one janitor, but none of them are moving. In fact, they don’t even appear to be breathing.
They’re not dead—or at least, they don’t look it. It’s like someone just hit “pause” on a TV show. Everyone’s still halfway through taking a step, or mopping the floor, or grabbing a book. They’re just… frozen.
“What the hell?” Cam breathes behind me.
Tentatively, my heart still hammering, I walk up to the closest student. I have Magical Theory class with her. I reach out, my fingers shaking a little, and lightly touch her arm.
Nothing. She feels oddly cool to the touch, and she doesn’t seem to be breathing or blinking—I can’t even feel a pulse when I press my fingers against her neck.
“What the fuck is this?” Cam whispers. For the first time since I’ve met him, he sounds scared.
“They’re frozen in time.” Roman’s voice is oddly hushed. He seems reluctantly impressed. “It takes powerful magic to do something like this. Hugely powerful.”
I shoot him a glance, stomach twisting as I try to master my own fear. “Who could’ve done this?”
He shakes his head. “I have no idea. Burning off the braces was bad enough, but this?”
“Someone wants everyone out of the way,” Dmitri notes, his tone grim. “Freezing them is easier than killing them, and it means you don’t have to worry about being sneaky. You can just waltz right into anywhere you want.”
“We were late.” My voice goes soft as the realization hits me. “We were late for the assembly—that’s the only reason we didn’t get caught in this spell too.” The gears in my mind are
turning, whirring, grinding. Think, goddamn it, think! I look at Roman. “Hardwick was going to announce the shutdown of the school, right?”
“Yes.” His lips press into a thin line. “He fought against it, and he had good leverage but—it seems that it wasn’t enough. The High Circuit felt that the Unpredictable magic users were too unstable and that we couldn’t properly police them. As if it’s our fault that a psychopath is on the loose. Some members of the Circuit are still convinced that Unpredictable magic somehow makes people mentally unbalanced.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “Shit. This all has to connect somehow.” I take a deep breath before glancing around at the men. “Okay, so—bear with me here, but when I went to visit Asher, I overheard Hardwick talking with a few other staff members. About how there are dangerous magical artifacts hidden at this school for safekeeping.”
Cam’s jaw drops. Dmitri glares accusingly at Roman, who looks thunderstruck that I know this. Asher just looks quietly interested, his green eyes sparking with curiosity. It takes a lot to faze that guy—or maybe being in the infirmary for a while put everything in a new perspective for him.
“Is that true?” Dmitri demands.
Roman sighs, closing his eyes and blowing out a breath. “Yes, it is. It was decided that—well, you can’t house dangerous artifacts like these just anywhere. They give off too strong of an aura. But at a school like this, with the immense power the students have, the auras from the artifacts would be undetectable. This was planned in secret. Only certain members of law enforcement know, and they’re very high up. Very few staff members at the academy know about it. I’m one of only a handful of professors that were let in on the secret, and even I don’t know where the objects are or how to get to them.”
“None of the attacks on students make sense,” I point out. “I mean, they do if the attacker is just a psycho, but there was no real pattern. Serial killers are caught because they have a predictable pattern, and this person didn’t. And taking off our cuffs? That didn’t make any sense. Why do that? Just for the love of anarchy? There was no rhyme or reason to any of it.”