by Lisa Young
Pru chuckled again. “Clearly,” she said as she carefully placed him onto the wooden bench in front of her, confidently moving her hands through his fur, still failing to provoke the angry reaction Lottie had anticipated from Boots. After performing various undisclosed ritualistic spells above him, Pru settled down to provide him with a robust rub down which he seemed to positively enjoy.
Once he was safely back in his basket, Lottie revelled in an unusual sense of pride towards Boots, who for once had exceeded her expectations in a positive way. Deciding not to tempt fate or a feline mood swing she popped him into the passageway, where she noticed Pru had also put her Persian darling. She then returned to the group to enjoy the rest of Pru’s performance, and made a mental note to let Alice know that Pru did in fact appear to have a talent for handling animals which superseded her poor people skills.
During the break, Lottie successfully mingled with a number of people whom she hadn’t had the opportunity to chat with, due to the nut debacle, at the past month’s gathering. Thankfully, those she met didn’t appear to be aware that she had provided the offending almond slices and she wisely chose not to share this information, instead enjoying the light-hearted chatter of her female companions.
Lottie was approached by the baby-dykes, who she now knew to be Davina and Trina. To no one’s surprise they’d engaged in an impulsive fumble in the ladies room during the break at the past group. They were happy to share that they had quickly and fully consummated their relationship that very evening, and a week later they had moved into a flat together and were now happily cohabiting with their house-dwelling rabbits. They had come to group that evening in the hope of getting Pru’s guidance about the next step in their relationship, which was apparently to adopt a jointly owned pet. Lottie and her companions warmly congratulated the pair. Lottie noticed Ms. Bentley sitting in the front row, clasping a cage containing a wellcared for parakeet. Keen to avoid another encounter, Lottie moved out of her view and turned her attention back to Davina and Trina.
Although not fully conversant in the ways of the lesbian world, one thing Lottie did happen to know was that baby-dykes,
or young lesbians to be more politically correct, were known for their impulsive unions. They were usually quick to move in together and, sadly, sometimes even quicker to move out again. They stood side by side and sharing their enthusiasm for the home furnishings section of Ikea and their mission to create a love nest. Lottie observed that they seemed well suited, despite the obvious impulsivity of their cohabitation. They looked remarkably similar with their willowy athletic builds, as they stood side by side their bodies mirrored one another in expression and matching vibrant and eclectic clothing. Drawn by the happy chatter, others joined the group and Lottie’s attention wandered.
Turning to talk to someone else she was vaguely aware that both Davina and Trina were attempting to get her attention, and were pointing in unison to the corridor where Boots was housed. The chatter drowned out their words but she could make out that they were both chuckling and clearly sharing a joke. Lottie gave them a quizzical look, and decided that she probably ought to check on Boots in case the sedative was fully wearing off, in which case she planned a quick getaway.
She shivered at the notable drop in temperature and the dim light as she entered the passageway. Lottie fleetingly considered that maybe Boots had somehow dimmed the light in order to avoid detection by any passing prey, but quickly dismissed her paranoia. She took a moment as her eyes readjusted to the dim lighting before she registered the open cage door of Pru’s Persian pussy. For a moment she was confused. She was sure that Pru hadn’t yet produced her prize pet for the crowd. As she stepped with trepidation into the depths of the darkened corridor, she noticed a peculiar low rumbling noise which appeared to be coming from behind the heavily-lined tartan door curtain. She hurried towards the noise and swept back the curtain and as she did so, stifled a horrified gasp at the sight before her. Boots, obviously having taken advantage of the faulty clasp on his carrier, was fully mounted above the Persian who laid submissively below him with her bottom raised high in the air. It transpired that the nameless Persian was the source of the low rumbling noise as she appeared to be conveying her pleasure at his attentions. Boots ploughed determinedly on oblivious to his audience before skilfully dismounting to lay casually by the side of his sated mate.
Lottie spluttered with outrage as she attempted to shoo Boots away from his elicit union. Lottie was sure that her horror would only be surpassed by that of Pru if she had discovered the pair. Lottie couldn’t help but think that Boots would not look amiss if he struck up a cigarette and shared it with his new-found love.
“Fuck!” she mumbled glancing furtively around for signs of any other witnesses. The corridor remained clear, and she hurriedly swept Boots up, for once oblivious to the danger of physical harm he posed and rammed him unceremoniously back into his sprung jail. The Persian did not require the same treatment as she happily ambled back to her waiting unlatched fur-lined basket.
Horrified by the potential and unthinkable implications of this illicit liaison, Lottie hurried to make her excuses and left the group. Once in the privacy of her car she loudly berated Boots for his lose morals for the duration of the journey home. Boots maintained a dignified silence. Lottie saw evidence that the sedative was quickly wearing off and he was most definitely showing signs of his old self, steadily eyeing Lottie from the dark recesses of his cage.
Once she was safely indoors she took no chances, as she unhooked the carrier door only once he was within the safe confines of his utility room home. Not waiting for him to emerge she swiftly shut the inner door and retreated to call Mel who she knew would be devastated to miss such a giggle-fest.
Lottie kicked off her shoes and retrieved the final unopened bottle of prosecco from the wine rack. Mel had not picked up the phone but sent her a stealth text to explain she was playing drinking games with a man she was pretty sure was alcohol dependent.
Lottie chuckled to herself, no doubt Mel would emerge late tomorrow afternoon with a tale of woe about why she found it so hard to find herself a decent bloke. Pouring the fizzy good stuff into the waiting glass, she remembered some of the men who Mel had presented to her during the years.
The best by far was the bigamist who had been discovered to be leading an alternative life with his wife and four children. Mel had struggled to understand why he stayed with her in her flat for only two out of the four weeks in any month, but it all made so much more sense when she discovered his second phone with the broken English text messages demanding he collect full fat milk and Calpol from the local Co-op in Fraserburgh. Not being the most multicultural district of the Highlands, it had not been too difficult for her to locate Poi, who had tried to explain that her husband was more than man enough for the both of them. Mel declined the offer and promptly returned to the flat to dismember his Armani collection of clothes, before posting a letter to his mother explaining that she had four new grandchildren.
Scrolling through her phone she discovered a virgin voicemail from earlier in the day. “Ms. Grant, I need to talk to you urgently about Robbie. He’s in rather a lot of trouble. Please could you call the school’s main office to make an appointment?”
“Robbie!” she shrieked, spilling her prosecco as she headed for the darkened man cave on the second floor to search for signs of life.
Drugs, Sex and The Ex
THE NEXT MORNING, after a sleepless night, and as she drove rather recklessly, Lottie was ashamed to remember the evening before, when she had resorted to a tactic she didn’t usually employ. Snooping. Robbie had left his mobile phone on the kitchen table, and as it was normally glued to his hand, its unguarded state was very suspicious. She had resisted checking his phone until nearly ten when desperation and curiosity had got the better of her. Having no luck in cracking the passcode, she had gotten no farther than the front screen, which had depicting an unsavoury picture of four fe
male bottoms. She had resolved to confront Robbie about this and demand the passcode. However, Robbie had left the house early, and gone with him was the digital evidence she felt sure would inform her understanding of what was to come at school.
Lottie pulled into the school car park, and leaving her car haphazardly in the empty disabled spot, reluctantly made her way towards the entrance. She was still none the wiser about the reason for her summons to attend the school and Robbie had been silent on the subject, although she noticed he was showing an emotion unusual for him. Fear. This only served to compound her own anxiety and she was left with an inevitable feeling of foreboding. Not a stranger to a summons from the school regarding Robbie, she knew this was more than just a remonstration for his continuing failure to hand in homework. Nervously, she tugged at her suit jacket as she idly wondered whether she should tell her manager that she’d simply made a detour to pick up donuts for the team. She knew that whatever she did, her poor timekeeping would certainly be noticed this morning.
After several attempts to gain the attention of the school receptionist, who ignored her, Lottie sensed there was an air of disapproval. After what seemed like an eternity, Lottie was finally instructed to sit in the desolate reception area. She felt an overbearing sense of shame as she concluded that the receptionist clearly knew more about this mysterious situation that she did. Eyes cast down, she sat opting for an inconspicuous seat at the back of the area as a small act of rebellion against the receptionist who had instructed her to a different area of the room. Finally seated, she glanced around and was dismayed to see that she had missed the recent appearance of the biological father of her offspring, now filling an orange plastic chair with his hefty frame.
Donald was a heavily built man with a dark mop of ginger hair which flopped somewhat foppishly over his left eye. He had an irritating habit of flicking his head in an overly-feminine gesture to remove it, and Lottie had always been annoyed by his resistance to having it permanently removed by the barber. There were many other things about Donald that Lottie had found infernally irritating, but ultimately, she had concluded that this probably stemmed from the fact he was simply a man. The divorce had not been an amicable one, with various disputes about financial matters and child custody.
Since the resolution of those issues, the contact between them had remained strained but functional, in order to accommodate changes to the arrangements for the children, but little else. Now Robbie was older and in sixth form it was much easier to manage the situation with her ex. Nevertheless, a pang of guilt filled her as she realised it hadn’t even occurred to her to call him about the mysterious summons to school. It seemed however, that the school had fulfilled that duty, which only filled her with concern about the severity of the situation.
Donald made brief eye contact with Lottie but made no attempt to move to a seat closer, opting instead for a formal nod in her general direction.
I wonder if he knows what this is all about, she thought. She wasn’t aware that Robbie was in the habit of confiding in his dad, but then again, there was clearly a lot she wasn’t aware of. He avoided all eye contact and continued to tug at invisible lint on his cheap suit. Lottie noticed with disdain that it was made of cheap shiny fabric and was clearly several sizes too small, with the buttons of his equally cheap shirt straining around his midriff. With his free hand he subconsciously ran his pudgy fingers nervously through his overgrown fringe, a tell-tale sign that he was equally nervous, which gave her some comfort. While she observed him from a safe distance, she battled an unpleasant metallic taste in her mouth. Lottie had finally ended her marriage to Donald after spending her twenties and early thirties battling with her own truth. She briefly marvelled at how she had managed to create two children with him and more importantly, how she had managed to maintain the façade of heterosexuality throughout their fourteen-year marriage.
Lottie nervously glanced at the clock, and tried to recall a time when she had ever felt attracted to the man she saw before her, but not one memory came to mind. Instead, she remembered the birth of Robbie at the Aberdeen maternity unit. After arriving at the hospital, Donald had resumed his deep slumber in the hospital chair and her irritation had increased as she recalled how he had quickly returned to sleep in the midst of her labouring through to birth with their first child. Ignoring the slumbering giant beside her, she had attempted to get into the bath to soothe the early stages of her labour. Twenty minutes later, she had realised this may have been an ill-thought-out plan as her contractions had increased dramatically, and she had soon realised that she was not going to be able to get out of the bath unassisted. Luckily, a midwife came to her rescue and chastised Donald for not keeping a better eye on her.
Disgruntled, he had moved his chair closer to the television and tuned into an episode of a popular soap opera. As her labour had progressed to the final stages, the midwife, clearly unimpressed by his lack of involvement, had firmly turned off the television and instructed him to come and assist with the birth. Lottie would never forget the loudly distinguishable tut that had escaped his lips. Angrily, the midwife had announced the imminent birth of their first child.
After that experience, Lottie had taken an easier option for the birth of Archie. Drafting in her mother and sister, she had sent Donald packing to the golf course until Archie had made an appearance. Her disappointment with his lack of enthusiasm surrounding the births of both of his boys was further compounded by his subsequent lack of involvement in their daily lives. One of the driving reasons behind her heterosexual marriage had been the desire for a family life in the traditional sense. But after a series of astounding disappointments she realised that she was essentially bound to be a single parent, albeit a married one. She decided to make the arrangement official and shortly thereafter she had filed for a divorce.
Despite their history she had a feeling that presenting a united front to the school today would be a more effective way to manage whatever it was they were going to have to deal with, and so she made a silent pledge to behave in a mature and adult way while they were forced together, for the sake of their firstborn. A shadowy female figure appeared and waved them both through into the staff area. Lottie passed through the metal detector, a sign of the times she thought. A loud bleep signaled the presence of something unauthorised and the security guard summoned her to him and gave a cursory glance into her handbag before waving her on. Donald dutifully passed through without incident. Fumbling with her handbag to compact the contents and attempt to secure the clasp, her hand felt a miniature vibrator, a joke present Alice had given to her earlier in the week. Alice had thought the miniature device was hilarious and she had called it a starter pack for Lottie which they had laughed about. Realising she had forgotten to take it out of her bag she rammed it firmly towards the bottom giving silent thanks that the security guard appeared not to have seen it.
Lottie and Donald stood a comfortable distance apart, having knocked on the closed staffroom door. Lottie was feeling increasingly impatient and could not shake the feeling that she was being treated like a naughty child. With great gusto, Lottie knocked very loudly once again on the closed door. A young, girlish member of staff immediately appeared and gave her a look of barely disguised disgust.
She sucked on the end of her pen. “Ms. Grant I presume?” she muttered. Ignoring Donald, she scuttled back into the depths of the room, her scarlet nail summoning them to follow her.
A bustle of activity from a faraway door broke the awkward silence, as the head teacher and his ever-present assistant, who Lottie knew was his second and much younger wife, swept authoritatively into the room. Lottie couldn’t help but notice that he almost glided across the floor, and although she peered hard she still couldn’t identify any movement in his feet. She concluded that he had a Voldemort-like quality, although clearly his tartan socks rather ruined this image.
He leaned forward in his chair in a definite attempt to emphasise his authority. “Your son
is expelled permanently from this school with immediate effect!” he barked.
Both Lottie and Donald were frozen and continued to sit without response, while the stunned silence pervaded the entire room. Lottie cast a surreptitious glance at her ex-husband who remained quiet although his face was ashen.
Lottie clasped her arms around her waist. “I beg your pardon, I don’t quite understand!” she stuttered.
The Headmaster looked on with a semblance of pity before slowly repeating himself. “Expelled, permanently.”
Lottie inhaled sharply. She felt as if she had been kicked in the gut. “Robbie’s expelled?” She recovered herself with remarkable speed as anger surged through her replacing the anxiety. Her lioness hackles rose as she defended her cub.
“Is he, fuck!” she spat venomously in the direction of the scandalised headmaster.
The tables were turned and now it was the headmaster’s turn to look shocked. He exchanged a knowing look with his assistant/second wife which Lottie later recalled was a look that said no wonder.
“For what?” she asked.
“Dealing drugs, on school premises,” the head teacher stated emphatically and with complete righteous satisfaction.
“This is just ridiculous. Ri-dic-u-lous!” she shouted back at him.
Donald remained silent as Lottie eyed the headmaster, exuding rage and defiance. Donald was frozen in his chair, failing to join in the remonstration, his head hanging as he took his typical avoidance approach to anything involving his emotional presence for their children. Irritated by his lack of involvement, Lottie knew she was close to a full-on meltdown.
Clearing her throat and forcing herself into an upright position, showing what she hoped was equal authority, she asked aloud. “Robbie was dealing what? How? I just don’t understand!” She shot a glance at her ex who remained quiet and withdrawn. Suddenly, the realisation dawned on her and she hissed at him. “You idiot! You knew!”