by Lisa Young
Work beckoned, and Alice showered quickly, throwing Lottie a trail of kisses over her shoulder as she left clutching her satchel and a croissant. Briefly, Lottie wondered why Alice was leaving so early, but she had little time before leaving for the school run herself and, after burning toast for Archie, she managed to rouse Robbie and stole a few moments for herself in the bathroom which was swathed in a sensual steam following Alice’s shower. Lottie smiled as she remembered the sex of that morning and congratulated herself on the continued passion in their relationship since Alice had moved in, which, if anything, had intensified following the Maddie trauma of a few weeks ago.
Lottie had read about the phenomenon known as lesbian death bed which was, apparently, experienced by lesbians who were in long term relationships. Being a relative newcomer to lesbian sex, she sincerely hoped that this was a myth, as she would consider it a tragedy to lose what she had so recently found. Lottie had previous partners with whom the sex had inevitably dwindled, signalling the demise of those relationships. She had read that the lack of sex often ended relationships, but she thought that, in bad relationships, sex, or rather the lack of it, was merely a symptom of other more serious issues. Sex was definitely not an issue for Lottie and Alice, but she never intended to take this for granted because she knew that the absence of sex would surely impact on the closeness they felt.
As she peered into the steamy bathroom mirror to apply a light coat of mascara she grimaced as she noted yet another set of wrinkles appearing in the creases of her eyes. Alice teased her that they weren’t wrinkles, but laughter lines, the sign of her enduring humour in the numerous ridiculous situations she seemed to get herself into. Lottie was determined to maintain an illusion of youth, however, due to an irrational fear that Alice would suddenly notice her imperfections and ditch her for a baby-dyke.
Wiping the mirror clear for closer inspection, Lottie leaned forward to apply some concealer, and idly wondered at the rollercoaster ride that had been her forty years on planet Earth. One heterosexual marriage and a lot of soul searching later, Lottie believed she had finally managed to emerge from her shell to become her true and authentic self. She fervently hoped that her children would come through their own journey with her, largely unscathed. What she had lost, though, were many friends who had failed to accept her new choice of female partners.
Lottie was painfully aware that she had made some unfortunate and hasty decisions in her quest to become sexually competent. She had proceeded with a quantity-over-quality methodology, hoping to catch up on lost learning.
Even now, Lottie still had some lingering insecurities in terms of her sexual confidence, which had been inevitably compounded by the strap-on debacle. She was able to laugh about this now, but in truth it was still her nemesis and she couldn’t quite accept that her lack of rhythm meant it was unlikely this was ever going to be her tool of choice. After realising Lottie’s insecurities, Alice had been exceptionally sweet in trying to tease out her natural rhythm, but after numerous failed attempts to master the implement, it had remained in the drawer now for some months, with a silent agreement between the two that it had entered its retirement years. Lottie was struggling to reconcile this with her strong sense of pride, and she was determined to take it with them on their weekend to Paris to give it one final hurrah before she finally threw in the towel.
After a quick inspection of the additional new frown wrinkles on her forehead—would Botox really be so awful?—she grabbed her toothbrush and cleaned her teeth quickly and efficiently. She noticed that Alice had left her assortment of jewellery on the side of the bath, in her haste to leave for work. Absent-mindedly, Lottie fiddled with a thumb ring which she coveted despite the fact that Alice had informed her it was a gift from a former lover. Putting it down, she picked up the two other rings, both of which were plain silver Tiffany pieces but classic and very much in tune with Alice’s semi-butch but classy style.
Momentarily, she fantasised about the type of ring she would buy Alice if she were to propose. In the early days of their relationship, Alice had boldly stated that she had a five-year plan for them which included commitment, or more specifically, marriage. Lottie had internally baulked at the idea of another marital commitment after having struggled so hard to escape the past one. But having lived with Alice now for six months, and having jointly survived the trauma of Maddie’s reappearance, she somehow now felt bolder about the idea of a marriage. Lottie could only attribute this to the feeling of completion and connection she felt with Alice, and she truly believed she’d found her soulmate.
Lottie felt that the recent upset and subsequent revelations had brought them closer and cemented their relationship. What would marriage to Alice look like? Slipping Alice’s Tiffany ring onto her married finger she noticed it was a perfect fit, and she found herself turning it to look at the inscription inside which told her it was from Tiffany and was a size “T”.
Her fantasy was rudely interrupted by the shrill ring of her mobile phone and she dashed back to the bedroom, tripping on Odie who was headed back to the warmth of his bed. She grabbed the phone to see a missed call from Virginia who she was supposed to be picking up this morning for a lift to work.
“Shit!” she muttered as she slung on the least-creased pair of black trousers and a chiffon top.
“Archie, we are very late. To the car please!”
On the ride to work, Lottie was feeling increasingly irritated by the smirk that seemed to be permanently etched on Virginia’s face. Despite the close confines of the car, she had managed to turn her entire body to get the best view of Lottie who was struggling to contain her annoyance. Lottie was already regretting that she had spontaneously blurted out to Virginia her earlier marriage fantasies. These had been met by complete hysteria and Virginia appeared to think that this was the best news she could possibly get on a Wednesday morning. While her smugness was irritating, Lottie had to acknowledge that even as she’d been recounting her fantasy to Virginia, it appeared to be taking on a more solid and purposeful form.
“Sooo,” Virginia drawled in an exaggerated way. “Is this going to be a Paris proposal then, or what?”
Lottie struggled to concentrate on the conversation, narrowly avoiding a stray hare as it bounded across the lane in front of them.
“Bloody hell, V, I don’t know! I mean, wouldn’t that be a bit too soon? We’ve only been living together for six months.”
But even as she protested, Lottie smiled, as images of a romantic proposal at the foot of the Eiffel Tower crowded her mind. She imagined the look of delight on Alice’s face, with the backdrop of a French landmark and a cloudless sky behind them, walking together hand in hand through the streets of Paris. Every now and then they would have to stop so that Alice could giggle and admire the sparkle of her perfectly fitting ring.
Sudden and terrifying clarity hit Lottie. She did want to get married!
She did want to get married to Alice.
It was true that the sum total of their relationship in months was less than a year. People were bound to think it was too soon, and there would be warnings from family members who were all too familiar with her impulsive disasters. She wondered if she could cope with the continued disapproval of her family when they had only just got used to her being gay. Only fleetingly did she consider the response of her children, being assured that Archie would quite simply be delighted to add some permanence to the new expansion of their family. She suspected that Robbie would be equally pleased but that this would be hard to detect as it just would not be gangsta to show demonstrable approval. Her mum on the other hand...oh, shit! Well at least any future parties hosted by her well-meaning parent would not involve her degaying their home, although she suspected a rainbow engagement cake would be an inevitable part of any celebrations.
“V, do you reckon she would say yes?”
Virginia spluttered into her latte. “You’re bloody mad! Of course she’d say yes, you daft mare! Yo
u two are made for one another, anyone can see that. Peas in a pod,” she stated with absolute certainty.
As if to offer a more solid confirmation of her approval, Virginia’s manic grin softened and she patted Lottie reassuringly on the shoulder. “Lots, babes, you’ve had such a disastrous dating history, surely this can only help you to see how right this relationship is. Don’t sabotage it or run away because you’re feeling scared and out of your comfort zone. Easy is good, remember? That’s how it’s meant to be. Leave all the high drama behind.”
Lottie smiled, now pleased to have Virginia as her confidante. With Virginia, you always had to be prepared for the painful truth, but to hear her talking now with such honesty only served to reaffirm to Lottie what an amazing opportunity she and Alice had to build a real future together.
Later that morning, Lottie managed to survive another supervision session with Ann. She had actually been a little concerned about Ann following their previous meeting. Following her complete despair, Ann had turned detective and had posed as a twenty-year-old gay architect in order to entrap her cheating spouse. Needless to say, this had not proved to be a positive experience for Ann, who had even gone to the lengths of arranging a fake date with her husband in order to confront him, in the style of those American Cheaters programmes. Ann had actually written to the Cheaters producers but had been rebuffed on the basis of her remote home location.
Much to her utter despair, Ann’s husband had apparently told her how relieved he was to finally be caught, feeling that a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Ann had tearfully recounted to Lottie that he had then proceeded to buy her a large gin and tonic before telling her he was moving out of their marital home.
Since he had left, Lottie hadn’t dared to broach the subject with Ann, who had become uncharacteristically introverted. However, she noted the absence of Ann’s wedding ring, which could surely only mean it was finished. Someone else who also appeared to have noticed the missing wedding ring was creepy Leonard, who had upped his efforts to have one-on-one time with Ann, which Lottie determinedly disrupted as far as was possible. She wasn’t Ann’s biggest fan, but she wouldn’t watch her be exploited in her current vulnerable state.
However, Ann had not been in a chatty mood today, so Lottie had made the most of the opportunity to have a more productive review of her work and was tantalised by the prospect of an actual lunch break where she could have a quick dash around the shops. Lottie remembered that she was still avoiding the conversation she knew she would have to have with her sister at some point. She pushed that to the back of her mind. After all, it was their relationship, and she did not feel she was in a position to sit in judgement of people who were still hiding in the closet.
Lottie exited the building giving a cheery wave to Linda, without stopping to be drawn into conversation. Linda was lurking with intent outside the main entrance, a menthol cigarette attached to her bottom lip with the help of some loud and adhesive red lipstick. Lottie knew for a fact that Linda was actively lurking. Earlier she had an unfortunate encounter with Linda in the ladies’ loo, where she had revealed to Lottie that she had developed a huge crush on the new security guard who had recently started at the newspaper. Lottie pitied the unsuspecting male who was about to be lured into Linda’s marital web. Lottie studiously avoided anything other than brief encounters with Linda, who had a voracious appetite for gossip and was particularly intent on uncovering what she thought would be the salacious details of Lottie’s recently publicised attraction to women.
Turning to enter the shopping centre, Lottie caught a final sight of Linda as she bent to pick up the contents of her overflowing fake Gucci handbag, which she appeared to have dropped in an attempt to attract the attention of her victim, who had appeared at the exit of the building. Lottie felt as if she was watching a hawk circling its furry prey, as Linda squashed her uneven cleavage together to exacerbate its appearance as voluptuous, while she bent to gather her belongings up from the cobbles which included the latest copy of Brides Monthly. Lottie cast one final look of pity towards the unsuspecting security guard before refocusing on her task to scour the shops for lastminute Paris bits as well as a birthday present for Alice.
During their stay in Paris it would be Alice’s birthday, and Lottie had decided that she was going to splash out following her recently earned bonus, to buy Alice a leather bracelet with an Eiffel Tower charm—a stroke of genius she smugly thought. Although they had a tacit agreement to not spend money on presents, Lottie wanted to show Alice how much she meant to her, especially as Alice had spent so much on the trip. Lottie wandered up and down the first floor of the department store convinced that she had previously seen a jewellery counter situated there somewhere.
“Can I help, madam?” A velvety voice halted her in her tracks. Embarrassed to have to explain her mission to a stranger, she averted her eyes, pretending to study the nearest case of jewellery which she noticed contained sparkly rings of varying styles.
In that moment, a lightning bolt of clarity hit Lottie for the second time in a matter of hours. Later, she would describe it as a decision based on pure impulse, but Alice would say that it was a moment preordained in the destiny of their relationship.
“Yes.” Lottie found herself saying as her eyes rose to meet the piercing blue eyes of the interested shop assistant. She was awaiting further instruction, as her hands clasped the keys to her cabinet of jewels. Lottie took her time, looking down again to scan the sparkling array of love tokens.
“I want to buy a ring for my...” At this point she stumbled. Hell! Did she really want to have to come out in her local branch of Jenner’s department store?
Taking a breath, she managed to speak again. “Well, yes. What I meant to say was, I want to buy a ring for a close friend of mine, and these look lovely. Can I have a look at these three?” She pointed to three mid-range rings, all containing the obligatory diamond, but all with a unique style.
Eager to oblige with a potential sale, the assistant replied quickly. “Certainly!” She simultaneously placed the rings out onto the shiny glass counter and twisted them expertly to display them to their best effect.
Lottie sighed. So much choice. She caressed the rings one by one as she tried to imagine them on Alice’s engagement finger. A small thrill ran through her as she fantasised about seeing Alice wearing a ring which shouted to the world that they were betrothed, promised, and committed. Struggling to contain her excitement, Lottie pointed to a particularly beautiful ring with one solid diamond and then smaller diamonds inset to the sides in a classic white gold band.
“Would your friend like that one, do you think?”
Nodding, Lottie’s voice became a little more high pitched. “Yes, I think so. Well, I don’t know...it’s only a gift for a friend, so it shouldn’t take too much choosing, should it?” Without waiting for an answer, she slipped the ring onto her own engagement finger to explore the glint of the diamond and the sparkle in the brightly lit shop.
Lottie felt a flush rise through her cheeks as she struggled to maintain the ruse that she was buying for a friend, I mean what idiot would be buying her friend an engagement ring for goodness sake? Her own embarrassment at the hash she was making of her conversation with the shop assistant was distracting her from deciding.
“Do you know the size of your girlfriend’s finger then, or is this a surprise?” The shop assistant leaned forward with a conspiratorial whisper. “After all, it is a big decision and the size isn’t that important as we do offer an exchange.”
Lottie felt an instant rush of relief and gratitude towards the shop assistant. She fought the urge to give her a hug of thanks as the pretence evaporated. Lottie beamed at the woman who returned her smile with equal warmth. Thereafter, she spent a pleasant twenty minutes of her lunch break discussing the pros and cons of the diamond carat versus the weight of the gold band and the inevitable conversation about insurance offered by the store. Totally overwhe
lmed by the acceptance of the shop assistant, Lottie purchased the insurance out of a sense of loyalty for the kindness she had been shown. Further reinforcing her view that this was meant to be, the shop also had the correct sized ring in stock, and she was able to take it away, tucking it securely into the zip pocket of her bag, along with the receipt and insurance certificate.
ARRIVING AT HOME before Alice, who was unusually late, Lottie decided that in the interests of family harmony, she would confide in Robbie and Archie her plan to propose at the Eiffel Tower. Both seemed remarkably unperturbed by her plans and, while feeling reassured about their support, she couldn’t help noticing that they had exchanged a knowing glance, and that Robbie appeared to be supressing a smirk. Archie looked a little worried, but he covered it well and Lottie was sure that such a big announcement was bound to take a little time for Archie to digest.
Lottie grabbed her case from the loft and stashed the ring inside one of the many pockets on the inner lining, and smiling, she reached across to their, now shared, drawer of pleasure which had formerly been Alice’s drawer of sex toys. She grabbed her nemesis, the strap-on, and shoved it in beside the ring box and zipped the pocket, padlocking it securely. Looking at the clock, she noted Alice was still missing in action, and dialled her number.
Alice answered her phone sounding breathless and a little guilty, “Hi babe, running late but won’t be long. Mrs. Alcock is having some problems with her foal. I’m aiming to leave shortly.”
Before Lottie could engage her in conversation, Alice hung up, but Lottie could have sworn she heard the noise of a loudspeaker announcement and supermarket-type music in the background.