by Marie Force
“I’m looking rough this morning. Someone messed with my sleep last night.”
“If this is you looking rough, I’m going to mess with your sleep every night.”
“You can’t. I’ll be a monster.”
“That’s not possible.”
“Ask my family what I’m like without sleep.”
“I’ll do that first chance I get. Better yet, I’ll keep you nice and sleep-deprived so I can find out for myself.”
Everly comes running out of her room with her bathing suit on—backward—and her swim floats hanging around her neck. She looks like a mermaid after a bender as Maria and I laugh.
“Dada, swim!”
Maria’s eyes dance with amusement over the rim of her coffee mug. “I bet I know what you’re doing this morning.”
“Probably all day, which is fine. Whatever my monkey wants to do is good with me. Dada on vacation!”
“B’cation!”
“I’m going to have to watch every word I say now that my baby is finding her words.”
“Word.”
“And there’re two more.” I shake my head, because part of me wants to weep at how relieved I am to see her catching up to other kids her age as we get further out from her illness.
Excited to swim, Everly runs around the big room with her floats and flip-flops in hand.
“I heard a doctor say once that if the words are getting in, eventually they’ll come out,” Maria says.
“We were told that, too. One of us would tell her to do things, like get her shoes, and she’d come back with shoes—maybe not a matched pair, but they were shoes. The doctor said if she was doing that, eventually she’d say the words. I think it would’ve happened sooner…” Were it not for her illness, but I don’t need to fill in that blank for Maria. She gets it.
“She’s doing great, Austin. I know it’s so hard not to worry, but she’s absolutely perfect.”
“Keep telling me that?”
“Any time you need to hear it.”
She eats half a cheese-and-bacon omelet and a piece of French toast before gathering her bag and lunch from the fridge to head for work.
I call down to the valet for her car. “Everly, come say bye to Rie. She has to go to work.”
“Work!” Everly runs over to hug Maria’s legs.
Maria bends to kiss the top of her head. “Have fun swimming with Dada.”
“Dada, swim!”
“We’re gonna swim, Pooh.” I want to kiss Maria, but I know she won’t do that in front of Everly. “Can we see you for dinner?”
“I think we can make that happen.”
“Good.”
Everly runs off as I walk Maria to the door, where I steal a kiss. “Have a good day.”
“You, too.”
“We’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you guys.”
I kiss her again. “Last night was everything, Maria. Every single thing.”
“For me, too.”
I raise my hand to caress her face. “Hurry back.”
Chapter 16
MARIA
I drive to work in a fog of sleep deprivation and an overload of bliss. Last night was incredible, right up to the point where I got only about three hours of sleep. I knew at the time I’d pay for it today, and the check is coming due as I stare down a long day running on fumes.
My phone rings, and I take the call from Carmen.
“Well,” she says, “how was it, prima?”
“There are no words.”
She screams, and I wince. “Easy! I’m sleep-deprived while driving.”
“Uh-oh. Gonna be a long day, huh?”
“You know it.”
“But worth it?”
“So worth it. So, so, so worth it.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear. Did you invite him to the wedding?”
“I did. Can he bring Everly?”
“Of course.”
Carmen is being super chill about the wedding, in stark contrast to her first time around when she micromanaged every detail. She’s learned since then, in the worst way possible, that you can’t micromanage life. So she’s kept her focus on herself and Jason and given over the rest of the planning to her mother and grandmothers, who’re in their glory.
“I’m so, so happy for you, Mari. No one deserves a rip-roaring romance more than you do.”
“Is that what this is?”
“You tell me.”
“It is rather rip-roaring, whatever that is.”
“It’s the best possible thing when two people who’re destined to be together somehow manage to find each other in this crazy world.”
“I don’t know if we’re destined to be together, but I’m getting in deeper with every minute I spend with him and Everly. Get this—he’s going to spend the off-season here.”
“Shut. Up!”
Since she’s on the Bluetooth, I can’t hold the phone away from my ear, but I can turn down the volume.
“I can’t believe you’re just now telling me this when we’ve been on the phone for… three whole minutes! That’s the headline!”
“Not the fact that I slept with him?”
“No! That’s second to the fact that he’s relocating for you!”
“Temporarily. Who knows where he’ll be by the spring?”
“Who cares? We know where he’ll be for the next few months.”
“And what happens to me if they end up three thousand miles away for half the year?”
“You go with him.”
I moan. “My whole life is here, Car. You know I’ve never wanted to live anywhere else.”
“I do know that, and at some point, you may have to choose. But that doesn’t have to happen today. Right now, the only thing you need to worry about is getting through work so you can see them later. Take it one day at a time and try not to get so far down the road with your worries that you fail to enjoy what’s happening right now.”
“That’s pretty good advice.”
“I know! You should listen to me.” Carmen pauses before she adds, “I’ve had it twice, that unmistakable thing that can’t be described in mere words. It’s a feeling unlike any other, and having had it and lost it once, I’ll tell you to do whatever it takes to hold on to it for as long as you can, because there’s nothing else quite like being in love with the right person.”
And now I’m in tears. “I hear you.” Scott wasn’t the right person for me. I know that now. I was in love with him, but I never got back from him a fraction of what I gave him. I already know that won’t be the case with Austin. I knew that before we had sex, and I’m even more certain of it now. Never once did Scott make sure I had an orgasm—or two—before he got what he wanted. Not once. And that should’ve been a huge red flag that he wasn’t the one for me.
That’s one of a hundred ways Austin is different from Scott. It would be foolish to even try to compare the two—the epitome of apples and oranges.
“Are you all right?” Carmen asks.
“I think so.”
“Be happy in this moment, Maria. It’s all we have.”
“I’m going to try like hell to do what my very wise cousin is telling me to do.”
“Excellent. Then my work here is finished—for now. Let’s do dinner one night this week. We’d love to spend more time with Austin and Everly and get to know them.”
“I’d love that. Maybe tomorrow night?”
“I’ll check with Jason, but that should be fine. On another note, I’m hearing from reliable sources that Marcus is in a bad way.”
“Dee told me the skank left him.”
“I wish it was that simple,” Carmen says with a sigh. “From what I’ve heard, it’s because he’s realized what a huge mistake he made letting Dee get away.”
That is truly shocking. “No way.”
“Way.”
“Are you going to tell her that?”
Carmen groaned. “I have no idea what to do. You tell me.�
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“Ugh, I don’t know, either. It took her forever to move past him, and then when he got married…”
“Sounds like he married her on the rebound. People do dumb stuff like that and then live to regret it.”
“Let’s talk to her when she gets here next week for the wedding.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Carmen says. “I don’t want her stewing about it for a week in New York where she can’t do anything about it.”
“For sure. We’ll help her figure out what to do. I gotta run. I’m at the clinic, and there’s a line out the door.”
“Have a good day.”
“You, too.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I park behind the clinic, gather up my stuff and head inside. My boss, Miranda, is coming out of her office as I walk in. She’s our nurse practitioner and the clinic administrator.
“Morning.” She’s a tall Black woman in her early fifties who started the clinic thirty years ago with her late husband, who was a doctor from Cuba. I’ve learned so much about community health, nursing, compassion and social justice from her.
“Morning. I see we’re already in for a busy day.”
“You know it.” She takes a closer look at me. “Are you okay?”
I stop short. “I’m fine. Why?”
“You look tired maybe.”
“I didn’t sleep well last night.” Because I was having mad, crazy sex with the hottest guy on the planet, not that I can tell her that.
She squeezes my arm. “I just made more coffee. Help yourself.”
“Thanks.” I stash my lunch in the fridge and am pouring coffee when my phone chimes with a text from Jason.
Hey, this is officially off the record, but I’m worried about Carmen. She mentioned last night that she’s afraid every time we’re apart that something will happen to me the way it did to Tony. I wanted someone else to be aware so we can make sure she’s well supported ahead of the wedding. Please don’t let on that I told you.
It makes me so sad to think of her anxious like that, especially since I haven’t seen or heard any sign of that from her. I write back to him. Thanks for the heads-up, and I won’t say anything. I hate that she’s got that weighing on her, but I guess it’s totally understandable. I think she’ll feel better once she gets past the wedding. She’s juggling a lot right now.
I realize I’ve been caught up in my own situation and not keeping a close enough eye on her as one of her two maids of honor—and the only one who’s local.
Yeah, he says. It’s a lot, but I want this to be a happy time for her. Not sure how to reassure her that everything will be okay.
Just keep telling her that, and I will, too. I’ll check in with her later. We talked about doing dinner this week, with Austin and Everly. Maybe tomorrow night?
The act of typing their names makes me happy. That’s how far gone I am over both of them.
I heard they were sticking around for a while, and I’m happy for you! Let’s do that tomorrow night. It’ll be good for Carmen to hang out with you.
I send back a thumbs-up.
My day gets crazy from there with nonstop patients of all ages with a wide variety of health concerns. Many of them have no health insurance, so we’re their only source of medical care, which is a responsibility we take very seriously. It’s satisfying work to serve this population, and even though I could make a lot more money working at a hospital, I love this job and the sense of accomplishment I feel working with our clientele.
We’re so busy that I eat lunch standing up in the break room.
One of my patients in the afternoon is a young mother named Sara, who I suspect is being abused by her boyfriend. We’ve developed a rapport over a number of visits, and I keep hoping she’ll let me help her. She’s here for a well-baby visit with her daughter.
I knock on the door and go in to take the baby’s vitals before she sees Miranda.
Sara has dark silky hair, tanned skin and big brown eyes. She has a haunted look about her that touches me every time I see her and her baby daughter, Isabella.
“How are you ladies today?”
“Doing good.”
Sara sits on the exam table with Isabella, a chubby, well-cared-for three-month-old. While I weigh and measure the baby, I try to think of something I can say to get Sara talking about her home situation, but my brain is scrambled due to lack of sleep.
“I saw you on TV the other day,” Sara says.
“Did you? That was kind of embarrassing.”
“It’s so great the way you stepped up for that little girl.”
“I’m just so glad it worked. She’s in remission.”
“She’s a very lucky girl.”
“She is, and her dad and grandparents are very devoted to her. Does Isabella have grandparents?”
Sara nods. “We don’t see them, though. They don’t like her dad, so he doesn’t want me to see them.”
“What about the rest of your family and friends?”
“They don’t like him, either.”
“Do you like him, Sara?” I ask the question as gently as possible, hoping she’ll see me as someone who can help, not make everything worse.
“Not anymore,” she says, her eyes filling and her lip quivering.
“Let me help you, honey.”
“He said he’ll take Isabella if I try to leave him.”
“We have access to people who can help. Remember all the times you’ve come in with bruises and other injuries you said were from falling or tripping?”
As she holds the baby close to her, she nods.
“I’ve documented every one of them in your file. If he’s hurting you, we have proof.”
“I’m afraid of him,” she says on a sob. “He said he’d kill me if I tried to leave him.”
“I’m afraid he’ll kill you—or your baby—if you stay. Please let me help you.”
She lifts her chin in agreement. The slight movement is all I need to act.
“Stay right here. I’ll be back, and please don’t call or text anyone.” One call or text from the exam room can derail the whole plan. We’re so close to being able to get her help, I don’t want that to happen.
“There’s no one left to tell. He’s taken them all away.”
I pat her shoulder. “We’re going to fix that.” I leave the exam room, closing the door behind me, and go into Miranda’s office where she’s working on charts between patients while drinking soup from a mug. “I’ve finally talked Sara into letting us help her.”
“Thank goodness. What’re you thinking?”
“I was going to call Sergeant Ramos.” The female special victims detective we’ve worked with in the past is almost always our first call in these situations.
“Does Sara have family support?”
“He’s isolated her, but I think her family would be receptive to hearing from her.”
“Let’s work that angle, too.”
“Okay, I’m on it.”
In between checking on other patients, I spend the rest of my day working on Sara’s situation and helping her through the reporting of the abuse she’s suffered at the hands of her partner. Sgt. Ramos is a pro and knows how to keep victims of abuse safe while extricating them from dangerous situations.
By the time I leave at six, I’m emotionally and physically drained, but relieved to know that Sara and Isabella will be safe in the arms of Sara’s family tonight, with an officer assigned to watch the house in case there’s any trouble. It’s the first step in what will be a long and difficult process, but taking that first step is the hardest part. I made sure Sara knows how proud I am of her for doing it. Now I just pray she won’t waver in her determination and go back to him. That happens far too often.
In my car, I check my phone for the first time since this morning and find texts and pictures from Austin and Everly, who had a big day at the hotel pool. As I gaze at their sweet faces and happy smiles, my phone
chimes with a new text from Austin. What do you feel like for dinner? I’ll get you anything you want.
I was going to tell him I’m too tired to do anything tonight, but the second I saw their photos, my resolve disappeared. Mexican?
On it. ETA?
Going home to shower and change, and then I’ll be over.
We can’t wait.
Neither can I.
Bring your suit. Everly wants to show Rie how good she is at swimming.
Will do.
Traffic is bad on the way home, which gives me time to check in with Carmen. Jason’s worries have been on my mind all day, even when I was too busy to breathe.
“Hey,” she says. “What’s up?”
“Just checking in on the bride. It occurred to me today that I haven’t been holding up my maid of honor duties by asking what I can do to help with the wedding.” She asked us not to bother with a shower since they’ve lived together for more than a year and already have everything they need.
“There’s really nothing to do. Mom, Nona and Abuela are large and in charge, which is fine with me. It’s keeping them busy and out of trouble.”
“And out of your business.”
“That, too.”
“I think it’s keeping them out of my business, too. They’ve been pretty chill about everything with Austin.”
“You can thank me later, but be ready for them to shift their attention your way after next weekend.”
“Yikes. Thanks for the warning.”
She cracks up laughing, a welcome sound in light of what Jason shared earlier.
“You know I’m here if I can do anything for you, right?” I ask her.
“Of course. I can’t believe it’s already next week!”
“That’s what happens when you have a three-month engagement.”
“True.”
“I’m glad you’re excited. You deserve every happiness, Car. We all want that for you so much.”
“I know you do. Thanks for holding me up for all the years it took to find Jason.”