by Jana David
Ian
He walked away without looking back. Good for him, because I was ready to throw another punch.
Instead, I focused all my attention on Al.
“Are you okay?” I asked, looking her over for any sign of injuries. I couldn't see any.
“I'm fine.” She stepped away from me, not even looking me in the eye.
“I think, you and I need to talk”, she finally said.
She was right, we did. I had a feeling I wouldn't like what she had to say, though.
We walked back to my car. My clothes were dripping water as I climbed into the driver's seat. Not that I cared about it at that point.
Allie got in beside me.
I slammed the door a little more forceful than necessary, making her jump. I put the key in the ignition to turn on the heat. Al was quiet for a moment. She looked nervous.
“What was this pact you guys spoke about?” she finally asked.
“Nothing”, I huffed. I didn't want to talk about that with her. It was stupid anyway. I had no idea why I'd brought it up. Darce and I had made this 'pact'—a fancy name for an empty promise—so many years ago. I was surprised he even remembered. We'd been so young then, I doubted either of us even knew what we were talking about.
“What happened between the two of you? Before I showed up, I mean”, I asked, hoping to get some answers out of her. The way she was acting, you could almost think it had been her fault.
“We need to talk”, she repeated her words from earlier.
I waited for her to continue, but she stayed silent.
“It's okay”, I said. “Whatever it is, it'll be okay.”
But she just shook her head. “No, it won't.
She was talking in riddles, and I just needed clear answers. “What is it?” I pressed.
Allie sighed. When she looked up at me there were tears in her eyes.
“I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry”, she said, barely able to get the words out.
“No.” I reached out to brush a tear from her cheek, but she turned her face away before I could.
“Yes, Ian. You have no idea. This—all of this—is my fault.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I lied to you.”
I sat up a little straighter, my heart beginning to pound heavy in my chest. “What do you mean?” My voice sounded foreign to my own ears.
The tears were streaming down her face now, but she barely seemed to notice.
“I cheated on you.”
The words felt like knives stabbing my soul. Everything...everything began to make sense now. The pieces of the puzzle were slowly coming together in my head, but my heart stubbornly refused to believe what was there right in front of me, holding on to that last remaining shred of doubt. I stayed quiet, partly because I didn't know what to say, partly because I hoped Al would give me some kind of explanation that would make sense. Something...anything...
But Al remained silent.
“No”, I said, more to myself than to her.
Allie just choked on more tears. “I'm Sorry.” Her voice was only a whisper.
Sorry. That one word could mean so many things. It could be a simple apology, a plea for forgiveness, or plainly an empty, meaningless vessel of a word to use when all other words had failed.
What did this 'sorry' mean?
“Tell my everything”, I said, not looking at her. Instead, I was staring out the window, wishing it would all turn out to just be a horrible dream that I would wake up from at any minute now. I didn't really want to know what had been going on between the two of them. Just thinking about it made me sick, but I needed to know nonetheless. They'd kept me in the dark for god knows how long.
She didn't tell me everything. I could tell that there were details she held back. She told me enough, though.
After Al was done, we sat in silence again. I wanted her to leave. And I was afraid she actually would.
“I can't believe it”, I said.
“I couldn't hurt you.” Alle was still crying. “You're perfect, always so perfect, the nicest, most genuine person I've ever met. I just couldn't hurt you.”
“Oh, so maybe I should've been a little less nice. Is that what you're saying? I should've treated you more like that fucker Darcy, then? Or maybe I should've cheated on you, too. How would that be for a solution. Then we'd be equal and you'd have nothing to be ashamed of. I can go out right now and rectify the situation. Let me drive to the nearest strip club. I think there's one not too far away.”
“Stop”, Allie pleaded. But the anger was boiling up again, and I didn't have the willpower to stop it.
“Stop? Why? Because you can't handle the truth? Well, too bad, because unlike you, I do believe honesty should stand above all. You did hurt me, Al. Don't you see that? You hurt me by lying to me, by going behind my back, probably more than you would have hurt me if you'd simply been honest with me from the start. I could have accepted it, you know, if you'd told me you didn't love me any more.”
“But that's just it”, she replied, a hint of desperation in her voice, “I do love you.”
“Then your definition of love must me an entirely different one than mine”, I replied, and I couldn't keep the steely tone out of my voice. “How can you say you love me, when you were willing to betray me like this?”
“I...” But that was all Allie had to say to that.
“Are you done?” I took in a deep breath. “Now, get out of my car.”
I turned away and looked out the window as she opened her door and slowly got out. The door falling shut behind her shook the car. Heavy and final.
I didn't want this. I didn't want any of it. I simply wanted things to go back to the way they had been five month ago.
I sat in the car like that for a long time, still trying to wrap my head around everything that had happened.
I remembered that snowball fight from just a couple of weeks ago. It seemed more like light-years to me at that point.
I remembered how much fun we'd had. Thinking back on it now, I started to look at everything differently. There were so many things I now questioned. That day we had the snowball fight, it was the same day he so rudely interrupted our shower. I'd seem the look on his face when we came out of the bathroom. He'd barely even acknowledged me. That was the day the old rivalry flared up again and I my best friend turned into my worst enemy.
Maybe I didn't realise it at the time, but in hindsight, it all became so very clear. How could I have been so stupid, so trusting?The way Darcy looked at Allie, he'd always wanted her. I knew that now.
When I got home, I didn't even take the time to take off my shoes.
I headed straight up the stairs and got to work packing all my stuff. I couldn't stay in this house a moment longer.
As I was unscrewing the parts of my bed, I heard the front door open. For a moment, I thought it was him. I wondered what he would say when he saw me packing all my stuff. Would he even care?
It wasn't Darcy who showed up at my door, though. It was Sam.
He simply took one look around the room and asked, “Are you moving out?” By the tone in his voice it was clear that he already knew the answer. I wondered what else he knew. Was that why he had acted so strange around me lately?
I unscrewed another part.
“Need a hand?” Sam walked over.
“I'm fine, thank you.” I told him. But he simply ignored me.
I couldn't fight any more. My knuckles were bleeding and I felt so unbelievably tired. So I let Sam help me take apart my life.
I had no idea where I was going to go.