by Ashe Barker
“Maybe. In some ways.”
He considered her answer, then, “Janie, I daresay there are many ways tae be clever, an’ just as many ways to be stupid. What is it that is on your mind, lass?”
Now, she did roll onto her back, gingerly placing her weight on her swollen buttocks. She met his gaze, her smoky grey eyes glistening with tears. He suspected she was not crying because of what had just transpired between them but had to be sure.
“I ken that ye’re hurtin’, and havin’ a cock in your arse for the first time would nae doubt be a daunting experience for any lass. D’ye hate me for what I did tae ye, Janie?”
“Hate you?” She frowned, appeared genuinely surprised. “Of course, I do not. I love you. I told you that.”
He used his thumb to swipe away the moisture from her eyes. “Then, why the tears, sweetheart?”
“You scared me.”
“I ken that. But ye trusted me, an’ I kept my word tae ye. Ye found pleasure in what we did.”
“It was still wicked,” she insisted. “A sin, surely...”
They were back to that again. He shook his head. “If it was, I mean tae be wicked an’ sinful again. What about ye, Janie? Will ye sin wi’ me?”
Her lips curled in a weak smile. “You know that I will. It seems I cannot help myself.”
“An’ I thank God for it. So, if ye’re no’ writhin’ in agony, nor racked wi’ guilt, why are ye so sad, and why d’ye insist that I would find ye stupid?”
“I am embarrassed.”
“Because I fucked your arse?”
“No. Well, yes, a bit because of that. But, not entirely.”
“Janie?” He hardened his tone. “Tell me what is troublin’ ye.”
At first he feared she was about to clam up, refuse to continue the conversation. Robbie supposed he could fall back on the daily spankings but somehow he doubted that was the real solution here. “Jane?” he prompted her again.
She met his gaze, her expression angry now. “Very well, since you insist. You are the son of a laird. Your father’s heir. You will be the leader of your clan someday.”
Robbie remained silent. So far, he could not fault her reasoning.
“When you marry, you will need to have a lady beside you.”
“Aye. My wife will be Lady McGregor, that is true.”
“But, you must see. I am not a lady. How can I be? My father was a fisherman, my mother is a laundress. Well, I think she is. For all I know, she may be dead. I have not seen her for eight years.”
“Ye must miss her.”
“You are changing the subject,” she accused.
Robbie shook his head. “I think not, since it was you who mentioned your mother. She has something to do wi’ this, does she no’?”
Jane nodded. “I am not ashamed of her, or of my family. Never think that. My mother was wonderful, and she worked so hard. There were sixteen of us, all hungry, all wanting clothes and a warm bed.”
“A large family indeed. What of your father?”
“He died when I was seven. Lost at sea.”
“I am sorry.”
“I went into service when I was twelve. My mother found me a place and took me there herself. I remember she kissed me at the Marchants’ kitchen door, told me I was to work hard and be honest, and not to forget those who loved me. I... I watched her walk away and I have not seen her since.”
“I cannot imagine being separated from my family,” he acknowledged, “and especially so young. That must be hard.”
Jane sniffed. “It is the lot of those in service. So, you see, we would not suit, you and I. We are too... different.”
“But yet, we do suit, Janie. Ye know that we do.”
She shook her head. “You are not listening, not thinking. What about in the future? You will expect your wife to run your home, to be mistress of your castle on Skye. She will have to manage your household, keep your accounts.”
“Aye, she will help me in my duties. As I will aid her.”
“But, I will be of no help at all. I cannot even write my own name. I cannot read, nor can I do numbers. I cannot cook, or plan what to eat. I would not know when to polish the silver, or sweep up the rushes, how to churn butter. I cannot sew or weave, I have no—”
“Janie, stop. None of this matters.” Robbie laid his hand across her mouth. “There is no need for all of this.”
“That is easy for you to say. Everything is easy for you. You have wealth, power...”
“Which I mean tae share with ye.”
“Your generosity is not at issue, Robbie. You might be willing to share your title with me, but you cannot make me a lady, not in any real way. I... I have no learning, none at all. I have no money either, I would bring nothing to you.”
“I want nothing. Just you.”
“You can have me. I am yours already. Nothing needs to change.”
“I want ye tae share my life. Forever. I want ye beside me, no one else. There will be no other mistress at Duncleit.”
“Duncleit? That is the name of your castle?”
“Aye, it is.” Now who is changing the subject?
“I would like to see it.”
“An’ ye shall. I shall take ye there. Soon.”
She offered him a tremulous smile. “I should be getting dressed. Lady Eleanor will be wondering where I am.”
“Eleanor knows full well where ye are, Janie.”
“Oh, no. What must she think?” She sat up, winced, then swung her feet over the edge of the bed. “Where is my gown?” Jane found the garment, held it up before her. “Oh, dear, it is so crumpled. I wonder if I will have time to steam out the creases before I must start my duties...”
“Give it to me.” Robbie took the bedraggled red velvet from her and strode to the door. He flung it open and yelled for a passing servant.
The same maid who had brought the chamber pots came hurrying along the corridor.
“Take this to the laundry, please, and tell them that it is to be cleaned and... whatever. Oh, an’ on your way would ye find my mother an’ tell her I would very much appreciate a few minutes o’ her time, if she can spare it.”
“Yes, my lord.” The girl bobbed before him and ran off, the bundle of velvet bunched in her arms.
Robbie stepped back into his chamber and closed the door.
“Why did you do that? Now what will I wear?”
“The gown will be brought back soon enough.”
“But not before your mother arrives. What will she think, finding me here, naked, in your bed?”
He shrugged. “I doubt she will faint wi’ the shock of it. An’ she willnae know that ye’re naked or in my bed unless ye tell her. She cannae see ye.”
“But, that is not the point...”
He supposed not but saw little point in debating the matter. “My mother is the current Lady McGregor. Since ye have such dire concerns regarding your ability tae assume the role, ye could do worse than listen tae the advice o’ the one who holds the position now. There is no greater authority.”
Jane gave an exasperated snort. “She will tell you what I have. She will agree that the idea is beyond preposterous.”
“We shall see. I believe—” He was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. “Ah, that is probably her now...”
Chapter Twenty-One
This was becoming all too familiar, Jane thought, this overwhelming desire to have the earth open up and swallow her. Mortified, she hugged the blanket to her naked breasts, natural modesty winning out against the realisation that Robbie was quite right. Lady Roselyn would not be able to see her state of undress, nor, thank the dear and merciful Lord, would she be witness to the evidence proclaiming the fact that the wench in her son’s chamber had recently been soundly fucked.
“Mother, thank you for coming so promptly.” Robbie bent to kiss his mother’s cheek when she entered his room and reached down to tug on the ears of the huge hound padding along at her side.
Lady Rosel
yn’s smile was radiant. “I was intrigued. You rarely seek my help of late.”
“But I always appreciate your company, Mother. Ye ken that.”
“So, it was my company you sought? Is that of Miss Bartle not sufficient?” The woman turned her sightless lavender gaze on Jane. “I trust this morning finds you well, my dear. Or, as well as might be expected?”
Oh, sweet Jesu, she knows...
Jane doubted that her mortification could become any more profound, a notion instantly dispelled with Lady McGregor’s next words.
“I have some salve in my chamber, Miss Bartle, which may be of use to you. I shall have it sent over.”
“Th-thank you, my lady,” Jane managed to splutter. “You are most kind.”
“Not at all.” Lady Roselyn reached for her son’s arm. “May I sit?”
He guided her to a chair and saw her safe into it. Lady Roselyn thanked him, patted down her skirts, and the dog curled himself around her feet. She smiled brightly at the pair of them, though her next question seemed to be addressed to Jane. “So, is there some way in which I might be of assistance, my dear?”
“I... I...”
Robbie spared her the need to cobble together something resembling an answer. “Jane and I have been discussing her future role, as Lady McGregor,” he explained.
“Indeed?” The current holder of that title did not appear unduly perturbed at the prospect of being usurped.
“Unfortunately, as ye may already be aware, Jane has arrived at the conclusion that she is not fitted to the role.”
“Oh?” Lady Roselyn tilted her head in Jane’s direction. “How so?”
Jane was baffled. The question appeared genuine enough, but was it not perfectly obvious? Why was it that no one else seemed to see what was plain as day to her?
“I... I have never...” She paused, drew in a breath. “My lady, I could not presume to be worthy of the title.”
“I am afraid I do not entirely understand.” Lady Roselyn offered her a gentle smile. “In what way, precisely, are you not worthy?”
“I was born of common stock. I am just... a servant. A nursemaid.”
“And a very good one, I am given to understand.”
“But, I cannot read. Or write. I am uneducated.” There, this was surely the crux of it.
Lady Roselyn contemplated this problem for a few moments. “I do have some education, this is true. But, since I am unable to see, I cannot read or write either.”
“That is entirely different, surely. I was brought up in poverty. I have no wealth to bring, no dowry.”
Lady Roselyn shrugged. “My husband does not flaunt the wealth of our clan, but be under no illusion, my dear, we are not paupers. The McGregors have no need of more money.”
Who on earth is not in need of more money?
Jane tried a different tack. “But, surely... I am nobody. What about a grand dynastic alliance? This is what marriage means, is it not?”
“It often is, sadly. We are fortunate that such considerations need not bother us unduly. My husband has forged such political links as are needful without requiring the sacrifice of any of his children to loveless marriages.”
Jane was at a loss. She had believed herself perfectly well acquainted with the ways of the rich and powerful, but these McGregors were clearly a law unto themselves.
Robbie cleared his throat and his mother turned to regard him. “I believe Jane also has some questions regarding the running of the household.”
“Oh, then I am really not the best person to consult. You know very well that Elspeth managed everything at Duncleit until she became too old and was forced to retire to her niece’s cottage, and then Annie Drummond took over. Between Annie at Duncleit and Betsy here, I rarely get to so much as plan a menu let alone run the household.”
Jane was perplexed. She was acquainted with Betsy, but the other two women named were a mystery to her. “Who is Elspeth? And Annie Drummond?”
Lady Roselyn seemed happy to explain. “Elspeth used to be my husband’s housekeeper before we were married. She remained in the role until perhaps ten years ago, but then she handed the keys to the pantry and all that went with them over to Annie Drummond, who she had trained with a view to leaving the task in good hands. I daresay Annie will be pleased to remain in her position since she is most suited to it.”
“You have a housekeeper?” Jane echoed. “At Duncleit?”
“Aye,” Robbie confirmed. “We do. A good one. Ye can rely on Annie tae see tae things. All ye need do is those tasks which appeal tae ye, or ye feel well suited tae.”
“But, would your wife not have to supervise the household?” This Annie might be in charge of the kitchens and scullery maids, but true responsibility could not lie with a servant, Jane was sure of that.
“I have always thought that a wise leader would know when to bow to the greater knowledge of others,” Lady Roselyn observed. “My husband has never shied from seeking advice when he required it and neither have I, though there can be no doubt where the ultimate responsibility lies. You may rely on Annie. All you need to do is tell her how you want the household to run and she will make it so.”
“But, I would have no idea how it should run,” Jane insisted.
“Then, ask me,” Robbie reminded her gently. “Or my mother. And remember, nothing will change anyway, as long as my father lives.”
“You make it sound so easy,” Jane whispered. “Surely, my lady, you must have had doubts. In some ways, it would have been even harder for you.”
Lady Roselyn nodded slowly. “Because of my blindness? Aye, perhaps. I did not wish to be a burden, to have people running around trying to take care of me, to keep me safe. But my husband did all he could to make Duncleit well suited to my needs. He had handrails installed on all the stairways, and no one is permitted to move furniture about without my knowledge. And, of course, he always encouraged me to use my dogs, to rely on them. I have my independence, and I have earned the respect of the McGregor clan. As you would, my dear.”
“I am not so sure...”
Lady Roselyn reached out and laid her hand on Jane’s arm. “I was nervous too, at first. Such a big step, and yes, it does carry responsibility, but you have shown yourself to be a woman who does not shirk her duty.” She paused, then, “But, of course, there was also the fact that I loved Blair McGregor with everything that was in my soul. And I knew he felt the same for me. We had to be together, so in the end it was a simple enough choice. I have never once regretted it and would do exactly the same were I to have to make that choice again.”
“Oh.” Jane was lost for words. “I... I envy you.”
“Do not envy me, Jane. I have done what made me happy and so should you. It has been a good life. I have a loving marriage and five wonderful children. I am proud of them all.” She smiled at Robbie. “I daresay I have embarrassed you, my boy, but you did invite me here and you did ask.”
He leaned down to kiss her forehead. “I am not embarrassed, Mother. You know I adore the ground you walk upon. We all do. I grew up with the example set by you and my da, so it is right, surely, that I should want for myself what you and Da have. And what I believe Jamie and Eleanor are only just starting to find.” He met Jane’s gaze, his eyes darkening. “So, now ye see, Janie, what is at stake here an’ why I shall never give up on ye.”
* * *
An hour later and clad in a pale yellow woollen gown borrowed from Lady Roselyn, just until she had her red velvet back, Jane tapped on the door leading to the small solar used by the earl and his immediate family. Cecily’s wails could be heard halfway along the corridor.
“Come in.” Eleanor sounded harassed.
Jane opened the door and stepped within. The young countess was pacing the room, her daughter pressed to her shoulder. The baby was red-faced and crying piteously. Eleanor regarded Jane anxiously.
“She is not hungry, nor does she require dry clothing. I have no idea why she cries so. She will not settle..
.”
“May I see, my lady?” Jane held out her arms to take Cecily.
“Of course. And please, call me Eleanor.”
Jane replied with a noncommittal grunt and laid the distressed baby on the settle. Gently, she prised the child’s mouth open and inserted her little finger. She carefully probed the inflamed gums until she found what she was seeking.
“She has teeth starting to come through, my la—” She caught herself and tried again. “Eleanor. See, you can feel them, just here.” She guided the worried mother to run her own finger over the baby’s gums and feel for herself the tiny sharp edges just beginning to break through. “Babies often find this phase very painful, though it can be eased with a little ice on the gum. Or if you give her something she can chew on, which will not splinter. This helps the teeth to come through more quickly.”
“How did you know this?” the countess wondered. “Are you quite sure it is nothing more serious?” The young were so fragile, all knew that.
“I have seen it before. All children go through this. Even before I was employed to care for the children of others, I would help my mother with my younger brothers and sisters.”
“Yours was a large family, I understand.”
Jane nodded. “There were sixteen of us, at least, sixteen that lived. Four more did not survive childhood.”
“Oh, that must have been very hard for your poor mother.”
“She mourned each one, deeply, but to raise sixteen was an achievement.”
“Indeed so. What was her name?”
“Her name?”
“Yes. What was your mother called?”
Jane had to think for a moment. Her mother had always been simply ‘Ma’ to her. “Margaret, though everyone knew her as Meggie.”
“And, you learned your skills with the little ones from her?”
“Yes, I suppose I did. I had five younger brothers and sisters so there was always much to do. My father died when I was seven so my mother had to find work to support us all. I looked after the younger ones while she took in washing. The older ones worked too, and we managed.”
“Were you a close family?”