by Nella Tyler
I shrugged. “I realized that part of moving on with my life was letting go of some of the past. Being in this house surrounded by BJ’s stuff was causing me so much pain and I didn’t even realize it.” I swallowed back the tears that were trying to come. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was turn into a sobbing mess. Not that Banks hadn’t seen plenty of that over the last year. “I decided to box it all up and donate what Brian Sr. and I didn’t want.”
“That must’ve been really difficult,” he said in the gentle tone I’d come to love. “I’m proud of you for how well you’ve done over the last year. I know it’s been incredibly hard.”
I gave a nervous smile as I set down my mug of tea, freeing my hands to twist in my lap. “I don’t feel like I’ve done as well as it looks like I’ve been doing.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.” His light brows had come together, but his expression was still open and welcoming. He had that way about him, and I could see every time we were together why he and BJ had gotten along as well as they had.
“Maybe,” I agreed. “There’s been a lot of that, too.”
“Everyone grieves differently. I’ve done a lot of reading up on the subject. No two people process emotion the same way. I think what you’ve done is what’s right for you. Someone else may disagree, but the process someone uses to grieve isn’t objectively valid or invalid. Try to give yourself a little more credit. You’re not even 30 years old and are having to deal with situations and emotions that women twice your age haven’t even faced yet.”
I’d never considered that perspective. I still felt like I spent the majority of my time running just ahead of a panic attack, but maybe things weren’t quite as bad as they seemed inside my own head. Banks, Brian Sr., Mom, and Eliza weren’t liars. If they said it seemed like I was managing pretty well, I should believe them. It didn’t mean that I should discount my own feelings, but I could certainly be less critical of myself as a general rule.
“It’s hard to remember that things aren’t exactly the way they seem inside your own head.”
He laughed, his face lighting up as his pretty eyes widened. “That’s true. But look at what you’ve just done. Donating BJ’s old stuff is a great first step towards forging your own life. It was difficult, but you did it.”
I tilted my head as a thought occurred to me that oddly hadn’t before. It felt right, and that was my new measurement for whether or not I should do something. I decided right then and there that this was going to be the year of trusting my gut.
“It was a good first step. And as hard as getting rid of all that stuff was, I think I need to be take an even harder step if I really want to kick off this next part of my life and truly be happy. But it means being brave and only looking forward.”
“What do you mean?” His forehead crinkled when he was confused, which I added to the list of things I found attractive about him, besides his muscular limbs, sexy smile, head of wheat blond hair, and stormy eyes, which were currently pinned to my face like I was the most interesting person in the world.
I scooted a little closer to him on the couch, knowing I’d only be able to say the next part in a whisper.
“I want us to sleep together.”
Now he looked shocked, his eyes widening and lips parting, but no sound coming out. He blinked his dark blond lashes, seizing on the words he wanted to say all at once.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “We don’t have to move that quickly.”
I scooted even closer, putting us in kissing range, not taking my eyes off of him for a second. I’d wanted to taste his lips all night, and now that we were here together, I was going to get my way.
“We’ve known each other for years, Banks. And I’m ready. I want to take this next step with you and so many more after that.”
He didn’t reply, so I pulled him closer by the front of his soft sweater, lifting my chin slightly to receive his kiss. This was different from the other times, sweeter. We weren’t in a rush, and we knew exactly where this was going to take us. I kissed him deeper and deeper as the seconds passed, running my hands through his soft hair as he did the same with mine, just letting that low heat always simmering between us grow into an inferno.
I pulled away from him, breathing heavily, my entire face on fire. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”
“The guestroom,” he whispered. “Not the master.”
I nodded, that answer assuring me this was right, and that he cared about me the same way I cared about him. We rose together, our eyes locked. I took him by the hand and led him into the guestroom, which was on the other side of the room I’d shared with BJ. Banks had slept in it many times after a long night of drinking and dreaming about cars with BJ. I forced those thoughts out of my head. This was our night. I needed to focus on us and only us.
I left the door open to let the light in, but didn’t turn on the overhead. I pulled my shirt over my head and turned to face Banks. That heat was inflaming my entire body. I wanted my hands on him, my mouth, and I wanted his hands and mouth all over me at the same time. Now. I’d waited for weeks.
He took off his shoes and then his pants, revealing his long, muscled legs and tight boxer briefs, his hard cock straining the fabric. I bit my bottom lip, unable to keep a moan from escaping at how badly I wanted him. He pulled his sweater and undershirt off next, baring his toned upper body, and I went to him, pushing my pajama pants down my legs and kicking them off just as I reached him. I didn’t want anything between us.
We started kissing again, harder this time, that fire already stoked and burning, enflaming our skin, our faces, our bodies as they moved against each other. Banks removed my bra without missing a beat, his tongue pressing into mine. I kissed him back even harder, my mind pinned to this moment in the present, not looking backwards or forwards, just enjoying the luscious skin beneath my greedy fingers.
Banks walked me back towards the bed, and we collapsed onto it together. He slid off his boxers, freeing his rock-hard cock and I bit my lip again, wanting him inside me where I could already feel the tingling warmth, the pressure building with every second.
He pulled my panties off next and climbed on top of me. “You’re so beautiful, Maggie,” he whispered. He ran his fingers over my cheek, his eyes moving over my face. “Are you sure about this?”
I didn’t want to wait. I wanted him now. I could see he wanted me too, but he would hold back if I asked him to. That only made me want this even more.
“I want you inside me,” I whispered urgently, reaching to pull him more firmly on top of me. “Now.”
He moaned, clearly pleased, his hips thrusting on their own, pressing the head of his cock into the throbbing warmth of my sex. I groaned with need, urging him on between panting breaths. I was soaking wet between my legs and so ready for him. I hadn’t realized how ready. That fire inside me was threatening to destroy us both if he didn’t give me what I wanted right now, what I’d wanted for weeks, maybe even for months.
His lips found mine again, his tongue entering my mouth just as he thrust his hips again, entering me slowly, inch by rock-hard inch. I wrapped my arms around him, my hands traveling down the muscled length of his back as he moved even further inside me, teasing me with every centimeter of his cock. I arched my back, pressing my hips into him, trying to swallow him faster than he was willing to go.
Our lips broke apart, and Banks started a faster, more even rhythm, his cock plunging inside me up to the hilt and drawing a series of gasps from me as it withdrew again.
“Harder,” I managed to gasp, the heat engulfing me. “More.” That pressure was tingling inside my body, that hunger for something only he could give. His hips thrust in and out of me, that rhythm clearing all the thoughts in my head that didn’t involve this moment.
Banks dropped his head, his lips sucking hard on my neck as he increased his tempo, and the wave of pleasure that washed over me drew another cry from my constricting throat, the pleasure so deep and immediate
it was almost pain. My orgasm exploded inside of me, filling me up and letting loose a warm gush of ecstasy between my legs, where that bundle of nerves was being rubbed raw by the power of his long, hard cock. I wanted him harder, deeper, faster, but didn’t know if my body could take it. I felt out of breath, my heart thundering, every inch of me in tune with every inch of him.
“You feel so good, Mags,” he moaned, his words more growl than whisper.
I ran my hands over his back, loving the feeling of his muscles working beneath my palms as he buried his cock inside my achingly hungry sex. I tilted my hips again, inviting him even deeper, and as the tip of his cock rubbed against my interior walls, I let out another cry as a second orgasm bloomed inside of me like a trembling flower born from pleasure and fire.
I growled behind clenched teeth, his body jerking into mine, his cock all the way inside me for several long seconds before he wilted on top of me, his muscles loosening as mine did, both of us melting into each other and the mattress beneath our sweat-slicked bodies.
We lay there, breathing heavily, the silence in the house giving way to our rapidly hammering heartbeats. He rolled off of me, our legs untangling but bodies still so close I swore I could feel his heartbeat coming up through the mattress underneath me.
“Thank you,” I said in a breathy, grateful whisper. I hadn’t felt this great in months. “That was amazing, and I needed it more than I realized. I really feel like I can move forward now. Not just in my own life, but with you.”
He turned and planted a wet kiss on my cheek. “I’m glad I could do that for you, Maggie. I only want to be here for you.”
I turned and kissed the tip of his nose. We were too close, his face was a smear in the semi-darkness. “I’m glad it was you. It feels right.”
After a few more moments of luxuriating in the sex-soaked atmosphere in the guest bedroom, we sat up and Banks began to pull his clothes back on. The week must have taken more of a toll on me than I’d thought, because I was exhausted.
“Can you show yourself out?” I asked, and yawned loudly. “I think I’m just going to go to sleep right here.” I scooted under the covers, still naked, while he watched me, smiling.
“Sure thing, Mags.” He bent to kiss me gently on the mouth. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Goodnight.”
I fell asleep so quickly I didn’t even hear the front door close. For once, I slept all the way until morning, surprised and pleased to see the sunshine pouring into the window next to the bed.
Banks
Monday
I stabbed the button to end the latest conference call, and had to take a moment to collect my thoughts before I drafted yet another email. I’d fallen into a living nightmare after the wonderful date on Friday night with Maggie. Jane called in a rare panic first thing Saturday morning after reading an email she was carbon copied on, seemingly by accident. That email indicated that the head of the company ours was absorbing in the merger was having serious concerns that went far beyond the realm of second thoughts. She called me in terror just before 6 a.m., and I bolted upright in bed, got dressed while she went over every detail of the long email, and was out the door before she’d even finished her explanation. She was already at the office pulling files and readying reports—she lived in Brooklyn and had taken a cab to get to work as quickly as possible, paying double the fare when the driver agreed to ignore traffic signals and rights of way. She’d called me first but was going to get the rest of the team on the phone as soon as we’d hung up.
By the time I arrived around 7:30, everyone else was already in the office and Jane had calmed down considerably, though she looked troubled. I got on the phone immediately with the head of the other company, catching him still at home. We went back and forth for hours, renegotiating terms, though there were many I refused to allow changes to, because we’d already been through this. We had to get lawyers on the phone and various board members. We managed to get all necessary parties on a teleconference near the middle of the night. It lasted until 4 in the morning. I guzzled gallons of coffee, though I didn’t feel exhausted. My blood had been up since the call from Jane the previous morning. If this deal fell through, it would be a crushing blow to my role as CEO of this company. I’d never be able to recover. Dad would have to come back, but the damage to our company’s image would be done in the eyes of our contemporaries and competitors. Even he might not be able to salvage the mess I’d left behind. I wasn’t going to let that happen. If I had to muscle the deal through with the sheer force of my will, that was what I intended to do.
Sunday morning was spent drawing another agreement up based on the renegotiated terms we’d tentatively agreed to on the marathon phone conference. We ran it by our team of lawyers, some of whom had come into the office to lay eyes on copies of the actual printed document. Once edited and approved, we ran it by the other side’s team of lawyers and waited, pacing and forcing strained conversation over takeout that went mostly untouched until we heard back late in the afternoon. The terms were good, and we could put together a final version that both parties would agree to be contractually bound by.
We set to work on that, not wanting to risk taking the time to go home to shower and change—at this point, we’d all been locked in the office dressed in sweats and T-shirts for more than 24 hours—as any hesitation might sour the deal. Once the final document was created and printed, we sent it by emergency courier to the smaller company’s office here in Manhattan for notarized signatures. I refused to wait another minute and didn’t plan to go home until I was holding the signed contract in my hands as irrefutable proof that this merger was going to happen as planned and agreed.
The courier returned the signed document just before 10 o’clock on Sunday night. I signed both copies as CEO of this company, binding us to the merger that would take place before Christmas, and sent the courier back where he’d just come from to deliver one of them to the smaller company’s CEO. We weren’t done yet, however. Investors had caught wind of the discontent brewing at the other company and I needed to cut rumors off at the root before they grew out of control.
I spent the rest of the night making phone calls and drafting emails. In between calls, I thought about the sweet interlude Maggie and I had in the guest bedroom of her house. I’d barely talked to her since then. I’d planned to see her on Saturday for brunch, but then this bomb dropped at work, threatening to destroy everything, and I’d had to call her during the first opportunity that presented itself for me to briefly come up for air. We only had about five minutes to chat, mostly me explaining what had happened and that I wasn’t sure when I’d be free to see her. She was completely understanding, and told me that she’d be happy to see me whenever I was free. It didn’t stop me from thinking about her throughout the rest of the weekend, but it was nice to be with a woman who understood when I had to drop everything for work. Now I was seriously considering inviting her to Italy. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. It was the most romantic country in the world and I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather bring with me.
Jane wandered into my office just as I was hanging up with the last investor. No one had jumped ship, though many had been close. Without each one of them on board, the merger would fall through. I sighed, relieved and exhausted, the last 48 hours of nonstop worry and stress dropping onto my shoulders all at once. I suddenly felt like I couldn’t even keep my head from crashing onto my desk.
Jane looked as tired as I felt, with dark circles under her normally sharp eyes, drooping shoulders, and weather-beaten expression. But she’d made it and so had I. She handed me a report with one hand while she used the other to cover a loud yawn. It was contagious, drawing a yawn from me right afterward.
“This has been a hellish weekend,” she said. “But we’re done. We made it.”
“You were on the ball,” I replied. “This place would literally implode without you.”
She smiled a little, but her eyebrows wer
e draw together as she stared at me. “We almost didn’t scrape by, but we’re still standing. Thank God that guy Cc’d me on that email by accident.” She nodded to the report I’d taken from her without looking at it. “That’s the final paperwork.”
“Tell the team to go home until Wednesday morning. I’m going to go home and sleep until I feel like waking up.”
“Good plan,” she replied. “I’ll see you on Wednesday. Call if you need anything.”
I grinned. “If it’s before Wednesday, don’t answer if I call.”
She laughed at that. “You know I couldn’t ignore you if I tried.”
“I’m trying to help you here, Jane.”
She rolled her eyes and left chuckling under her breath.
I left shortly thereafter, but was still the last person out of the office, which I liked. I wanted my team to see that I was in the trenches with them and that I’d never expect more from them than I was willing to give myself. I drove home, struggling to stay awake. My heavy eyelids kept threatening to close on their own.
Somehow, I made it to my condo. I’d planned to swing by my parents’ house to pick up Alice—I’d called Dad after it was clear I’d be stuck at work for more than a day and asked him to run by my place to pick her up—but I just couldn’t make it. I wasn’t much good to her anyway until after I’d slept. If she were home, she’d expect a walk, a meal, and some attention. I’d leave her be at Mom and Dad’s until I got some sleep.
I stripped off my clothes and managed a quick rinse in the shower before collapsing into bed, naked as the day I was born and still damp. I snuggled into the covers and was asleep within a few seconds, falling into sleep so deeply, I moved to some realm beyond dreams.
I regained consciousness in the sunshine, the bright light causing me to squint. I felt refreshed, but the daylight disoriented me. Had I only been asleep for a few hours?