by Nella Tyler
It was amazing how much trivial shit you could know about someone while their real self stayed completely hidden. I really didn’t know her at all. I’d realized that the night of the breakup. The woman I thought I knew hadn’t been the same woman I’d asked to marry me.
She slid into the seat across from me, still grinning, but there was an edge to it, like she was prepared for any bullshit I brought to the table. “I don’t see why we couldn’t have met at your place or mine. Privacy would be nice.” She put her hands on the table and intertwined her fingers, the engagement ring catching my eye. Why the fuck was she still wearing that? It didn’t make any sense. We’d broken up weeks ago.
I pressed my lips together, waiting a second to answer. A public meeting was the only way I was willing to talk to her. She was less likely to try and pull her regular bullshit in front of a crowd. That wasn’t always the case — she’d had no trouble drawing attention to herself at the firemen’s ball, after all — but she had clients to see after this, so it was unlikely that she’d want to show up at the gym puffy eyed from crying with makeup running down her face.
“We don’t have any reason to hang out at each other’s apartments, Lacey,” I replied, calmly. My own anger was her best method of controlling me and always had been.
She put on her best disappointed face, complete with sexy pout. I had to give it to her, she knew how to play a man, hook, line, and sinker. I’d just been played so many times in the same way that I’d eventually gotten wise.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since the other night,” I began. My strategy for today was to stay calm and keep things moving forward. Don’t take any of her bait, don’t fall for any of her cutesy shit, and to just get up and leave if she turned on the crocodile tears. I knew how I felt and what I wanted to say.
I was still furious at her for fucking things up with Sami, who had only answered one of my texts to tell me to leave her the hell alone. I hadn’t been able to let things remain the way they were and replied asking her to speak to me one last time. I wanted to explain everything to her in person, but she never answered me again. After a day or two, I gave up, figuring I’d blown that chance and needed to move on.
“Me, too,” Lacey said, leaning onto the table on her elbows and grinning, her dark eyes gleaming with a teasing light I knew well. “About you and about us. About all the things we could be doing together.”
I kept moving forward, ignoring everything she’d just said, all the sexy obstacles she was trying to put in my path. “I don’t think you really want to settle down right now, and that’s fine, Lacey. It’s your life to live the way you see fit. But that’s not what I want in my life. I want someone who’s willing to commit to building a life together. I’ve done enough crazy shit. Now I’m ready to settle down with the right woman.”
She ditched the smile, staring at me while her eyes narrowed to brown slits and the thoughts raced around in her head. I didn’t even want to know what she was cooking up in there. She was one of those people who was too damned smart for her own good. It got her in trouble sometimes, but, mostly, it got me in trouble. I was done with that bullshit, too. I wanted a relationship, not a constant power play that always left me feeling like I was losing at some game I didn’t even want to play.
“I don’t think you should be wearing the ring I gave you anymore. It doesn’t make sense.”
Her face closed off, the expression sliding clean away and leaving nothing but blankness behind, which usually spelled danger. I kept going, not even giving her a chance to respond.
“I’m not asking for it back.” Even though it felt like if you got caught cheating on your fiancée, you should give back the ring that cost him several thousand dollars. I’d be paying that off for the next six goddamned months. “But get rid of it. Sell it or give it away. I don’t really care. But we aren’t getting married or planning our lives together, so you shouldn’t be wearing it.”
Her face had tightened even more as her eyes moved quickly over my face, probably trying to assess how serious I was about all of this. I didn’t wait for her to respond, just kept going with what I had to say.
“I really thought I loved you in a way that meant we were supposed to spend our lives together.” I paused to stare hard at her. I meant every word I was saying. I’d been in love with her, maybe not as deeply as I thought, but enough to stay with her for the rest of my life. It’d been a serious blow to find out that she didn’t love me the same away…at first. The more I thought about it, the more I realized we hadn’t really had the kind of love that would last through the years. We were settling for each other, plain and simple — although it turned out Lacey wasn’t really doing that much settling.
“But the cheating really made me think about our relationship and what I wanted going forward,” I said, continuing through Lacey’s stoniest expression. “You aren’t the right person for me and I can’t be the right person for you, either, if you felt the need to cheat like that.”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking, too, Blaze,” she said, smiling shyly, her eyes wide. I couldn’t help but notice her cleavage overflowing from her sports bra. I could see everything through the deep V of her tank top.
I pulled my eyes away, focusing instead on the shifting landscape of her face. I couldn’t tell if she was furious or over all of this. I’d been on a rollercoaster lately, riding through both sides of the spectrum. But meeting Sami had really helped to clear things up. It was a shame she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, but at least I knew what I wanted. And, Lacey just wasn’t it.
“I don’t know why I cheated the way I did,” she said, sighing, her eyes pinned to mine. “But I can change. I want to change. I didn’t realize how important our relationship was to me until I lost it. I don’t want to lose what we had.” Her words sounded genuine, but that didn’t really mean much. She’d always known how to say the right thing, and it’d gotten to the point where I never really knew if she meant it.
“It’s too late for all that, Lacey,” I said wearily. Going over all of this was exhausting. I wanted it behind me. I had no idea why she didn’t feel the same way, but that was her problem not mine. “I just want to move on with my life now.”
“Can’t we move on together?” she asked, sticking out her bottom lip and widening her eyes the way she did when she really wanted something. None of it had any power over me anymore. It was an improvement, I guessed. At least I’d be free of this bullshit going forward.
I just wanted as much of this out on the table as possible so she wouldn’t be turning up at any other events and fucking me over with the next girl I met. I was in my thirties now and didn’t plan on being a bachelor forever. I saw what Hector had with his wife and wanted the same thing for myself: a partnership with a good woman and children, a life together and mutual respect. It didn’t seem like that much to expect from a relationship, but it was something Lacey and I had never had. Even when I thought we did, she’d been cheating.
“I don’t think so,” I said. The answer was actually hell no, but I was trying to be tactful, not wanting another teary scene like the one in the ballroom. I didn’t know why she was holding on so tightly. It was irritating and felt fake, like most everything she did and said. “I can’t move forward with someone who’s cheated on me and refused to make a real commitment. You accepted my ring and, at the same time, were going behind my back with other men. I just can’t forget that.”
She drew back in her chair, the warm expression melting from her face again and leaving behind that aggravating blankness. It was what she did whenever she was trying to come up with a workable strategy. I didn’t know what had happened in her life to make her like this, so calculating and uncaring where other people’s feelings were concerned.
“I don’t want to hold grudges or be nasty to each other, Lacey,” I said, continuing without her input. It was actually how I’d hoped this conversation would go, with her just letting me get out what I had to say witho
ut interrupting or going off on her bullshit tangents, trying to manipulate me and toss me off topic.
“But I also don’t want to keep on seeing each other.” I kept my voice cool and even, the words staying between us though the coffee shop was quieter than the ballroom had been on New Year’s Eve. “I need to move on with my life, and you need to do the same. I don’t want to speak again after this. No calls. No texts. No surprise visits to the station or my apartment. All that needs to stop.”
Her eyes blazed and her posture was rigid, but her face didn’t change. As usual, I had no idea what the hell was going on inside her head.
“You’re sure about this?” she asked finally.
I nodded. “I’ve thought about it a lot.”
“This isn’t just about that girl you were with?” There was a slight edge to the question, though her face stayed serenely, carefully blank.
That pissed me off a little, but I let the heat burn inside me until it extinguished on its own. I’d lost any chance I had with Sami, and it had all been Lacey’s fucking fault, but there was no use dwelling on it. Once the initial wave of anger subsided, it was easy to answer her in the same calm, measured tone that I could see was driving her up the wall.
She was used to pushing me hard until I exploded, because then things ended up being my fault by the end of the argument, and I’d apologize for making her cry or losing my temper. She routinely drove me batshit crazy, but not today. Not ever again.
“I’m focusing on us right now, Lacey. This doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else.”
“And you just get to decide this for both of us?” she asked, not in a combative way, the words as flat as her expression, so flat I didn’t even get pissed at what she said.
I blinked once and had to press my lips together to keep from smiling. “You helped decide it, too.” I didn’t mention the cheating again. She knew what I was talking about.
We watched each other over my cooling mug of coffee. I hadn’t even touched it, just let it sit in the middle of the table as an anchor giving us the right it sit in the shop, going over the long, painful death of our relationship.
She sat up a little straighter, squaring her tanned shoulders. “If that’s how you feel about it, I guess I’ll honor your wishes and leave you alone.”
“I appreciate that,” I replied, waiting for her to throw the lukewarm coffee into my face.
“I wish you the best, Blaze. I really do care about you. It’s a shame we can’t remain friends.”
I nodded. “I care about you, too, Lacey.”
“I hope you won’t forget about our time together.” The playful shine was back in her big brown eyes, and a small grin had curled her shapely mouth. “I know I won’t.”
Before I could think of a judicious way to reply to that, she rose from the table and walked out of the coffee shop, swinging her tight ass as she went along, drawing quite a few pairs of male eyes in her direction. I watched her go, enjoying the view, and then sat back in the chair, feeling like a man who’d just won a reprieve from death row after a wrongful conviction. I was free. Alone, but free.
Sami
Early February
I pulled into the parking lot of the first grocery store I drove past on my way home from the open house. It had gone pretty well. Three people made offers on the condo, and I was sure my clients would accept the highest bid, provided the couple could get the financing. I’d stayed so busy all week that I’d burned through all the food in my house, leaving nothing but condiments and a bottle of wine in the fridge. I needed a few things for dinner tonight and didn’t want to drive past my house in order to get to my regular store.
I went through the automatic doors, grabbing a shopping basket just inside the entrance instead of a cart. Carrying everything I picked up was a good way to keep me from buying too much at once. Most of my dinners were for made for one, and I ate a few meals a day on the go in between showing houses and condos to clients. I never really had a reason to keep that food much at home.
I went down the first aisle, looking for sundried tomatoes. I knew exactly where to find them at my regular grocery store, but this one wasn’t set up in the same intuitive fashion. The items they’d put together didn’t really appear to make any sense. I went up and down three more aisles before I found the tomatoes. Now I needed a box of pasta, which was usually right next to the sundried tomatoes and pesto sauce at my store, but was nowhere to be found in this aisle.
I sighed, just wanting to find this shit so I could go home, take a nice long, hot shower, and throw together something easy for dinner. It had been a successful day, but I’d spent hours on my feet and was looking forward to getting off of them as soon as I could.
I needed some fresh vegetables, so headed in that direction, as I could see the produce department from where I was standing. It was just past five, so the place was packed with people doing exactly what I was: just grabbing a few things on their way home from work. I had to step out of the way of several customers to avoid running straight into them. I held my basket close to my body to keep it from being knocked right off my arm as I plunged through the crush of people on my way to the produce department.
I turned when a woman slammed into my shoulder, nearly throwing me off balance, but she didn’t even turn her head to apologize. Watching her recede into the crowd behind me meant I wasn’t looking where I was going, and I ended up walking right into someone standing in the path in front of me. Whoever it was felt big, bulky, and much taller.
I turned, a shy smile ready on my face and mouth open to issue an apology for my carelessness. “I’m so-” But the rest of the words died on my lips, leaving my jaw hanging open as I stared wide eyed up into the face of the man I’d run into. It was Blaze.
He looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. I stumbled back a step, not from running into him, but from the shock of seeing him so unexpectedly. It had been weeks since our date had gone sour on New Year’s Eve. I’d even stopped thinking about him for the most part. But seeing him here, dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a sweater, his hair pushed back in messy waves on top of his head, and green eyes burning into mine brought back all the feelings I’d battled so hard to get over.
“Hi, Sami,” he said, trying for a small smile and mostly succeeding. That only twisted the knife I felt stabbing me in the chest. I hated how I felt seeing him like this, the hope that rose in my chest only to come crashing down again when I remembered this man was engaged to be married but had taken me out anyway.
“Hello,” I replied in a clipped tone, hugging the shopping basket to myself to keep some distance between us. There were a lot of people rushing around us and not much free space in the aisle. It felt like we were standing much too close.
“How have you been doing?” he asked. I expected him to mention how many times he’d called and messaged before I blocked his number, but he didn’t. He just keep looking at me, that openness in his gorgeous eyes driving me up the wall. How dare he look at me that way considering how he’d treated me that night. Every time I thought of it, I felt like a fool.
My cheeks burned as I stared up at him, but I refused to cut my eyes away. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I shouldn’t be the one who ended up feeling like shit. “I’m doing okay, thanks. How are you and your fiancée?” I arched an eyebrow and gave him my chilliest look. Telling him off in the middle of the store wasn’t appropriate. And, it wasn’t like we’d had some great love affair. There were other ways of getting my disgust at what he’d done to come across loud and clear.
An expression rippled over his face like my words had injured him in some way, which gave me pause. His eyes darkened a little, but not with anger. He looked hurt.
He sighed, his muscled chest rising and falling under his sweater. “Sami, I’m not engaged to Lacey anymore and hadn’t been for weeks before the night we went out.”
I furrowed my eyebrows, losing the chilly edge to my expression. “What?” I relaxed
the death grip on my shopping basket, letting it sink down to press against my thighs.
“Lacey and I broke up a few weeks before the ball. I found out she’d been cheating on me, and I’d just had enough. I don’t know why she decided to show up the night of the ball, but her plan was to get back together, even though I’d already told her I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t willing to commit to our relationship. I didn’t run around on her, and I sure as hell didn’t appreciate finding out she’d been running around on me.”
I watched him, momentarily unable to speak through my shock. And not just shock, but embarrassment. If I’d stayed long enough to hear him out at the ball I might have saved us both a lot of trouble. I thought about the strength of the connection I’d felt with him, how the air had seemed to boil between us, and how good his hands had felt on my hips on the dancefloor.
But seeing Lacey wearing that ring had destroyed everything. And, Blaze hadn’t answered quickly enough when I asked if they were engaged. There were so many eyes on us, so many ears listening to everything we were saying. My face had been bright red. I’d just wanted to get out of there.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said, cutting my glance away. I couldn’t take that sad openness in his eyes anymore. It twisted that knife in my chest, pulling on all the strings attached to my heart. We’d had the beginning of something so sweet and had only just tasted it before it was yanked away from us.
“There’s nothing you have to say,” he replied, his voice gentle. He sounded sad, but not upset. I wondered if he was mourning the loss of what could have been a good relationship the same way I was. I’d seen the look in his eye. I knew how he felt that night, or at least I thought I did.
“I just wanted a chance to explain. I know how it looked that night. I can’t blame you for leaving. But I’m completely finished with Lacey and have been since well before Christmas. We haven’t talked or seen each other in weeks. She wanted to get back together for whatever reason, but I let her know we were through in every way I could. It seems like she finally got the message.”