Partners. Well, that was a nice way to put it. Though the guy didn’t sound put off in the least by it. That was good.
“Me, too. Hell. It caught us all by surprise. I didn’t have any of your information, and the cops still have all of Damien’s computers and stuff, so I haven’t been able to get ahold of you.”
“Well, I didn’t have your information either because the agent always protects the artist.”
There was an awkward pause.
“Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m late on my project with you.”
“I didn’t have a set deadline. If I’m doing something commercial, then I’m very particular about due dates, but this was an art piece that I wanted from an artist I admire. With that said, if you can’t get it to me for a decade, honestly, that’s okay. But I still want it.” Lincoln paused, swallowing hard as he looked at the piece that was finally coming together after so many months. “I’m working on it right now, actually, but I’m not agented currently.”
“That’s fine. I’m sure you’ll find one. The world wants your art, Lincoln. People in my circles have been talking about how they want more from you and were afraid you would stop producing after this whole mess. You’re not going to stop, are you?”
Lincoln was silent for so long, it was Frank’s turn to curse.
“Please, don’t stop.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out what I want.”
“Well, if you want to continue working on that art piece, we can talk about it. I can give you the same deal you had before, but this time without your agent. I’m going to call that contract null and void.”
“I don’t know, I need to think about it.”
“Then you think about it. And when you’re ready, we’re here. You have my information now. Lincoln? Please don’t quit. I quit doing what I loved before because of some crap in my life that you don’t need to hear about. But I almost lost a couple of things that were very important to me. Don’t let that happen to you.”
Lincoln said a few things, but he wasn’t a hundred percent sure what, then he hung up, remembering to save the man’s contact info.
He couldn’t quite understand what had just happened, but it seemed he might have a deal. He looked down at his phone, and then at the canvas, and didn’t know what to do. He felt as if he were two steps behind again, trying to catch up. And maybe that was okay. Perhaps he needed that. But for the first time in a while, he had an idea, he had art, he had purpose. He just didn’t know how to fix everything else he’d fucked up.
He set down his phone. Once again, someone knocked at the door. He looked over. But no one put their key in the lock. It wasn’t Madison. Fear crawled up his spine, but then he remembered it wasn’t Damien either. It couldn’t be.
Another emotion slid over him. He was really afraid that it was someone he didn’t want to see. Someone that he’d walked away from and hurt.
But he still headed towards the door. When he opened it after looking through the peephole, he swallowed hard and faced the one person he’d always loved. The one who’d been one third of everything for him.
And he froze.
Ethan stood there, his hands on his waist as he tried to act and look as if he weren’t shaking inside. He’d had to wait until he was physically able to stand at Lincoln’s door to yell at him for leaving. Because Lincoln didn’t get to do this.
But now that Ethan was here, hell, the man looked so good. Tired, but good. There was paint in his hair, on his cheek, and on his clothes. He looked so fucking sexy but exhausted.
Well, good. He deserved to look as bad as Ethan felt.
“Ethan,” Lincoln breathed. Just that one word, the sound of his name on Lincoln’s lips, made him want to go to his knees and beg.
He wasn’t going to beg. But there would be some damn groveling from Lincoln. He deserved at least that much.
“Lincoln. Can I come in?”
Lincoln looked like he wanted to say no, and Ethan ignored the hurt he felt at that. Because, damnit, he was going to make it inside.
He would go in and look at the place where Lincoln had been hurt. Where Damien had been apparently lying prone on the floor and tied up.
He wanted to see it.
“So…” Lincoln said, and then his voice trailed off as he closed the door behind them.
Ethan looked around, noticed the paint smell in the air even with the ventilation fans on, and turned to look at Lincoln.
He loved this man. He’d always loved him.
And Ethan missed him. But what was worse, he missed Holland. He missed her smile, the way she laughed with him.
He wasn’t whole without her, and he sure as hell wasn’t complete without Lincoln. He needed them both. Call him selfish, but what the fuck ever. People could love in many ways. Because finding that emotion, that frail piece of love that you could attach yourself to and want and desire and have for the rest of your life was something that didn’t come around often.
He had been searching his entire fucking life for it and it had been right in front of him. And it wasn’t until he had seen Holland that everything clicked, and he realized why he had waited so long for Lincoln. Because he had been waiting for her.
He and Lincoln hadn’t been ready for each other without her. She completed them. But before they could go to her, Ethan needed to fix this. He needed to get Lincoln on the same page. And that meant he needed to figure out what the fuck was going on in his best friend’s head.
“I see you’re painting again.”
“I am.”
“Good. I’m glad Damien didn’t take that from you.”
Lincoln flinched, and Ethan raised his chin.
“Damien. Damien, Damien, Damien, Damien. Yes, the same name as the son from that Antichrist movie, and I don’t even care.”
“I thought it was The Omen.”
“I thought The Omen was about the Antichrist.”
“I don’t think we watched the same movie.”
“Who the fuck cares? He is out of our lives forever. Yes, he hurt me. I get that. And you can flinch and hate that and hate what he did. But you don’t get to hate me for it.”
Ethan was yelling at this point, moving so close to Lincoln that he could smell him, could feel the heat of him. Lincoln didn’t back away, but he did flinch.
Ethan hated that.
“I don’t hate you.”
Lincoln whispered the words.
And yet Ethan felt like they were a shout.
“I don’t hate you either. I never could. But, honestly, I did hate you a little bit. When you walked away? When you gave up on us without giving us a chance.”
“I gave us a chance. And I ruined it. Damien attacked you because of me.”
“He attacked me because he lost something. He cracked. He’s insane. Whatever word and label you want to put on him, he likely deserves it, that’s what he is. But…he has nothing to do with us.”
“He has everything to do with us.”
“No. He doesn’t.”
“He threatened Holland. If I hadn’t stopped him, he would’ve hurt her. Or worse.”
The blood in Ethan’s veins ran cold.
“He did?”
“He did. I left her. I left you both so you could figure things out together. Where I wouldn’t be a part of it. Because she was threatened, and you were hurt. Because of me.”
Ethan threw up his hands and growled.
“No, it wasn’t you. It was all Damien. You need to get that through your thick skull.”
“But if I hadn’t brought Damien into the relationship by his association with me, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“If Damien hadn’t become obsessive, then it wouldn’t have happened. There’s a lot of fucking things that could hurt us at any moment in time, Lincoln. It’s not all on you. You walked away. That’s what hurt us. More so than Damien.”
“And I can’t fix that.”
“Bullshit. You know what?
I work too much. We know that. I hurt you guys every time I missed a date, and I was trying to fix it. And when I go back to work—because I’m going to—I’m going to fix that, too. I’m not going to work as many hours. My boss already knows that. Everyone there knows. We’re all trying to work at it so we can be with our loved ones. Because I fucking love you, Lincoln.” Lincoln’s eyes widened. “Don’t look so surprised. I’ve loved you since before I kissed you. But it took Holland coming into our lives in such a grand way for me to realize that I needed to tell you. That I needed to be with you. But I need her, too. And I know it doesn’t make sense to outsiders, but it’s the way it is with the three of us.”
“I love you, too,” Lincoln whispered.
“And you’re a fucking asshole. You don’t get to push me away. You don’t get to do that to Holland either. She walked out on me because she thought that she was a distraction. For us. That she was in the way. And I’ll never forgive myself or you for letting her think that. But we can get past it. We need to fix this group, and to do that, we need to be together. No, you don’t get to leave me. Because you’re my best friend. Forever. We carved our names into that tree when we were little, saying we would be best friends forever. We don’t get to go back on that.”
Ethan knew he was ranting and rambling, but he couldn’t help it.
Lincoln’s lips twitched, and Ethan flipped him off.
“You’re bringing up the tree?”
“You’re damn right, I’m bringing up the tree. I’ll bring it up whenever I need to. Because I fucking love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and not just as your best friend but as your lover and your husband or whatever else comes at us. We can deal with all the technical things after we get Holland back in our lives, because we really need her.”
Lincoln took a step forward. He came so close that Ethan wanted to grab him and kiss him and never let go. But he didn’t. He held back.
“I’m an idiot.”
“Yes. Yes, you are.”
“I was so scared. You looked all bruised and bloody, and there was nothing I could do.”
“Excuse me, but I saw you with a busted lip, too.”
“You were far more hurt than I was.”
“Well, he hit me from behind, I didn’t have a chance to fight back.”
Lincoln shuddered. “All I meant was that you were hurt more than I was, and therefore, I wanted to kill Damien. I had more rage.”
“I have a hell of a lot of rage when it comes to him, too. But that’s fine. We don’t ever have to talk about him again. I want nothing to do with that man. But what I do want, is for you to say that you’re not going to do this again. You’re not going to get scared and run away. Because you’re the steady one. I’m supposed to be the one who freaks out.”
“That’s not the case. You’re the solid one in the family.”
“Because I have you to lean on. I can be steady for everyone else because I’ve always had you. Now, I’m going to need you again. Because we need to get to Holland.”
“I can’t believe she left.” Lincoln paused.
“No, I actually believe she did. She always seemed to have one foot out the door, and I blame myself for that.”
“Hey, don’t steal all the guilt, I have some, too. We spent so much time trying to figure out what we were to each other and having fun that I don’t think I put enough energy into figuring out what I felt for her. She didn’t know what I felt for her because I couldn’t formulate words to tell her.”
“I love her,” Lincoln whispered.
“I love her, too. Now, before we go get our woman, because it’s going to take both of us, I need to know, are you going to run away when things get hard again?”
Lincoln shook his head. “I had it in my head that you two would be better off without me. That I was worthless. That I was just going to fuck things up.”
“And that’s stupid. Next time you have that idea, come to me and I’ll kiss it out of you. Or go to Holland. Because we’re going to get her back.”
“And you came to me first because you think I’m less complicated because I’m a man?” Lincoln asked, and Ethan pushed at his shoulder gently.
“Fuck, no. I’ve just known you longer.” He swallowed hard and tried to smile as if he hadn’t a care in the world. But, fuck, he’d been so afraid that he was going to lose Lincoln. Lose Holland. Both of them. “And I think that I could tie you up and drag you to her if I had to.”
Lincoln just shook his head, and Ethan took a step forward and kissed him gently on the mouth. Lincoln stilled for a moment and Ethan was afraid that he was going to back away, but then he moaned and leaned into the kiss.
He tasted of booze and coffee, but Ethan didn’t care. He’d missed this. Had missed this man.
The days that he hadn’t had Lincoln in his life were the worst of his entire existence. He never wanted to do that again.
But now, they needed to do the hard part.
“We need to figure out how to make sure Holland knows exactly what she is to us.”
“I hope to hell we can figure it out on the way.”
“Me, too. Because I never want her to think that she is the lesser part of the three of us.”
“She can’t be. She’s what makes us work. She’s the one who makes me less serious and you more so.”
“True, and she’s the one who pushes us to be better. We better make sure she figures out what she means to us.”
“I love you, Ethan.”
“You need to say those words often. Because, at some point, I’m going to expect groveling. I almost made you get on your knees.”
Lincoln just shook his head, a grin growing on his face. “Let’s make sure we grovel to Holland first, and then I’ll get on my knees for you. Anytime you want.”
Ethan kissed him again and then turned to look at his art. “You’re so fucking talented.”
“Remind me of that, too.”
“Always. I’ll always be here for you. I always have been, and I always will be. Now, let’s go get our woman.”
“And hope she stays put.”
“Deal.”
Chapter 19
The next time Holland had to look in a mirror and tell herself she was fine, she was going to tattoo the damn phrase on her forehead.
Just big block letters of I’m fine. Because she was. Fine. She wasn’t wallowing. She wasn’t sobbing. No, all she was doing was focusing on cleaning the house. Because today was her day off, even though she would have rather been in the store. However, both Steven and Fiona had kicked her out.
They had decided that maybe she’d been a little stressed out lately, a little high-strung. But it was her store. Right? Wasn’t she allowed to be that way?
Okay, maybe she didn’t need to rearrange the entire store overnight while nobody was there, and she should have been sleeping. Perhaps she didn’t have to do inventory over and over again to make sure that what she was doing was right. And maybe she didn’t need to make sure that every piece of art was placed exactly where it needed to be so the light shone perfectly on it, and someone would want to buy it. Okay, the latter was probably something she should be doing. And while she thought she had done things correctly before, she had rearranged it all anyway.
She focused so much on work that she didn’t have to think about what the hell was going on in her personal life. And she was fine.
See? Fine. Big block letters and all.
The fact that she had actually sold more art than normal told her that she had made the right decision. The fact that it had already been in the back of her mind for the past year or so to do what she had done was okay, too. Yes, she had actually planned to have Steven or Fiona there to help her list things. And, if she were honest with herself, when she had first thought about it, she had planned to have Dustin help her, as well. Not that he would have wanted to. He’d never really liked her shop. He had been very focused on work and didn’t have time for her “little dreams.”<
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“Dear God,” she mumbled to herself. There was a reason she wasn’t married to Dustin. And it wasn’t just because her sister was now going to marry the man. No, they just hadn’t fit. She had been complacent in her demise, and she knew that.
But she was over him. And she was finding herself.
As she looked down at her old t-shirt and jean shorts with their pockets hanging below the bottom hem and frays everywhere, she figured…okay, this was her life now. Scrubbing her house from top to bottom, the smell of lemons and bleach and Pine-Sol filling the air. She had on those bright yellow rubber gloves that went up to near her elbows, and her hair was piled on top of her head. She hadn’t even put in her contacts that morning, so she was wearing her big glasses, and not even her newest prescription since she couldn’t find her good pair. She had put them somewhere when she reorganized the night before and couldn’t find them.
Because that made total sense. Since she had no idea where she’d put them, she now had on her huge glasses that were a little too big for her face and made her look like a bug.
But that was fine. See? She was fine.
She put her cleaning rag down and sighed. She really looked like a mess. The only jewelry she had on were her two toe rings, and that was because she never took them off.
She really should get out of the house, find new friends, and be the Holland she needed to be.
But then she looked over at the shirt she had folded after carefully laundering it, and tears sprang to her eyes.
Lincoln had left it at her place, probably because he knew he would need it the next day. Then, he’d never picked it up.
Ethan had a pair of shorts here, too. There were even two extra toothbrushes at her place, still in their packages. Ones that she had pulled out for them so they didn’t have to bring over any extra things. So they would always have stuff at her house. She didn’t even want to think about what she had left at their places. Had she left anything?
There it was again, the complacency in her own demise.
This was all her fault.
She shouldn’t have run, but it was safer than being walked out on. She’d already had it happen twice, once physically, and once emotionally. She didn’t want to go through it again.
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