by Ciana Stone
Jasper had taken a huge step today. The question was, would he be able to do it alone, or would he need assistance and for how long? That was the one downside to her ability to help people like him. Her empathic nature allowed her to share their feelings, to be part of them and to absorb them, lessening their damaging impact. Take that away from the equation and they were left on their own, unwilling or unable to tap into their own strengths to accomplish the same goal.
She hoped Jasper would not be one of those people. She wanted to help him heal and she wanted it to be accomplished as quickly as possible, so he could leave Sanctuary. Not just for his sake, but for her own, because as much as she hated it, and as reluctant as she was to admit it, she was attracted to Jasper Jacks and nothing good could come from that.
Nothing at all.
Chapter Five
JJ thanked the cook, Maddie, for breakfast and walked outside to stand on the front porch. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d gone for a run at dawn, did as many pushups and sit-ups as his body could handle, made his bed, tidied his room, showered and eaten.
Deacon had given him the day off. No, he’d commanded JJ to take the day off. Sundays, everyone took off. There was no use in arguing, so here he was. He couldn’t just sit around. That’s when his demons came, dragging him down into the memories. He was pretty sure he couldn’t survive a lifetime of those memories and didn’t understand how they’d turned him into someone with a hair-trigger reaction. He’d never been jumpy or one to overreact. Now it seemed like that was all he was capable of, and he hated it.
“Good morning, Mr. Jacks. How are you with animals?”
The sound of Etta Whitestone’s voice had him turning his head. She walked across the yard and stopped at the bottom of the steps. Just like yesterday and all the days before, she had on baggy cotton cargo pants with a lot of pockets, a tank top covered by a baggy thin button-up shirt with the tails tied at the waist. Today her hair was braided, but she wore her ball cap and sunglasses.
“Mr. Jacks, did you hear me?”
“Pardon?”
“Animals. Do you like them?”
“Well enough. Why?”
“Then come with me.”
With that, she turned and headed back the way she’d come. JJ hurried to catch up with her and then kept pace as they walked in silence.
“Could you call me something other than Mr. Jacks?”
“What would you prefer?”
“How about JJ? You called me that, and Jasper once when you helped with the panic attack, but then you stopped. Why?”
“Respect.”
“Respect?”
“Yes, as in holding someone in high esteem, showing deference. You’re a decorated hero and give your life in service to this county. You deserve respect.”
It stunned him how much that meant. “Well, I’m asking—or inviting, whichever you prefer.”
“Thank you, JJ. I’m honored.”
He nodded, and they continued in silence. When they reached the animal rehab compound, she opened the door.
“We have a number of guests who are ready to be released, so today we’re going to take care of that. Starting with Wags.”
She led the way to a room that had six big cages. Only one was occupied, and it held a wolf who eyed them with his head lowered.
“Hey Wags. You ready to go home, buddy?”
“Wags?” JJ couldn’t stop himself from asking.
She glanced at him before approaching the cage. “Yes. Watch.”
JJ felt that rush of adrenaline, the one that always surged through him at the initial onset of danger. Keep it together. He mentally chanted, scared the rush would carry him farther than he wanted to go, straight from primed and ready to over the edge, losing his shit crazy.
Apprehensive on several counts, he watched as she keyed in a combination on the digital lock of the cage, opened the door, and stepped inside. She squatted and held out one hand.
The wolf sniffed, raised his head slightly, and sniffed again. A moment later, his tail wagged. Just once. Then he trotted over and sniffed the doctor’s hand.
“Atta boy,” she said and let the wolf come close enough to lick her in the face.
And now he saw why the name Wags was appropriate. That tail was wagging so hard it was literally moving the animal’s hindquarters along with it. Dr. Whitestone spent several minutes rubbing and petting the wolf before speaking, and when she did, it was to JJ.
“I think it might be best if you slowly left the room. Animals are quite sensitive to the feelings of humans. If you’re experiencing the slightest nervousness or discomfort, he’s sensing it. At present he’d too occupied with the attention he’s getting, but if I stop he’ll become aware of you.”
JJ didn’t argue, but did wonder how she knew he was uncomfortable. “Should I wait outside?”
“Yes. There’s a UTV out back with a cage. If possible, I’d like to transport him back to where he was found, but if he won’t go into the cage, the gate on the far side is open so he can get out.”
“Okay, I’ll wait at the UTV.”
“Thank you.” She never altered her tone of voice or stopped petting the wolf and JJ wondered if she really felt no fear being in the cage with a wild animal. But he didn’t voice the question, he just very slowly and quietly backed away from the cage until he reached the door and then let himself out.
He found his way to the back door and walked outside. The UTV was parked in the shade of the building and just like she said, had a cage in the back, strapped down to keep it from dislodging during transit.
JJ leaned against the UVT to wait. It was only a few minutes before the door opened. Dr. Whitestone’s hand was holding onto the scruff of the wolf’s neck when they stepped outside. The moment the animal crossed the threshold, he took off.
She walked over to stand beside JJ and watched the wolf. It was halfway across the fenced enclosure before it stopped and looked back.
“Why’d he stop?” JJ asked.
“He doesn’t know if he wants to leave.”
“Doesn’t he want to be free?”
“He does, but he’s unsure.”
“Unsure about what? If he runs, he’s free. If he doesn’t, he could be consigning himself to being a prisoner again.”
“Is that what he was?” she asked without looking at him, then started walking toward the wolf.
It hesitated for only a split second, then literally ran to her, jumped up so that its paws were on her shoulders. She endured a bout of enthusiastic licking, then actually hugged the animal to her before releasing it and kneeling beside it.
JJ felt like he was witnessing something almost intimate when the wolf lowered its head and she placed her forehead against his, holding his face. They stayed that way for several minutes and then she released the wolf and stood.
“Walk well, my friend.” And with that, the wolf yipped, turned, and bounded away. She watched until it was out of sight and then returned to where JJ waited.
“You loved it.”
“Yes.”
“Then why release it?”
“Because he was never a prisoner and wasn’t born to be a pet. He was only here to be healed. Now that he is, he’s meant to return to being what he is.” She finally looked at him. “It’s that way with everyone. You, me, the wolf. We’re not so different in many ways.”
“You thought I was afraid. That’s why you had me leave.”
“No, you were uncomfortable. I was in a cage with a wild animal, one you’d never been around, and you had no idea how it would respond. Would it attack me and if it did, what would you do? I sensed it and so did the wolf. Animals are very sensitive. When you work with them, you have to find that quiet place inside where there’s only peace. Then you can help them.”
“What if you can’t find peace?” JJ hated that the words spilled out. Did that make him sound weak?
“You can.”
“How?”
“
By being willing to let go of the rest of it.”
“And how do you do that?”
“Just breathe.”
“Is that your answer for everything?”
She didn’t answer the question, she just looked at him, and for a moment, he thought she was going to smile. But she didn’t. Why was that such a disappointment? Was it because if she smiled, it gave him some kind of inexplicable assurance that everything was going to be okay? Or was it simply that her smile lit something inside him he’d never experienced, like the entire world was set aglow with her magic?
How corny was that? Yet it felt very real.
“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go meet some animals you can work with.”
“More wolves?”
“Nope.”
She led him around the side of the barn where big pens were set up along the side wall, sheltered from the sun by the large overhang. In one of the pens were two chubby bobcat cubs. She opened the door and both of them barreled out, seeking to climb her legs.
“Damn, you guys, watch the claws,” she fussed without rancor and managed to get both of them cradled in her arms. “JJ, meet Bobby and Betty. Yes, I know, not very original, but it’s what I came up with. Their mother was killed, shot by some—some less than kind fellow who didn’t think she deserved to live. He would have killed the cubs if they hadn’t skedaddled.”
“So what happens to them?”
“That’s a good question. Hopefully, we teach them to hunt and when they’re old enough, turn them loose.”
“We teach them to hunt? How do we do that?”
“By being a bobcat and going hunting.”
“Say what?”
“You’re from Kentucky, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“City or country?”
“Country. Family farm.”
“Okay, so you probably learned to hunt when you were younger?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Then it shouldn’t be a problem. Take them hunting. Only when you spot something they would normally view as a food source, you let them do the rest. You just help them find the food.”
“You want me to take these cubs hunting?” That was the craziest thing he’d ever heard.
“Yes, I do. And don’t come back until they’ve eaten.”
JJ would have argued, but she handed him the cubs, turned her back on him, and left. He watched her go, working to hold onto the furry bundles of claws. “Jeez!” He secured them by gripping the scruff on the backs of their necks.
“Damn. Enough with the scratching.”
One of the little critters had the balls to hiss at him. JJ would have been annoyed, but damn if they weren’t cute. So maybe the Doc was wasting his time entirely and maybe she was entirely off her rocker, but he didn’t have anything else to do and wasn’t going to get back to his unit without her signature, so he’d go along with her insanity.
“Okay, guys, let’s do this.” He set them on the ground, intending to lead them out of the compound.
They had other ideas. After scooting between his legs, they headed in the opposite direction. JJ took off after them. They rounded the front corner of the barn ahead of him. He picked up the pace, and tore around the corner.
They were nowhere to be seen. Shit. He continued on around the building and ended up where he started. A sound drew his attention and he looked at the pen the doc had taken them from. Sure enough, there they were, wrestling around with one another.
JJ stooped down to get a hold on them and once he had them secured where they couldn’t claw his skin off, he headed for the gate. Outside the compound, the land was uncleared. Surely there was something out there for two little bobcats to munch on.
Was it purely crazy that he wanted to succeed at the task she’d assigned? Not because he thought she’d let the little critters go hungry, but because he didn’t like to fail. At anything. And besides this task, he’d come up with his own objective.
Seeing Etta smile.
Chapter Six
“Grady and Charli dropped by and brought barbecue,” Etta announced when Deacon opened the door. “They said it was from the Honky Tonk Angels Bar and Grille.” She opened the paper bag and Deacon inhaled.
“If it tastes as good as it smells, it’ll be a hit.”
They went inside and as Deacon put placemats, plates, napkins, and utensils on the table, Etta unloaded the bag. “Good grief, they must think we’re bottomless pits. There are four sandwiches, fries, coleslaw, potato salad, fried okra, and two sweet potatoes.”
“So we’ll have leftovers. Want a beer?”
“Sure, thanks.”
They sat, filled their plates, and started eating.
“Oh my God this is good,” Etta mumbled around a mouthful.
Deacon nodded, swallowed, and took a drink from his beer. “Want to explain to me the logic behind having JJ chasing two bobcat cubs all day?”
“Have you spoken with him about what he’s supposed to be doing?”
“He mentioned it.”
“And?”
“And I’m still waiting on your logic.”
“It’s good for him.”
“How so?”
“I know you don’t have time to spend watching him, but if you did, you’d see. He focuses on those cubs for hours without having an episode. He’s making progress and doesn’t even know it.”
Deacon wiped his hands on his napkin and got up to get a bottle of hot sauce from the cupboard. “You’re propping him up, aren’t you?”
“Only when he can’t do it alone.”
“You can’t be his crutch, Etta.”
“I’m not trying to be.
“Aren’t you?
“No.” She stopped eating.
“I hope you’re not lying to yourself about this because you’re running a big risk here.”
“I know.”
“Okay then. I’m just going to say this once. He’s a patient.”
“I know that.”
“Yeah, in your head. But you’re thinking with your hormones, Etta.”
“That’s a shitty thing to say. It’s not like I’m trying to get in his pants or get him in mine.”
“I didn’t say you were trying, but you’re thinking about it.”
“You’re crossing a line, Deacon. Even for you.”
“Am I? I thought there was honesty between us.”
“There is but… shit, okay fine. I have thought about it. Jesus, I’m human, so sue me. He’s hot and I haven’t been laid in so long I think I’m shriveling up inside and it’s a sure bet you’re not gonna man up and help me out on that front, so yeah, I’ve imagined it. But I haven’t and wouldn’t act on it and I thought you knew me well enough to know that.”
“Okay, first, low blow, friend. It’s never been about manning up and you know that would screw things up for us. And second, I do know you well enough and I do believe you’ll always do what’s best for your patient, but I needed you to say it out loud and to promise me that as long as he’s in your care you won’t sleep with him.”
“Okay.”
“No, say the words, Etta. We can’t dance to that tune again. Say it.”
“I promise that I will not sleep with Jasper Jacks as long as he is in my care. Satisfied?
“I am.”
“Well, I wish I was.” She picked up her fork and stabbed a big chunk of potato.
Deacon laughed. “Girl, you need to get out more.”
“Amen to that, brother.”
“So what’s next? For JJ?”
“I’m not sure. He honestly does pretty well here on Sanctuary land, but we know that’s a far cry from functioning in the field, or even out and about in civilian life. I was thinking maybe it would be good for him to get into town. Are you headed in for anything?”
“Maybe a supply run later in the week.”
“Would you consider asking him to go with you?”
“Sure. Maybe I’ll treat the man to a ste
ak dinner. Greene’s Steakhouse serves one fine ribeye.”
“That’d be great.”
“What about you? Have you left this place since you arrived?”
“Once—no, twice. I ran into town for personal stuff.”
“So you’re not exactly putting your best foot forward to make friends here, are you?”
“Are you?”
“Touché.”
Etta smiled. “We might not be a couple, but we’re a damn pair, Deac. I don’t know which one of us needs to get a life more.”
“You might have a point.”
“Which is Deac speak for nothing is going to change, right?”
“Life is nothing but change, Etta. You know that. We’ve been going through one change after another for six years. What’s the longest we’ve stayed in one place in that time?”
“Eighteen months. In Maryland.”
“I rest my case. Change is the one constant in our lives.”
Etta leaned back and looked at him. “Why do you think that is?”
“You know why. Because like JJ, we haven’t stopped running from the past.”
“You mean I haven’t.”
“We. I told you I wouldn’t leave you until you ‘re ready, and I always keep my word.”
She brushed away a tear that escaped from one eye. “I don’t know why, Deac. You give up so much for me and I honestly don’t know why.”
“Sure you do, kiddo.”
She smiled and reached over to put her hand on top of his. “I’ll let you go now if it’s what you want. You mean more to me than anything, Deac, and I want you to be happy.”
“I’m not unhappy, so don’t fret. When the time comes, we’ll both know and then we’ll do what’s right.”
“What’s right. It’s always so easy for you, isn’t it? Just do what’s right.”
“Life is as simple as you make it, kid. Now, let’s get this grub put away. I’ve got a new book I want to start.”
“Aye, sir.”
In ten minutes, everything was put away, the kitchen was clean, and Deacon had given her a hug and shooed her out of the door. Etta walked back to her little house, thinking about the conversation with Deacon.
Was she keeping him from moving on with his life? Was there something he wanted to do and was sacrificing his own desires to honor a promise to her? If he was, then what kind of friend did that make her if she allowed him to continue?