by Ciana Stone
That’s when she saw it. Etta felt her reality whirl drunkenly. Her heart was beating so fast and hard, it was like it was trying to pound its way out of her chest and she couldn’t seem to get enough air. Bile boiled up and spilled out of her mouth. Had it not been for the hold the man had on her hair, she would have fallen.
Her mother was on the floor. Someone had spread her arms wide and nailed her hands to the floor. She was naked and there was a man lying on her, pumping up and down. Etta knew enough about sex to understand that she was being raped. Her screams and the way her body thrashed around attested to that.
One of their kitchen chairs was sitting in the living room and her father was lashed to it with thick black tape. His arms were behind his back and his legs were taped to the front legs of the chair. There was tape across his mouth as well.
Etta saw the anger and fear in his eyes when their gazes connected and at that moment she knew all hope was lost.
“Shut that bitch up.” Evil man ordered.
“I ain’t finished,” the man raping Etta’s mother argued.
“She’ll fuck just as easy dead. Do it.”
“No!” Etta reached up with both hands, trying to loosen Evil Man’s hold on her hair. He laughed, jerked her in front of him and wrapped one arm around her neck.
She could barely breathe, but fought anyway. She had to save her mother.
That’s when the man raping her mom rammed a gun in her mother’s mouth and pulled the trigger. Etta’s vision swam, and she felt the warmth of urine run down her legs, soaking her pajamas.
For a moment, the entire house went silent. Then her father started making sounds, shouting behind the tape and jerking the chair around. The giant hurried over to him and hit him in the side of the head, nearly turning over the chair.
“Now,” Evil Man said. “This is what is going to happen. Are you listening to me, Detective? This is your payment. For fucking with me, I’m going to fuck your daughter and when I’m done, I’m going to slit her throat and then I’ll slit yours. But I want you to see what you’ve brought down on her.”
Etta pulled back from the memory and rose from the bed to walk over to the window. She wrapped her arms around herself. “He carried out the threat, shoved me face first onto the floor, cut off my wet pants, and raped me. And I have no doubt that he would have killed me, but he made a mistake. He’d put the knife on the floor, beside my head, along with his handgun.
“When he finished, he got off me, I guess to fasten his pants. He and his two men were laughing over what they’d done to me and my mother and deciding who got the honor of cutting my throat. I was crying from pain and fear, but the way my Dad’s eyes were moving drew my attention. I realized he was looking from me to the gun on the floor and then giving a slight nod.
“It took a few moments before I figured it out. I was terrified to try, but my dad nodded again so I inched my right hand out toward the gun. No one noticed. I looked at my dad and he nodded again.
“I grabbed the gun. The safety was off. Just then one of the men yelled. ‘That little bitch has your gun!’
“I don’t even know how I did it. It was all like something in a horrible dream. I rolled over, pointed like my dad had taught me when he took me to the police firing range, and started squeezing the trigger. It was hard because my hands were so small, but I did it.
“The man who made the mistake of coming at me fell with a blossom of red on his chest. The other pulled his gun but he fell as well. That left me, my dad, and Evil Man. My arms were trembling so hard I could barely hold the gun up. Evil Man laughed and took a step toward me. I screamed and scooted back.
“He just kept coming. I should have shot him, but I just keep scooting back. I don’t know why. I don’t—”
Etta turned to look at JJ and she could see the tears that glistened on his face. “He picked up his knife and smiled at me. He told me to give him the gun and he’d let me live.
“But my dad shook his head, so I squeezed the trigger. And missed.
“Evil Man screamed at me, ‘You stupid little cunt,’ and rushed over to my dad. I screamed and started firing. But he stabbed my dad. He kept stabbing and I kept shooting and finally he fell down.
“I dropped the gun and ran over to my dad. Blood was bubbling from his mouth and from so many places in his chest. I tried to cover all those places but I only had two hands and I couldn’t make it stop.
“When he spoke it didn’t even sound like his voice, but I could make out the words he said. ‘You be strong, Etana, and never forget that I love you.’ Then he stopped. His chest quit moving and his body slumped.
“I don’t remember anything after that. Or for the next few months. The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital. There were four beds, counting mine in the room. I was scared and confused, mostly because I didn’t know where I was.
“Or who I was.”
Etta squared her shoulders and lifted her head. “It took me two years to regain all of my memories and when I did, I wished I hadn’t because not knowing really was better.
“The therapist who worked with me was Dorothy Whitestone. She adopted me and I changed my name and took her surname. Originally, I was Etana Julianne Riley. She loved me and helped me heal and I came to love her like a mother. It was because of her I went into psychiatry, to be able to pay it forward and help others the way she helped me.
“She died the year after I enlisted as an officer in the Navy, and then I was alone. Until Deacon.”
Etta returned to sit on the bed. “And that’s why Deacon said what he did. I shattered into a thousand shards when I was twelve and it took most of my childhood to learn to be truly functional again. Still, that broken child is inside me and she will be forever.
“And if he told you I have a need to fix people, he’s right. I hate the idea of anyone being as broken as I was, or am. It seems to be my lot in life to lose the people I love the most and maybe if I was half as smart as I like to think I am, I’d stop letting myself love entirely because it sure doesn’t seem to work out well.”
She took his face in her hands and used her thumbs to smooth away the tears. “I didn’t want to love you, JJ. I still don’t. But it’s just bigger and stronger than me. Still, I don’t want you to meet a similar end as others I loved, so I’m telling you now, I’ll understand if you walk away.”
A tiny squeak escaped her lips at the shock of him grabbing her so suddenly. “Don’t you ever say that again, you hear me, Etta? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. I thought I had it bad and I wallowed in self-pity and I’m ashamed. You were just a little girl and I don’t know how you survived with your mind intact, but you did. You survived and grew up wanting to help other people and there’s nothing wrong with that.
“Broken people want to be put back together. I wanted to be put back together and because of you I think I am—or at least pretty damn close to it. I know we’re breaking the rules and I know it might get you fired and I wish I could be sorry, but I’m not because I’ve dreamed of this—of being with you and being able to tell you how I feel.
“I’m crazy in love with you and I hope to God that’s enough because I’m not perfect and I know I’ll screw up at times, but it won’t be because of a lack of caring. It’ll just be because this is my first time and I need to learn. So, will you help me, Etta?”
“JJ.” She could barely speak for the emotion that swelled inside her. Never in her life had anyone spoken to her this way, and never had she felt the honest emotion in such words. But she felt it in JJ and its sweetness was nearly overwhelming.
“Yes, I will. Whatever you need of me. I promise.”
“And I promise you, I’ll try every day to be worthy of your love.”
Just as their lips met, she heard it, and it was clear from the way JJ’s body tensed that he did as well.
They were not alone.
Chapter Fifteen
JJ was out of the bed before she was, sliding into his
jeans. “Do you have a gun?”
“Yes.” She hurried to get out of the bed and start dressing.
“Where is it?”
“In the nightstand.”
“Then get it, call Deacon, and do not leave this room.”
“JJ, no!” Etta hurried to him as he started out of the room. “You’re not even armed.”
“I’ll be fine. Do what I say, Etta. Lock the door behind me and don’t open it unless it’s me or Deacon. Do you understand?”
“Yes, but—” She gave him a quick kiss. “Be careful.”
“Always.”
Etta locked the door, raced to the nightstand to get the gun and her phone. She sat on the bed, placed the gun beside her, and called Deacon.
He answered on the second ring. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s someone in the house.”
“You have the gun?”
“I do. I’m in the bedroom with the door locked.”
“Then stay there. I’m on my way.”
“Wait! JJ’s here. He’s out there now.”
There was a moment of silence and Etta knew that she’d not escape a dressing down from Deacon about breaking her promise. She didn’t care about that, just about JJ being safe.
“On my way.”
The line went dead and Etta set the phone aside. Just then, the sounds of a struggle could be heard. She could make out grunts and what she thought must be furniture being shoved around, or lamps falling.
Then a garbled noise brought a cold sweat to her skin. She lifted the gun, thumbed the safety to the Off position, and waited.
“Etta.” JJ’s voice sounded outside the door.
She flew across the room, unlocked and opened the door. “Oh thank God.” She threw her arms around his neck. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”
“I am.” He pushed her back to arm’s length and that’s when it hit her. He was okay. Cool as a cucumber, in fact. She couldn’t sense any unease at all from him.
“Etta!” Deacon’s bellow had them both looking down the hall. JJ released Etta and headed for the front of the house.
“I’m guessing this is your doing.” Deacon gestured to the body on the floor as JJ entered the room.
“It is.”
“It might have been helpful to question him.”
“Why? You already know who sent him.”
Deacon shrugged. “True.” He looked down at the body again. “He wasn’t armed?”
“He was.” JJ looked around and pointed to where he’d tossed the attacker’s gun.
Deacon nodded and pulled out his phone. “Admiral. Pardon the lateness of the hour. We’re going to need a clean-up crew. Yes, sir. One body. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
He ended the call and for the first time looked at Etta. “You and I need to speak. Alone.”
“I’ll call Grady and bring him up to speed,” JJ volunteered.
“Do that.” Deacon gestured toward the hallway. Etta turned and walked back to her bedroom.
Deacon entered the closed the door behind him. “I’ve never known you to intentionally break your word before.”
“I know.”
“And yet, you did.”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to explain?”
“Actually, no. Look, I know what I said, and I did mean it, but—but the truth is, JJ shouldn’t be under my care any longer. You saw what he did. He wasn’t in the least hesitant and when it was over, he was totally composed. It didn’t rattle him. He’s ready, Deacon.”
“You didn’t know that when you took him into your bed.”
“You’re right, I didn’t.”
“So you broke your word.”
Etta considered her words carefully before speaking, considered several ways of tailoring her argument, but in the end decided to just be straightforward and honest.
“I love him, Deac. I know that might not be wise, and yeah, he may end up breaking my heart into a thousand pieces, but I love him, and I don’t regret it. I’ll sign his discharge immediately. Please don’t let this come between us. I love you and you know I respect you more than anyone I’ve ever known, but I do love him.”
“You’re aware, of course, that once you discharge him, he’ll be reassigned to his unit.”
“Yes.”
“And there’s no guarantee you’ll ever hear from him again.”
“Yes, I’m aware. I knew the risks before I allowed this to happen and I accept them. Again, I don’t regret it.” Etta stepped closer and took Deacon’s hand in both of hers. “Like I said, I know he can hurt me. But that’s always a risk in any relationship and I have to stop running at some point, Deac. Stop turning off my emotions and refusing to allow myself to care for fear I could get hurt.
“I’ve already been hurt. I’ve seen things people shouldn’t see and I know what it means to have your heart not just broken, but so damaged you feel that you can’t live with the pain. I’ve spent way too long in that place and it’s time I walked away from it.”
“Can you put it behind you? Not just Gabe, but your family?”
“I don’t know. I may never truly do that and maybe that’s the way it should be. I told JJ the truth.”
“And?”
“And he ran toward me, not away.”
“That says something.”
“It does, but more importantly, when I told him I felt something…it’s hard to explain, it’s like there was a big shell inside me, holding in all of my emotions. When I told JJ and he didn’t run, it was like that shell started to crack and I felt like wholeness was within my grasp.
“It feels good, Deac, and I want to batter down the rest of that shell and breathe in life, feel all of it, the good and the bad, the horrible and the beautiful. I want to take chances on caring and be able to take it if things don’t go the way I hope, but I want to try.”
Deacon pulled her into his embrace and kissed the top of her head. “I think you just may finally be starting to really heal, little one.”
“I think so too.” She pulled back to look up at him. “Due largely to you. Don’t think I’m not aware that you’ve been propping me up for all these years. I would have died without you, Deac.”
“I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
“Because you’re my guardian angel?”
“Or because you’re mine. We’re bound to one another, Etta. In a way we might not ever be bound to others, but our bonds are stronger than any I’ve known. We’re a family and I’ll never stop looking out for you or being there for you.”
“That goes both ways, you know.”
“I do.”
“So, will you forgive me for breaking my word?”
He finally smiled. “I guess I don’t have much choice if I’m going to keep my word.”
“Sorry?”
“I told you a long time ago that more than anything, I want you to be happy. If you think you can find it with Jasper Jacks, then I’d be a sorry friend to deny you the chance.”
“Thank you, Deacon.”
“You’re welcome. Now, let’s tend to business, shall we?”
“Absolutely.”
For the next three hours, Sanctuary was a hub of activity. Admiral Angel had the body flown to Coronado Beach for an autopsy and identification. Every second of surveillance footage was viewed. Deacon made a point of telling her the decision to turn off the cameras in her house might have been a mistake. She didn’t disagree, but since they had a body, she didn’t see what good the footage would have done.
Finally, after hours of studying the videos and going over the event with her and JJ, Deacon made the decision to wait until morning for everyone to meet.
JJ stayed with Etta. They snuggled until dawn, but neither slept. Etta kept going over things in her mind, and by the time the sun rose, she was convinced she knew what had happened and how someone knew where to find her.
Everyone convened at the main house for breakfast. It was a somber group and there was little
talk until after the breakfast dishes had been cleared away. Then Deacon spoke up. “The Admiral called an hour ago. The body was identified.”
He looked straight at Etta. “He was a member of the cabal who turned Gabe. This was a hit.”
“But how did they find her?” Mason asked.
“Finding me is easy.” Etta decided now was the time to tell everyone her theory. “Think about it. We have bank accounts here, our vehicles are registered in this county, and Deacon’s pension comes to—” She looked at Deacon who picked up the narrative.
“A post office box in town.”
“Not to mention the obvious. If my phone was hacked, the GPS would tell someone exactly where I am.”
“Okay, so there are ways to find you. But they chose last night to make a move,” JJ said. “Why?”
“Damn.” Grady pounded the table with one fist. “She just said it. We’re bugged.” He looked at Etta. “We need your phone and tablet.”
“Of course.”
He then looked around the table. “Check every computer, cell phone, tablet, smart tv, and landline. Then check to see if our cameras have been hacked. Meet back here at noon with answers.”
A chorus of “Sir, yes sir,” sounded from everyone but Etta, Mason, and Grady. They all remained seated as the rest of the SEALs got up and left the house. Etta looked around the table. “You know what it means if they find a bug.”
“We have a traitor.” Grady’s face wore an expression Etta had never before seen and it was chilling. He turned his gaze to Mason. “We vetted everyone.”
“Yes, we did. But—”
“But what?” Deacon asked.
“I could beat a background check.”
Deacon looked at Etta and she nodded. “He’s right. If there is a mole, it could be anyone.”
“How do we find out?” Grady asked.
“We start with the personnel records. Mason, can you print everything we have on the employees and their families?”
“I can and will.” He rose from his chair.