“What?”
“No matter what happens, follow your heart and you can’t go wrong. When it comes to love, there’s no way you can turn your back on it and walk away. There’s no way.”
* * *
Casey was waiting for McKinnon later that night when he got in. He hadn’t come home for dinner, which only deepened her belief that he was trying to avoid her. She was standing by the fireplace and he looked over at her the moment he opened the door.
“McKinnon,” she acknowledged when he didn’t say anything. “I looked for you at dinner.”
He shrugged, closing the door behind him. “Something came up and I had to stay on the range longer than expected. I’m surprised you’re still up.”
For some reason she got the impression he’d been hoping that she hadn’t been up, and that only strengthened her resolved and made her even more determined to find out just what was going on with him. “Yeah, I’m surprised too. Especially since we’ve been going to bed early a lot.”
There…she had deliberately made him remember how their nights had been for the past three weeks. He would rush home every day and they would get dinner, take a shower together, go to bed and make love.
“Yeah, well, like I said, I’ve been busy. Besides, I’ve been thinking.”
She suddenly felt a little queasiness settle in her stomach. “About what?”
“About us. You’ll be through training Prince Charming in a few more weeks and will be moving on. I even understand you’re looking to buy a place in town and—”
“Is that’s what this is about, McKinnon? Are you upset that I resumed looking for a place in town? Because if you are then—”
“Upset? Why should I be upset about anything? You and I both knew things between us wouldn’t last and it’s no problem, no big deal. You’re doing the right thing by moving on.”
She flinched. It sounded like he hadn’t cared and she refused to believe that. She didn’t want to believe it. Yes, she had known the score but at some point she’d actually believe the rules had changed not only for her, but for him as well. Although she couldn’t claim that she thought he had fallen in love with her the same way she had fallen in love with him, she refused to believe she had been nothing more than a willing body to him.
“Is that what you really want, McKinnon?”
He hesitated a moment before answering. “Yes. It will be for the best.”
Casey sighed deeply, intent on giving him what he wanted. She had her pride and refused to carry a torch for a man who didn’t love her—like her mother had with her father. She’d thought just the memories of what the two of them shared would suffice, but now she knew that they wouldn’t. And she had a feeling that at some point her mother discovered that fact as well.
At that moment she fully understood how her mother must have felt in knowing that although she had loved Corey Westmoreland, he did not love her. But he had given her babies, which to Carolyn Roberts were all the memories she needed. Casey was certain that each time her mother gazed into her children’s faces, which so closely resembled the man she had loved, she was content. And that contentment had lasted until the day she had died. In realizing that, Casey’s love and admiration for her mother increased.
Now Casey was faced with a similar decision. During all those times she and McKinnon had made love, they’d never once used protection. The first couple of times had been during the wrong time of the month, but the recent times had not. That meant she could possibly find herself in the same situation her mother had. Single and pregnant by a man who didn’t love her. But unlike her mother who’d kept silent, she intended to let McKinnon know it.
“Fine, I’ll leave and find someplace else when my business here is finished, and if I’m pregnant you’ll know it. There were a number of times that we engaged in unprotected sex.”
For a moment he looked as if she’d slapped him. After a few seconds of silence he finally said, “You aren’t pregnant.”
She laughed softly to hide her pain. “Oh, so you’re a doctor now, McKinnon?”
He leaned back against the closed door and placed his arms across his chest. His face was rigid and stern. “No, but I know you aren’t pregnant. There’s no way you can be.”
Casey frowned as she stared at him. “And what makes you so certain of that?”
Here we go again, McKinnon thought. Tell her so she can do the same thing Lynette did. Lynette didn’t waste any time packing up her stuff and hauling ass because you could never give her the children she wanted. So go ahead and tell Casey the truth and see how fast she leaves.
He would never forget how he had arrived back at the ranch or his meeting in town with Durango and Mike Farmer. He’d been determined to follow Durango’s advice and confront Casey, tell her the truth and let the decision be hers. But when he’d walked in on her in the barn, she’d been talking to Dawn Harvey, the wife of one of his ranch hands who’d had a baby a few months earlier. She had brought the baby by and Casey had been holding it, smiling down at it, teasing the infant by making funny sounds—baby talk. He had known after seeing the glow on her face that he could never deny her from being a mother. He loved her too much to deny her something like that.
He sighed deeply as he lowered his arms and moved away from the door to start crossing the room toward Casey. When he came to a stop in front of her, he tried to recall the exact moment he’d fallen in love with her and couldn’t. Chances were it had been the first time he’s seen her at Stone and Corey’s weddings. But he could recall when he had first accepted that he loved her in his heart. It had been that night they had made love for the first time and she had deliberately seduced the hell out of him. Not only had he surrendered his body to her, but on that night he had surrendered his heart to her, too.
“McKinnon? What makes you so sure that I’m not pregnant?”
He looked down at her, deep into eyes that had the ability to turn him into putty in her arms; eyes that he enjoyed gazing into each and every time he had entered her body. The eyes that would take on a darker shade just seconds before she came.
“The reason I know you aren’t pregnant is because I can’t get you pregnant.” Ignoring the confused look on her face he continued. “About the same time I found out Martin wasn’t my natural father, I found out that my real dad had had a rare blood disease that neither he nor my mother knew about. In fact, it was only discovered after he’d been in that car accident that eventually took his life. Although there’s no health risks to me, the disease makes me a carrier, which I can pass on to any children I have. I couldn’t do that to a child, so I made the decision around eleven years ago to have a vasectomy.”
She shook her head, not sure she’d heard him right. “You’ve had a vasectomy?”
“Yes. So now you know why there can’t ever be a future for us.”
She looked stunned and then moments later said, “Excuse me. Maybe I’m a little dense or something but I really don’t see your point.”
“You will eventually and if you’ll excuse me I need to take a shower. And I think it will be for the best that you stayed at your own place tonight…in fact from now on.”
And without giving her a chance to say anything, he turned and walked toward his bedroom, closing the door behind him.
* * *
For the longest time, Casey just stood there, seemingly rooted in place as her mind replayed all that McKinnon had just told her. Was a similar announcement is what sent Lynette running? For goodness sakes, if that was true then the woman really hadn’t loved McKinnon at all.
A part of Casey, the stubborn Westmoreland part, wanted to follow McKinnon right now, beat on his bedroom door and have it out with him. Surely he didn’t think his inability to have children meant she couldn’t love him, or didn’t love him? But after thinking about it for a few moments she knew he did think that way; mainly because another woman had done that very thing.
Her heart went out to him. Had he and Lynette not discussed ot
her options such as adoption? Had Lynette not wanted to go another route? No wonder Henrietta had said it was a good thing the woman didn’t live around these parts since seeing her and her child would probably bother McKinnon. Now Casey understood. Seeing that child would be a reminder of what he hadn’t been able to give the woman he’d loved.
He had walked off, letting her know he preferred being alone tonight and for once she would grant him his wish. Mainly because she needed to think things through to determine what would be the best way to handle McKinnon. How could she make him understand that it didn’t matter to her and she would be willing to adopt a child one day, or even consider artificial insemination.
She sighed as she headed toward the back door to return to her own place. Tomorrow she intended to put her plan into motion. Before, it had been seduction. Now, it was all about satisfaction, and she wouldn’t be satisfied until McKinnon understood that she was the one woman who would always be by his side, no matter what.
* * *
Early the next morning Casey found Norris in the stables and requested a day off work. There was someone she needed to see and talk with immediately. McKinnon’s mother.
The moment she pulled into the yard, Morning Star Quinn stepped out of her home wearing a huge smile. Not for the first time Casey thought the woman was absolutely stunning with her huge dark eyes in an angular face, high cheekbones and long, straight black hair that flowed past her back. It was apparent she was Native American and she looked more in her thirties than in her fifties.
“Casey, this is a pleasant surprise,” Morning Star said, giving her a hug. “Is everything all right?”
Casey shook her head. “No, but I believe eventually everything will be. First I need to talk to you about something important.”
“Sure. Come inside and join me in a cup of coffee.”
Casey followed the older woman inside and the moment she stepped foot across the threshold, she felt a special warmth. She followed Morning Star into the kitchen and sat down at the table. “Is Mr. Quinn at home?”
Star glanced up from pouring the coffee, smiled and said, “No, he and your father went hunting today. I don’t expect either of them back until later. Do you need to see him as well?”
“No, you’re the person I came to see. I’d like to talk to you about McKinnon.”
Morning Star’s dark brow lifted as she joined Casey at the table. “What about McKinnon?”
“I’m in love with him,” Casey came right out and said, thinking she needed to let Mrs. Quinn know how she felt upfront. She began to relax when she saw the huge smile that touched Morning Star’s lips.
“I saw it happening,” Morning Star said, taking a sip of her coffee.
Surprise lit Casey’s face. “You did?”
“Yes. It was there in your eyes whenever you looked at him and I saw the same look in his.”
Casey sighed as she took a sip of her tea. If he loved her that was definitely news to her. “We’ve been together ever since the night of my party,” Casey said, pretty sure she didn’t have to paint a picture of what she meant by that. “And last night McKinnon sort of broke things off. He told me about his health issue and for some reason he’s convinced that—”
“Because of it the two of you couldn’t have a future together even if you wanted one,” Morning Star finished for her.
Casey met the older woman’s eyes. “Yes.”
Morning Star didn’t say anything for a long moment, but then she met Casey’s gaze and said, “We all have Lynette Franklin to thank for that. She took off right after McKinnon confided in her.”
Casey nodded. She had figured as much. “But that was her. What does how she reacted have to do with me?”
Morning Star smiled. “Because you are a woman. McKinnon sees you as a person who would probably make some child a wonderful mother, a child he can not give you. He really thinks he’s being noble in cutting you loose.”
“Well, he’s not. Of course I want children, but we can adopt. Giving birth to a child isn’t such a big deal to me.”
“It is to some women and he knows it.” Morning Star sighed deeply before continuing. “Making the decision to have a vasectomy was probably one of the hardest things my son had to do because he loves children and always wanted to settle down one day, marry and have some. He was torn about what to do until one particular day when he had to go to the hospital for his annual tests.”
“What happened?”
The older woman stood and walked over to the sink. Then she turned around and Casey could see the love and pain for her child etched on her face. “While in the waiting room, McKinnon met a man who was also a carrier. The man shared with McKinnon how he’d unknowingly passed the disease on to his six-year-old son, and the rough time his son had had before dying the year before. It’s my understanding that from that conversation, McKinnon swore that he wouldn’t have any children and risk passing anything on to them.”
Casey wiped a tear from her eye, sadden by the stranger’s loss and even more sadden that McKinnon’s dream for a family had died that day, too. “I refuse to walk away and let him go through life alone with this, Mrs. Quinn.”
“He’s pretty much made up his mind that he will never let another woman into his life.”
Casey stood and met Morning Star’s gaze with a defiant look in her eyes. “Well, we’ll just see about that. I love McKinnon and I won’t let him turn his back on what we can have together. I simply refuse to let him do that.”
Morning Star smiled. “And I’m happy to hear it. No matter how difficult he gets, don’t let him push you away. Fight him with your love.”
Casey nodded. She intended to do that very thing.
* * *
McKinnon spotted Casey the moment he turned the corner of the ranch house. She’d sent a message by Norris that she needed to see him and not knowing if it could wait, he had put his work aside to look for her.
On his way he’d seen Henrietta leaving and wondered why she had ended her work day early. Since it was Friday, chances were she probably had something to do and had forgotten to mention it to him.
He inhaled deeply. Casey was standing in the courtyard by the flower beds, the same place she’d been standing the night they had shared their first kiss. He muttered a curse. That was the last thing he needed to think about now. But hell, how could he not when she looked so beautiful standing there in jeans that cupped her bottom so deliciously, and a short silky-looking blouse that showed what nice breasts she had; breasts he had touched and tasted so many times. He let his gaze flick over them one last time before putting his control in place.
“Norris said you wanted to see me, Casey,” he said, trying to stop his heart from hammering away in his chest.
She looked up at him. “Yes. I thought we could finish our discussion now.” She watched as his body moved into that stance she loved—arms crossed over his broad chest and booted feet braced apart. The man certainly had the body to fill out any pair of jeans he put on. Today his hair was pulled back in a ponytail, making him look very sexy.
He blew out an impatient breath. “We finished our discussion last night. There’s nothing to add or subtract.”
“I think there is and would like for you to hear me out.”
His lips pressed into a firm line and he inhaled deeply. “Okay, say whatever it is you have to say so I can get back to work.”
She nodded and slowly crossed the courtyard to him. He nervously rubbed his hand across the back of his neck when she came to a stop. She was too close for comfort and she smelled too damn good.
“I just want to get a few things straight in my mind, McKinnon. Let’s do scenario number one. If I had come to you the other night, and told you that I had a female condition that stopped me from ever giving you a son or a daughter, would you have ended things between us for that reason?”
“Of course not!”
“Okay, let’s move to scenario number two. If, for any reason, I wanted to ad
opt a child, would you have had a problem with that?”
McKinnon frowned, wondering where she was going with this. “No, I would not have had a problem with it.”
“And what if I wanted to try artificial insemination to get pregnant, would you have a problem with that?”
“No, I wouldn’t have a problem with that either.”
“That’s good to know.” Then she placed her hand on her hips and glared at him. “Then what the hell is your problem,” she snapped, all but screaming at him. “What kind of woman do you think I am to expect more from you than I’m willing to give myself? Just like I wouldn’t expect you to walk out on me if I couldn’t produce a child, I would think you would have the decency not to expect the same thing from me. But do you? Hell no! You expected me to be like that other woman—who evidently didn’t know a good thing when she had it—and run off. There’re plenty of babies out there who need a loving home, a home that we can give. I think it’s a crying shame that you think so little of me.”
“Casey,” he said in a low tone, so low it almost sounded like a whisper. “It’s not that I think so little of you, it’s because I think so much of you that I want you to have more. I love you. I love you so much it hurts and knowing I can’t give you the one thing you might want one day is killing me.”
Casey inhaled slowly and deeply, taken back by his words of love. “If you love me as much as you say you do, then listen for a moment to what I want, McKinnon. I want you. The man who tries so hard to hide that easy grin and those kind eyes. The man who showed me just what real love is about, made me see what a wonderful human being my father is and helped me to understand why my mother was willing to live the rest of her life on memories. Well, unlike her I can’t be that content, McKinnon. I want you. If I never gave birth to a child it wouldn’t matter as long as I had you. I love you and to me, to us, that should be all that matters. We will handle the rest when the time comes.”
Ian's Ultimate Gamble ; Seduction, Westmoreland Style Page 28