by C. R. Jane
Landry huffed out a breath, sputtering through his blood-tinged spit. “You don’t deserve her…”
I smiled and crouched down in front of him. The hanging lamp swaying above my head painted the basement in a macabre light. I was sure Landry was shitting himself. “I don’t care that I don’t deserve her. She’s mine. And this…this is me protecting what’s mine. Now let’s get started so I can get on with my life and get back my girl.”
The look of hate and jealously he threw me let me know that he still hadn’t gotten the message.
I laid a few more punches to his face for fun, and then I took a knife out of my pocket and held it right above his groin.
“What-what are you doing?” he stammered, a lisp to his words, thanks to the teeth that were missing.
“Giving you a reminder of what would be the first to go if you ever get close to Everly again.” With those words, I sliced right above his dick, deep enough to scar, ensuring that he would be reminded of me and my warning for the rest of his life. I savored the screams filling the air.
I must have gone a bit too far, because he passed out from the pain, slumping over in his chair.
I straightened up and wiped my knife off on his pant leg. I glanced over at my teammates, and they looked a little bit scared of me.
Good. They’d make sure to stay away from Everly as well.
“You guys can get this cleaned up?” I asked, and all of them nodded quickly. “See you at weights tomorrow.”
I left the room, and I was struck by just how gone I was.
There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Everly James. My fate lay in her hands. I wanted to sink into her drowning softness and never recover. She was pure and good and everything I needed to be happy.
It was time to get back to Everly and put the next phase of my plan into action.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Everly
Lane had just dropped off my phone, and there were a million messages and voicemails waiting for me, which was rare because usually the only person to ever use my number was Lane…or my mother when she got particularly drunk and needed money from me. I’d spent the last hour trying to decide if I should go back to my dorm or not, but finally I’d given up and just decided to go through my phone.
I cringed when I saw that there were ten texts and five voicemails Landry had dared to leave me after what he did. I deleted them all without listening to them, knowing that I should probably keep them for evidence or something, but just wanting to remove everything about him from my life so I didn’t have to think about it.
The next message I saw was from Caiden. I didn’t know how he’d gotten my new number, but I’d never forget Caiden’s number.
Want to get breakfast?
A sick feeling bubbled up inside of me. I didn’t want to get breakfast with him, but did I owe him breakfast? Were we even now, or was I still in the red because of the two years of his life he’d lost because of me?
I replied before I could think any more on it.
Sorry. I already ate.
He replied back immediately.
Dinner then. I want to make sure you’re okay.
He didn’t include the question mark this time, and I knew he’d done that deliberately. The bastard was trying to leverage the fact that he’d saved my life to get back into it. In a way, I’d needed this kind of sign. He’d acted so like the old him that I’d needed a reminder that Caiden was capable of manipulation like none other.
Maybe the old Everly would have eagerly fallen into his offering, just grateful that Caiden Parker was paying attention to her.
But I wasn’t that person anymore.
I would carry the regret of what had happened between Jackson, Caiden, and I for the rest of my life.
But it would be a cold day in hell before I let Caiden Parker back into my life.
My phone buzzed again.
Caiden: Pizza sound good?
Me: Sorry, I can’t.
Caiden: Can’t or won’t?
I took a deep breath, trying to build up the courage to respond as I knew I needed to.
Just then I heard the garage open, and then a minute later, Jackson walked in, using his shirt to wipe down his body. Not quick or well enough to hide the fact that there was blood flecked all over his skin.
I knew immediately where Jackson had been. And I knew that Landry Evans wasn’t going to be anything but a bad memory from now on.
It was demented at how good it felt to know he’d sought the vengeance on Landry that I could never have gotten on my own. A warm feeling spread through my body, working its way through my veins and bloodstream until the feeling hit my heart, warping and shaping it until Jackson was all it could see.
I’m thankful for what you did, but I meant what I told you the other day. Let me go.
I fired off the text before I could change my mind and marveled at how light I felt having sent it. Three dots signaled that Caiden had read my text and was responding, and then they disappeared. The silence felt like bliss.
Jackson came to a screeching halt when he saw me sitting there, and I knew he must have thought I would still be upstairs…hell, or even gone when he’d walked in by the bashful, somewhat ashamed, look on his face as he watched my gaze dance all over his crimson streaked skin.
Something was wrong with me obviously, because I suddenly had an image of his blood-streaked body bending over mine, moving in and out of me with passionate thrusts until I was covered in Landry’s blood as well.
I shook my head to clear it of my insane thoughts.
“Thank you,” I whispered before he could say anything or try to apologize for what he’d done.
A fierce protective look crossed his face. “Always,” he swore to me.
And for the first time in over two years, I believed a promise that came out of Jackson Parker’s mouth.
“I just need a quick shower, and then we can go,” he told me. His hands were clenching repeatedly like he wanted to tie me to a chair to make sure I didn’t go anywhere.
But he didn’t need to worry about me running…or walking as it were. I’d lost the desire to run, his blood-soaked skin a sacrifice that I didn’t know I needed.
“I’ll be here,” I told him throatily, and a satisfied smirk curled on Jackson’s lips. Of course, the asshole would see right through me right away.
He’d always seen me.
I sat there, mindlessly watching an episode of Vampire Diaries, when Jackson came down the stairs, looking sinfully delicious in fitted black jeans and white T-shirt that was stretched across his chest.
I stood up, fiddling with the edges of my shirt, because it seemed like we were about to go on a date, and in all my years with Jackson, we’d never been on a date.
Jackson prowled towards me until he was right in front of me, his eyes blazing with a smoldering need.
He walked me back until I was leaning against the wall. Jackson closed me in with his arms and then his mouth. For one second, I relaxed into relief at the stroke of his tongue, but then I ripped away, forcing my head to the side, panting. I was determined that we weren’t going to get waylaid by sex today. At least not before the date even happened.
His rock-hard leg was pressed between my thighs, rubbing against me, and it felt so damn good. My body responded with a gluttonous flush that I felt from the top of my head down to the tips of my toes.
He sighed and leaned his forehead against mine. Beneath the cocky bravado, there was so much sadness in him. It was in me too, but I wondered for the first time if it had to be that way forever. If together, we might not be able to figure out a way through all the bullshit, that although not a happily ever after for most people, might be a happily ever after for us.
But that was just crazy talk. Right?
He leaned against me for a long moment more before he moved back and took my hand, dragging me towards the garage and then into his truck.
“So, are you going to tell me where you’re taking
me?” I asked as we set off down the road, my favorite James Arthur song playing softly in the background.
“You’re still terrible at surprises,” he remarked with an amused grin thrown my way.
I thought about it for a moment, and a big grin spread across my face. “Yeah, I guess I still am.”
I laughed giddily at the thought that there was still something about me that was the same as the girl he once knew. Jackson did still know parts of me, even though he still had a long way to go to get the whole picture.
It was a relief quite frankly.
I managed to keep my impatience to a minimum, and when he turned out of town and set off down a literal red, dirt road that led into the woods, I bit my tongue and didn’t ask him if he was taking me out in the middle of nowhere to kill me.
Because we were past that point, right?
The woods blocked out almost all traces of sunlight as the trees stretched over the road. Jackson drove a little farther down and then pulled off to the side of the road.
“You okay with walking a little bit?”
“Yeah,” I responded, definitely intrigued by now.
Jackson grabbed a picnic basket from behind his seat that I hadn’t seen him place there, and then he grabbed my hand, as was apparently his way now, and he started to lead me into the woods.
We walked through the forest, Jackson holding on tightly to me for around a mile. I was just about to tell him that my leg couldn’t take it anymore when the tree line suddenly broke, and I stepped into a scene that I couldn’t have imagined, even on my best day.
It was a field of wildflowers that stretched on for at least half a mile. Flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes covered every square inch of the ground. Explosions of riotous color and sweet smells overwhelmed my senses, until it was all I could think or feel.
It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
But then Jackson turned to look at my reaction, and I saw him standing there, a golden god with the sunlight dancing across his features…and I had to amend that thought.
This field was the second most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
Jackson Parker, stepping into the light from the darkness definitely took the top spot.
“What do you think?” he asked almost shyly.
“If I’d known a place like this existed, I would have done everything I could to spend as much time as possible here,” I admitted. “It’s beyond words.”
A boyish grin lit up Jackson’s face, and he closed his eyes and turned it up to the sun. It was like the field of flowers had stripped away all the shadows he usually carried, and before me was standing a Jackson who’d been freed.
What I would give to see him like this always.
After a long moment, where I just watched as the wind brushed across his golden hair and the light caressed his face, Jackson opened his eyes, smiling wider when he saw that I was watching him.
“Come on,” he told me, taking my hand again and leading me right into the center of the field.
Opening up the picnic basket, he pulled out a blue checkered blanket and spread it carefully on the ground. I watched in amazement as he pulled out at least ten plastic dishes and then a bottle of wine and two plastic wine glasses.
“I thought about trying to make us dinner, but then I thought we might want to enjoy our meal, so I ordered from Caputo’s.”
I laughed and settled myself down on the blanket, ignoring the way my leg groaned in protest.
Jackson had ordered my favorite chicken salad dish with pecans and red grapes, croissants, a vegetable plate, a Caesar salad, and their specialty white chocolate cranberry cookies for dessert. It was enough food for five people, and I couldn’t wait to dig in.
Jackson poured us both wine, and then we ate quietly, admiring our surroundings and listening to the birds chirp around us.
It was like I’d stepped into a Disney movie. I’d never seen something so perfect, and I never wanted to leave.
“How did you find this place?” I finally asked when I’d finished stuffing myself with the delicious food.
“I needed to get away one day, so I decided to go for a drive. And I swear, it was like magic, because I was just driving along, and I got the urge to stop at the side of the road and go for a walk. I felt like an idiot walking through the woods without a trail or a plan, and then I stepped through the trees and I knew I was meant to find this place. Every time things just become too much, I come out here. No matter the season, there’s always some kind of flower blooming here. It’s my favorite place in the world.”
“Mine too,” I whispered, entranced with his story.
“Can I tell you something, and you not run away?” he asked intently, staring at me as if my answer held the key to his entire world.
I hesitated before answering, because I felt like a flight risk in many ways when it came to him and I was afraid of the truths that could potentially come out of his mouth.
I took a look around though, and decided to pretend that nothing bad could happen in a place as lovely as this.
He scooted closer to me, getting up on his knees and settling in right in front of me so that our faces were only a few inches apart.
“I’m going to marry you here one day. I stepped into this field that first time, and that was all I could think. I saw you in a long white dress, your champagne curls streaming behind you as you ran to me. And even though I thought I hated you, didn’t even know when or if I’d see you again, I knew after seeing this place that was our only fate. You. Me. And a field of wildflowers where I promise to love you until the end of time.”
A tear slipped out of my eye and trailed down my face, and Jackson tracked its course until it dripped off my chin.
I could see that day. It made sense that I’d be running towards him, because all my life, I’d always been running towards him—wanting him, loving him, needing him.
So why when he was telling me that his dream was the same as mine, did it feel a little like heartbreak instead of redemption?
“Did I scare you away?” he asked as he gently touched the wetness on my cheek.
“I’m just wondering why you’re saying the words that I’ve dreamed about probably since I met you, and yet I’m crying,” I admitted.
“This place was a sort of new beginning for me. I’d been close to spiraling permanently before I found it.” He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes earnestly. “I was hoping that this place could be a sort of new beginning for us. A starting point for a future together.”
His words were beautiful, what any girl would want to hear. But I couldn’t forget, wouldn’t forget, that all of this was happening after he’d found out the truth. What if all we were meant to be was a sad, beautiful, tragic love story that would serve as a cautionary tale for our grandchildren one day, of what could happen if love burned too bright?
There was also the fact that in a way, we were strangers. The last few years had changed me so much, and it was obvious he had changed too. But while I was by myself, trying to piece myself back together, Jackson had been welcomed with open arms into Rutherford, treated as a football god. He couldn’t relate to my journey, not in a million years.
“I’m struggling with the fact that all of this is coming after you found out the truth,” I admitted quietly, my gaze drifting to some cherry-colored petals that were dancing in the wind. “You left me all alone, abandoned me after the single most traumatic event of my life.” My breath hitched. “You should have believed me. I’d just shared this huge part of me with you. And even after that…you didn’t believe me.” I finally dragged my eyes back to his mournful gaze, tears heavy in my voice as I finished. “I’m afraid that if I take this step, all that’s waiting for me is regret. I’m afraid that I’m in love with the ghost of you instead of who you are now. And I’m afraid that once you get to know who I am, who I am really and not who you’ve built up in your head, that you’ll be immeasurably disappointed.”
My confessions were heavy on my tongue, the dark secrets I’d never let see the daylight. For all those years, I’d done my best to give Jackson and Caiden only the highlights. I hid from them the darker parts of my soul, afraid that if I gave them something too honest, they’d run from me when they realized who I really was. Time hadn’t changed who I was at my core, a girl who’d been abandoned by every significant figure in her life. I was damaged, a mirror that had been broken into a million pieces. And no matter how much love Jackson tried to give me, there would always be cracks under my skin that could never be fixed.
“I picked you before I knew the truth,” Jackson replied, and my eyes widened in disbelief.
“Don’t lie to me, Jackson. Not now, not after everything.”
“I’m not lying. I’d decided when you left me in the library that I would do anything to get you back. Even when I found out that Caiden had woken up, I still had decided to pick you, no matter the consequences. I would burn the whole world for you, pick you first every time. You just have to give me the chance to do it.”
I opened my mouth to object, and he laid a finger on my lips before hurrying on.
“If you give me one last chance, I swear on my life I won’t let you down again. I know what I did is unforgivable, but, Everly, my heart is yours. You are what I hold onto. My first thought in the morning, my last thought when I close my eyes to sleep. I’ve dreamed about you every night since the last time I saw you in that hospital room. No matter how much time passed, I couldn’t erase you. I feel like I’ve been carrying an open wound in my chest where I tried to remove you, but it never worked. You can’t erase someone that’s a part of your soul, Everly. Believe me, I’ve tried. You’re meant for me. I’ll protect you, I’ll help you, I’ll care for you, because you’re meant for me. No matter what you say, no matter what you’ve heard. This is meant to be, and I’m not stopping until you give us a chance.”