“Good point,” I said, giving him a soft smile that he returned before pushing me out the door.
“I know. Now go shower. You smell worse than Steve’s gym kit!”
Surprisingly, I did feel better after having a shower.
The hot water and the sharp scent of my lemon and tea tree body wash seemed to jolt me awake, defuzzing my brain and making me feel more human than I had in days. By the time I emerged in the clean t-shirt, hoodie, and jogging bottoms Taylor had handed me, I realised I was starting to feel hungry as well, not ravenous, but certainly peckish.
Taylor was in the kitchen, spooning pasta and tomato sauce into a bowl when I appeared.
“Better?” he asked, setting the spoon down to grate cheese across the top of the bowl. The smell was making my mouth water and my stomach rumbled appreciatively.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m kinda hungry now too.” Taylor gave me a smug smile that said this was all part of his plan before pushing a bowl of pasta and a spoon into my hand and shooing me towards the living room.
“I thought we could watch a film,” he said, watching me carefully as I folded myself onto the sofa. He produced a blanket and tucked it over my legs before I could say anything, and I was left trying not to laugh as he disappeared back into the kitchen. He returned with drinks, sadly of the non-alcoholic variety, and then his own dinner before settling in beside me.
“What do you want to watch?” He’d already pulled Netflix up, and if I wasn’t mistaken, he’d already chosen a film. Except it wasn’t anything I’d have thought Taylor would choose in a million years.
Mr. Smith Will See You Now was the blockbuster adaptation of a series of highly popular erotic ‘mummy-porn’ novels that had been a worldwide phenomenon a couple of years ago. The books were okay. I’d read them last year when my last relationship had ended. They were about a young woman who falls in love with her sexy boss, the enigmatic Mr. Smith. Even though I was gay, it hadn’t been hard to imagine myself in her shoes. Especially because Mr. Smith was everything I’d wanted in a boyfriend—caring, kind, and not afraid to play dirty and rough in the bedroom.
I may or may not have read a lot of Mr. Smith related fanfiction after I’d finished the books, but I’d never seen the movies.
I wondered if my Mr. Smith knew about the books. Maybe he’d chosen the screenname based on it? Or maybe not. Smith was a pretty common surname after all.
“We’re going to watch this.” Taylor hit play and chucked the remote onto the cushions between us.
“Seriously?” I said with a chuckle. “You want to watch this?”
“It’s good!” Taylor said, and I snorted. “You laugh, but it’s really not as bad as everyone says, and the guy who plays Mr. Smith is unbelievably fucking hot. Like, fuck me, even I’d bottom for him.”
“This I’ve gotta see,” I said, trying not to cough as laughter bubbled up in my throat.
“Don’t act so fucking high and mighty. I know you read the books! They’re on your bookshelf. I know you tried to hide them, but they’re there!”
“How the fuck do you know that?”
“I saw them, genius! Unlike you, I’m not ashamed of my reading choices.”
“Wait, you actually read them too?” I asked, ignoring the screen and the shot of the London skyline that opened the film.
“Of course! I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. They’re pretty tame to be honest, but still they helped me figure a few things out.” Taylor’s voice was quiet, and there was a pensive look on his face. “I know they’re not the greatest, but they made me realise that I was more like Mr. Smith than I thought… they’re part of the reason I figured out what I like in bed. Well, partly them. Partly the copious amounts of BDSM porn I watched afterwards.”
I snorted, my laughter dissolving into a coughing fit that had me clutching at my chest and taking tiny sips of the drink Taylor handed me.
“Laugh it up,” he said, a wry smile on his face. “How did you discover you liked panties?” My face dropped and it felt like I’d been punched in the ribs. I couldn’t tell him the actual answer, could I? I’d never told Taylor about my blog because, at first, I hadn’t been sure about how he’d react.
But now that I knew he was a fan of my ass in panties, there wasn’t really a good reason not to tell him. Taylor had never expressed any animosity towards sex-bloggers and he wasn’t really possessive. Besides, we weren’t actually dating, so his thoughts shouldn’t affect me at all.
A small part of me whispered that Taylor would like it. That he’d think it was sexy as fuck, and that he’d want to watch me take photos. Fuck, that idea was hot. It had started to become something of a reoccurring fantasy. Taylor watching me dress up, helping me choose what to model, taking photos of me and getting more and more riled up at the sight of me bent over and showing off my ass until he ended the shoot by eating my ass and fucking me, pulling my panties to the side and just taking me until we were both covered in cum and fucked out. And maybe afterwards he’d take a photo of me all spread out and sated in my ruined panties, just so everyone would know who I belonged to.
God, I wanted that so much.
But it was only going to happen if I told him.
I opened my mouth, hoping my tongue and brain would solve the problem of what I was going to say for me. “The internet,” was all that came out. I sighed. “I, um, I’ve always had a fascination with them but a couple of years ago I found some blogs of guys in panties, and I was hooked. And eventually I managed to order some for myself. That was it really, but the blogs were a big help.”
“Pornblr?” Taylor asked.
“Y-yeah.” I felt my face heating, and I knew I was turning scarlet, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to tear my gaze away from Taylor’s.
“It’s a fucking gift, that website. I love it. Do you still use it?”
“Sometimes.” It was technically not a complete lie. I had been using it a little less lately. Mostly because I was struggling to find the time to take and edit new photos. If it was a choice between doing that or fucking around with Taylor, I’d always choose option B. Taylor made me feel special, and I couldn’t get enough of that feeling. It was everything I’d ever wanted.
“You know there’s a blogger on there I think you’d like,” Taylor said. “I mean, if you’re into panty blogs you probably already follow him, but I think you’d love his stuff. His name’s Thick Boy in Lace.”
Taylor’s words landed, but it took me a moment or two to process them. When it did, my brain dissolved into mush and my internal organs melted down as my entire body screamed ‘mayday, mayday’. Panic flooded my system, my fight or flight instincts kicking solidly into run away mode, and the bowl of pasta I’d just consumed felt like it was suddenly about to make a reappearance across the living room floor.
Taylor hadn’t stopped talking though, and my brain was struggling to process the rest of what he’d said. “He’s absolutely gorgeous. I mean, his ass is to die for. It’s almost as good as yours. And he has the most amazing collection of lingerie. Plus, his pictures are fucking stunning. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve spent a lot of time looking at his pics, and I think you’d like his stuff.”
“T-thanks,” I said, the words stumbling out of my mouth. “I’ll check him out.”
Taylor nodded, clearly satisfied with my response, and turned back to the TV where the movie was still playing. I hadn’t even noticed. It felt like my entire world had been turned upside down, and all I could do was sit and stare while I tried to process what had just happened.
It took another ten minutes for my brain to come back online, by which point the heroine and Mr. Smith were engaged in some sort of heavy make-out session. The camera panned up to linger on Mr. Smith’s face. His lips were soft and swollen, his eyes fiery with need. For a Hollywood movie, they’d sure captured the sexual intensity.
My dick twitched in my joggers as I realised I’d seen the same look on Taylor’s face a thousand times. It meant th
at he needed me, that he wanted me, and that he was going to take me apart piece by piece until I knew I was his.
A shiver ran down my spine, and I pulled the blanket higher up my legs, snuggling deeper into it.
The camera moved on, and my thoughts turned back to what had just happened. Now that I’d thought about it, my brain was starting to think this might not be the most terrible thing in the world. At least now I knew Taylor wouldn’t have a problem with my blog. From the sound of it, he was a big fan. Fuck, I wondered if I knew who he was? Maybe his screenname would be one I recognised. I knew quite a few of my biggest followers’ screennames because it was hard to forget the ones who’d been following me for years and liked all my photos and left sexy compliments on them.
Maybe he’d even sent me a message. I’d chatted with a few guys in the past. Sometimes it was sweet and flirty, and sometimes I’d sexted with a couple when I’d been super bored and horny. Still, it was too much to hope that Taylor was Mr. Smith. That would be amazing… and utterly improbable. There was no way my fuck buddy and the guy I was in love with was my online crush who had given me amazing orgasms and let me pour my soul out to him. It just wasn’t happening.
“You okay?” Taylor asked. I turned to find him staring at me, squinting slightly.
“Yeah, fine.”
“Are you sure? Because you’ve been staring into space for ages and you missed Mr. Smith getting naked, and I know you’d have reacted to that. He’s got a great dick.”
“Wait, he’s full frontal?” I asked, my intention immediately diverted. “Go back. I want to see.”
Taylor laughed. “I feel like I should be offended, but I told you even I’d bend over for him.” He picked up the remote and rewound the film. I stared, open-mouthed as the actor stripped off and stepped under a waterfall shower, rivulets of water running across the hard lines of his abs and down to his massive cock. Fucking hell, this was practically porn. No wonder the film had been so popular.
“Holy. Shit.”
“Yeah,” Taylor said with a sigh.
“Yours is better,” I said, giving him a wink. Taylor rolled his eyes.
“Yeah right. His dick is fucking perfect.”
“I like yours better.” I reached out and squeezed his thigh. “Seriously. I’d take you over him any day.” This was the closest I’d ever come to admitting feelings for Taylor. My heart was racing at a million miles an hour as I waited to see how he’d react. Would he reject me? Would he tell me I was stupid for even suggesting that?
Taylor gave me a soft smile, and his fingers reached for mine, interlacing our hands together. He swallowed.
“I’d choose you too.” His voice was deathly quiet, barely above a whisper, but to me it sounded like a foghorn. I leant in, not sure if he’d kiss me considering I was still pretty snotty and disgusting, but I needed to kiss him. It felt like something had shifted again, and suddenly our arrangement was built on sliding sand. Only I was starting to think that I wanted it to come crumbling down because maybe we’d be able to build something new together.
The front door slammed, and we jumped apart. I looked up to see Steve standing on the doormat, clutching his gym kit in one hand, his long blond hair scraped up into a messy bun.
“What’s up?” he asked. “You feeling better?”
“Yeah, a bit,” I said, my racing heartbeat finally slowing. “I didn’t think you’d be back until later. Didn’t you have practice?”
“It got cancelled. Loads of the guys came down with the same bug you’ve got.” Steve shrugged in his normal, nonchalant manner. “It’s fine. We haven’t got a match this weekend.”
“That’s good,” I said, not really sure what to say. Taylor looked like he was about ready to murder Steve in cold blood. Clearly, he wasn’t impressed with the interruption either.
Steve didn’t notice; he just dropped his bag and swung into the nearby armchair. “What are you guys watching?”
“Mr. Smith Will See You Now.” Taylor’s voice was as cool as his expression.
“Seriously?” Steve seemed surprised and then shrugged. “Cool. I heard the lead actress in this is super hot! You’ll just have to fill me in on what’s been happening ’cos I haven’t read the books.”
I stared at him for a second, then I just shook my head and chuckled. “Sure,” I said, and quickly began explaining. Beside me, Taylor pulled himself off the couch with a wry smile and disappeared into the kitchen. He appeared several minutes later with a two large bowls of chocolate ice cream and a couple of spoons, handing one to me.
I gave him a quick look, raising my eyebrow and flicking my eyes towards Steve. Would he think it was weird if we split a tub of ice cream? Or rude that we hadn’t included him? I didn’t really want to draw his attention to us. I mean we hadn’t told him we were hooking up.
Taylor smirked. “Hey Steve, want some ice cream? It’s chocolate chunk.” It was like he’d read my mind.
“Nah, I’m good,” Steve said, not tearing his eyes away from the screen where the super-hot lead actress was currently lounging around in lace underwear. “I’m trying to eat healthier. Y’know for football.”
“Of course,” Taylor said, trying not to laugh. I smiled and stuck my spoon into the rich ice cream, spooning the creamy treat into my mouth, making sure I locked eyes with Taylor the whole time.
His expression was totally worth the coughing fit I had when I choked on my spoonful of ice cream.
Later that night, when I was tucked into bed under my nice, clean sheets, I turned the whole evening over in my head again.
I was still struggling to believe this was real. There were suddenly so many things that were unsaid between us, and I didn’t know where to go from here. Part of me was still dumbstruck Taylor said he’d choose me. I wasn’t anyone particularly special.
I sighed, rolling over in bed and burying my face in my pillow. I was so confused about everything, and it made me feel nauseous. It made me wish I had someone who I could talk everything out with, someone who might understand and could offer a fresh perspective.
I rolled over again and grabbed my phone from its place on my bedside table, pulling open the Pornblr app. I did have one person I could ask. I just had to hope he wouldn’t mind me asking.
thick boy in lace Hey are you up?
mr. smith Of course, sweet boy. Is everything okay?
thick boy in lace Yeah… I think so. I know we haven’t spoken in ages, but I could really, really use your help right now
thick boy in lace It’s about my hook-up
thick boy in lace I have no idea what to do
mr. smith It’s okay. We’ll figure it out
mr. smith What’s got you all wound up? Did something happen? Did he hurt you?
The breath I didn’t know I’d been holding came out in a rush. Everything was going to be okay. Mr. Smith would help me figure everything out, and then I could go from there.
thick boy in lace No, it’s not bad! He’s amazing, and I realised I think I’m in love with him, and I have no fucking clue what to do =/
thick boy in lace Like, we said this was just sex, but I don’t think it is anymore
thick boy in lace Something’s changed. I just don’t know what. Like he’s been taking care of me because I’ve been sick, and he made me food and made me shower. When I’ve been ill before, I’ve usually looked after myself, but this time he wanted to take care of me. And then we were watching a movie and we ended up having this kinda emotional moment? Idk. It felt like something big, but we got interrupted by my other roommate which sort of ruined it
thick boy in lace Sorry that was an essay lol
The tight band in my stomach eased. Just typing everything out had made me a little more relaxed. I knew I couldn’t expect Mr. Smith to magically solve all my problems, but maybe he could help me figure out what my next move should be.
mr. smith It’s okay. It’s what I’m here for
mr. smith Look, you know I’m no relationship
expert, but even from where I’m sitting it’s clear as fucking day that you’re in love with this guy. I don’t think there’s any “think” about it
thick boy in lace Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think I love him. I know I love him
mr. smith Good boy, I’m proud of you
mr. smith And I think you’re right. It’s not about sex anymore
mr. smith You’ve told me that he takes care of you when you’re sick, buys you pretty, expensive panties, fucks you like a dream and wants to spend extra time with you afterwards
mr. smith No way are you guys are just fuck buddies
mr. smith You’re pretty much in a relationship. You just haven’t realised it yet ;)
thick boy in lace Really? You don’t think he’s just being nice?
mr. smith Baby, those are all things I’d do for my boyfriend, not some random piece of ass
mr. smith He obviously cares for you. I just don’t think he knows it. He seems kinda dense from what you’ve said lol
thick boy in lace Tbh I think I’m dense too. We’re just two idiots stumbling around in the dark!
mr. smith Well, lucky for you I have a torch
I snorted, then coughed, my rib muscles complaining again. Ugh, I fucking hated being ill! Still, Mr. Smith, had a point. I mean, Taylor had spent more time with me, had more interest in me, and had taken better care of me than most of my previous boyfriends. How had I not seen that before?
But that meant I now had to seriously consider the question I feared most.
thick boy in lace So I guess you think I should tell him then?
mr. smith Yep. Idk if he’ll be ready to hear it. He might run. But I think you’ve gotta tell him
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