by Danica Flynn
She soon got her bearings on the ice and her grip on my arm softened after a slow lap around it. Her hand finally shifted down to lace her fingers through mine. Her hand felt so small in my large one, and I was always afraid that I was going to break her if I wasn’t too careful. She would freaking hate that if I ever voiced those words aloud.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, suddenly pulling me away from my thoughts.
Our feet skated in time together around the rink and I looked down at her small frame with a smile. “I’m just happy with you.”
“Me too.”
My thumb rubbed over her hand where we were connected and we skated on a little more. She seemed to have warmed up to being on the ice. For someone who said they didn’t know how to skate, she had done surprisingly well out here with me. I also had been super slow on it, steadying her with my hands and skating backwards in front of her to teach her how to be on the ice by herself. A lot of the boys on the team said taking a girl skating was a bad date, especially if you were a hockey player, but I think she kind of loved it. All I ever wanted to do was make her happy. I still couldn’t believe that she was here with me and we weren’t just friends anymore. I couldn’t believe a woman like her actually wanted to be with a dumb jock like me.
We skated for a little while longer, but then we both got tired and decided to call it quits. We unlaced our skates, returning the rental pair for her, and I put my own back into my gear bag. We made plans to get lunch at the vegan fast food place she liked over in Rittenhouse Square. It was unseasonably warm for March, so we ate in the park across the street, sitting on the ledge of the fountain.
“So vegan food? You’re not vegan,” I commented just as she took a huge bite of her burger.
She shook her head and I waited for her to swallow. “I was vegetarian for like eight years.”
I furrowed my brow. “I didn’t know that.”
“It never really came up in conversation.”
“What changed?” I asked.
She looked down at the ground with a frown. “When I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to make sure my nutrition was right. That was right before...well you know.”
I grabbed her hand and rubbed the pad of my thumb across her palm comfortingly. I knew it was hard for her to talk about the miscarriage and how it would affect the rest of her life. My heart had broken for her that day in the hospital. The doctor had wrongfully assumed I was her husband because she was still wearing her wedding ring, so he just blurted out in front of me that she probably couldn’t have kids. It broke her, and all I could do was hold her and tell her it was going to be okay.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want,” I reassured her.
She looked at me with what looked like relief. “Noah, I can’t have kids.”
“Lovey, I know that.”
She was shaking her head. “No, you have to understand that I will never be able to have kids.”
I squinted at her. “How about we cross that bridge when we get there, okay? None of that matters to me anyway,” I tried to reassure her.
She waved me off with her hand. “Forget it. I’m ruining this awesome day you planned!”
I smiled at her and took a bite of my own food. For vegan food, it was actually pretty decent, and it was nice being able to have a day with her to myself. With my schedule, whether it was training, practicing, or traveling for games, it could be hard to maintain a relationship. I had always been a relationship guy. Sure I had some meaningless hookups when I first entered the league, but I always preferred to have a partner in my life. Meaningless hookups were great when you were eighteen and horny, but not so great when the loneliness sunk in. The more time I spent with Dinah, the more I realized I was hopelessly in love with her, and I wasn’t sure yet if she felt the same about me.
She cocked her head at me, studying me. “This has been a really nice day. Thanks for forcing me to learn how to ice skate.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it. TJ nagged me saying it’s bad date idea.”
Her little nose scrunched up. “Why would he say that?”
I shrugged. “I guess because we’re hockey players? I just wanted to do something with you that was fun since I had the day off.”
“It was nice. Don’t doubt yourself,” she told me with a smile. Her hand trailed down my arm to grab my hand. Her touch lit me on fire every time.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“What’s your week like?” she asked.
I chewed my bottom lip thinking about the coming week of games. “We travel tomorrow, I should be home on Friday.”
“Hmm,” she commented and went back to eating.
I sighed. “I’m sorry my schedule’s crazy.”
She shook her head. “It’s okay, I understand.”
I took her hand in mine, rubbing my big thumb on the pad of it. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend every waking hour with you.”
Her eyes softened at that. “I want that too.”
“Can we do something on Friday? We could go to dinner?” I asked.
She frowned. “Can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Oh. What do you mean, you can’t?”
She sighed. “I have a family thing. My parents are in town and it’s my niece’s birthday.”
“Oh. When is it?”
She was looking at me like I had a death wish. “Why?”
I squeezed her hand. “Do you want me to come with you?”
She continued to stare at me for a really long time. Then she squinted at me as if she was thinking real hard. “Are you sure you aren’t concussed?”
I laughed. “What?”
“You’ve met my family, they’re certifiable. You want to voluntarily spend your free Friday night with them?” she asked.
Her eyes were wide with fear for me. Her family wasn’t that bad, they were just protective.
“Yes, Lovey, I do.”
Her smile was wide then so I leaned over and pulled her face to mine to kiss her right there in Rittenhouse Square Park. It was the perfect moment, and the perfect place to finally tell her that I loved her. I just didn’t know if it was the right time. For me it had been agony not telling her how I really felt, but I had years of pining over this incredible woman. For her, this thing had really just started, and I wasn’t entirely sure she was over her husband yet.
When I pulled away, she smiled but held my face in her hands, her small hand running down the length of my jaw and pushing the hair out of my face. “Do you want me to come to the game next Saturday?”
I must have looked like the Joker with how wide the grin spread across my face. “God, I love you, yes, please come to my game on Saturday.”
She pulled her hands away and leaned back away from me with an unsure look on her face.
FUCK!
“Noah? Did you just say what I think you said?” she finally asked after a few uncomfortable seconds passed between us.
I ran a hand through my hair, but couldn’t look at her now. “Um...you don’t have to say it back, but I’ve loved you for a long time, and I just had to tell you.”
She turned my face so I was looking her in the eyes. She had this intense look on her face, that I would say she only really reserved for the bedroom. Whoa. “Noah Kennedy, you don’t tell a woman you love her and then turn away from her.”
My lips quirked up into a grin.
She didn’t let me get another word in though, and just kissed me again. “I think it’s time to get out of here,” she whispered in my ear.
I wasn’t one to say no to that, but it didn’t escape my notice that she didn’t say she loved me back.
23
DINAH
Noah had been on the road for a couple days, which was fine because it allowed me some time to process the fact that he told me he loved me. It was such an off-hand comment, but when he told me I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. I wasn’t sure if I loved him yet. I wanted to, but it felt so aw
kward him saying it to me and me not being sure if I was ready to say it back to him. He said that I didn’t have to say it back, but I saw the hurt on his face when I didn’t. It was kind of why we had rushed back to my place to hop into bed together. Being with him was great, but I knew I was holding myself back because I was so scared that I would lose him just like I lost Jason. I didn’t think I could bear it.
I spent the time while he was gone, working on the first draft of my third book, in between my day job and line edits for book two. I knew I was drowning myself in my work just so I didn’t have to think about if I loved Noah. It had gotten so bad that Frankie and Tony had stopped by to make sure I was okay. When Frankie saw my empty fridge he began to mother hen me until I let him buy me groceries.
The truth was, I really missed Noah when he was gone, and my heart did a little jump every time I got a text from him. Even more on those occasions when he video chatted with me to say goodnight. The team was in a downward slump again, which honestly, as a fan I wasn’t surprised. As Noah’s girlfriend I felt like I wasn’t supposed to tell him they were playing like hot garbage and turning over the puck too much. Normally, I wouldn’t have cared, but I thought I already hurt his feelings by not telling him that I loved him. I also didn’t want to be that girlfriend, and sometimes he just needed one who would support him.
Sometimes I thought maybe he was just too perfect. What man wanted to actually subject himself to the scrutiny of The Mezzanetti family? Tonight was my niece Abbie’s 8th birthday party at my brother Frankie’s house in South Philly. I didn’t think Noah knew what he was getting himself into. He had texted me earlier that he was back in town but was busy with some team stuff. Probably reviewing game tape and having team meetings, so I was planning to meet him back at my condo before we headed over. I ended up sneaking out of work a little early, because after 4:30 PM on a Friday afternoon nothing ever really got done.
I dropped my purse at the door and headed into my bedroom where I inspected my clothes. I was still in work clothes, so I changed into a pair of skinny jeans and a striped long-sleeve shirt. I was inspecting how it looked in my mirror when I heard the knock on my door. With a smile I headed to my front door and was happy to see Noah standing there. I jumped into his arms, wrapping my arms and legs around him while I kissed him fiercely.
He chuckled and kicked the door shut. “Oh someone missed me,” he mused when he broke the kiss.
I rested my forehead against his and my hands clung to the back of his neck. “Oh most definitely.”
His hands lingered on my ass. “Damn, you look good in those jeans,” he admitted and gave me a little squeeze.
I squealed with laughter and slid out of his arms. I gave him a questioning look. “You really think so? I was afraid my family was gonna make some comment about my weight in this outfit.”
His face was a cloudy torment. “I don’t understand. You’re pretty thin.”
I sighed. “I didn’t used to be, and my family likes to comment on it.”
He grumbled and muttered something under his breath but I didn’t try to ask him to repeat it.
“Are you sure you want to deal with my family tonight?” I asked instead.
“Lovey, I’m positive.”
I noticed he had a gift bag in his hand. “What’s that?” I asked.
“Oh! You said Abbie’s favorite Bulldog is Benny, so I got him to sign a puck for me.”
My heart flipped over in my chest and then did a little dance. That was so sweet, of both of them really. Benny was definitely a soft-hearted man like Noah. He just hid it a little better.
“You didn’t have to do that! Fuck, now you’re showing me up.”
He laughed. “I can not give it to her if you want?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s perfect. Let’s go!”
He helped me into my jacket and we left my condo. I had offered to drive, but since he had an afternoon game tomorrow he didn’t want to drink anyway. Which was good because my family tended to drive me to drink. We drove into South Philly where my brother Frankie lived. Nerves were binding up inside my chest while Noah found a parking spot.
He rested his hand on my thigh and my whole body felt like it got shocked at his touch. He gave me a shy smile. “Why are you nervous?” he asked.
“I haven’t introduced my family to a boyfriend in like eight years. I met Jason in college.”
Noah kissed me softly and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m your boyfriend, eh?”
I smiled at his little Canadian inflection. God, could he be cuter? “You know you are.”
“I’ve never heard you say it out loud.”
“Well, you are. Come on, let’s get this over with!” I urged with a groan.
We got out of the car and he slid his hand into mine. The warmth of it made me feel steady, centered even. I knocked on the door and was greeted by my sister-in-law Sofia with a big hug, her curly dark hair flying haphazardly into my face. I had to disentangle myself from Noah’s hand just to let the woman engulf me.
“Hi, Sof,” I greeted her.
The older woman pulled away from me and then her brown eyes glazed over Noah’s towering form behind me. “And who’s this?” she asked.
Sofia wasn’t big on sports, even though my brother, her husband, was a diehard Bulldogs fan. So it did slightly surprise me that she didn’t recognize Noah. However, he did look a bit different up on skates and with the number 13 on his back then in the real world.
“My boyfriend, Noah.”
“Oh, D, he’s tall, like really tall, and handsome,” she mused and I held in my laughter at Noah’s blush.
“Yes, he is,” I agreed.
“Come in, come in,” she gestured to us and shuffled us through the door of her home.
I shoved our gifts into her hands and then a blur of pink threw itself at me. “Aunt D!” my niece screeched at me and clung to my waist.
“Hey kiddo! Happy birthday!”
“You came!” she exclaimed and hugged me tighter. I loved being the fun Aunt.
“Of course I did!”
She was staring intently up at Noah who just waved and smiled at her. “Aunt D, how do you know Noah Kennedy from the hockey team?”
I mouthed “sorry” at him but he waved me off. He bent down to Abbie’s height. “Hi, Abbie. Can I tell you a secret?”
She nodded enthusiastically, but she was still hugging my leg.
“Your Aunt D’s my new girlfriend. But it’s our secret, okay?”
She nodded, but then one of her friends asked her to play and they were darting down into the basement. I couldn’t help but notice that she had a big smile on her face though. Noah helped me out of my jacket and I hung it on the coatrack along with his own.
“You’re good with kids,” I said to him.
He shrugged. “Kids are easy to talk to.”
I tried not to focus on the fact that Noah would never have that if he stayed with me.
I walked further into the house, tugging Noah along with my hand in his. He didn’t seem to mind and he squeezed my hand in reassurance which made me feel comforted. Noah opened a bottle of beer for me and I was just taking a sip of it when we got ambushed by my brothers. Frankie was standing there in his dumb “Kiss the Cook” apron his greying hair looking like it had multiplied, Tony had his “swole” arms crossed over his chest, but my brother Eddie just stood there in his trademark leather jacket looking amused.
“Kennedy,” Frankie started evenly.
“Don’t start,” I warned and leveled the three of them with a death glare.
Tony ignored me and pushed a finger into Noah’s chest. “Yo man, what’s your intention with our sister?”
I pushed Tony’s meaty hand away and gave him the finger. “To fuck my brains out, obviously. And he does that very well. Fuck off, man.”
Frankie hid a smile behind his hand and Eddie’s shoulders were shaking hard to hide his laugh. Tony was kind of a meathead, and the tough-big bro
ther act always annoyed me. He pulled the same shit on Jason, who had just rolled his eyes at him. Tony puffed out his chest, trying to be all alpha-male. Like Noah couldn’t take him down a peg in a heartbeat. Noah was not a fighter, which I was glad about because I worried about fighting and its impacts on concussions. I have seen him in the rare fight, though, and he could snap my annoying-ass brother in half.
“Answer the question, man!” Tony demanded.
“Don’t!” I warned just as Noah was opening his mouth. “Tony, will you just leave my boyfriend alone? Stop the overprotective older brother bullshit.”
“Boyfriend, huh?” Frankie asked amused.
Eddie was smiling too. “Good for you, D.”
“Boys!” my mother’s sharp voice called out. “Leave your sister alone.”
I sighed.
“You’re on your own!” Eddie joked and dashed off.
Coward.
Mom walked over to us and gave Noah a big hug. He had to hunch down to her height, but he was a good sport. “Noah! It’s good to see you again,” she beamed at him. She turned to me and hugged me tightly too.
Noah was a saint. He humored her while she peppered him with questions about what we were doing. In terms of, “How long have you been dating?” “Is it serious?” I drank my beer a little too quickly getting more and more annoyed while my mom started waxing poetic about wedding bells and new grand-babies.
“Mom!” I finally snapped. “Will you stop?”
“Honestly, Dinah, I’m just asking because you’re not getting any younger. You don’t get pregnant now you might miss your chance.”
Noah reached a hand out to me and squeezed mine. He knew that I had never told my family that I couldn’t have kids. Tears were pricking at my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I downed my beer and went to grab another. If it wasn’t for Noah I might not be here gritting my teeth to fight off snapping at my mother. I had never told my family that I couldn’t have kids. My mom was too traditional, too much into the fact that women should find a good man and have kids with him.