I was transfixed. Horrified by what I was witnessing, yet unable to tear my gaze away. One of the wine bottles slipped from my hand and clanged loudly down the stairs. My grip on the other bottle tightened, before it became a projectile. I aimed for their heads, but over shot. The bottle hit the wall, just above the bed, sending shards of glass flying through the air. Woken by my “intrusion”, he held her tighter as they were showered with wine. They each looked in my direction, before taking a quick look at each other. It was then he pushed her away. I glared at her before locking my eyes onto his. My stomach started to churn. I had to get the hell out of there.
I flew down the stairs, luckily to an open elevator door waiting for me. I dove in and frantically hit the button for the doors to close. A loud commotion came from the bedroom, followed by Drake calling my name. I wasn’t even slightly interested in what he had to say. The doors were almost closed when his face appeared in the tiny gap. He begged me to wait, but didn’t make it in time, and the doors sealed shut.
When the elevator hit the ground floor, I was out before the doors were fully opened again. I charged to the sidewalk, blowing right past Devon and Tore, who caught up to me just as I was climbing into a cab.
“Hey, where are you going? Are Portia and Drake upstairs?”
“They’re up there, all right.” Without another word, I slammed the door and told the cab driver to step on it. We pulled away from the curb, leaving my brother standing on the sidewalk in a state of confusion.
When I got back to the apartment, I made it as far as the living room before I dissolved into tears. My knees gave out and I collapsed to the floor. I had never been betrayed in such entirety before and the pain was incredible. I was sure I’d cry until I withered away but, within a few minutes, the waterworks stopped. The pain continued to eat away at me, but refused to expel itself physically any further.
When Devon and Tore arrived, they moved me to the sofa. I was vaguely aware of Devon sitting beside me, holding my hand. Tore was seated in front of me, on the coffee table. His face was drawn, pleading, and frightened. I could hear a mere murmur of his voice, but the words seemed to be getting lost before making it to my ears. I could focus on nothing but the transpired events. The images of Portia and Drake, together, were searing into my brain. Over and over again it played, burrowing and spreading pain as it went on. Had I not been waiting for this to happen? What goes around comes around... and all that other shit. I tried to ignore it. I tried to deny it and look where it got me.
Well, you one-upped me, Karma, you bitch. Good on you.
The problem was I hadn’t expected it to be Portia. I never saw it coming, but I guess, in hindsight, maybe I should have. There were a few times we went on double dates, but I always felt guilty afterwards. Mostly because she’d say things like, “You two seem so in tune with each other. I wish Zane and I were like that,” or “I wish someone would look at me the way Drake looks at you”. The statements were always followed by a heavy sigh. At the time, I really felt for her, because I had been that girl my entire life. I tried not to dwell on it too much because, for once, I was the girl with the amazing boyfriend and in a relationship others envied. I guess I didn’t realize being the girl with the wonderful boyfriend also meant you had to watch your back.
The hurt was carving out a crater in the space my heart used to occupy. I heard a whisper telling me to let the emotions finish what they started. There was a familiar darkness encroaching. It was the same darkness that visited me that night at Drake’s. The voice, whispering to me, was coming from within the black itself. It kept telling me to let the pain take over, to stop fighting it. I’d been fighting for too long and it was time to allow that misery to take control.
“Was I only born to suffer?” I shook my head at my own self-pity, but the darkness hissed a reply.
Yes
“I never deserved to be happy?”
You’ll never deserve it. Stop trying.
Sounded like a plan to me so, true to the cowardice I had exemplified in life, I closed my eyes and allowed the darkness to swallow me whole.
Chapter 24
Tore
The pain on his sister’s face was unbearable. It distorted her features, consuming her beauty. She wasn’t saying anything, but Tore reached his hand out to let her know he’d be with her through this, just as he’d done in the past. Through bad break ups, the death of their parents, and even their own deaths, they’d always taken care of each other. He needed her to know that he was there to do it again, but he wasn’t sure if he was getting through to her, as she stared blankly ahead.
This was the moment he’d been dreading. She’d carried over so much pain and guilt when she died and continually punished herself for the accident. No matter how hard he tried, he could never get her to move beyond it. When Drake finally got his shit together and they made a go of it, Tore figured it’d be smooth sailing from there on out. He never should’ve dropped his guard. Olivia fell so hard for Drake there was no way it wasn’t going to end badly. Were they always destined to end up in this place? Did all paths lead here?
Olivia started speaking and, while Tore thought she was talking to him, she wasn’t looking at him. She was looking over his shoulder and it seemed as if she was talking to someone in the distance. The air in the room became stagnate, as she continued with the one-sided conversation. A shadow passed by the window, as if storm clouds were moving in but, when Tore looked up, the sun was still bright as ever in the sky. Without warning, there was a tremendous crash and he was thrown across the room. He slammed into the wall and then landed on his face with a heavy thud.
He tried to shake the stars from his vision. It took a few minutes for his bearings to return. His breathing was rough, since the wind had been knocked from his chest. He was sporting a nice, egg-shaped knot on the back of his head, which he rubbed absently, while asking no one in particular, “What the hell was that?”
No answer came, as he pushed himself up off the floor. He paused on his knees, as his vision started to dim. Once he was mostly sure he wasn’t going to pass out, he stood up. He took a few steps before clarity returned.
“Olivia?”
He ran to the sofa where she’d been seated, only moments before. Devon was a crumpled heap in the hall, only beginning to stir as Tore started ripping the living room apart. He pulled up the cushions, as if... somehow, she’d shrunk and was just hiding underneath, waiting for him to find her. It was a game of hide and seek, just like when they were kids. When he found her, and he would, she’d laugh and this would just be another of those weird days they’d joke about later.
He was insane with panic as he screamed her name and continued to get no response. Devon sat up. His legs were pulled up tight and he was holding his head in his hands, his back was against the wall.
What the hell was he doing? Tore wondered. “Devon, get off your ass and help me look for her.”
Devon’s face was tortured when he finally lifted his head, but Tore turned away, continuing his search. He pulled all the books off the shelves, dumping them on the floor, shaking the pages of each one, before casting it aside. He recklessly overturned knick-knacks and pulled up the area rug, but couldn’t find her.
Devon was on his feet and walking towards him. “Tore, stop.”
Tore didn’t listen, just continued searching. What if she was scared? He had to find her. He couldn’t leave her alone like that. He wouldn’t. Not again. She’d be counting on him to find her.
Devon’s hand grabbed his shoulder. “Tore.”
“I have to find her!” Tore turned and the look on Devon’s face drove the reality home. He opened his mouth to speak, but Tore stopped him. “Don’t say it. Don’t you dare fucking say it.”
Devon’s voice caught in his throat, but Tore heard him loud and clear. “She’s gone.”
...
The evening shadows slinked across the apartment. Devon left at some point, probably right after Tore told him to jump u
p his own ass and rot. The inevitability of what happened caused him to go berserk. He destroyed the apartment by punching holes in the walls, tearing the furniture apart, and smashing anything that came into his path.
Now, he sat in the shambles of what used to be their living room. His knuckles were split open and covered with drywall dust. He held a shattered picture frame, which contained a picture of his sister’s smiling face. They’d made it there in time, Devon and he. Shouldn’t that have been enough to stop yet another tragedy from taking place? Obviously, the answer had been no.
How long he actually sat there staring at that photograph, he couldn’t say. It seemed inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things. Then again, everything seemed inconsequential in the grand scheme of things that day. There was a knock on the door, but he didn’t move to answer it. He wasn’t in the mood to entertain. The knock came again but he continued to ignore it. Then the door opened, allowing a tiny sliver of light to shine down the hall.
“Tore, Olivia?”
“Get out of my house.”
The light expanded as Portia opened the door fully, doing the exact opposite of what he demanded. Even through the pale shadows, he could see her eyes were red and puffy. Just the mere sight of her was making him sick. To think, he had once believed he was in love with her. It was laughable. He knew now he could never truly love such a vile creature.
“What happened in here?” She wore a look of concern, as she tried to cross the room towards him.
“Stay where you are.”
“Are you all right?” She came closer still.
“Portia, so help me God, I will not be held responsible for the damage I’ll do to you if you take another single step in my direction.”
She stopped moving. “Tore, I really need to talk to her. Is she here?”
“She’s gone.”
“What, like... gone to Devon’s? Can I find her there?”
“No, you won’t find her at Devon’s. You won’t find her anywhere. You destroyed her.” She looked at him with confusion. “Don’t you get it? Olivia went into the Silence.”
The horror and shock on Portia’s face would have almost been believable, had Tore not known, only hours before, she had been in bed with his sister’s boyfriend. He had to give it to her—she was good. The tears rolling down her face as she screamed were a nice touch. It was a solid performance.
“Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be left alone to grieve for my sister without having to look at the person who took her away from me.”
“Tore...” She made to move toward him, but he was on his feet, charging her against the wall.
“I hope someday you’ll understand the price the rest of us had to pay for your selfishness. And when you do, I fucking hope it eats away at you, that day, every day thereafter, and for the rest of eternity.”
“Olivia was one of my best friends...” she cried.
“Don’t say her name,” he growled. “Never allow her name to cross your dirty lips ever again. Do you understand me?” He moved closer as she recoiled further. “Now, get the fuck out of my house.”
She slid along the wall until she reached the door, and opened it quickly. She took one final look back at him before disappearing. The wall earned a few more holes after she was gone.
Chapter 25
Devon
Devon dug through the cupboards, trying to find something to eat and, sadly, came up short. He hadn’t had a chance to get to the farmers market over the weekend so, unfortunately, the refrigerator and freezer were also bare. He stared into the empty space of the cupboard again, as if magically, new food appeared while he’d been rummaging through the icebox. No such luck. He really didn’t want to call for take out again. His arteries were already feeling greasy from the previous three times. If only I had some of those microwave meals, like the ones that Liv used to eat, he thought.
The wave of grief crashing over him was sudden. He’d yet to make it through an entire day without it happening. He missed her. He’d never lost anyone the way he’d lost her and there was no way to reconcile it. It had been an empty goodbye. How was he to move past it, knowing he wasn’t ever going to see her again? He supposed he had the rest of eternity to find a way, but it was little consolation.
There was a knock on the door, for which he was grateful to be yanked from the bittersweet memories. When he stuck his eye to the peephole, he saw a guy on the other side who looked vaguely familiar, but couldn’t quite place him. The other man was already speaking before he’d even opened the door all the way.
“Hey man. I don’t know if you remember me. My name is Zane. We met a while back, at Portia’s birthday thing.”
“Oh, yeah... Sure.” Devon had a five-minute conversation with the guy seven months ago, which he somewhat remembered. At least he thought he had. The details of that night, after he came back to the party from his talk with Liv, were a little fuzzy, thanks to his good buddy Jack Daniels.
“I apologize for the intrusion, but we need to talk. Mind if I...?” Zane motioned to be let in.
Devon was hesitant to allow him inside. He’d only met the guy once, after all. He sized him up and figured he could take Zane, if needs be. Opening the door wide, he granted Zane permission. Once inside, Zane took a long look around and let out a slow, appreciative whistle. Aside from stopping by to admire his bitchin’ bachelor pad, Devon couldn’t imagine why the hell this guy was now standing in the middle of his living room.
“Like to take a seat?”
“Sure, and you’ll probably wanna sit down for this as well.” Zane sat down in one of the wingback chairs. Devon gave him an odd look, but complied by sitting on the sofa. “I’m here to talk to you about Portia.”
Before Zane had the chance to utter another syllable, Devon was up and opening the door. “I’m sorry you wasted your time coming here. You can go.” Tore and Devon had avoided Portia like the plague, since the day... since that day. He had absolutely no interest in listening to anything her messenger boy had to say.
“You need to hear me out on this, all right?” Zane pleaded.
“The fuck I do. Did she send you here with hopes of getting back into my good graces?”
“No, she doesn’t even know I’m here. This is bigger than her and I’m here because I need your help.” Devon waited at the open door, but Zane was standing his ground. “This concerns Olivia too. I think I found a way to bring her back.”
“Do you know where she went? There is no “coming back”.”
“Please. Dude... Just sit and allow me to explain.”
Devon wanted to tell him to hit the bricks, but instead he slammed the door and took a seat. He was boiling, but his best friend was his weakness and, if there was a chance to bring her back, regardless of how small or impossible, he’d take it. To hell with repercussions. But if Zane was there to plead Portia’s case by using Olivia against him, he’d make him sorry such a manipulation ever crossed his mind.
Zane wasted no time getting into the thick of it, “All right. I haven’t seen Portia or Drake since everything went down in June. That is, until a few days ago, when I ran into her coming out of the bookstore. Naturally, she pretended not to see me. Thing is, we were dating when everything happened. It wasn’t anything exclusive, but serious enough that we weren’t sleeping with other people.”
“Or so you thought.” The jibe slipped out. Devon felt like an asshole for saying it, but it didn’t seem to faze Zane.
“Hold up, I’m getting to that part. When I found out she cheated on me, I was pissed off. However, in the following weeks, as my anger subsided and the more I thought about it, something about her side of the story didn’t add up. I tried calling her, but she never returned my messages. So, when I came face to face with her, day before yesterday, I finally got the chance to sit her down and rehash every gory detail.”
“Can you get to the point?”
“Damn, you’re impatient. You should learn to enjoy the finer details of
good story telling.” Devon hitched his jaw as Zane continued. “So, where was I? Oh yes, gory details. When she was done telling me what had happened, a few things were out of place.” He began to tick things off on his fingers. “First off, she said there’s a huge black hole where those memories should be. She doesn’t remember how or when she got to Drake’s. Second, she claims that she was never attracted to him. Never even thought of him in that sense before. Therefore, sleeping with him seemed like a strange choice. And lastly, she said she had a raging headache the rest of the day, which persisted into part of the next.”
“Okay, so? It sounds to me that she’s making up a bunch of shit to cover up her own guilty conscience. Are you saying you actually believe her?”
“Actually, I am. Let me tell ya why. Do you know what causes raging headaches, blackouts, and someone to do something out of the ordinary?”
“Yeah, it’s called tequila.”
Zane’s shoulders slumped. “No, not tequila... but, touché. I’m talking about something a little more mystical. A little more in the neighborhood of the dark arts. There are special circumstances when events such as these can happen. You’ve been around long enough to know what, or should I say whom, I’m referring.”
“Seriously, that’s what we’re going with?” Devon raised his eyebrows at Zane. “I assume you’re alluding to the Anguish Reapers? Well, that’s a really nice theory and all. Too bad it’s not possible. So, thanks for stopping by.”
Devon made to get up, but Zane stayed planted in his seat and held up a finger. “A theory? Yes. But not one that’s outside the scope of reality.”
Devon felt for him because the poor bastard was really grasping at straws. It couldn’t be easy to come to terms with your girlfriend bumping uglies with your mate, but this? This was just plain ridiculous.
Prayer for the Dead (Revenants in Purgatory) Page 19