by Nicole Vidal
“Thank you for the food.”
“You’re welcome.”
I move to the bags and start putting the food away while Jacob follows Connor to the door. Instead of guessing where the items go, I put away the perishables first.
Whatever they are talking about, it’s deep. From the looks of it, Connor has the upper hand in this conversation as Jacob scrubs his hands over his face.
I find a knife and start paring the strawberries into a bowl to pull my attention away from their discussion. Jacob will tell me if it pertains to me or if his plan requires me to do something or refrain from doing something.
“Thank you,” he says, reentering the kitchen.
“Of course. I didn’t know where to put the rest of that stuff,” I say, pointing to the items on the island. “Are you hungry? I need to eat soon.” I return to cutting the strawberries.
“I could eat.”
“I think there are ingredients for fettucine with pancetta, peas, and a cream sauce.”
“You cook like that for yourself?” His voice is laced with surprise.
“No, I don’t. Maybe once a month I cook a huge meal.”
“Do you have family meals?”
Faint recollection of some family dinners zip through my mind, dinners and holidays from long ago. Recent ones have been a bit better, but nothing compares to the meals my mom planned. I see why he asked.
Jacob’s strong arms surround me. I set the knife on the counter before gripping his forearms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
“It’s okay. Eight years is a long time. My siblings and I are working on hosting them. It just isn’t the same.”
“I imagine they wouldn’t be. Nothing would ever compare to the memories you hold in your heart.”
Dropping my hands, I twist in his arms and wrap my arms around his neck. I know my heart will break, but I’ll take the support and protection he’s offering right now just the same. His big hands hold me against his rock-hard chest. It will kill me to walk away when this is over.
Pulling back slightly, I press my lips to his. “Thank you.”
He places a kiss to my forehead. I repress a sigh. His actions and his words don’t match. We aren’t a couple, yet he touches me like we are even outside the bedroom. Inside, nothing has changed. He’s just taking care of me for now. “Let’s get started on the food.”
“Sure, but you’ll have to instruct me. My cooking skills are basic.”
As I pull out the ingredients for dinner, Jacob puts the strawberries away.
“Could you set some water to boil for the pasta and dice the pancetta?”
He fishes out a pot and fills it with water. After setting it on the stove, he searches for a cutting board and starts cutting. “Diced means small, right?”
I smile. “Yes.” It’s endearing when he admits he isn’t sure about something. He exudes confidence in almost everything he does. I make the cream sauce and wait for the pasta to cook. Once he finishes dicing, I set it in a pan to cook.
After plating dinner, we move to the sunroom. The snow outside is piling up. There is almost six inches so far.
“It’s peaceful here.”
“It is,” he replies softly.
He shovels a forkful of pasta into his mouth. He’s careful with his words and who he shares with. I understand; I’m not meant to be a confidant or secret keeper for him. I didn’t realize how much that bothered me until I had the opportunity to learn more about Jacob. Damn Kelly for being right.
“What are you thinking, gorgeous?”
Honesty will get you nothing right now, Norah!
“Wondering how I got here. I don’t mean literally. I had almost everything I’ve ever wanted in my life a week ago. Now, I feel… lost. I crave order, and right now, I have chaos.” High-paying job—check. Family and friends—check. A man in my life—sort of.
“I don’t know how or when this will be over, but you will come out of this. Is there anything I can do?”
“No, thanks. I’m sorry for disrupting your life.”
“This is my life, Norah. Well, it was when I was taking assignments. Now I give the assignments out, monitor each job, and travel for certain clients. I’m usually the one who delivers the supplies, or coordinates them at least.”
We finish our meal, chatting about nothing important. After cleaning the kitchen, we settle on the couch. Jacob stretches out, and I tuck myself against him to watch something, but the cable is out. Instead, I ask one of the questions pinging around in my brain.
“Will you tell me about tomorrow?” I feel him tense under me. “You don’t have to. You still have two passes. Well, one and a half at least. I would appreciate an answer to the nickname question at some point.”
Chapter 14
Jacob
Admitting what Escape means is heavy, almost as weighty as telling her about Mara. Since Connor isn’t here, talking to Norah couldn’t hurt. Well, it couldn’t hurt me. I don’t want to fill her head with awful images though.
“I will tell you, but understand, it isn’t pretty.”
“You don’t have to. Earlier you mentioned that the anniversary of something is tomorrow. I’ll just sit here with you if you prefer.”
“I don’t want you to move either way.”
She nods against my chest.
Taking a deep breath, I sort the memories in my head before speaking. “During our third deployment, Connor and I were in a convoy. Our vehicle had three other unit members. Carter was a young kid from Alabama. He was tall, lanky, and enlisted to get away from his controlling father. Jones was a huge, beefy linebacker of a man, who enlisted when he didn’t make it in the NFL. Adams was a third generation army legacy with a trust fund. He was assigned to the same unit where both his father and grandfather served. Put together, we were a motley crew of misfits.” I have only told this story one other time, and that was to a therapist that the army required me to see before retiring.
As if she senses this is going to get harder for me to say, Norah presses her lips to my forearm.
“We were heading into the city. As we approached the gate, a mortar attack took out the front of our convoy. We were the last vehicle. We moved forward to secure the area but started taking enemy fire. As we fell back, Adams was hit in the leg and chest. Connor dragged him back to the vehicle. Jones and Carter were firing back at the enemy while I radioed for help. After Connor got Adams into the vehicle, I turned to motion Jones and Carter to move. They were shot.” I close my eyes to push the images from the front of my mind. Adams bleeding out, calling for his girlfriend. Jones was motionless, and Carter was in agonizing pain.
Norah shifts her knees around my thighs as she wraps her arms around me.
When I open my eyes, she’s looking at me with a mixture of concern and pride. Not ready to address that look, I continue. “Connor and I left Adams in the vehicle and pulled Jones and Carter in. Connor took a defensive position while I maneuvered the vehicle out of harm’s way.” I take a deep breath and slowly exhale before telling the rest.
“We moved forward and pulled four other guys into our vehicle. After a short drive, we started taking more enemy fire. Connor took a round in the shoulder. We switched places, and he drove the rest of the way to safety. He and I were able to be patched up.”
“What happened to you?” Her voice cracks, but the look in her eyes hasn’t changed.
“I was shot in the arm.”
“The jagged scar on your left arm?” I nod, pulling her closer. “Is that why you were eerily calm this morning?”
“I’m glad it looked that way. Generally, I’m calm when things go sideways. This morning I wasn’t anywhere near calm.”
“Why?”
The more I admit, the harder this is going to be when she leaves. “You.”
“Me?”
I slide my hands on either side of her face but resist kissing her—just barely. “I’ve never been in a position to protect someone I care about. Protecting my br
others in the army is one thing, but protecting you is something else. The stakes are even higher, and failure isn’t an acceptable outcome.” It’s impossible for me to reconcile how I feel about her and my feelings against relationships. Don’t she and I have one even though we never said the words? I haven’t talked to, dated, slept with, or even fantasized about any woman but her for almost two years.
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m going to answer your other question now too.” I inhale and compose my thoughts. Hopefully, she won’t want to run out of here. “Connor is my best friend, and he knows me better than anyone else. I have flashbacks and sleep issues. I’ve had them since we redeployed. They increase as the anniversary gets closer or when some other memory triggers them. For the last few years, it has only been the anniversary that has caused problems.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“I’m getting there, sweetheart. Since the day I met you, the dreams and sleep issues have mostly dissipated. It makes no sense clinically, but for whatever reason, having you in my life, even occasionally, keeps my brain settled and calm. Connor started joking that I’m using you to escape from my demons.” It hurts to say that aloud. I don’t see the flashbacks as demons. I see them as reminders of the price of war. I see them as my penance for surviving. I brace myself for her reaction.
“Do you see me that way?” Her voice sounds strained.
“No, if I did, I would have chucked my ‘no relationship’ mantra out the window.”
“Why don’t you want to be in a relationship?”
“I can’t answer that right now.” I fully expect her to move away from me, but she doesn’t. If the situation was reversed, I don’t know how long I would be willing to wait for a straight answer.
“Will you answer me at some point?”
A heaviness descends on my chest as I strain to reply, “Yes.” Telling her about Mara will likely be the last thing I ever say to her. It’s best to wait until she’s safe.
Coward.
She’s studying my face; for what, I’m not sure. Without a word, she resettles against my chest.
“What do you normally do to remember Jones, Carter, and Adams?” she asks, looking up at me. Her shiny eyes make my heart clench in my chest. I don’t know which topic hurt her. It could be all of it. It could have been me.
“Connor and I usually have a beer and share a story or two. Why?”
“Just curious.”
Near two in the morning, I carry her to the guest room and set Tank at the end of the hall. Even though I should be fine, I opt for the couch.
Chapter 15
Norah
Waking alone isn’t an abnormal occurrence for me, even when Jacob and I see each other. This feels different. He chose to sleep away from me even after sharing about his unit and how I calm his mind. How I have that effect on him is beyond me, but I don’t understand his hesitance in telling me. His honest adherence against long-term relationships shows that he isn’t using me. Why he feels that way is a different story.
Turning into the hall, I find Tank standing watch. Padding up to him, I pet him on the head, and he dutifully follows me. I check the main floor of the house and outside. Snow is still falling, and there is over a foot already on the ground.
“Tank, where is he?”
Tank pushes his nose against my hand and starts to move. I follow, wondering where he’s leading me. I won’t leave the house, but Jacob is here somewhere. His faithful companion leads me down a hall on the opposite side of the house. Tank sits at the door. When I turn the knob and open the door, he rushes down a set of stairs and sits at the base.
As I descend, I hear the pounding of gloves on a heavy bag. Jacob is shirtless, dripping in sweat with his back to me. The taut lines and sinew of his back are mesmerizing to watch as he strikes the bag. The taper of his waist and his powerful legs equally draw my attention. I know better than to interrupt someone in the middle of a workout. I sit on the bottom step, and Tank lies over my feet.
The room is a full gym. Weight benches and nautilus machines line one wall with a mat area and a set of bands hanging on the wall as well as the bag. I imagine that Connor and Jacob spent hours down here during high school.
“Morning,” he says, turning to face me, removing his gloves. Holy hell! As if seeing his back wasn’t enough, post-workout Jacob is like a sculpture. I have painstakingly explored every glorious inch of him, but the ability to stare unabashedly is new.
“Morning. Did you sleep?” I ask as he moves closer to me.
“Some, why?”
“You didn’t sleep with me.” I stand on the lowest step, looking him in the eye. He drags his hand down his face. The expression left behind is hard to read. Apparently I can only read him when sex is involved. I know if it will be rough, tender, fast, or slow based on his demeanor. This side of him, I’m still learning to understand. The realization that I only know a portion of Jacob nicks me a bit. While he shared more last night, it isn’t everything. Whatever the reason he refuses to be in a relationship, scarred him deeply.
“I wasn’t sure how to handle your reaction or lack thereof. You’re truly not upset about the nickname?”
“Should I be?”
He shrugs.
“For starters, you didn’t create it. And isn’t it a good thing for the flashbacks to be manageable? Are you using me to chase away the awful memories in your head?”
“No.” His gruff response is definite and unwavering. Then there is a flicker of something else. Heartache and pain? The why of those feelings is unknown to me right now, but I have no reason to mistrust Jacob. He was honest from the beginning about what he was looking for with me. It’s on me that I want more now.
“I believe you.”
His shoulders visibly drop, and the tension in his jaw releases. “You’re truly a spectacular woman, Norah. More than I deserve to call my friend, let alone anything beyond friendship.”
“I feel the same way about you.” I reach out, placing my hand on his cheek.
“You would be wrong.” He closes his eyes as he finishes speaking.
“No, I’m not. I may not have all the pieces to the puzzle that make you you, but I’m an excellent judge of character. You, Jacob Blackthorne, are a direct, trustworthy, and honorable gentleman, even if you don’t see it yourself.”
When he opens his eyes, I see a glimpse of something that gives me hope that I’m not in this alone. The possibility of more when this is over. I lean forward, brushing my lips across his, expecting him to pull away. Instead, he deepens our kiss. I’m likely setting myself up for a devastating heartbreak, but right now, the chance of having a crushed heart over a life with him just tipped slightly to the good. I’m taking it.
When I open for him, he explores my mouth. As he pulls his tongue away, I follow, twisting mine with his. Running my fingertips over his back causes goose bumps on his heated skin. A primal look flashes in his eyes as he lifts my T-shirt overhead, revealing my bare breasts. Drawing his hands down my back, he hooks his thumbs in the waistband of my pants, peeling them down my thighs. After his fingertips graze the front of my legs, he lifts my thigh, hooking it around his hip and pressing his unmistakable arousal against me. Grinding against him, I could make myself come easily. His shaft rubs against my nub in perfect rhythm. He repeats the same commands he gave Tank the last time we were together. Tank moves to the top of the stairs.
“You need to stop if you want to make it to the bed.”
“Take me now. Right here,” I command. I’ve never really taken control before. It’s a heady feeling when my words elicit a low growl. He pushes his shorts and boxer briefs down, and his erection springs free, grazing my soaked core. Turning, he sets my back against the wall before thrusting deep into me in one hard, breathtaking motion. Reaching between us, I circle my nub as Jacob pounds into me. The coils of a release tighten low in my belly. Jacob reaches down and lifts
my other leg to his hip, opening me more. Setting my hands on his shoulders, I bear down, engulfing his shaft as he thrusts upward. I hold on to him tightly as he throbs inside me. As my inner walls constrict, I shudder around him, and he explodes.
Resting my forehead to his, I slowly catch my breath. Sex with Jacob has always been exceptional, but that was somehow more. Slowly, he turns away from the wall, lowering us to the landing of the staircase. As if I weigh nothing, Jacob sets me on the floor between his knees. I tug my shirt on and search for my pants while he does the same.
“Race you to the shower,” I challenge, cresting the top of the stairs next to Tank.
“You’ll only win if I let you,” he shouts from behind me.
“Never.” I chuckle, hustling down the hallway.
Chapter 16
Jacob
Norah beats me to the shower, but I gladly accept the loss, along with the orgasm she drew from me with her mouth. It’s one thing to share your body with someone regularly with no intention of longevity or attachment. It’s something else when she is as insatiable as you are. Even more so when it becomes something more intimate.
Over lunch, I share the most recent updates with her. “Blaine and Connor sent updates a little while ago.”
She pauses eating her sandwich.
“So far they haven’t attempted to use your credit cards or other personal information to access your financial accounts. According to Connor, the Morettis are still looking for you, but they’re also looking for Stanley and Delores Sterling.”
“Delores is Stan’s wife. She doesn’t work at the firm,” Norah offers.
“She did in the past. She was his secretary before she became his wife. They went into hiding after learning of the break-in at your townhouse.”
“Does he know something? Do you think he has the ledger?”
“We don’t know where the ledger is. You’ve never seen it?” I know I inquired before, but she was scared and coming off the injection.