She heard him light a lamp beside the bed. She could see the glow through her eyelids; she could smell the burning wick. She felt nothing but a chilling numbness.
"I know you're not asleep, so listen to me." He moved hurriedly about the room, dressing, packing things in a bag she knew lay at the foot of the bed. "I don't want to leave you like this, but we're moving at dawn."
He sat to pull on his boots and the bed groaned beneath his weight. "I made the bet, Cassie. It was stupid and I was drunk. But what passed between you and me was not for a wager's sake. I love you. I want you to be my wife, always. I would have loved you no matter who you were or where I'd found you." He took a deep breath. "I hope you're listening to me, Cassie O'Flynn. I love you, do you hear me?" He stared at her passive face. Her eyes were shut, her lips tightly compressed.
"You're stubborn, you know that? Irish blood, I suppose." He sighed heavily, pulling on his uniform coat. He didn't want to leave her, not like this. But he had to. The situation in New York was getting hotter by the day. General Washington needed additional troops and he needed them now.
Devon got up to go and sit beside her still form. He took a deep breath. "You have a right to be angry about the bet. I'm sorry. What else can I say?" He was silent for a moment, waiting for an answer. "The truth remains that I love you." he said at last. "And once you get over being mad, you'll accept that." This was so hard. . . . "Cassie, open your eyes. Look at me." When she made no response, he shook her. "Cassie." he said sharply.
Her eyes flew open, stormy and threatening, but she said nothing.
When he saw she was going to say nothing, he spoke flatly. "I have to go now. I'll write when I can. Get a furlough as soon as possible. You know where to get money when you need it. Be sure the boy I hired is paid. I don't want him overlooked." He grasped her shoulders. "Please don't do this to me, Cassie." He swallowed the lump in his throat
She averted her eyes, refusing to look at him. She hurt too much inside. I hope they blast you, she thought. / hope the English blow a hole clear through you, because if I can't have you, no one can.
Devon leaned over her, brushing his lips against her unyielding ones. She could smell the scent of his fresh hair; she could feel his warm breath on her cheek. Dear God, she thought. I might never see him again. But she couldn't bring herself to look at those dark stag eyes. All she could do was stare into the room, focusing on nothing.
"I love you." he whispered. "With all my heart."
Cassie closed her eyes. She felt him rise from the bed and start for the door. Then he stopped and came back. She felt something drop onto the bed and heard the mew of her kitten. "I love you." he murmured, and then he was gone.
Chapter Thirteen
"Come, Cassie, it's time you got yourself out of bed. You know Devon wouldn't want this." Judith flung open the curtains, letting the bright morning sun flood into Cassie's dim bedchamber. "He's going to be all right. You must go on with your life. My Charles is gone, too. I know how empty you feel."
The Irish girl shook her head dismally. "That's not it." she murmured, drawing the bedsheets up to block the sun.
"So you had a little tiff." Judith shrugged, walking to the bed. "Haven't we all? But that's no excuse to lie here in the bed. It's been three days, now get yourself up and dressed. I have a Ladies' Patriot meeting to attend and you're going with me. You have a duty to your husband to do all you can for him and his men while he's on the front."
Cassie heaved a sigh. The truth was, she was bored. The first day Devon had been gone she'd cried all day; she'd cried until she was dry. She wished she'd never met him, she wished she'd never left England. She hated Devon Marsh with all her heart. By the second day she was already beginning to miss him. She began to wonder if perhaps what Devon had said had been the truth. It was a cruel thing for a man to bet a woman's virtue on a horse, but then men had done more foolish things! And he was right—marriage had been his idea. Cassie peered dejectedly out the window. This time yesterday she had already been wishing she could call him back, just to say she was sorry for the things she'd said. He'd said he was sorry. He'd said he loved her. What else did she expect from him? He'd said she had to remain at Marshview because this was where she was safe. He'd said he wasn't abandoning her—his new country was calling him. Devon wasn't a lying man. He was only doing what he thought best, right or wrong in her eyes. . . .
"Cassie, are you listening to me?"
Cassie was startled from her reverie to see Judith leaning over her. "Suppose you're right." she answered, pushing the bedsheets back. '"Tis time I got up."
"Now that's better!" Judith smiled. She was genuinely concerned for her sister-in-law's welfare. Mary had said such cruel things about her. About how she had forced Devon to marry her.
Cassie slid her bare feet to the floor and stood up, stretching. Running a hand through her dirty, tangled hair, she went to the window and stared out at the fields. It felt good to be on her feet again. "Could you send someone up with bath water?" She turned to smile at Devon's sister. "I think I will go with you, if you're still inviting."
"Of course I want you to come. It will be nice to have someone there to talk to who's got a little sense. We'll be knitting woolen stockings for the regiment." Her hand on the doorknob, Judith spun back around. "Oh! I almost forgot! You haven't heard the latest on Lady Anne."
"Well, do tell." Cassie bit her lip to keep from smiling. She'd been so pleased to hear it when Mary had informed her that Anne was missing, that she'd never returned home after her visit with Cassie that day. Mary swore Cassie knew something about her disappearance, but Cassie had refused to speak, no matter how hard Mary badgered her.
Judith went to the window. "They think Lady Anne's been found! Word is that she wasn't kidnapped by British spies."
"British spies!" Cassie echoed. "No!"
Judith's eyes grew round with excitement. "No." She shook her head. "Word is, she was seen going into a tavern in Chestertown—with that merchant! Can you believe it? You know she's been forbidden to ever see him again: That's why both fathers were in such a hurry to get her married off to Devon." She pressed a palm against her cheek. "Well, Anne's father is swearing that she had better have been kidnapped or he's disowning her! He says, better to have been a victim than to have gone off with some man, dishonoring the entire family."
Cassie broke into a grin. She'd done it! Anne had gotten the nerve and married him! At least someone was happy. She met Judith with amused eyes. "Who saw them together? Someone reliable, I hope."
"Sally Morton's brother . . ." Judith's eyes narrowed. "Mary swore you knew something of Lady Anne's disappearance. She was downstairs the other night insisting you be questioned!" She tugged on her bottom lip. "And if I didn't know better, I'd say Mary was right for once."
Cassie just smiled, turning away. "She was supposed to be in love with him, wasn't she? Maybe they eloped. War does funny things to people. It makes them realize they have to accept what's given and be thankful." She stared out the window thoughtfully. "It makes people forget their differences and cleave together."
"Well, I'm sure Lady Anne will be all the gossip at my Ladies' meeting." Judith said, going to the door. "Maybe there'll be fresh news. We might even hear where the Delaware Regiment is. They are supposed to be moving into New York. Now you hurry and bathe and dress. I'll wait for you!"
Cassie heard the door close with a click. Judith was right. She needed to get out. Maybe some fresh air would clear her mind. Feeling her kitten claw at the hem of her gown, she leaned to scoop him up in her hand. Cuddling the tabby beneath her chin, she ran a hand over its fluffy fur, listening to its purr of contentment. "Must be nice." she murmured to the kitten. "A life as easy as this. Folk feeding you, loving you, keeping you warm an safe." Moses mewed in response. "We people, we've got to out and find our happiness . . ."
Devon cleared his throat. "Lieutenant Marsh. Permission to enter, Colonel Haslet, sir."
"Come in, Lieutenant Mar
sh." the colonel called from within his tent.
Devon ducked, stepping inside the tent, and stood at attention. The colonel was seated at a makeshift desk, studying a series of maps. "You needed to see me?" The colonel looked up, nodding. "At ease."
Devon relaxed slightly. "Colonel, I need a furlough." It seemed so strange to be addressing John like this. The two of them had been friends in Dover. They had spent many an hour seated at the same table during the last two years, discussing the fate of the Colonies they both loved so dearly.
"A furlough? You've been on furlough." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant. You see them out there. More frigates and bomb ketches than we can count. They're going to move soon. They can't sit on Staten Island forever." He shook his head wearily. "Lord Stirling has given orders. No man moves until we see this through."
"It's my wife. I need to see her. I can ride there and back in no time." Devon didn't like having to ask for such a thing, but he had to. He had to see Cassie. He had to make her understand.
The colonel got up from his camp stool. "I know you were just married, Devon." He eyed his tall lieutenant. "I'm sorry. I have my orders." He reached out to touch the sleeve of his young officer's starched coat. "I'll grant you a furlough as soon as Manhattan is decided. Win or lose."
Devon shook his head slowly. "Do you think we can do it?"
Colonel Haslet crossed his arms over his chest. "There's a lot of congressional pressure to hold Manhattan. Between you and me, my thought is we've got ourselves into a hell of a mess with our army divided like this by the East River." He exhaled sharply. "Do our best though, won't we, son?"
"That we will." Devon nodded, giving a sharp salute. "Thank you for your time."
The colonel returned the salute, dismissing him. "I'm sorry about the furlough, Devon, but it can't be helped. I know you wouldn't ask if it was not important."
"I'll work it out, sir. Good night."
"What did he say?" Mordecai stepped out from behind the tent the moment Devon appeared.
"What I thought he'd say. My request has been denied." Devon started across the camp, his stride long and furious. "Damn it! What am I going to do now?"
"Write her a letter." Mordecai offered, trying to keep up. "You said she reads."
"Yes, she reads." Devon said hotly. "But it's not the same. I shouldn't have left before I made her understand." He spun around, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. "I've really made a mess of this."
Mordecai scratched his stubbly chin. "Just give her some time. She'll come around. You said she's in love with you."
Devon leaned against a tall pine, his arms crossed over his chest. "No. Not Cassie. She doesn't forget. She'll not forgive me for being such an ass. I'm afraid I'm going to lose her, Mordecai." He stared up at the stars just beginning to glimmer in the night sky.
Mordecai studied his friend, seeing him suddenly in a new light. "You love this Irish wench, don't you?" His voice was a mixture of shock and envy.
"I told you I loved her, didn't I?"
"Yea, but . . ." Mordecai shook his head, pacing a grass patch of earth in front of the tree.". . . I didn't realize you meant you loved her. I thought you meant you were infatuated. . . she amused yo u. . . she put a twinkle in your eye . . ." He brushed a long lock of sandy-brown hair off his forehead. "Now I feel like an ass. This is all my fault to begin with."
"No." Devon cracked the knuckles in his hand. "I made the bet, then I fell for her. I should have told her about it right away." He pushed off from the tree and started down the path again. There were fires burning here and there, men already stretched out on the ground asleep on their saddle rolls. "She's different, Mordecai. She wasn't raised like our women. She expects honesty, equality. She demands it. She trusted me with her love and I betrayed her."
Mordecai hurried to catch up with his friend. "Don't be so hard on yourself. If she loves you, she'll wait for you. If you get home and she's gone, she wasn't worth salt. She'll have run out on you."
Devon came to his bedroll on the ground in the clearing and pulled off his coat. "I don't know, Mordecai. Since she came into my life, nothing makes sense, nothing is easy anymore, yet, yet . . ." He sighed. "It's so hard to explain. Nothing is simple anymore, yet I see everything more clearly." He stared up at Mordecai with troubled dark eyes. "Do you know what I mean?"
"'Fraid not, old friend." He laughed. "I haven't been bit yet!"
Later, long after the other men were asleep, Devon lay on his back on the ground staring up at the bright stars above. He knew he had to get ahold of himself. A soldier, with his mind on anything but the enemy, was a dead soldier. He had seen the never-ending lines of scarlet and blue uniforms on the other shores. He knew the Continental Army was outnumbered. He owed his men his full attention. He owed it to Colonel Haslet, to General Washington, to the Continental Congress back in Philadelphia. He had to push his differences with Cassie aside and hope for the best.
Still, sleep didn't come easily. He was plagued by images of a tall Irish lass with heavy red tresses and haunting green eyes.
Cassie urged the bay beneath her into a canter and swung out of the lane and down the road. She'd received a message from Lady Anne this morning asking that she come to see her. She had returned to Dover a wedded woman and was living in her husband's home.
Cassie rode hard, letting the wind rip at her hair. It felt good to be out in the air again; it felt good to be thinking of someone else other than herself. The Ladies' Patriot Society meeting, earlier in the week, had been buzzing with news of Anne and her scandalous elopement. The women had talked more of Anne than they had of the war. No one seemed to take seriously the fact that a flotilla lay in wait for their soldiers in the New York Harbor.
Cassie laughed aloud. Women were funny creatures! Their husbands and sons were on the front giving their lives in the hopes of making a better life for their families and all these women could think about was who might have breached some silly rule of protocol!
Following Anne's directions, Cassie urged her steed forward, taking a long lane leading through the woods. In a clearing ahead, she spotted a small cabin. By the time she reached it, Anne was coming out the door.
"I'm so happy you could come." she called, smiling.
Cassie swung easily from the saddle and threw her arms around Anne. "Congratulations, Lady Anne. I wish you happiness."
"No longer Lady Anne." She blushed. "Just Mistress Carter."
Cassie released Anne and tugged at the horse's reins, leading him to a hitching post. "So, what does it matter, as long as you're happy?" She tied the horse up and followed her into the cabin.
"Sit down." Anne offered one of the two wooden chairs pulled up to a pine table. "Have a cookie. I've no lemons for lemonade, but I do have cold water."
Cassie accepted two cookies from the plate. "Water would be fine." She watched Anne move about the room. She was dressed in a fresh paisley morning dress, her cheeks bright, her eyes sparkling. Cassie wondered if this was what she looked like when she was with Devon. Did she look this happy?
"I wanted to thank you for helping me." Anne took a seat across from her, handing her a tankard of cool water from the well. "I'd never have had the courage without your kind words."
"Fiddlesticks! You'd have come to your senses." Cassie took a bite of the sweet molasses cookie, licking the crumbs from her fingertips. "Did you have a good time in Chestertown?"
The color of Anne's cheeks deepened until they were as red as two ripe apples. "It was wonderful." The smile fell from her face. "Of course, you've heard that Father says he's disowned me. He won't let me in the house. Sent my clothes in a wagon."
Cassie reached across the table to take her hand. "He'll come around, give him time. You're his only child."
Anne shook her head. "I think not. Father belongs to the old world. He doesn't think a woman has sense enough to choose her own husband. He doesn't believe in love." she added sadly.
"Then he's a fool!" Cassie rea
ched for another cookie on the table. "Your house is very pretty." She studied the one-room cabin, its whitewashed walls fresh and welcoming. It was furnished sparsely with a side table and a large bedstead; in front of the fireplace a hooded cradle stood empty.
"Thank you. John has offered to buy a house in town, but I like it here." She gazed around the room, her eyes shining with pride. "A good place to raise children, I think." Anne reached out to squeeze her hand. "I heard our regiment left for Long Island. I'm sorry you and Devon didn't have more time together."
Cassie rolled her eyes. "You don't know the half of it, Anne." Suddenly she sounded very tired. "I've made a mess of things. I didn't even say good-bye." She looked away, blinking back the moisture that filled her green eyes. "I miss him so badly. I just want to tell him I'm sorry. I want to start all over again, just like he asked."
"Well, I don't know what's wrong between you, but if you want my opinion, you should do all you can to make it right." Anne got to her feet "You taught me how important it is to follow your heart." She laid a hand on Cassie's shoulder. "So follow your own advice."
Cassie turned to face her friend. "What am I to do now?" She motioned helplessly with a hand. "He's gone. I don't know when he'll be back." Her eyes met Anne's. "He might not ever be back."
"Write to him." Anne offered.
"No. It's not the same. What's between us is more than a few words flung in anger." She exhaled heavily. "It's so hard, me bein' what I am."
"And what are you? A good person. Smart, honest, a good friend."
"I don't fit in with his family. Now that he's gone, I'm ignored like one of the servants." Cassie moved to stare out the window at the small vegetable garden beside the house. "You know what I'm most afraid of, Anne?"
"That he'll be killed?"
"No." Cassie shook her head. "That I can live with. What I'm most afraid of is that by the time he comes back, there'll be nothing left between us. Right now, we've got that spark." She clenched her fist. "But a year from now, two, three . . . we'll be strangers." She reached to pull her befeathered riding hat from her head. "Marrying so fast like we did, we don't know each other. Love isn't all it takes to live with someone for the rest of your life." She turned away from the window. "Do you know what I mean?"
The Officer's Desire Page 14