Yutani laughed. “Well, I appreciate that. Not everybody does. But I suppose eventually you’ll ferret out my secrets, and I’ll find yours. Those you have left, that is,” he said with a sly smile. “I’m very good at finding out information.”
There was something about the way he said it that made me shiver—and I wasn’t sure whether it was a good shiver or a bad shiver.
“What secrets of mine have you uncovered?” I flickered a glance his way.
“Oh, enough. But they’re all safe with me.”
Frowning, I wondered what the hell he was talking about. As abruptly as he had confided in me, now it felt like he was playing some sort of game. And I didn’t like head games and wouldn’t feed into them. I turned my attention back to the road as I guided us into a parking spot in front of the building.
Before I stepped out of the car, I turned to him. “Look. If you’re aiming to get a rise out of me, then I suggest you find another route. I don’t play head games, and I won’t let anyone else play them on me. So whatever you know about me, fine. Tell me, or don’t. But I’m not going to freak out and beg you to keep quiet over whatever it is you think you know. My life is pretty much an open book, so whatever you dig up? Good for you.”
I held his gaze. Among canine shifters—including wolf and coyote—that was a challenge.
Yutani grunted, returning my stare, but then he got out of the car and headed up the steps toward the office without another word. I glanced at the car clock. It was almost five-thirty, so I texted Angel to meet me when she was ready, and stayed out front.
We were on the way home before I told her what Yutani had said. “I wanted to backhand him right then and there. I don’t like people trying to mess with my head.”
“He’s an odd one, all right.” She puttered with the heater, turning it up. “How did it go with Amanda?”
I told her what we had found out. “Tell me something. You talked to her. What’s your take on her? Is she telling us the truth? Is she hiding anything?”
Angel shook her head. “I don’t think she’s hiding anything other than shame over the booze. When she came out of the elevator, the wave of sadness and loss that came in with her almost drowned my senses. She had nothing to do with her daughter’s disappearance, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m sure of it.”
That set me at ease. I didn’t like the direction my thoughts had been going. I decided it was time to change the subject.
“Did Raven contact you?”
“About dinner on Saturday? I told her sure.”
“Good. I think we could use a girls’ night out.” I flipped on the turn signal, looking for a break in the traffic to our right so I could change lanes. Finally, I saw a narrow opening and eased the car over, wedging my way into it. A moment later and we were at the turnoff into Big Ben’s Burgers. As I pulled into the drive-thru lane, I held out my hand.
“My wallet, please? And what do you want?”
Angel laughed, digging through her purse. “My turn to pay. You paid for dinner the other night at Hunan Garden. Here,” she said, handing me a twenty. “I want a Big Burger Combo meal, Hawaiian style, and a lime shake.”
“Fries, tots, or jojos?”
“Jojos, please. Spicy flavor.” Angel loved the spiced potato wedges.
I moved ahead to the ordering screen. As I rolled down my window, the cashier’s voice came out through the static.
“Welcome to Big Ben’s Burgers. May I have your order please?”
“Two Big Burger combos, one Hawaiian style, and one Pizza Burger with extra cheese. We’d like an order of jojos with the Hawaiian burger, and an order of curly fries with the Pizza Burger. We also want two biggy-piggy lime shakes.”
The biggy-piggy shake was pretty much the size of two milkshakes. For some reason, Big Ben’s Burgers always ran a limited special on lime milkshakes from mid-October till the end of the month. They were neon green, tart and sweet at the same time, and Angel and I had made it a tradition every year to fill up on them for a couple of days.
Angel handed me the cash and I paid for our food. Handing the bags to Angel, I pulled out again. After a quick stop for cat food for Mr. Rumblebutt, we headed home.
Our house—my house, rather, though I always thought of it as ours—was on 36th Avenue, across from Discovery Park. It had been a murder house, but we had cleared out the spirits who had been lingering. Now, it was just a lovely little house, complete with enough upgrades to make it feel newish, on a double lot. We had left the paintjob on the outside. It was new enough to still be tidy, and a pretty navy blue with white trim. But inside, we had repainted every room.
I parked in front of Angel’s car, wishing we had a garage. Carrying our food, we entered through the front door. To our right, the hall led to the kitchen. The hallway had a powder room on the left, beneath the stairs, and an office off to the right. Parallel to the inner hallway wall, the staircase led to the upstairs, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Straight ahead was the arch leading into the living room.
Angel carried the food into the living room and I followed. An opening at the other end of the living room also led into the kitchen, and Mr. Rumblebutt was lying right across the archway, stretched out on his back with his feet in the air. He let out a purp when we entered the room, and I laughed.
“Yo, Mr. R., silly boy. Were you waiting for us, or just having fun in the…well, no sun, but…” I leaned down and scooped him up into my arms. His fur was so long that my hand disappeared as I cuddled him to me. He began to purr as I rubbed my nose against his side. “I love you, you silly little booger.”
Angel snorted. “He’s got you snowed, girl. He’s a cagey one, aren’t you, Mr. Rumblebutt?”
He sneezed and shook his head, his ears tickling my face. Then, with a glance at Angel and then back to me, he squirmed out of my arms and ran into the kitchen.
“I guess it’s dinner time in the cat world.” I followed him through the arch into the kitchen. As I flipped on the lights, for a second I almost thought I saw my grandfather standing there, but then, the shadow was gone. Shuddering, I tried to brush away the memory of killing him, but it had been only a few weeks back, and it wasn’t all that easy to stop the images of his body lying on the floor from flickering through my thoughts.
Angel passed by me, clapping me on the shoulder. “Stop thinking about it,” she whispered. “You had no choice. It was self-defense.” She handed me two plates and then rummaged in the drawer for silverware.
“You always can read me,” I said. “Plates, for burgers and fries?”
“Regardless of what we’re eating, we deserve plates and silverware and napkins. Mama J. always told me, treat yourself like royalty and others will treat you accordingly.” She paused, then added, “Girl, let me tell you something. You didn’t murder him. Yes, you killed him, but murder’s an ugly word and you had no intention of harming him until he showed up here, trying to hurt you. It was self-defense, no matter what method you used.”
I nodded, trying to hold on to that thought. “I know, but it just keeps playing over and over in my head. And it didn’t help that I took Saílle’s damned check. I feel like it was blood money. That she paid me for assassinating him.”
“No again, girl. She paid you to keep you from making a fuss about him coming here to harm you. He was a member of her court, and placed fairly highly. He didn’t do any favors to her by deciding to flip out and use you for a guinea pig, and she knows it. You could have demanded much more than you accepted from her and she would have paid it.”
I slowly nodded. I knew she was speaking the truth, but the fact was, I still felt like Saílle had bought me off. That she had paid me blood money because I killed him and took care of a budding problem in her court.
“Well, he inadvertently paid off a sizable chunk of my house loan. Okay.” A shiver ran up my back. “I want to stop talking about him for now.” My phone rang, and I set the plates on the coffee table in the living room as I ans
wered it.
Marilee was on the phone. She was my mentor, guiding me as I approached the Cruharach—the stage in every Fae’s life when they came of age. The ritual was paramount. Whether I was prepared or not, I would enter the rite of passage. But go in unprepared and there was a good chance I wouldn’t come out of it sane. Or worse yet, I’d die. I had no clue what I’d be facing, but Marilee had been training me for eight weeks.
“Ember? I wanted to talk to you about our Saturday meeting.”
“I needed to talk to you about changing Saturday’s time as well,” I said. “I promised Raven I’d come to dinner and it’s likely to run late.”
Marilee paused, then said, “That’s fine. I was going to cancel Saturday, anyway. You need a couple of days between the last session and the Cruharach, and on Samhain Eve, the night of the thirty-first, you will enter the Cruharach. You’ll either pass through by morning, or…” Her voice trailed off. I didn’t have to ask what she meant.
“So, this is it. Next Monday, then?” My stomach felt full of butterflies, and I stared at my feet, unsure what to say.
“Yes, so Wednesday night is your last chance to train with me.” She paused, then added, “I trust you. I trust in your abilities. And once the Cruharach is over, you’ll be free of that worry forever.”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “If I live. And if I do pass through, will I still be me?”
“Trust, Ember. Trust in the process. Trust in yourself. Trust in me.”
As I punched the end button, Angel joined me and arranged the food on the coffee table.
“That was Marilee? I heard something about the Cruharach.”
“Yeah, it was Marilee. The ritual is set for Samhain Eve.” I turned to Angel, so nervous I wanted to throw up. “What if I fail? What if I don’t make it through?”
“You will. You’ll do fine, Ember. You’ve been trained by the best, right?”
“Right.”
“Morgana chose your trainer for you, correct?”
Again, I nodded.
“Then trust Morgana. She’s not going to let you down. And before you say it, you’re not going to let yourself down either. Don’t ask me how, I just know.” She poked her finger at the food waiting on the plates. “Let’s eat before it gets cold. Where’s the remote?”
I handed it to her, folding my legs beneath me as I curled on the sofa and bit into my burger. It was delicious, as was the lime shake, but I could barely taste either one. Regardless of what Angel said, there was always a chance that the ritual would fail.
Angel turned on the TV and tuned into channel 1450—Channel Q—the Quirk Channel. As Rudding Place Northwest flickered onto the screen, I did my best to lose myself in the garish and flamboyant show, but try as I might, the story failed to suck me in, and all I could think was, What’s the ritual going to be like, and Will I measure up?
Morning came far too early, and I woke with the dawn. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but Mr. Rumblebutt had other plans. He snuck up near my face and pounced on my nose, claws retracted, but nevertheless, it was a shock to find my mouth full of cat fluff. I sputtered and he flopped over on his side next to me, spreading his legs. I rubbed his belly and he squirmed around like he was high on catnip.
“You doofus. It’s barely six.”
I normally didn’t rise till seven, but now that I was awake I took a quick shower and dressed in a pair of dark jeans, a periwinkle cold-shoulder top with lace sleeves, and a pair of knee-high lace-up boots. After tying them, I put on my makeup and gathered my hair into a high ponytail. Heading downstairs, I stopped to feed Mr. Rumblebutt before I slid on my leather jacket, then headed into our side yard. It was six-thirty, and I decided that some time in the garden would calm my mind.
The morning was colder than I expected, and a trail of frost glazed the grass, weaving a lace web to cover the yard. Everything seemed clear and clean, as though the frost had spread its magic across the city. I glanced into the sky. The clouds were tinged with silver, reminding me of snow-weather, though there hadn’t been any forecasts predicting it.
I opened the gate leading into the extra lot that we called our side yard and stared at the barren soil. We had managed to clear through the overgrown gardens, rooting out the dead plants, dividing the bulbs and replanting them, pruning the overgrown roses and hydrangeas, trimming the lilacs and rhododendrons. We had called in an arborist to check the health of the massive cedars and firs that covered the lot, and he had pronounced them all thriving, though they needed a good pruning, which we had hired his company to do.
Now, the beds were ready for spring, and Angel and I were planning out what we wanted to do. I wanted an herb garden, and Angel wanted a kitchen garden and a pumpkin patch, and we wanted to expand the roses. But we were still designing out the beds and plotting out where we wanted them.
As I sat on the bench near the roses, bracing myself against the chill, there was a loud cawing overhead. I glanced up at the bevy of crows that were swooping in to land on the bare branches. Reaching up to my throat, I touched the crow pendant that hung around my neck. It had been a gift from Morgana, marking me as hers. She had taken me under her wing, like she had taken my mother, and I was pledged to her service as well as to Cernunnos.
One of the larger crows—not a raven, though close in size—hopped forward to stand near my feet. He stared at me with his piercing gaze as a cold gust blew past, chilling me. I could feel Morgana nearby. I glanced around but didn’t see her anywhere.
Are you here? I asked silently, reaching out for her. What do you want me to know?
I had no sooner than formed the questions in my mind than I found myself sliding into trance. I could barely hold my eyes open, and I couldn’t move. I struggled to stand, but fell back on the bench and finally, remembering Marilee’s words about trusting in the process, I let myself go, sliding into the abyss that opened up before me.
I was standing on the edge of a long shore in the dark, with the moon high overhead. The water was foaming against the sand, and every incoming wave swept in a thousand sparkles to light the beach. The twinkling lights were blue and green, and they burned brightly in the darkness, swirling in the water. Mesmerized, I moved forward.
As I approached the edge of the ocean, a massive wave rose up. On it stood Morgana, her arms wide as she stepped out of the water and onto the shore. She seemed so much taller than normal. She was in her true form, unmasked. Her hair caught up in a web of silver moon drops that held the coil of curls back from her face, she tilted her head, a feral smile on her face.
“I have one last piece of advice for you, before you enter the Cruharach. Quit trying to outguess the future. Quit pitting the two sides of yourself against one another. Both make you who you are, and you must let them settle the battle for dominance.”
Her words echoed around me, ricocheting off stone and wave alike. They settled in the pit of my stomach as I understood what she was saying. I had been rooting for the Autumn Stalker side of me to reign supreme because I was so afraid of my Leannan Sidhe heritage. When my mother’s blood rose to protect me, I had drained the life force out of my grandfather, and the fury and joy I had felt during the act terrified me. I kept thinking, what if that side came out on top? The Autumn’s Bane stalkers were just as dangerous but more reasonable.
“Your mother found a way to keep her nature in check. If that is to be your path, trust that you, too, will decipher your way through the labyrinth.” She paused, holding my gaze. “Answer me this: Do you trust me?”
I caught my breath. “Of course I do, My Lady. I trust you with all my heart.”
“Then trust me when I tell you that you will emerge through the Cruharach exactly as you are destined to. Go in with no preconceptions or you will taint the ritual. In your words, don’t try to rig the results.”
The sparkling water splashed around my feet now, and I could feel the innate magic within the faerie fire that marked everything it touched.
I lowered my
head. “As you will, Lady. I will step out of my own way.”
“Best you do, or you’ll find your journey through the ritual a difficult and terrifying one, and I will not vouch for your success.” With that, she began to withdraw.
“Lady! Wait—”
She turned around. “Yes?”
“Am I ready? Have I learned enough?” The fear in my heart rose up again, overwhelming me. I tried to shake it off, but found it hard to let go. I hated situations I couldn’t control, and this was about as far outside my wheelhouse as I had ever faced.
Morgana held my gaze. She shook her head. “Oh child. I ask once more, Do you trust me?”
I searched within my heart, finally raising my head. “I trust you, Lady, but I’m finding it hard to trust myself.”
“To trust me is to trust yourself. I believe in you, Ember, and I never place my belief lightly. From where comes your doubt? Who told you that you weren’t good enough? And don’t play the blame game. Saílle and Névé are irrelevant to this situation.”
I paused, trying to formulate an answer to her question. And then, I found it, that worm of niggling doubt skulking in my heart.
“I couldn’t stop my parents’ deaths. I wasn’t strong enough to stop them. If I can’t protect my loved ones, how can I protect myself?”
Morgana began to laugh, her laughter resounding on the wind.
“Oh blessed child, we can never protect anyone one hundred percent. You cannot conquer death, and you cannot conquer destiny. You must accept your vulnerability in order to embrace your strengths. For only then will you have a true vision of your abilities. Only then can you make clear choices and decisions. Surrender yourself to a universe filled with events outside your control. Haven’t you yet realized that the gods to whom you are pledged are chaos incarnate?”
She began to dance on the shore, swaying as a drumbeat rose up in the distance.
“The Lord of the Forest is wild and feral, and he will run you down in the forest, and drag you with him on the most magical and ancient Hallowed Hunt. Your boyfriend embodies unchained passion, and he will dance you into the faerie ring and ravish you until you can think no more, but merely feel the rhythm as your bodies meet. And I? I am the soul of ecstatic magic. With me, you lose yourself in the dance as we journey along the web of life. You live in chaos, Ember. You live on a planet hurtling through space, around a star in a spiraling galaxy, in the corner of the universe. You control none of this.”
The Hallowed Hunt: A Wild Hunt Novel, Book 5 Page 5