“Shhh, it’s okay, you just let it all out. I’m here, darlin’, I’m here.” I murmur to her continuously, trying to soothe her the best that I can. Finally, she begins to calm a bit, but I know it’s simply from the exhaustion of the rollercoaster of emotions that she’s just been hit with. Vivian has taken Melanie to rest in her room, as she is exhausted as well.
“Shhh, it’s okay Kassidy. Come lie down for a little bit,” I say as I guide her gently toward the bed. As I ease her down onto the pillow and cover her with the blanket, she suddenly grabs my arm.
“Don’t leave me,” she begs, sounding so much like a frightened child that it breaks my heart. “Please don’t go.”
As I lay down beside her, she instantly clings to me, terrified that I’ll slip away while she’s sleeping. Her head on my chest, I stroke her hair, lulling her into blessed sleep at last.
Nothing but God could make me leave this girl tonight. I will be there for her, no matter what. She is gonna be going through hell for a while to come, and I’m not about to let her go through it alone.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kassidy
The next few days go by in a blur. If it hadn’t been for Miss Vivian, I wouldn’t have known what I was doin’. Unfortunately, she knows funerals all too well, seeing as how she lost her husband, Melanie’s daddy, about ten years ago. Lukas has been right by my side since the awful night that I finally accepted the truth, and I will never forget that. He is the most amazing friend a girl could ever ask for. And the love and care that Melanie and Miss Vivian have shown is above and beyond anything I’ve ever known, aside from the love of my sweet Mama. They are all family in my eyes. Speaking of family, I will eternally be indebted to Lukas for contacting mine, saving me from having to do so.
Daddy and Shelley arrived day before yesterday, and Uncle Tommy came later that same day. They are all staying at the Ramada until they head back home day after tomorrow.
As much as my heart hurts, I am still so excited that Uncle Tommy is here – my Daddy and Shelley, not so much. I have done everything that I can to avoid them since they arrived, but the funeral is gonna be a time to show family unity, fake as it might be.
The evening that Uncle Tommy flew in, I pulled him aside, away from all the neighbors who are milling around the Shepherd home, offering condolences and casseroles.
“Hey, sugar. You okay? What’s up?” Uncle Tommy asks, concern in his voice.
“Can we get outta here and take a ride? There’s something I need to do.”
“Sure darlin’, anything for you.”
Lord how I’ve missed my Uncle. He was the one bright spot for Mama and me during the time of the divorce. I was fine being without my piece of crap father, but poor Mama was a wreck. She had taken to staying in her room, and most nights I’d hear her softly sobbing, crying herself to sleep. This broke my heart, and while Uncle Tommy tried to comfort her, she basically just shut him out. That’s when he started taking me to hang out with him at Joe’s after hours. At the tender age of twelve, I not only learned about the destruction that infidelity wreaked upon a marriage, I became the youngest pool shark in Westerburg County.
As Uncle Tommy got into the driver’s seat, he asks, “So, where to, ma’am?” sounding a lot like what I imagined that an Uber driver would – although I wouldn’t know. We don’t have those modern conveniences around here.
“To Mama’s house,” I say darkly. “There’s somethin’ I need to do.”
“You sure you wanna do that? Listen, Kassidy…that might be too much for you right now,” sounding even more concerned than he did before.
“Yeah, can you just drive, please?” I said sharply, instantly feeling bad about it. I put my hand over Uncle Tommy’s, the apologetic expression on my face, sincere. “Sorry,” I say, ashamed.
“Nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who pushed. Just worried about you, ya know?” he shrugs. Tommy is the closest thing I’ve had to a real dad in many years, and it breaks my heart that it took a tragedy like this to reunite us. I give him a genuine smile, and we are on our way. What I’ll find when I get there, that is anybody’s guess.
As we pull up in front of what used to be my home, my breath intakes sharply. I know a lot of people use this term, but it truly does look like a war zone. There is debris everywhere, in the trees, in the tree line of our backyard, wood and fiberglass insulation as far as the eye can see. I look over to Miss Shirley’s house, and most of it is still standing, but there is a two-by-four sticking through her garage wall. But it appears that the portion of the home where the root cellar is has sustained minimal damage. Oh, Mama…why weren’t you there instead of here? And then a thought occurred to me…
“She was waiting for me,” I say flatly.
“What did you just say?” Uncle Tommy is a few feet away from me, moving around some rubble.
“Mama – she was waiting for me to come home. That’s why she didn’t go over to Miss Shirley’s and get in the storm cellar. She wanted to know that I got home safely. She was probably beside herself with worry about me…” my voice drifts off.
“Oh, I heard you just fine – I just can’t believe that you said it.”
Stomping over to where I’m standing, Uncle Tommy grabs me by the shoulders and gives me a shake. This startles me more than seeing all this destruction – my uncle has never been angry with me.
“Listen to me, and you listen to me good! Your mama was a grown woman, with plenty of common sense. If she knew her life was in danger, do you honestly think she would’ve been sitting there waiting for you to walk in the door? No, she would not, and you wanna know why? Because she knew that you would get your butt to some place safe, because you’ve got the same amount of common sense that she had!”
I cannot do anything but stand there, mouth open, shocked by my uncle’s outburst. I am both literally and figuratively shaken.
“I’m sorry, Kassidy, but I refuse to let you beat yourself up like this. You’re stronger than this, and the reason that I know this is ‘cause I’ve taught you to be stronger than this. I have seen what guilt does to guys over there in the war…it eats them alive, and they never come back from that. Every time you hear about a Veteran committing suicide, this is what drove them to it! My sister wasn’t waiting for you to come home – she wasn’t looking for Niko…she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and something awful happened. That’s it…” he says, his face searching mine, making sure that his message is getting through – it is.
Apparently hearing his name, my Balinese cat, came running from out of nowhere, mewling loudly, happy to be reunited with me.
“Niko!” I gasp with glee, bending down and picking my big boy up, snuggling him close. “Thank God you’re okay!”
I take him to my car and close the door, making sure the windows are open just a bit. He looks hungry and visibly shaken, but he is gonna be alright. I plan to make him a vet appointment as soon as we get back to Melanie’s.
I start walking around, moving stuff with my foot. Most everything that’s even recognizable is ruined beyond repair, from either water or wind damage. Photo albums with water-stained pictures are strewn among broken china and dining room chairs. I pick one page of photos up, hoping to salvage some of the ones from when I was a child, but the fragile paper just falls apart in my hands. This makes me so sad, but at least I have digital copies of newer photos. Hopefully Uncle Tommy still has some copies that I can have duplicated.
Something catches my eye, and I climb over clusters of cinderblock and sheetrock until I make my way over to it. What caught my attention is the sun glinting off of a little gold lock. The lock is attached to a book with colorful binding. As I fish it out of the debris, I see that it looks like a diary, or some sort of journal. It’s definitely not mine, so I can only assume it must have blown over from one of the neighbors’ houses. I decide to take it back to the house and see if Uncle Tommy can pick or break the lock on it.
Holding it up, I ask
my uncle, “Think you can pick the lock on this for me? I’m curious to see who it belongs to.”
He feigns a look of insult. “Oh, so what I look like, a criminal or somethin’? Get outta heah!” he says in his best mafia boss voice.
Laughing, I shake my head at him. Same ol’ Tommy, hasn’t changed a bit…and I am so relieved.
When we return to Melanie’s, people are still there, but it has thinned out quite a bit. Daddy and Shelley have gone back to the hotel, due to Shelley having a migraine, I overhear as I slip by some of the guests. That’s tough, I know from experience, but I won’t even pretend that I’m disappointed that I missed them.
Apparently, my attempts at an unnoticed exit have been a resounding fail. As soon as I walk into the back door, Lukas is on me.
“Where have you been? I was worried sick, Kassidy. And your daddy’s been looking all over for you. He was about to call Vernon, but I talked him down,” he says.
“I just went back to Mama’s with Uncle Tommy, what’s the big deal?” For some reason, this interrogation is really starting to irritate me. Daddy has no right to be concerned with where I am or what I’m doing, but I know that Lukas is worried about my mental well-being right now. Honestly though, what did he think I had done, gone to find a bridge to jump off of?
“Whoa, it wasn’t my idea,” Uncle Tommy says, holding his palms up in his own defense. Pointing his finger at me, his expression tells me exactly what he’s thinking – stop being an asshole. He turns on his heel and goes off in the direction of the bounty of food that seems to be everywhere.
The look on Lukas’ face tells me immediately that I’ve hurt his feelings pretty badly. I have never talked to him in this way, but the fact of the matter is that I am not in the mood today to be micro-managed.
“Kas, look, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean anything by it. I just know how upset you’ve been the past few days, and rightly so. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Uncle Tommy is right - Lukas doesn’t deserve the way I’m treating him right now. He was there to break the most horrendous news that I can ever imagine getting.
Stepping closer, I put my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest, breathing in the essence that is Lukas. For some reason this doesn’t feel awkward whatsoever. The past week has been a plethora of emotions, both bad and good. The night that Lukas stayed with me, I lay in his arms, broken and confused. But one thing that has become crystal clear to me – Lukas cares more for me than I could have ever imagined.
They say that body language speaks volumes, and this is true. There is absolutely no mistaking the pounding of Lukas’ heart as he holds me close, that night, and right now. As naïve as I am in the romance department, I think there’s some things that human nature tells us by instinct – and my instinct tells me that Lukas Crawford is in love with me
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lukas
The timing and circumstances are incredibly wrong, but the past few days have been a revelation…as badly as these words stick in my craw, there is no more denying it. Jessica was right – I am one hundred percent, school-boy stupid, in love with Kassidy Kane.
Sunrise, the morning of Linda Kane’s funeral finds me sitting on the back porch drinking coffee and doin’ some hard thinking. Ultimately, it goes like this – just because you love somebody, don’t make it right. I can pinpoint the precise moment that I knew without a doubt that I love Kassidy – the night after her mama died. As she lay in my arms that night, to be exact. Never in all the years that we’ve been friends have I thought that this girl would wind up there. Well, she did – but under the most awful of circumstances. What kinda sick, twisted mess is that? What kind of basis would this be for a relationship?
Sam comes into the kitchen and pours himself a cup, bringing it out to the deck. He’s been isolating himself ever since the night Linda died, not even coming to the visitation last night. I checked in on him when I got home last night, and he assured me that he will be attending the service today. This thing has taken a huge toll on Sam – he doesn’t look like he’s eaten or slept in days, and the plate I brought back for him last night still sits unopened in the fridge. But we are minus a bottle of Jack. I made him promise me before I left last evening that he would not drive. “Where the hell would I be going?” is the reply that I got.
Now I’m noticing how much weight he’s lost in such a short period of time, and that’s troubling. I’ve noticed the same thing about Kassidy – grief will do that to ya. She’s falling off to nothing, right before my eyes, and that’s not cool.
Sam sits down at the table across from me, staring down into his coffee, still not in the mood for conversation. Well, that’s just too bad, because I’m gonna need him to snap out of it – I need advice, badly.
“Man, I’ve really screwed up,” I blurt out. Curious, Sam’s head jerks to the alert, his stare indicating that he wants me to continue. I’m gonna need him to be a little more chatty, but here goes nothin’.
“I done went and fell in love with Kassidy!” I groan, as if it’s a Greek tragedy. I am not prepared for what happens next – the asshole laughs at me!
A big ol’ belly laugh at that! What the hell?
“I’m glad that I amuse you,” I say sarcastically. “But this is serious!”
“Boy, you sound like you just found out you’re gonna be a daddy,” Sam says, again howling with laughter. Well, I gotta say it beats seein’ him so dang gloomy, but this ain’t helpin nothin’.
“And another thing, you make it sound like you didn’t already have this information – and if you didn’t, you weren’t listening, because I surely told you! Newsflash – this ain’t no Newsflash! I hate to say it, but boy, you are bout dense as a bag of doorknobs!” he says, shaking his head. The laughter is gone, but he doesn’t even bother to hide his smirk. He is lovin’ the hell outta this!
“Alright, this is what we’re gonna do, because we ain’t got all day. You’re gonna explain to me your reasons for not tellin’ that gal that you love her, then I’m gonna tell you why you’re wrong.”
My jaw drops at the nerve of him. “And just what makes you so sure I’m wrong – you ain’t even heard my reasons!”
“Don’t have to – that’s because I can shoot down any reason you have with one simple answer – it’s stupid,” Sam says, matter-of-factly.
Now I’m just sittin’ here bug-eyed at his logic, but I decide to challenge him. There’s no way in hell that all my reasons can be wrong.
“Alright, how bout the fact that I just realized that I felt this way after her mama died…that’s just wrong.”
“Stupid – not you, the answer,” Sam says, rubbing his forehead. “See, the thing is, you already knew this before all the emotional stuff happened – so technically, you’re not taking advantage of her darkest hour – contrary to what you might be thinking.”
“Mhm,” I mutter. Unperturbed, I try again. “Well, what about all the weight she’s lost? Won’t that make her think me another Jacob, and send her red flags through the roof?” This has got to be a winner.
“Acccck!” Sam literally verbalizes the game show buzzer…and I feel like I’m on one. What the hell, man?
“Wrong again! She was already losing the weight before all of this, and you were already walkin’ around here moonin’ over her – boy, you ain’t even tryin’ to make this hard!” he gives a yelp of a laugh, rears back in his chair, hands folded behind his head, grinnin’ at me all cocky…I’m bout to quit while I still got a leg to stand on, which apparently I don’t.
With an exasperated sigh, I stand up to get another cup of coffee. “It’s been great, really,” I say, dripping with sarcasm. “But I’ve got a send-off to get ready for. You were just so helpful!”
As I head back inside, I hear Sam give a big ol whoop as he laughs it up at my expense. I can’t help but laugh myself – it sure is good to have my buddy back.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kassidy
Melanie sits on
her mama’s bed, holding Niko, and watching me get ready. She stays silent, not having been acting right ever since the night that I had my breakdown. If I thought the pitying look was bad after the rape, this is the Grand Mal of pity. I know Melanie well enough to understand that most of her awkwardness around me is guilt – that she still has her mama, and I don’t. That’s just how kind a person that Melanie is. I’ll be so glad when all of this is over, and she and I can get our friendship back, the way it used to be…as if anything will ever be the same again.
“You know he’s gonna get hair all over your nice dress,” I say with a hint of a smile.
Melanie shrugs and says, “It don’t matter.”
As I stand before the full-length mirror in Vivian’s room, staring at myself in my simple black funeral dress – the one I had to go out and buy, because, well, all of my clothes are blown across hell and half of Georgia. None of them would have fit me anyway. I am actually shocked by how much weight I’ve lost just the past week – Mama would’ve been so tickled. But then again, if Mama were here, I wouldn’t be grieving myself into oblivion. I have absolutely no appetite, and don’t know when or if I’ll ever have one again…definitely not the Kassidy Kane special.
Suddenly, Melanie’s words come rushing back to me, from that day that feels like a lifetime ago. We were discussing the pills when Melanie remarked, ‘Careful what you wish for…some dreams are nightmares.’ The irony of that statement, and the premonition that it held will haunt me for years to come, but as for today, I’ve gotta go say goodbye to Mama.
A knock at the door startles me, as Vivian peeks her head into the room. “Kassidy, your daddy is here with the family car.” This is it – my worst nightmare come true.
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