by E. L. Todd
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “It’ll pass.”
“Did they mention putting you on another mission?”
“No. They spent the last two weeks analyzing all the data we’d collected that’s stored on the ship, along with our samples. Now they want us there to discuss findings, to basically debrief us. I suspect we’ll be doing that for a long time.”
“Is there something you want to move on to afterward?”
“Not sure. I think training the next set of astronauts will be nice, preparing for the next mission. Working on the next ship, fixing all the problems we had last time, making sure the fucking comms are nowhere near our oxygen reserves…” He released a chuckle, but it was painful.
“Have you started your book yet?”
He shook his head. “Just outlining it in my head right now.”
“I’m sure it’ll be incredible.”
“I’m not sure how great of a storyteller I am, but I do have a story to tell…”
I turned to Kingston when I started to notice the smell.
Neil picked up on it too. “I think I know what that is…”
“You ready?”
He rolled up imaginary sleeves. “Let’s hope so.”
I spent the evening showing Neil how to change diapers, feed Kingston in the high chair, and get him ready for bed. We got him into his pajamas and then put him in his crib. The walls were painted blue, and the furniture and crib were gray. Inside his crib were stuffed animals, and hanging from the ceiling was a mobile of planets that lit up and spun in a circle when you hit a button.
We stood there together with our hands on the edge of the crib, observing Kingston watch the planets spin around, all eight of the ones in our solar system with the sun in the center. Slowly, his eyes grew heavy until they closed. He stopped fidgeting, falling asleep.
Neil flicked on the baby monitor and then crept out of the room, letting me go first. He shut the door behind us then headed back into the living room. The baby monitor screen was on one of the end tables in the living room. “That wasn’t so bad.”
I chuckled. “It’s just one day, Neil. Give it time.”
He grabbed two beers from the fridge and took a seat, like he expected me to stick around for a while when I really had no reason to.
But I sat down anyway.
He twisted off the cap for me before he did his own. “Can I ask you something?”
I hoped he didn’t want to talk about us. “Yeah.”
“What was Kingston like from birth to now?”
I felt the air leave my lungs as I relaxed. “He was a fussy baby at first. He cried a lot. But he grew out of it quickly. He started to crawl much sooner than anticipated. He started to talk sooner too. He had hair from birth. His favorite food is grapes. It used to be my tit, but he moved on from that…”
He chuckled.
“He gets along well with Victor. He’s always been a happy baby. He was just born that way.”
“Yeah, he is a sweet kid. I’ll have to put him in my story.”
“You will?”
“He’s such a big part of my life—he has to be.”
“That’s sweet…”
He drank from his beer and stared ahead. “It’s nice that Vic and I have kids about the same age. I never thought that would happen. But now we have something in common when we’ve never really had anything in common before.”
“Other than both being assholes?” I teased.
He grinned. “Yeah, we do call each other that a lot.”
It was so comfortable to sit with him and just talk, almost like he’d never left. For a world-famous astronaut, he was so humble. For being the sexiest man on the planet, he was so down-to-earth. He was the perfect man.
“Has Torpedo been a good older brother?”
“Yes. It’s so cute. He seemed to understand he was my pup right away.”
“He’s a smart dog. Hope I can see him sometime…”
“Yeah, I’m sure you will.” I hadn’t drunk my beer, more focused on our conversation than the alcohol in my hands. My heart fluttered as I sat beside him, thinking about the time Torpedo and I lived here while he was on the moon, the way I slept in his bed every night, like a woman waiting for her man to come home. “You think you can handle Kingston for the weekend?”
“He doesn’t seem so hard so far. But it would be nice if you stopped by.”
“Sure. I’m not sure what I’m going to do without him all day…”
“You’re always welcome to come over. If you just want to be with him, I don’t have a problem with that. I was thinking about taking him to work with me on Monday.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Introduce him to everyone.”
“You told your colleagues about Kingston?”
“Of course. It was the first thing that came out of my mouth. Hyde wants to meet him.”
“Wow, my baby going to NASA…”
“You can always come too…if you want.” He looked into my face and stared at me, his hands holding his beer, his brown eyes locked on to my face. He didn’t blink. Didn’t turn away. Just stared at me…like he didn’t want to stop.
The look made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t want it to stop either. I missed the way his love shone on my face like the sunlight on my skin on a summer day. I missed being his, I missed having the man everyone else dreamed about. He was so special, one in a million, an incredible man.
Impossible not to love.
I cleared my throat and set my beer on the table. “I should go…”
He didn’t stop me, but he did look disappointed. He set down his bottle and rose to his feet. “I’ll walk you out.”
I grabbed my purse, and we left through the front door and walked to my car at the curb. It was dark outside, the breeze rustling through the leaves. It was a hot, summer night, just like one of the nights when I fell in love with him.
His hands were in his pockets, and he stopped at the sidewalk, in jeans and a shirt. He was tall but thinner than he used to be. But his arms were still toned, and his frame was still that of a strong man. “I’ll call if anything comes up, but I think we’ll be fine.”
I felt completely secure leaving Kingston with Neil. He had no experience, but he was a natural. “I know you will be. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” He stayed there, like he intended to wait until I was in the car and down the road.
I got into the car, started to the engine, and watched him continue to stand there.
Then I drove away.
Neil was all over the media all the time. He was either on the news, making an appearance on a talk show, or doing a podcast. He was literally everywhere. When I went on my phone, there were constant articles about him in my newsfeed.
One article in particular stood out to me.
Neil Crimson Signs Historic Book Deal for Twenty Million.
The blood immediately drained from my face when I read that headline. I had to read it at least three more times to understand what I was looking at. When I read the article, it said what Neil had told me, that the big publishers all competed for the deal, turning it into an auction until the highest bidder won…like he was a former president or something.
He didn’t mention the money when we were together, and now I knew why. He was too humble to brag, too modest to care about the money. And it was why he was insisting on paying for Kingston’s tuition when that day arrived.
I didn’t care about the money either. I wasn’t envious or jealous. I didn’t regret my decision to be with Kyle. I was happy for Neil because he risked his life for all of humanity, and he deserved every success that came his way.
Stacy texted me. We’re having everyone over for a BBQ tomorrow. You guys want to come?
Always.
Just so there’s no curve balls, I’ve invited Neil.
I don’t have a problem seeing him, Stacy. He and I are on great terms.
But are you going to bring Kyl
e…?
I didn’t want them in the same room together, but it had to happen at some point. Yes. I wasn’t going to ask Kyle to bow out every time Neil was around. That was insulting.
Alright. Bring your swimsuit. But we’re also having burgers, so bring something to cover yourself after you eat those burgers.
LOL.
And did you hear about Neil’s book deal???
Just read about it.
Are you sure you don’t want to get back together with him…?
I rolled my eyes. Money doesn’t make you happy, Stacy.
Yeah…but it helps.
LOL. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Kyle walked through the door a few minutes later, carrying a couple bags of groceries. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“Hey.” I got off the couch and met him in the kitchen. After I kissed him, I helped him put the groceries away. “What’s for dinner?”
“Tacos.”
“Ooh…I like what I’m hearing.”
Torpedo came into the kitchen and took a seat, as if he understood the word taco.
I patted him on the head. “Sorry, honey. No food for a few hours.”
He released a quiet bark.
“Stacy invited us over tomorrow,” I said. “For a barbecue.”
“Cool. You gonna wear a bikini?” He waggled his eyebrows.
“You see me naked all the time.”
“Yeah, but you look hot in a bikini in the summer sun.” He finished putting away the groceries before he turned to me. “How are you guys?”
“Kingston is down for a nap. My day was fine.”
He nodded. “Is Neil going to be at this barbecue?”
“Yes…”
He didn’t look happy about it, but he didn’t complain. “I guess it’s gotta happen eventually…”
“There’s no reason for animosity, Kyle. We are on great terms, and he’s good with Kingston. No reason we can’t all get along.”
“I know. It’s just…he’s your ex. It’s always weird to see your girl’s ex.”
“Yes, but you can’t look at him that way.”
“I’ll try, Char. But it’s just hard for me, because I know how you felt about him.” He turned away.
I grabbed his arm and turned him back. “Leave the past in the past.”
“Easier said than done. And now he’s a multimillionaire…”
“Money means nothing to me.”
“Yeah, that’s what everyone says…” He turned away again.
“Kyle.”
He sighed then turned back to me.
“This isn’t going to work if you guys can’t get along. It’ll be tense and awkward at first, but in time…it’ll get better. Please be civil. Please be kind. For me.”
He dropped his gaze.
“He didn’t do anything wrong, Kyle.”
“He broke your heart…a lot.”
“That’s my relationship with him, not yours.”
“But I love you, so your pain is my pain.”
“He didn’t cheat on me or something. He told me how the relationship would be. And that doesn’t matter anyway because we’re friends now…raising Kingston. We’re three parents now. Let’s be responsible parents.”
He sighed before he conceded. “Fine.” He kissed my hairline before he turned away.
Twenty-Three
Neil
I sat beside Vic on the outdoor patio, drinking beer and eating chips and salsa.
I didn’t really have an appetite, so I just drank.
“You look like shit.” Vic scooped a chip into the guac and then shoveled it into his mouth.
“No surprise there.” I brought the beer to my lips and took a drink. “I feel like shit.”
“Because Char is bringing Kyle?”
I nodded. “When it’s just the two of us, it’s nice…easy. I forget Kyle exists. But now I have to look at him, and I really don’t want to. I feel like he’s taken everything from me.”
“I don’t know if I agree with that narrative…”
“He gave Kingston his last name when that wasn’t his right.”
“That was because they thought it was best not to ever tell you.”
“And now he has Char, who’s not just the woman I love…but the mother of my child. Could you imagine Stacy married to someone else who was acting as a father to your kids?”
“Not the same thing at all, Neil.” He kept eating. “But I get what you’re saying.”
“When I’m around her…it’s just hard. All those feelings rush back. We put Kingston to sleep, and I immediately want to kiss her and make love to her on my couch…”
My brother gave me a look of pity. “I’m sorry, man. I know you don’t want to hear this, but Kyle is a good guy. He’s been there for Charlotte in ways no one else has. He’s been her family when she didn’t have anything else. I think the right thing to do is make an effort with him.”
“I know, Vic.” I stared at the bottle on the table.
“Plus, you’ve got twenty million dollars now. Focus on that.”
I wished my financial situation weren’t public knowledge. “Money isn’t happiness, Vic. I can’t buy Charlotte…” A part of me hoped it might entice her to be with me instead of Kyle, but I also knew she wasn’t that kind of person—which was why I loved her in the first place. She never asked me about it or mentioned it, like she had class…unlike everyone else.
“Have you ever tried?”
I rolled my eyes.
“So, how much are you going to give me?”
“Oh my god…”
Vic laughed. “Neil, I’m fucking around.”
I knew he was, so I let it go.
“But seriously, what are you going to do with it? I think you need to find a gorgeous woman and take her to Bora Bora or something…and just fuck like crazy. You haven’t had sex in…years. I mean, come on. You need to bang that frustration out.”
The only person I wanted to bang was Charlotte. She was sleeping with someone else, so I could do the same…but I didn’t want to. There was just no urge. My hand was enough for the moment.
The back door opened and Charlotte stepped out, looking so fucking cute in her sundress and hat. Her bag was over her shoulder, full of Kingston’s supplies. She went to Stacy first, who was getting Victor’s floaties on. “Hey, girl.”
Stacy hugged her back and kissed her on the cheek. “Good, you’re wearing a bikini. I’m wearing a one-piece…because I’m fat.”
Vic rolled his eyes as he looked at me. “I hate it when she says that shit.”
I smiled, liking the way he always had his wife’s back even when she had no idea.
Kyle came through the door a second later, carrying Kingston in his arms.
It was the first time I’d seen Kyle since I’d been home. He was more muscular than he used to be, like he’d been hitting the gym with a trainer. He had thick arms, broad shoulders, a narrow waist that hinted at the eight-pack underneath.
It annoyed me.
I hadn’t gone back to the gym until a few days ago, so I wasn’t in the best shape of my life. But I’d been too busy traveling to Mars…unlike that guy.
Vic watched me. “You look like you want to kill him.”
I sighed and forced my expression to soften.
Kyle hugged Stacy.
Charlotte kneeled down and sprinkled Victor with kisses before she turned our way and headed toward us.
The second her eyes were on me, I forgot about Kyle. I even forgot about my own kid. “Hey. Ooh…guacamole. This is the good table.”
Vic stood up and embraced her. “Glad you guys could come by.”
I got to my feet then moved to her next, wanting to hug her but feeling a little awkward about it, like I didn’t have the right because Kyle was there. But I did it anyway, bringing her into my chest and giving her a quick hug, smelling her sunscreen and hair spray. I wanted to stay forever, never let her go.
Why did I have to lose her?
&nbs
p; Why did I have to leave?
I pulled away and looked at her, unsure what to say.
Kyle walked over and greeted Vic before he handed Kingston over. It was obvious he was just as uncomfortable being around me as I was around him, which was odd since he was the one who got Charlotte. He turned to me and extended his hand. “Nice to see you, Neil.”
I took the high road and shook his hand, a little disgusted that he got to touch Charlotte with this hand every single night. “You too, Kyle.”
“Glad you made it back.”
I nodded. “I am too.”
Kyle turned away, like he’d fulfilled his requirements and now could return to ignoring my existence.
Good. I wished he didn’t exist either.
Vic carried Kingston to me. “Geez, he’s getting heavy…”
“Because he’s going to be big and strong someday.” I took Kingston, immediately feeling better once he was in my arms. “Hey, King.”
“Hey, Daddy…” He wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me.
Charlotte immediately melted, her eyes shining with affection, like seeing us together made her so happy.
Kyle went pale, as if hearing Kingston call me that was a punch to the gut.
Well, I was his father. Kyle needed to get the fuck over it.
I took a seat at the table and placed Kingston’s feet on my thighs. “Ready to swim?”
“Yeah!” He clapped his hands excitedly.
I smiled as I held him under the arms, seeing so much of myself and Charlotte in his face. It was the ultimate sign of love, for two people to create something together. It was romantic…and made me want to do it again.
Charlotte ran her fingers through his brown hair. “Then let’s get you dressed, baby.” She picked him up and took him back into the house.
My eyes watched her go, unblinking, the sight of her and my son the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. When I turned away, Kyle was staring at me, like he could read my thoughts as clearly as if the words were written on my face with permanent marker.
When Charlotte took off her dress and revealed her string bikini underneath, it was impossible not to stare.