Forever Christmas

by Cat Cahill

  “Mother only began having a tree a few years ago,” Adelaide said. “She paid a boy to cut one down and drag it through the city. Can you imagine? Dragging trees through the streets of San Francisco?” She laughed. “But it certainly looked beautiful once it was up and all decorated.” She smiled wistfully at the tree.

  Elizabeth took her hand, happy to think of someone else’s feelings besides her own. “Do you miss home?”

  “At times. I miss my parents. Sometimes I miss our home and the ease of living in a city.” Adelaide grinned at Elizabeth and Sarah. “But I don’t miss the gossips. I wouldn’t go back. I believe I love it here more.”

  A smile lifted the corners of Elizabeth’s lips. She understood, even though she had no other home to return to. The Crest Stone Hotel had become home, and these girls had become her family.

  “How are you?” Penny appeared next to Elizabeth.

  “Well enough,” she said. Adelaide and Sarah were watching them in curiosity. Maybe Elizabeth would tell them one day. It had been hard keeping the secret, especially from her roommate. But not now, not when the hurt was still fresh. “Are you ready to be married?”

  “Am I ever!” Penny said.

  The girls laughed. It felt good to laugh, even if Elizabeth didn’t feel it all the way to her bones. The weddings were scheduled for eleven o’clock, with the wedding luncheon to follow.

  “Then I must see to my pies,” Elizabeth said. “I can’t leave Mrs. McFarland to bake them all on her own.”

  Penny gave her a tentative smile. Elizabeth was forcing her cheer, and she could see that Penny knew it. But she’d promised to bake pies for the luncheon, and she wouldn’t disappoint her friend, broken heart or not.

  Mrs. McFarland was already in the hotel kitchen. They’d considered using the small kitchen in her apartment, but had determined it wouldn’t suit for the baking of so many pies. And so Mrs. McFarland had approached Chef Pourrin about using his kitchen. After all, it was her dessert recipes he used most often. He wasn’t entirely pleased, but he allowed them the use of one small corner and his ovens. He eyed them now from across the kitchen.

  “I don’t think he wants us here,” Elizabeth said under her breath.

  “I believe he thinks our very presence will ruin his dishes,” Mrs. McFarland said.

  Elizabeth smiled. It felt good to be here with Mrs. McFarland, enjoying quiet companionship while rolling dough and cutting apples. She lost track of time and worry while pressing the edges of the crust and sharing occasional conversation. Hotel staff began to trickle in for their breakfast as the morning progressed.

  They’d just placed several pumpkin pies into the ovens when Penny burst into the kitchen.

  “Please don’t worry. You’ll have plenty of pies for your wedding lunch,” Elizabeth said as she wiped her hands on a towel.

  “I’m not concerned about the pies.” Penny waved a hand at the ovens. “Elizabeth, I need your help.”

  Elizabeth glanced at the crust she’d rolled out for the first apple pie. “Couldn’t one of the other girls assist you? We must—”

  “No.” Penny leveled her gaze at Elizabeth. “It has to be you.” She held out a hand and wiggled her fingers impatiently.

  “Go on,” Mrs. McFarland said with a smile. “The bride is insistent.”

  “I’ll be right back.” Elizabeth set the towel down and followed Penny into the dining room. A few of the girls had begun setting up for the large buffet table that would serve various light breakfast foods for the hotel guests. Mrs. Ruby had declared that to be a much better way to celebrate Christmas than the usual service—for both the guests and the Gilbert Girls. And it would help everyone save their appetites for the larger meals to come.

  Penny stopped near the doors to the lobby, far enough away from the girls setting up the breakfast table. “Someone is here.”

  “What do you mean?” Elizabeth didn’t expect anyone. She had no one to expect, after all.

  Penny pressed her lips together, glanced at the door as if it might be of some help, and then looked back to Elizabeth. “It’s Mr. Cooper. He’s returned from Cañon City.”

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Landon stood by one of the fireplaces and let the warmth seep into his frozen body. The strain of having stayed awake all night on horseback while still ill made his back ache and his head pound. But none of that mattered. He was at the hotel. Back for Elizabeth.

  He glanced toward the closed dining-room doors. It had been some time since Miss May had gone to fetch Elizabeth. The minutes stretched on. Finally warm enough, Landon wandered closer to the doors. What could be happening? His fear grew, and he’d almost convinced himself that Elizabeth had jumped on a horse herself and ridden away when one of the doors finally opened.

  Miss May emerged. He searched for Elizabeth over her shoulder, but no one followed her. Clutching the brim of his hat in his hands, Landon waited for Miss May to approach him.

  “I’m sorry, she doesn’t wish to speak with you.” Miss May did look sorry as she spoke.

  Even though he’d half expected this to happen, her words were still like a punch to the gut. He took a deep breath. “All right. Perhaps I’ll see her at your wedding.”

  Miss May gave him a slight smile that turned quickly into a frown. “Are you still ill, Mr. Cooper? Perhaps you should lie down.”

  He shook his head, even as he knew she was right. But if he went to sleep now, he knew he’d sleep through the day. And he refused to give up that easily. “I’ll rest in one of those chairs until it’s time for the ceremony.”

  Miss May nodded, but her attention was now elsewhere. “I’m sorry. I must attend to some wedding details.” She paused. “Elizabeth was devastated when you left yesterday. But you should speak with her, if you can. She cares for you very deeply.”

  Landon thanked her before sinking into one of the armchairs that sat before the fireplace. Even though Miss May’s words had promised nothing, they gave him hope.

  He spent the next few hours trying to force himself to remain awake. He dozed off more than once, and never saw Elizabeth. Either she was hiding upstairs, or she’d passed him while he’d slept.

  Close to eleven, a minister—whom Landon recognized as another of the passengers rescued from the train—appeared with a Bible near the tree, and people began gathering in the lobby. Landon forced himself to stand. He could do with solid sleep in a bed, but he wouldn’t rest until he’d spoken to Elizabeth. And he knew she wouldn’t miss the weddings. He moved through the crowd of people, searching for her.

  Just as everyone parted to create an aisle of sorts for the brides to walk, he spotted her. She stood with a group of women, some of whom he recognized as Gilbert Girls. He remained on the opposite side of the aisle, directly across from her. After a moment, she raised her eyes and they landed on him.

  He gave her a small smile, but didn’t attempt to start a conversation. That would have to wait until after the ceremony. She didn’t return the smile, but she didn’t look away immediately either. All he needed was a few moments of her time—just long enough to apologize and to tell her the truth, both about how he felt and about why he’d gone to Cañon City.

  From somewhere closer to the minister, a violin began playing. A hush fell over the crowd as everyone’s attention turned toward the front. Two men stood by the minister—one Landon recognized as a desk clerk at the hotel, the other he’d seen briefly on the derailed train. The latter he remembered hearing was the sheriff of Fremont County, which made him all the more grateful he’d decided not to join Redmond and the others. If their plans hadn’t worked out as well as they’d hoped, he could have found himself in this man’s jail awaiting a fate he’d never planned on.

  The crowd shifted, and Landon turned with them. He caught Elizabeth’s eye again as Miss May began her way down the aisle with McFarland on her arm. Elizabeth’s gaze shifted to her friend, and a smile finally crossed her face. Her happiness for Miss May—and for Miss Reynolds, w
ho was next down the aisle—made Landon smile too.

  Their eyes locked again as they turned toward the front. This time Elizabeth’s face softened some. It felt like a victory, even though Landon knew he had a long way to go.

  Thankfully, the ceremony was brief. Landon didn’t know how much longer he could stand here without anything to hold on to. The minister said the usual words, the two couples made their promises, and Landon felt the strangest yearning to be part of it himself. He snuck another glance at Elizabeth, but her eyes were fixed on her friends and their new husbands. Her angel face was radiant, and despite what she might be thinking about him or her own feelings, she appeared to exude pure happiness for her friends.

  That selflessness only made him want her more. He never should have gone to Cañon City, and he’d be angry with himself for the decision for the rest of his life. He’d hurt her in a way she didn’t deserve. If Landon had been honest with himself, he’d have admitted the reason he stopped at the hotel to begin with had nothing to do with rest and a warm fire, and everything to do with the fact that he’d never wanted to follow through with his plan. He’d felt cornered by circumstances and had taken what he’d seen as the only way out, despite how he truly felt about it. And now it may have cost him Elizabeth.

  He wouldn’t let her go without a fight though. The second this ceremony was over, he would speak with her.

  If she’d listen.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Elizabeth’s eyes kept straying to the handsome yet bedraggled man across the aisle. Landon still looked ill, and about to fall asleep on his feet. The very sight of him made her angry and the happiest she’d ever been all at the same time.

  She tried to focus her attention on the wedding ceremony. It was lovely, having it here in the hotel lobby in front of the decorated tree. And both Penny and Dora glowed with joy. Elizabeth was truly happy for her friends who had looked forward to this day for so long, and glancing around, it was clear everyone else felt the same way, even the guests who barely knew them. William, the little boy Landon had rescued, squirmed as his mother watched the proceedings with a smile. Mrs. Ruby, whom Elizabeth would have never thought of as a romantic in any way, dabbed the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief. Mrs. McFarland stood arm-in-arm with her husband, looking as proud as any mother might have. The other Gilbert Girls appeared enraptured with the moment. Adelaide looked especially thrilled for her brother and Penny. And Elizabeth’s own brother and his wife, who was still paler than she should be, watched from near the front, his arm around her waist. Seeing her brother so happy lit a candle in Elizabeth’s own heart. He deserved all the good in his life.

  The joy surrounding her filled Elizabeth with a warmth that seemed to drown her own sadness and confusion as the ceremony went on. And as her gaze wandered to Landon yet again, she wondered if it might be a good idea to allow him to speak with her.

  “He keeps looking at you,” Sarah whispered from beside her. Her eyebrows raised, and Elizabeth knew she was wondering why.

  “I don’t wish to speak with him,” she said, even though she wasn’t entirely certain what she wanted.

  That seemed to appease Sarah, though, who nodded and returned her attention to the ceremony. Elizabeth’s gaze flitted back to Landon. He was watching her again. It felt as if a string crossed the aisle, connecting him to her. It was maddening, and yet also comforting, and Elizabeth didn’t understand it one bit. How could she possibly still feel attracted to a man who’d toyed with her feelings and then left without saying a word?

  She bit her lip and turned forward again, although she could still feel those blue eyes on her. The minister pronounced the two couples as man and wife. They kissed to polite applause, and then the violin started up again, this time playing a joyful tune. Both of Elizabeth’s friends and their new husbands strode down the aisle as everyone clapped and wished them good luck. Penny reached over to give her a hug as she passed, and Elizabeth grasped Dora’s hand and whispered words of congratulations.

  Elizabeth wrapped her arms around herself as everyone began to disperse. She should move, and quickly, if she wanted to avoid Landon. Yet she remained fixed in place.

  And then there he was, right in front of her.

  Next to Elizabeth, Sarah frowned at him. “Come, let’s go see Dora and Penny.”

  Elizabeth closed her eyes a moment, hoping it would give her courage. She opened them again, but he hadn’t gone anywhere. He still stood there, right in front of her, those eyes seemingly burning into her soul. That invisible string between them compelled her to remain right here.

  “You go,” she finally said to Sarah. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

  Sarah paused, as if she wasn’t entirely certain Elizabeth meant what she’d said. Finally, she whisked away toward where the newly married couples stood near the tree, receiving congratulations and best wishes.

  “May I speak with you?” Landon asked formally as people moved around them, seemingly oblivious to their presence.

  “You look as if you might pass out in this lobby,” she said.

  “Perhaps we should sit?”

  Elizabeth hesitated a moment before nodding. He waited for her to take a seat first, which she did, near the tree. The room was so busy, with everyone’s attention on the newlyweds, that no one should notice the two of them.

  “I was wrong to leave without a word,” he said the moment he sat down.

  Elizabeth folded her hands in her lap but said nothing.

  “You didn’t deserve it. I was bullheaded, and I knew if I saw you, I wouldn’t go. So I took the coward’s way out.”

  “Then why are you back?”

  His jaw worked, and he looked as if the chair was made out of tips of knives. “This work . . . it wasn’t for me.”

  “And you still won’t tell me why.” Elizabeth began to rise. Sitting here with him was a mistake. “I thought you might be honest with me, but I suppose I was right after all.”

  He leaned forward and gripped her hand, his eyes on her and his face earnest. “Please sit. I know what you believe me to be. But, angel, I’m not him.”

  Elizabeth froze. “What did you call me?”

  “Angel.”

  He said it with such tenderness, she thought she might melt. She didn’t, of course, but she did sit. His hand remained wrapped around hers. She knew she should pull it away, but she couldn’t.

  She didn’t want to.

  I’m not him, he’d said.

  Why would he say such a thing, unless . . .

  “You overheard me,” she said, slowly. He hadn’t been asleep when she’d spoken her mind without thinking.

  His other hand joined the two that were already entwined. “I did.”

  Elizabeth wasn’t certain if she was relieved or angry. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I was barely awake,” he said. “I tried to speak, but couldn’t.”

  “I see.” Her eyes found his. Something was different about them. They were softer somehow, as if he’d tossed away some great burden that had built a wall inside him.

  “It was easier for me to believe you didn’t want me. It’s happened before.” He frowned as he spoke. “There was a girl back at one of the ranches where I worked. Aimee. I thought we might be married, but when I asked, she laughed.”

  The ache in his voice went straight to Elizabeth’s heart.

  “She said she’d never marry a man like me, a cowboy with nothing to his name.”

  “I don’t see you like that,” Elizabeth said. “That was never what concerned me. When I spoke of you being a cowboy, it had nothing to do with money.”

  Someone laughed loudly from across the room, causing Elizabeth to look up. She half expected to find Mrs. Ruby or Monroe, glaring down at her, but the group in the lobby was still milling about, chatting and completely unaware of Elizabeth and Landon.

  “I know that now. Elizabeth, I don’t know how your husband treated you, but I need you to know I’m not him.�
�� Landon’s insistent voice drew her attention back to him.

  He was looking at her with the intensity of the sun in summer, and his hands held hers so gently. She wanted to believe him. With all her heart, she wanted just to nod and tell him that yes, she knew he’d be different. But she couldn’t, not when experience had taught her otherwise. “Colin was kind to me too, in the beginning. Then he changed. How am I to know you wouldn’t do the same?”

  “I could tell you I won’t,” he said. “I could promise you that I’d always treat you as the angel you are. But you’d have to trust me.”

  “You already left me once,” she said quietly. “Why should I trust you after that?”

  He took a deep breath and shifted their hands. “I suppose you shouldn’t.”

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Elizabeth’s hand went stiff between Landon’s. Her beautiful angel eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

  Landon drew a deep breath. He had to tell her, no matter what her reaction might be. One thing had become crystal clear as he stood on the freezing street in Cañon City, exhausted but finally thinking straight: he couldn’t keep this decision he’d almost made from her. “I wasn’t honest with you, not entirely.”

  “I asked you more than once—”

  “I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you. To be honest, Elizabeth, I was ashamed. I feared what you might think of me.” He paused, trying to get a read on what might be going through her mind.

  “Go on,” she said, her voice cautious. But she didn’t pull away from him, and that alone gave him courage.

  “I’ve been working on ranches and driving cattle my entire life. As soon as I was old enough, I was working as a ranch hand. I like that work, but it started to wear on me that I was always doing it for other people. I wanted to do it for myself. I want my own place, my own herd.”