by Elias Raven
“I want chocolate!” I yelled over the din of music and talking.
My mom looked at me snapping her fingers and trying to get me to focus, but the three of us had an Ed, Ed, & Eddie moment and then the girls all chimed in.
“Well yeah!!!! Can’t buy clothes without going there ladies!” they replied pointing at Raffi’s Chocolates.
My mom just started laughing and covered her eyes.
“Ok, but we have to charge that separately or your father will kill me!” she said to the group.
“Deal!!!!” we all replied and fist-bumped my mom. My mom just went along with it, but I was dying inside laughing. My mom was finding her inner G moment and I was like what!!!?
We all piled out like drunken sailors from Sarah’s Volkswagen wannabe Beetle, but more like Beetle Tour Bus instead. Maybe it wasn’t a Beetle but a cricket! Hell! I didn’t know! But I do know we walked into the clothing store like a boss.
The clerks saw us rolling in and started laughing. They all knew us really well. Half of them went to school with us.
“What are you maniacs doing here today?” asked Patty (the neutral blond with the rebellious black streak in her hair to signify difference, or that’s what she said anyway).
“We got the gig at The Morgan, need some new threads!” Sarah replied.
“Well dang!!” Was shouted and followed by a collective whistle from all of the clerks.
Let’s get you all some new clothes then!” replied Togiko (the Amerasian blond girl that had blue highlights and black and green streaks to signify nonconformity and that always wore her hair in a split mohawk shave to push the limit.
I adored Togiko; she always had an eye for color and layering. Just then an older woman came walking up. This would be Julie Nickerson, mom’s friend.
“Ladies,” she said politely smiling the whole time like she was an ax murderer.
“I see you let your mom out of the house as well,” she said cattily.
“Ha-ha Julie!” my mom replied and gave her a hug.
“The girls have their first day at The Morgan tomorrow and we need to get them dressed appropriately.” she confided.
“Well, since your girls know the store, your mom can sit down with me in the lounge and we can have some c-o-f-f-e-e,” she said spelling it out.
My mom laughed and we joined her.
“Go ahead; just make sure you don’t give her too much Bailey’s. I’ll have to explain to dad how mom got snockered.” I replied to Julie and winked.
“Ladies, I’m crushed. I run a respectable establishment here,” she replied while walking to her desk and reaching down to the bottom right-hand drawer.
“Besides, Whiskey tastes much better at midday.” She continued opening the drawer.
“Bailey’s is only for the early morning and rainy days.” she finished with a flourish, my mom just laughed while she poured them both a cup of coffee. Sarah and Kathy grabbed my arm and pulled me toward Togiko.
“Time to do some damage!” they said conspiratorially.
Now we shall take this time to have an editorial comment from my head.
Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a wonderful man. I would never take him for granted or spend money needlessly. Sarah and Kathy’s fathers gave them a monthly stipend to run rampant with and as long as they didn’t abuse the privilege they lived rather well. My parents were upper-middle class and they both taught me how to squeeze a buffalo nickel until the buffalo started making noise and don’t get me started on Abe Lincoln and a penny! I knew how to be thrifty and stretch a dollar, so although I loved Mystique, I never went to the double dollar sign side of the store. I was always more a clearance rack kind of a gal.
My mom watched me out of the corner of her eye as I walked around the store with the girls and finally she got up and walked over to me and looked through what I had picked out.
“Honey, I know you love to bargain shop, but your dad was very specific to me that you are to get some NICE clothes today. If you want to dress like a hippie, that won’t do for this job!” she said matter of factly.
I gave her the pitiful eye roll and went to go put clothes back, but she held my arm and said:
“Keep them, but grab Togiko and have her do some casual business wear with you.”
I turned to find Togiko, but poof! It was like magic! She was standing right there looking like a Cosplay character ready to pounce. If she had a fox’s tail, the look would have been complete.
I startled and Togiko was already hitting me with her chillax voice.
“Julie waved me over and asked me to assist you,” she said politely, quickly reading my mind.
I turned to Julie, the store owner and my mom, but they waved us off.
“You’re in good hands darling,” Julie said and poured another round of coffee for the ladies.
I loved the sound of heels on marble. We headed up the marble steps to the second level and went through the hallowed archway of business casual and into the women’s more formal attire side of the store. You can tell you are in unknown territory when half the stuff you’re looking at doesn’t even have a price on it. Togiko didn’t miss a beat and had me stand in front of a mirror.
Dresses and skirts, blouses, and tops and jackets were draped on and off of me. After about an hour we had narrowed it down to a half dozen outfits to try on in the dressing room. We took our haul downstairs and for the next hour, we all did the runway walk in front of my mother and Julie and the store clerks. Out of the six outfits, I settled on four and I was forbidden from seeing the bill. My mom did and I could tell by the nonchalance that she was exuding that two things were about to happen.
A) She was buzzed and didn’t care at that moment.
B) My dad was going to have a simulated coronary when he saw the bill and then my mom would talk him off the ledge and remind him of the big picture and start whispering about this is my new start, my new career and then marriage and grandkids and all that wonderful stuff that only a mom can do to calm her man down.
Sarah and Kathy both picked out around the same number of new outfits and I have to say between all of us, we were looking very Charlie’s Angels at that moment. I mean we looked hot and we were dressed to impress from the moment we walked through the door.
Everything was boxed and wrapped and we were sent packing out of Mystique Apparel. Grabbing my posse, we made a beeline for Raffi’s for chocolate.
Now comes the moment of the story where life has a good sense of humor and loves to send curveballs when you least expect it. My dad was famous for baseball analogies and as we headed up the street a gentleman came out of the Drycleaners off Broadway loaded with clothing. I caught one glimpse of his face and mouthed a
“Oh Shit!” and grabbing the girls detoured us into the alcove of a nearby coffee bar hoping he didn’t see us.
All the girls did the Scooby-Doo on me and said:
“What gives Paige?!” and I pointed to the poor man loaded with clothes wobbling by us and put my finger to my lips.
After he had passed, I peeked out of the alcove and thinking we had given him the slip answered the ladies.
“Mr. Pink Champagne, On Ice!” I replied.
Sarah, Kathy, and my mom looked at me like I had two heads.
“The guy I dumped the drinks on at the party!” I continued.
“You mean Nicolas?” My mom asked.
“Bingo!” I replied remembering his name.
Just then a familiar face approached the group. We were busted cold.
“Hello, I was loading my car with the dry cleaning and saw you all standing here. Your dad said to give him the dry cleaning bill from the party the other night at Frankie’s and I realized I didn’t have a way of contacting you until now,” he said smiling to my mom and then to me.
I was mortified, but he was quite casual about it as I turned to face him.
My mom smoothly interjected herself into the conversation.
“Nicolas! So good to see you again
and not covered in champagne, even better!” she said laughing.
The joke broke the icy chill of the moment and we joined in on the laughter.
“It’s quite alright really, I do believe this is your daughter Paige whose picture I’ve seen in your office?” he said appreciatively.
“The one and only!” I replied trying to be smooth and not stumble over my words.
Both Kathy and Sarah stepped forward and introduced themselves to the professor and gave me a wink. Both girls fanned themselves when the professor wasn’t looking indicating he was a hottie. I smiled, throwing up a Hail Mary that I didn’t blow the moment.
“Nicolas, we're heading over to Raffi’s to get some sweets, care to join us?” my mom asked.
“No, I have to get back to the university; I have to finish up a paper for the archeology department. I’m giving a lecture in the morning, but I would love to another time perhaps?” he replied.
Both of my friends held their hands over their heads like they were weeping. I jumped forward not wanting to miss the moment.
“Are you sure you won’t join us. I mean I feel we got off on the wrong foot the other day and…”
I said trying to give him the ole persuasive smile and eye contact thing.
Nicolas winked at me and held my hand.
“That was an accident and if I had been paying attention to someone as lovely as you, it would never have happened in the first place,” he replied smoothly.
“I must be getting on tonight, but I promise, cross my heart that I will go out with the lot of you for some coffee and chocolate another time,” he said reassuringly.
My girlfriends continued to pantomime behind Nicolas and it was all I could do to keep a straight face. I started coughing, holding back the laughter.
“Are you ok Paige?” he asked.
I held his hand and smiled after the coughing had subsided.
“Never better.” was my reply.
My last view of him was walking down the street and getting into the driver's seat of a Skyfall Silver Aston Martin. He was a total hottie. I could totally see myself in the passenger seat of that car with Nicolas sitting beside me. Wait! Was I already starting to daydream about the professor!? I wonder why my mom had never mentioned him before.
Chapter 8
I heard finger-snapping all around. At first, I thought I was at some Mad Monster Party, but mariachi style with maybe castanets thrown in! I had my posse (that would be my mom, Kathy, and Sarah) all vying for my bedazzled attention and they were failing miserably I might add. It was like time had slowed way down, like honey dripping from a spoon or better yet Heinz 51 ketchup over French fries! The noise was an absolute buzzkill. I could not keep my eyes off of “The Prof” cause you know it sounds suave to say Prof instead of Professor in a Chanel No. 5 ad kind of way. My eyes were locked onto Nick - Mr. Hunk Of Burning Love (I know Elvis is soooo cliché’, but damn was that man top-five fantasy material!) and his Skyfall Silver Aston Martin looking so Bondish as he put on his tweed cap and scarf (at least in my imagination he doffed said apparel) and pulled away like the car was flipping floating over cobblestones.
I felt slaps on my face and finally, I came to my senses. My friends were dying at this point.
“O.M.G, girl you were like on planet love there for a minute!” Sarah said.
My mom just put her hand to her head and was laughing her ass off.
“Seriously, like I thought I was going to have to pepper spray you babe to break eye contact with Mr. Pink Champagne,” Kathy added.
I just looked at all of them kind of dazed and was wondering myself what the hell had just happened. It wasn’t like me to go full-on boy coma like that and yet there it was! Paige Murphy looking like I had just seen New Kids On The Block or Back Street Boys back in their glory days looking Star Struck!
I looked at my mom who was avoiding eye contact with me (thus signifying guilt in my book as you can tell by the flat Alfred Hitchcock delivery while you are reading this).
“Mom, out with it, why aren’t you looking at me right now and why are you hiding your eyes? What do you know about The Prof that we can salivate on?” I said to her waiting.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity of waiting my mom removed her hand from her face. I could tell by her facial color (blushing) and the tears running down her face and the very pronounced laugh lines that she knew something delicious, but was going to try to play Texas Hold’em and bluff her way out. I wasn’t going for it!
“Well dear, maybe we should…” she started the bluff and I countered.
“You are holding aces mother. Mangold! You’re going to have to do better than that.” I countered.
My mom looked slightly uncomfortable and was squirming like I used to do when I was in trouble and had to fess up. Oh, this was going to be delicious.
“Well, sometimes life has a funny sense of humor…” she started her next hand with.
“And the glass is either half full or half empty. You either laugh or cry and if you’re lucky maybe you can find a few melancholy moments in between. Out with it mother!” I continued pressing her harder.
Sarah & Kathy watched the back and forth with amused expressions on their faces. The only thing missing was them eating popcorn while I volleyed back and forth with my mom. I could tell she was starting to crack and we all waited expectantly like kids popping bubble wrap in a moment of hilarity.
“Open, Open, Open.” I chanted mantra-like while waving my hands over my mom like I was casting a spell.
My mom finally blew upward dislodging a singular loose hair that had managed to creep across her face like a root looking for shelter in the soft skin of her being.
“Ok, you win!” she said, throwing up her hands.
We all leaned forward. It was as if traffic had stopped on Broadway and thousands of eyes were looking at us, craning to hear the pearls of wisdom my mother was so amicably about to spill all over the pavement. Well maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but spilling the beans nonetheless was about to happen.
“I had a thing for Nick’s father back in college,” she said softly.
It was like we were standing on the boardwalk at Coney Island and Samson The Strongman picked up the big wooden hammer and stepped up to the bell and swung down and hit the target and the weight shot upward and with a loud clang and it all made sense.
“Does dad know about you and the professor?” I asked hesitantly.
“Oh, heavens no, he would kill me if he knew I had been eyeing up the history professor!” she said mortified.
“So how did you figure out Nick was your old history professor’s son?” Sarah asked.
“I saw his last name and knew that he had been married.” mom replied.
“Mom, you had the hots for a married man?” I asked askance (ok I was pretending to be bothered, but back in the day, I know that was bad juju if you were a Catholic).
“So, how does dad know Nicolas?” I continued now that the fountain of information was flowing).
“Nicolas did a lot of his graduate work at Midtown West Library, where your father worked. He used to drive your dad crazy with cross library book orders and tracking down obscure titles that had been out of print for like a zillion years!” she replied.
My mom’s face was a million shades of red and I could tell she was really uncomfortable and I had some guilt internally for prying (ok, I used a wrecking bar with a lot of leverage) the information about The Prof from her and I could hear the whispers of homemade Mint Chocolate candies beckoning to me from across the boulevard.
I wrapped my arms around my mom’s neck and gave her a hug, which of course then opened the floodgates for Kathy and Sarah to join in, then on cue like right out of First Wives Club, we all stepped back and said:
“Secret’s vault and key. We won’t say a word!” we said together.
Ok, that might have been slightly creepy like in a Stephen King - Shining kind of way, but she just started laughing again,
which caused us to laugh and being the leader, I locked arms with mom, then we all locked arms and stumbled across the boulevard to the sound of honking New York drivers saluting us politely with the number one symbol and we gloriously sashayed into Raffi’s for our sweet treat.
Chapter 9
Mesdames et messieurs, maintenant nous allons faire grand petit voyage par bateau. -Ladies and Gentlemen, now, we are going for a great little boat trip~
~Willy Wonka~
Ah, Raffi’s! Did you hear me New York! I said Raffi’s!! Need I say more? If you didn’t know what or who Raffi’s was, then you were either:
A) Not from this planet or had watched one too many episodes of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy and didn’t know where home was.
B) You are allergic to good chocolate.
C) Imagine Godiva (not to knock it, they had their own cred to deal with) was the filet mignon of confectionery bliss and had never tasted Raffi’s before.
It was a confectionery paradise! It was chocolate, chocolate everywhere! It was like that scene in Willy Wonka (The old one with Gene Wilder) where they walk into the area (after he plays the little magic flute and the door opens and there are chocolate rivers and candy everywhere! Any flavor you could imagine! They even had Everlasting Gobstoppers and Wonka Bars with Golden Tickets, but I digress!
I could feel the surge of adrenaline pumping through my veins as I imagined the pure chocolate bliss pumping through my arteries. Raffi’s was notorious for having this effect on people, and more than once the customers had tried to get the secret recipes, figuring that it was another Latka’s Cookie ploy (if you are into the old TV show Taxi, you will get this reference). Raffi’s had a CULT FOLLOWING and like good cultist’s we jumped in line at the front door and waited our turn to be indoctrinated.