by Elias Raven
~ Ogden Nash~
I reached over and grabbed the key from the package we had just found and looked to my father for permission. He nodded his head and walking over to the wooden box (with a flourish, I might add), I inserted the key which fit snugly, and then I gave it a twist. Like magic, a door slid open to the right of the keyhole exposing another of the same.
“Bravo!” my father exclaimed.
My mother smiled at my father, then me.
“I hope when this is all over, you write a book about this Paige!” she said.
I just facepalmed and looked at the box. (ever want to just throw it on the floor and stomp it into kindling, yeah I was thinking about it!) Grabbing the key, I turned it back the other way and the little door closed. It was sheer Genius! (Wile E. Coyote).
We all chatted and threw out ideas bantering busily back and forth. Who on earth would go to the trouble of so elaborate a charade? After another hour of idle chatter, I could feel myself growing sleepy.
“I’m going to head to the land of nod yeah’ all!” I announced.
Both Kathy and Sarah jumped up.
“Yeah, we need to get back to the dorm. Let’s hit this fresh in the morning!” Kathy said.
Fist bumps were exchanged all around, I grabbed the packages and took them up to my room (praying that the box wouldn’t open and let a cookie size robot loose in my underwear drawer) because that would be Despicable! (ha, ha! Pun intended).
A quick shower and some comfy jams and I fell asleep as fast as my head hit the pillow, but my sleep was not a deep one, my mind ruminated on the mystery box all night long.
Chapter 21
I awoke to the chorus from Telephone Line by The Electric Light Orchestra. One of my favorite songs of all time, next to of course the ubiquitous Mr. Blue Sky which gets Rock Star honors in my book. The melody lines from the opening stanzas just pull at the heartstrings and that was how I was feeling this morning, like the opening, it was something that simple that connection with another human being.
“Hello, how are you…?”
I wanted desperately to connect on a deep emotional level, but my insides were like scrambled eggs. I hadn’t been alright. I was lonely and I wanted to have that someone that I could roll over too. I wanted that guy that I could wrap my arms around and snuggle close too (naked of course). A guy that understood me and loved me for me.
I don’t know if you can relate or not. I loved my parents and my BFF’s and I wasn’t trying to be ungrateful. I had a rich full life, but something was missing. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots. Unlucky in love, but lucky in everything else. I just wanted someone to come home too. Not a booty call Mr. Right At The Moment or a quick trip to the races (And there off! You know... get naked, reenact a scene from The Fast And The Furious and then quickly dress and give each other the ole wink, wink nod, nod (yes Monty Python) and say you’ll be in touch (like you do when someone calls you selling Life Insurance perhaps) I mean it had its purpose (can’t beat an orgasm) and it certainly beats a battery-operated good time (although the Lelo Mia 2 had me more than intrigued) or a Billy Squire kinda date (the strokes the word, right?), but I realized I wanted something more out of life, that perhaps had a little more meat to it (not that kind, get your minds out of the gutter, ha!), but I digress yet again.
I rolled over and hit the snooze button and grabbed my pillow and pulled it over my head. I could hear the sound of thunder rumbling right overhead. This was how I dealt with depression, I would open the door and take a peek in, then deciding that it was way too scary, slam it closed and distract myself. Buttons (the family cat) chose that moment to play along and decided to high dive off of her comfy cozy kitty perch and she landed on my pillow (did I mention my head was underneath it?) with her nails extended (because she hates thunder) to let me know she was scared. (Ever been inside of an Iron Maiden?) I was going to have kitty stew when I heard her nails go into my nice hotel pillows and heard the lovely sound of a scaredy-cat howling, cause yeah know that’s what I want to hear first thing in the morning! Meowwwwww!
I tossed the cat and pillow aside and swung my legs out over the edge of the bed. Time to change the mood up Paige style! The second alarm went off and now my feet were moving as the Beasty Boys - Brass Monkey was served up fresh! I stood up (that’s right) and started to really get my groove on whilst my furry companion Buttons watched her mom lose her mind dancing around half-naked in the bedroom (well boy shorts and a man’s button-down shirt - yeah that shit was comfy!) right on cue alarm number three went off and The Blues Brothers - Soul Man kicked my ass off into high gear. (Did I mention it was Saturday?) I started shaking everything that my mama had given me (and then some). See, I went from melancholy to dancing around my room faster than Superman giving Wonder Woman a quickie! (Wait, did I just say that?) The music finished with a flourish, complete with me doing an air guitar solo, Pete Townsend style and a leap across the bedroom floor, landing in a David Lee Roth split, cause it was Saturday! Do a happy dance! (Hey Macarena!) and then I signaled off stage (wait for it cause, here she comes)
“Paige, are you done doing gymnastics up in your room!!!?” mom yelled (totally derailing my groove moment)
Personally, I didn’t think I was being that loud, but then again, I have been known to let my freak flag fly at times and THIS was as good a reason as any to be a little daring (if I do say so myself).
“Yeah! I’ll be right down!” I yelled back, throwing on some comfy bottoms and a Blues Brothers t-shirt (can you tell, I am a fan?) I grabbed my phone and headphones and doffed my Beastie Boys Silver Flake baseball cap (sideways I might add) and cued up some Alanis Morissette - You Learn on my phone, cause I did dance around naked in the living room (when mom and dad weren’t home...Shhhh!) and bounded down the stairs ready to kick some ass (on housework I might add) cause that’s what parents want on the weekends.
“Honey, come grab breakfast! My mom yelled.
Of course, being part Tigger (woo hoo hoo hoo) I hit the bottom and leaped sideways (quite gracefully really) and slid right into the dining room to find mom and dad’s smiling faces.
“Well aren’t you just Ms. Chipper Fantastic!” My father said, giving me a quirky smile to go with the saying.
“That’s me! Chipper Fantastic!” I replied smiling like a goof, then grabbed a seat at the table (where do parents come up with this shit).
My phone buzzed. Glancing down I could see it was the girls.
“Breakfast and a surprise?” they asked.
“Eating here, yeah coming? I replied.
The doorbell rang. Right on cue.
“Mom and dad can…” was all I got out before my parents laughed.
“We invited them, honey! They replied together.
I hopped up from my chair and made a beeline for the front door. Grabbing the handle, I bowed with a flourish and a huge smile (along with a howdy ho neighbor) said:
“Welcome to Murphy land!” and pulled open the door.
“Hey!!!” Said Kathy and Sarah along with four parents. (I know, I know, I should do three French hens and two turtle doves, but it’s not Christmas yet).
There on my stoop stood my BFF’s and their moms and dads!
“What a surprise!” I exclaimed, doing my best to play off the lame intro.
“Come in come in everyone! I wasn’t expecting a full-court press, but you are always welcome in our house!” I exclaimed (damn, what did we do now?)
Mom and dad came out of the dining room. Hugs were exchanged and I looked at my peeps because I knew they had a hand in this.
“Kathy and Sarah told us their parents were coming into town and they wanted to visit with us this morning, before going sightseeing with them for the rest of the weekend!” my dad explained filling in the blanks nicely. (Almost Mad-Libish even).
We ushered our guests into the dining room (that had been expanded and set up to accompany the additional guests. I swear my mom possessed some kind of white Ninja Magic when it
came to hosting any kind of gathering and commenced to eat a smorgasbord of culinary breakfast brunch magic. My mom was pulling out all the stops (think ham, eggs, bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, pancakes, waffles (on request) fresh fruit (groan) My dad was bartending and soon mimosa’s were poured (or coffee) and we were soon in that happy breakfast place (where you’re so stuffed you can’t move and the buzz you have from the orange juice and champagne keeps one foot on the floor and the other heading toward the nearest bathroom).
“So how long are you in town for?” I asked the gathered visiting parents.
“Just for the weekend. We wanted to celebrate with the kids and we haven’t seen them much since they came to NYU for college and it worked out that all of us were available this weekend, so we flew in to surprise the girls!” Sarah’s mom Lindsey replied.
“Awe, that’s so nice! I know Kathy and Sarah will love a break from yours truly!” I said offhandedly (meow).
Kathy caught my shin with a wonderful low kick that stung like all get out. Bitch was going to pay later! Wincing in pain I continued:
“I’m totally kidding! They miss you guys and this is the perfect time of year to do some sightseeing!” I replied, biting my lips from the pain.
The parents looked at me as parents often do, wondering if I was feeling ok or was my medication again slightly off, (I love when parents whisper in the background, talking low thinking you can’t hear them when you can), but eventually, they shrugged off my weirdness (because they are parents) and continued:
We small talked through breakfast and eventually, I excused myself from the table (almost doing the pee-pee dance like a five-year-old girl) and snuck away with the posse to the back porch.
“So, no mystery box weekend with Paige!? I asked rather smart assedly.
Kathy’s foot shot out again coupled with Sarah’s middle finger, but this time I did a David Carradine Kung Fu style and deftly dodged Kathy (just like walking on rice paper grasshopper) and sent back two birds of my own. The girls both laughed.
“Before you go, ladies, do you two have any insights on our investigation?” I asked seriously.
“Not a one, but as soon as our parents are in the air, we can pick up the trail again!” Kathy replied.
Sarah just gave me a thumbs up (like Don McLean on the album American Pie).
I just Grrrrrrr’d… at both of them, then threw my arms around my girls as we headed back inside. I did not have the patience to sit on this all weekend (and being my best friends, they both knew it). We said our goodbyes and I hugged my girls repeatedly. I was like beyond the bummed zone that they weren’t going to be around this weekend, but I knew deep down in my heart, that if my parents weren’t around much, that any moments I could get with them would be sacred and I couldn’t fault my BFF’s for that. Not ever! (get out the Kleenex).
As they pulled down the driveway, a familiar Skyfall Silver Aston Martin pulled in. I did a double-take and looking over my shoulder saw my father standing there looking rather cool and puffed up (like a puffin even).
“Care to tell me why the Bennett’s are here?” I asked as my cell phone blew up with OMG’s!
Then the car door opened and my jaw hit the porch (cue Snoop Dog), because it wasn’t the Bennett’s, oh no. It was only The Prof!
My dad with his impeccable timing simply said:
“I called for backup.” and left that statement hanging.
At this point, my heart is beating fast and I am trying to look cool (without looking like Wayne’s ex-girlfriend from Wayne’s World lame) and wiped the surprised look off of my face as the Cars - Moving In Stereo) started playing in my head. The car door opened (highlighting the tan leather interior), the sun streamed down perfectly on the rooftop. Everything was sparkling as Nick stepped out of the car. I know my head can be a hot mess, but damn Sam he was looking fine. Tan Tweed jacket with matching drivers cap, aviator glasses, a cream-colored white button-up with the top two buttons undone (growl) with matching tan slacks, and what looked like Italian loafers to complement the look...
My father put his hand on my shoulder as Nick came walking up to the porch.
“What do you think of the cavalry?” he whispered.
I just neighed (like a good horse) then snorted so my dad knew I was excited!
“Hello, Paige,” Nick said in greeting awkwardly sticking out his hand.
“Good morning Nick. My father didn’t tell me that he had called in the cavalry for brunch.” I replied shaking his hand awkwardly.
Nick chuckled.
“That’s ok, he said you were most desirous for my help today!” he replied (my knees were buckling, where were crutches when you needed them).
I wagged my finger and smiled at him holding my finger to my lips. He got the hint and reached out and shook my father’s hand.
“Great to see you this morning sir!” he said.
“Paige, why don’t you show the professor what you received and discovered last night and see if he can give us any additional information?” he asked, nudging me.
“Coffee Nick?” My father asked without missing a beat ever Mr. Manner!
“Yes and yes to both!” Nick replied smoothly.
It was all I could do not to say Woof!
Chapter 22
I led the professor to the dining room area and told him to please have a seat.
“I’ll go get everything and I’ll be right back,” I told him.
Nick smiled and said:
“Hurry up! I can’t wait to see everything!” He replied very smoothly (almost velvety).
My mind of course immediately derailed at that statement. Wouldn’t yours? I was secretly hoping he was checking out my fine ass through my pajama bottoms while I headed out of the room to get the mystery box and letters. I grabbed it all and proceeded to make two trips up and down the stairs (accenting my walk ever so slightly so he could see my hips as well). Before long, I had everything assembled. My father had already grabbed a magnifying glass and was busily studying everything! While Nick was occupied, I pulled my father aside into the hallway.
“Dad, where’s mom?” I asked.
“She said she had a headache and would catch up with us later after it had settled,” he replied.
Now that was odd. My mom was the consummate hostess, yet Nick was here and she was nowhere to be seen?
“Does she know Professor Bennett is here?” I asked.
“I told her I had invited him over to help you with your mystery box and she told me to tell you to have fun and she would see us both later.” was the reply. I gave him a weird look, but better to leave the dog with this bone for now. I’d circle back later.
We rejoined Nick in the dining room. He was really studious. He even had a small eye magnifier (similar to what jewelers or archeologists use) with him. He pulled out a small notebook and carefully made detailed notes of everything we had given him. We quietly stood by while he sipped coffee and examined the box and letters and packaging and string.
“I’m curious about the butcher paper. I could send it off to the lab to have them do a little more detail work on it and the string. The European & American postage mail stamps all appear to be authentic. I understand you solved the first riddle, is that right?” He asked studiously.
“I did, from the Dickens quote at the end of the first note, I was able to by process of elimination determine a possible location as me and the girls went there last night,” I replied.
“Well, that was some wonderful detective work, I must say. Brilliant!” he replied, bathing me in that smooth as silk smile of his (I just wanted to jump into a hot tub full of coconut oil with the man).
“Thank you; I haven’t surmised a location from the second letter yet, although if you see the Ogden Nash quote…” I continued.
“Yes?” Nick replied, smiling.
I could tell his gears were spinning as fast as mine. He was really enjoying watching me figure things out and honestly I had never met a man (except my da
d) who could figure things out as I did.
“Well, the mystery person knows I love mint. Especially chocolate! Have you ever been to Raffi’s? I asked him.
“Yes, it is the holy grail of chocolate!” he replied. (ok, I was having trouble wiping the stupid grin off of my face).
“So they have this mint chocolate.” I continued rather fondly.
“Yes, yes, do tell!” he replied excitedly.
Well, he did say do tell! So I went into a detailed explanation of my favorite candy store on the whole planet and discussed at length the wonders of the double dipped dyno-mints with a side of mixed chocolate to dip them in. Nick smiled at my oratorio of chocolate bliss, letting me toss out the line and set the hook, and then after I was all done, I waited for him to bite.
“Funny that, that is exactly the same candied treat that I enjoy and I order it the same way with the side of chocolate!” he said laughing.
At that, I just leaned over and fist-bumped The Prof. I mean that was a serious bonding moment right there. I made eye contact and stared deep into those beautiful eyes. There was another soul like me. I wasn’t alone anymore! I thought. My dad cleared his throat interrupting our moment.
“Well, Raffi’s is going to be a madhouse on a Saturday. If you are going to check it out, why don’t you go with Nicholas since the girls are indisposed?” He said.
“I’m game if Nick is!?” I said hitting him with my double delicious smile.
“I think this is something that we should investigate together. I would love to tag along with Paige,” he replied to my father then looked at me. (woof).
I tried to play it cool and said:
“I’ll be right back. I’m just going to put on some comfy clothes (yeah right, I was going to put myself together like I was going to The Victoria Secrets Lingerie Show) and we can head into the city. I promise I won’t keep you waiting long.” I continued and touched his shoulder (growl) (then watched as he gave me that knee-weakening return smile. I almost turned into a bowl of jello, right then and there).