by E L Strife
Hot water poured over his head, but it felt cold compared to the fire brewing inside. The throbbing in his knuckles grew as he scrubbed the last of the sand from his hair.
Two days early— Bennett cringed. Slumping against the wall of the shower in his bunk room, he cursed himself for wasting more time. He’d taken a break from TACSIM, hoping it would help him calm down. It didn’t. But it kept his fire beneath his skin a little longer.
He used to have control of everything. No one got hurt on his watch. But his energy, the visions—and why Command was rushing to place the burden of life on his shoulders when he wasn’t a Prospector yet—were variables in an equation he couldn’t make sense of. It was clear the members knew what he would become.
Bennett shut off the water. His skin dried in seconds. Grabbing his black boxer-briefs and cargo pants from the counter, he got dressed then stopped.
Command’s confidence in him would be their downfall. His power was a reckless mockery of a Prospector’s. Bennett gritted his teeth, trying to subdue the quaking energy. He didn’t want to choose who lived and died. His veins flickered with brightening ochroid light branching out across his body.
His right arm tensed, fingers curling into a fist.
He was a bomb in an eggshell case.
Before he could retract the impulse, his knuckles slammed into the mirror of the medicine cabinet, punching through glass and metal. Shards fell into the basin and plinked as they skittered across the floor.
Pulse pounding in his ears, Bennett closed his eyes, lingering in the ache flaring through his hand. It was a useful distraction, but fleeting. He dropped his forearms to the edge of the sink and buried his face in his hands, not bothering to wipe the slivers of glass away. Warm blood ran down his knuckles from stinging splits.
What is the purpose of life if all it is, is pain and death?
Three knocks on Bennett’s door made him jerk his head up. His budding flames winked out, leaving his body lambent and shimmering like campfire coals.
“Bennett?” His metal door muffled the voice. “It’s Rio and Kios. Can you open up? We need to talk.”
Glancing at his diffracted image in the broken mirror, Bennett curled his lips back in disgust. There was too much truth reflecting in the fragments.
He pushed himself upright and stepped over the splinters of glass covering the tile. With the bathroom closed off behind him, Bennett tucked himself in the shelter of the front door and let them inside.
When Rio saw Bennett, he clutched Kios tighter “Wow, Jameson. Look at you. You’re—brighter than your father.”
A little hand grazed Bennett’s stubbled cheek before he could jerk away. Kios giggled and stared at his fingertips as though he’d never felt such a thing. From what Bennett could tell, Xahu’ré didn’t grow hair below their eyelashes.
“Ah, maybe that’s not a good idea, buddy.” Rio shifted them back a step, his gaze falling to the frayed straps, and warped screen sagging off of Bennett’s forearm.
Bennett felt like a monster, blood dripping down his arms, fire crawling up them. Inhuman power poured through him, power he didn’t have to gain through sleep or food.
The boy’s arms extended with a simple plea, one too hard for him to resist. “Can you hold me? I’m cold.” Kios’s face was emaciated, but his navy eyes were wide with hope.
Rio shrugged. “I guess he’s touched you once already.”
Wanting to refuse but not knowing how without hurting the boy’s feelings, Bennett relented and cautiously gathered Kios’s bundle of skin and bones in his arms. It’d been years since he’d held a child Kios’s size.
The boy smiled and grabbed Bennett’s face, drawing their foreheads together without hesitation.
The swirling visions of blue planets and nebulae made Bennett light-headed. He saw the memories of bloodied grasses around Kios’s family hut in the fields on Agutra. Screams for Kios to run and his parents’ last devotions of love sent chills down Bennett’s spine.
The light and heat vanished from Bennett’s body. He felt like a selfish bastard for being upset over his supposed gift when children starved, and the evil which caused such misery still lurked in the stars.
A smoky woman’s voice cooed in his ear, reminding him of Atana. We are born, we fight to survive, we die. The only thing that makes it worthwhile, Kios, is love.
Kios broke the vision to hook his arms around Bennett’s neck.
The gesture made Bennett’s eyes blur with water. He couldn’t believe the boy’s fearless affection. “A—hug? Why, Kios?”
“Because of Sahara,” the boy whispered against his neck.
“Sahara?” Bennett thought of Azure.
“The pretty miia you like. She loves you!”
“Hush, Kios.” Bennett’s jaw flexed as he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “You can’t say such things here. And she cares for a lot of kiatna.”
Kios clung tighter, pulling himself to Bennett’s ear. “Not as much as us. We are her family.”
A heart-pounding wave washed over Bennett. If that was the case, what was the boy doing with Rio? “Why aren’t you with Sahara and Azure?”
Rio sighed. “I offered to take Kios, so they could actually sleep.” The man reached out and pinched Kios’s chin. Something about the boy opened up a side of Rio he’d never seen before. “Starting to feel like a grandson, this one.”
Suffocating despair buckled down on Bennett’s lungs.
Smiling at Rio, Kios sang, “Can I stay? Please?”
“He can’t; can he?” Bennett asked, feeling rejected by Rio’s implication.
Rio’s expression contorted in something of befuddlement. “Jameson, I think if you’d looked at yourself lately, you’d know normal rules don’t apply to you anymore.”
“I don’t know where I fit, sir,” Bennett muttered, stealing a glance at the star charts he’d set on his nightstand. “Or even if there is such a thing. I’m so lost.”
“I see you,” Kios announced with pride. “You are here!”
“This is a little more complicated than hide-and-seek,” Rio dotingly countered.
Kios crinkled his nose at Rio then looked up at Bennett. “So, can I?”
“I have a lot of work to do. I don’t have time—”
Rio cut Bennett off, pointing at his arm. “Before your wristband stopped relaying data, I was on my way here to mandate rest. You’re going to burn out your adrenal glands. You’re not a Prospector yet. Your body is still human. If you’re incapacitated, we have no one to lead us.”
Bennett couldn’t understand what a child saw as beneficial from remaining with a behaved, boring shepherd like him, not when his assumed parents were across the hall. “All right.” He did his best to smile at the boy clinging to him. “I suppose I could take him until Command’s meeting in a few hours.”
“Thanks. The Serum offices are backed up with shepherds, so you know where to find me.” Rio saw himself out, his impassive façade slipping over his face once again.
“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Bennett asked. Kios shook his head before a grin appeared. “Put me down.” Kios laughed. “Put me down! Put me down!” He kicked and pushed away.
“Okay, okay, hold your horses!” Bennett hadn’t watched over someone Kios’s age since he was early teens and had forgotten how impulsive and demanding they could be.
As soon as Kios’s feet touched the ground, he took off running for the bed, reaching for a pillow.
“Oh, no, you don’t!” Bennett tried to catch him, but Kios was too quick and swung one off of the bed, hitting Bennett in the thigh. “That’s it! It’s game on, little man!”
Deciding an indirect attack was best, Bennett snatched up the other pillow and whacked it against the floor next to the boy. It sent a gust of air and several feathers flying, tousling Kios’s charcoal hair. Together, the two of them chased one another, swinging back and forth until the room filled with white down-feathers and the pillows sagged like deflated marshmallows
. The fluff hung in the air like slow motion snow, reminding Bennett of winter at his beach house. He’d never seen land look so clean and soft.
Kios swung at Bennett’s stomach, knocking him back onto the bed to his surprise.
“Oh, you’re going to get it!” Bennett sat up, one arm grasping the other as he made a claw with his fingers. His father had pulled out the ‘Claw Monster’ when he was a kid. He remembered it was terrifying until he was almost seven, about the time his father stopped visiting for good.
“What is this? I can’t control it!” Bennett thrust his arm at Kios’s side, tickling the boy. Kios screeched a laugh and took off in circles around the room, fleeing from the attack. Bennett let the boy run a few laps before he caught him, digging his wiggling fingers into the boy’s tummy. Kios’s giggles were contagious.
As they played, Bennett felt a sore cavern of emptiness open inside of him, memories of family he’d shoved down until the darkness crushed them. But he couldn’t help welcoming in a little of the boy’s hope. He needed it desperately. Just enough to remember, he told himself. Not enough to want more.
The boy’s eyelids drooped with a yawn, and Bennett gingerly scooped him up. Not past your bedtime, huh? Switching off the lights, he laid the sleepy Kios beside him on the bed. Rolling onto his side, Bennett stretched out an arm to use as a pillow. Kios curled up against Bennett’s chest without a second’s pause the way Bennett’s little brother, Jack, had on cold nights. Bennett was always warm. Only last week did he learn why.
Resting his free hand on the boy’s shoulder, Bennett grazed it with his thumb. The massive size of his meaty fingers wrapping over Kios’s frail body was concerning.
Kios had reached through his fire with faith and courage and little to give but his heart, and he’d broken through. Despite all of the preparations, Bennett had lost sight of their advantage. It took a humble boy with nothing left to remind him of the true power within.
Letting his guard fall for a breath, Bennett rested his mouth to the top of the boy’s head, where he left a kiss amidst his hair. It was for him, for Jack, for every life in the Milky Way threatened by the coming war. He couldn’t save every life, but he could ensure they knew their sacrifices meant more. Feeling the boy snuggle closer, Bennett choked up. He prayed the universe spared Kios in the days to come.
Sweet dreams, little warrior.
Chapter 17
THE NEXT MORNING, Atana knocked on Bennett’s door and listened. There was no response, no sound of shifting items. Wanting to leave Bennett’s new fire-resistant wristband without waking them, she used her band to unlock his door and slip inside.
She lurched to a stop, staring at the feather-covered room. If she didn’t know any better, she’d have thought they’d killed a flock of geese. What on Earth?
Kios’s eyes fluttered open. “Sahara!”
He tore the blanket off and sprinted across the room into her arms. Atana squatted and hugged Kios tight. It was a relief to know at least he had slept well.
Bennett stirred on the bed, skin a warm shade of dark gold. His hazel eyes blinked open and locked on her with startling intensity. He popped up in bed, grabbing the blankets and holding them over his bare chest. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
She ran a hand through the boy’s hair, freeing a few feathers. “I modified a few for us so they wouldn’t melt or malfunction when we changed.” Been up most of the night. She lifted the new wristband as Kios pulled away to roll on the downy floor, giggling and throwing handfuls into the air.
Dropping the blanket into his lap, Bennett took the band from her, studying it with doubt.
While he was distracted, she stole a glance at his stalwart torso, muscles dancing as he flipped the new wristband over. A titillating swirl of desire fell to worry when she saw his swollen knuckles and blood-encrusted cuts.
“I also changed our CENA reporting protocols, so we shouldn’t get harassed any more. No more late-night visits from Rio,” she offered. But the admiration she saw in Bennett’s eyes as they followed Kios around the room made her glad for the one last night.
She held an open hand towards Bennett. “Please, let me look at your injuries.”
Bennett started to shake his head, then stopped and braced it with a hand, grimacing. Only then did she realize how quiet his thoughts had been. Taking a seat on the bed beside him, she nodded her encouragement and slid her fingers over his temples into his dark hair. “Let me heal what I can.”
“Why?” he asked, squinting up at her. Bennett was acting like no one should care about him. He had no idea how much others did, especially her.
“I think you won’t believe me if I say what I mean,” she said.
Bennett ran a hand through his hair then down his neck. “I don’t want to hurt you—or anyone. I-I don’t know what happened to me last night. It was such a different feeling, powerful but reckless. Kios is the only reason I—” He stopped himself.
“Rio mentioned something this morning,” she said.
Bennett directed to the boy. “Siphoned the energy right out of me before I could stop him.”
After a glance at Kios, she lifted a shoulder. “Then I don’t think you’ll hurt me.” With a gentle touch, she connected their foreheads, not leaving him another chance to object. A dull ache grew in her knuckles as she transferred her health to him and shared the burden of his injuries. Through their mind-meld, Bennett’s presence came to her like a sunny day, lying in warm sand. It eased the lingering pain in her bones and pushed back the memories of torture with uncanny finesse.
She’d grown weary of Azure’s possessiveness in recent days. It was as if she couldn’t speak for or protect herself. Shepherds still cowered around her. Only Bennett and Kios seemed to understand her.
Bennett’s hot breath mixed with hers as he placed a gentle hand on her knee. Threading a hand into her hair, Bennett braced her head to his. “No.”
A rush of blue, black, and red flurried through her thoughts.
She struggled to free herself, but his grasp was immovable. “Jameson, stop!”
“It is not your responsibility to protect everyone in the universe,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “It is mine.”
“Green!” Kios shouted.
Bennett’s bunk room came back into focus. When she looked down, only faint discoloration remained on her hands. Her lips moved, but in her confusion, no sound came out.
“Blue and yellow make green!” The boy pointed at the nebula floating around Atana and Bennett. He jumped up, trying to catch the wisps of light.
Atana glanced around at the lime light winking like cinders from a fire made of Barium salts.
“Blue above.” Taking two handfuls of feathers, Kios thrust them in the air. “Yellow beneath,” Kios recited, patting the floor and puffing up downy plumes at his feet. “Make what we eat and love comp-compl—” He paused, picking at his bottom lip.
“Complete?” Bennett asked.
Kios’s face brightened. “Complete!” he shouted, bounding around the room again.
Atana trailed her fingers through the cottony light between them in awe, her hand intensifying the color as it neared Bennett's shoulder and withdrew again. The green light glittered across Bennett’s eyes. “It’s like our shields but—”
Together, they looked to Kios. The color connecting her to the boy coruscated with a scalding cerulean. From Kios to Bennett, the path clouded with opaque beams of night, pearlescent flickers in its midst.
“Etiizano!” Kios clapped and danced a circle. “Etiizano!”
“Triangle?” Atana asked. Bennett didn’t appear surprised by the light show, just slightly confused. Faint lines in his cheek from crinkled sheets suggested he’d finally gotten some sleep, to her relief. “Jameson?”
Bennett returned his attention to her. Directing a tendril of her brushed out hair behind a shoulder, his thumb graced one of the more prominent scars she knew she wore on her cheek.
“Warruk dropped me out of th
e articulation hooks. Hit my head on a workstation,” she offered. “Why did you refuse my healing?”
“Your hands have to do intricate work. Mine do not,” he said, a finger of the hand on her knee now sweeping across the leather. Back and forth. Not in expectation like Azure’s touch, but in a tender, patient, comforting gesture.
He looked at ease, sitting there with her despite the unusual winking lights. It made her curious what had happened in his Ether while she worked. Sudden abashed insecurity rushed in, and Atana hung her head, fiddling with a seam on her holster.
Bennett lifted her chin and leveled with her eyes. “I only care about the threads holding the universe together. One of those threads is you.”
“Azure is coming.” Kios tossed another handful of feathers in the air to watch them drift down.
Their manifested nebula faded out, leaving the room feeling cold, empty, and wrong.
Rising from his bed, Atana picked Kios up then plucked a feather from the floor, twirling it between her fingers. She beamed at Bennett. “I’m curious. Which one of you troublemakers started it?”
The two pointed at each other. “He did it!”
Bennett scoffed at Kios. “Don’t you make me pull out the ‘claw monster’ again!”
Kios squealed and buried his face in his hands, hiding in Atana’s shoulder. She giggled but saw Bennett’s eyes jerk from her to the door. Their hazel color flattened like wooden doors slammed shut. She pursed her lips, silencing the joyful sounds.
“The door was unlocked. Where have you been?” Azure asked, his tone acerbic and laced with distrust.
“I was in the lab, making our new wristbands. Yours is beside the bed. When I went to pick up Kios, I found out he’d stayed the night with Bennett.” She looked to the boy in her arms. “Probably worked up quite the appetite. Are you two going to join?”
“No,” Azure spat.
“O-oh?” Her eyes shifted Bennett’s direction, then back to Azure. The tension between them was suffocating.
“I uh—” She gave Bennett a wary glance. “Guess we’ll be back in a few.” Atana hurried out the door and to the lunchroom on Level Three. She had little experience with social arguments and didn’t want to be confronted with choosing her past or her present when the two parts of her life were still merging. Ultimately, she needed to focus on work. The hunt for the missing metal was enough stress.