Moments of Trust

by Kat Bammer

  Even Peter and Blake had dialed up the trash talk…and Kevin loved it. All of it. The way everyone treated him like he was suddenly one of them…and not because he was a famous hockey star, but because he dated a local girl. A local girl he would leave behind. He guessed by then he wouldn’t be so popular anymore.

  The door to the kitchen opened and Claire stepped in. “There you are. Have you started homework yet?”

  Sunnie nodded. “All done. Uncle Kevin helped me.”

  Claire looked at him with appreciation. She was getting huge by now, the birth of her second child mere weeks away. It was funny how Blake hovered around her most of the time. Seeing the big man concerned, excited, and anxious was hilarious.

  Sunnie laid her last card and won the game. “Again, please, Uncle Kev. One more time, please.”

  Kevin and Claire chuckled. The kid could play all day long, especially when she was winning.

  “Baby,” Claire said, “Uncle Kevin sure as hell has something else to do, but I’ll play with you.”

  Kevin got up and helped her settle down at the table. When the back door opened, Kevin looked toward the door and when Julie entered, he glanced at his watch. Had he lost track of time? He’d thought he had a good quarter of an hour left before his afternoon therapy session.

  “Hey, Claire, Sunnie.” She went into his arms without hesitation.

  “You’re ready early. How did it go?”

  Julie had been taking on another new client and Kevin was proud of the way she rocked her new business. But Julie just shrugged, not saying anything about her latest client. Maybe he would ask again later when they were lying in bed together.

  Kevin said goodbye to Sunnie and Claire and grabbed his coat from the hook by the back door. They stepped outside in the sun, and Kevin draped his arm around Julie. “You done for today?”

  Julie nodded.

  “So, a lazy afternoon in bed then?”

  Julie looked at him, her right eyebrow drawn up. “Really, that’s how you want to spend your time?”

  Kevin scoffed. “Of course, that’s how I like to spend my time.”

  Julie laughed at his silliness and shook her head. “Men, only thinking about the one thing all the time.”

  They turned the corner and stepped onto the parking lot and Julie went toward her car. “I got different plans. Hop in.”

  Kevin stuffed himself into her little car, and they both closed the doors. “Where are we going?”

  Julie smiled. “It’s a surprise—you’ll see.”

  She drove in a different direction entirely. They didn’t stay long on the highway before she turned left onto a small road in the woods. It was a steep incline and Kevin hoped her little car wouldn’t get stuck in the snow. But whenever Kevin dared to say something about her car, Julie just made fun of him. And her car was sturdy—Kevin had to give her that.

  When Julie stopped, they overlooked the scene right out of some idyllic Hallmark movie. There was an old house right next to a pond. The solid layer of ice glittered in the sun. Kevin’s throat tightened.

  “Everybody in town knows about this place. But it’s usually not shared with outsiders. So, be grateful I took you here. All of us learned to skate up here. Even Paul.”

  “Here, on this pond?” It may seem obvious that Kevin learned to skate under similar conditions, but nothing was further from the truth. Kevin’s mother would’ve never taken him to a pond. Ever. Instead he’d learned skating in a huge rink where his parents paid for expensive lessons with prestigious trainers.

  “Well, when we were young, there was a rink on the way to White Brook, but it closed before we were old enough to go there on our own. So, this was it.”

  Julie exited the car and went around to open the trunk. “Remember your Christmas present?”

  Kevin remembered. She had brought it with her when she came to the cottage to see him after the altercation with her stalker. But the situation got out of hand real quick and when he remembered the present days later, it was gone. “Yep, searched for it a few days later but I couldn’t find it. Did you take it back?”

  Julie grinned. “Well, you chose to have me as your present instead.” Julie paused, and Kevin felt the familiar tightening he felt every time he thought about them having sex.

  “So, when you hadn’t opened it by New Year’s, I repossessed it for a better time. Now is that time.”

  Kevin stepped next to Julie and opened the present in the trunk.

  His old trusted skates.

  He tried to ease the ache in the back of his throat by clutching them. He didn’t know if he should cry or laugh. His feelings were all over the place. Somehow it wasn’t the reaction he’d expected at all. He thought he couldn’t wait to get back on the ice, but now that it was about to happen—he wasn’t as excited as he thought he would be. Or maybe he was just plain scared.

  “I asked Paul to send them.” Julie’s tone was even, and Kevin looked up from his skates. Had she guessed he had mixed feelings about this?

  Julie rubbed her ear and then crossed her arms over her chest. “I hope it’s okay. I waited for you to have an extra layer of certainty.” She avoided looking at him and her defensiveness gutted Kevin. He should have thanked her…hugged her. She was being thoughtful and kind, and he was being an insecure asshole, stuck in his own head.

  “Thank you. It’s really cool of you to have thought this through.” God, that was lame. He turned to Julie to hug her, but she leaned into the trunk to get her own skates at the same time, and Kevin retreated immediately.

  “Come on, we can lace them down by the pond. There’s a bench down there.”

  She retreated to the opposite side. Didn’t even look at him again and there was nothing else to do but to close the trunk and follow her.

  The familiar process of lacing his skates brought a sense of calmness to Kevin. This was what he was born for. This was what he had fought for his whole life. His knee was good. Julie wouldn’t let him anywhere near the ice if she had any doubts about this.

  He just had to trust the process.

  Trust the process.

  Trust Julie.

  Julie had her skates tied in no time and was gliding flawlessly. She even did a pirouette when Kevin tried the ice with one foot.

  This was awkward. The surface was pockmarked and rough. Or maybe it was just his lack of practice that made it feel like that. There were patches where the ice was darker. “Hey, you sure this is thick enough? I’m not exactly the light fairy you are.”

  Julie chuckled and circled back to him. “See your breath?”

  Kevin furrowed his forehead. What on earth had this to do with everything? “Yes.”

  “Good. Also, it’s been freezing all month.”

  “Okay.” That was it? Kevin wasn’t convinced that was a good enough explanation for him to trust that the ice was safe.

  “You need more evidence?” Julie grinned at him. “Okay, so there is this guy. Herb. He’s taking care of the pond. Well, more like he is taking care of the kids of Moon Lake. He’s also retired, so he comes up here every morning to check on the ice.” Julie pointed at the old wooden porch of the house a mere 500 feet away. “See the green flag up on the porch?”

  Kevin nodded.

  “This means the ice is safe. He drills a hole most mornings and checks it and then he puts a green, a yellow, or a red flag up. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember.” She shrugged her shoulder. “I guess the people in town just care about each other.”

  Kevin shook his head. Never before had he encountered people like here in Moon Lake. Maybe there was something to say about small-town life.

  “When I was young, it was this old guy, who lived up here. But he was kind of creepy. At least he leered at all the girls, which had freaked me out. He never approached any. But I made sure there were guys around whenever I came here.”

  Or not. Creepy old men, who leered after girls and lived in the woods? That was a story right out of a horror mo
vie.

  “Even though he was creepy, I always loved the house. Isn’t it perfect?”

  All Kevin saw was a rundown old house, but with a lot of money and a lot of work, maybe it could be turned into a home.

  Kevin stepped on the ice, he wobbled a little, but soon the familiar calm kicked in. This was his element. This was where he was at home.

  The first few slides were stiff but soon muscle memory took over. Smooth.

  “Controlled movements. No stops, no pivots. Just nice and easy.” She skated toward him and stopped in front of him, cutting off his forward motion. “I need honest feedback. Any twinge, any stiffness, any unstable feeling.”

  Kevin nodded and pulled her to him. “Yes, ma’am. Now let me get going.” He kissed her on the nose and pushed her backward.

  Julie chuckled on her backward glide. “Nice and easy, remember. Don’t overdo it.”

  Kevin soon found a groove on the uneven surface. There was no pain or instability in his knee and soon a wide grin split his face. The familiar feeling of the air against his face and the swoosh-swoosh sounds of his skates on the ice made warmth radiate through his body.

  Finally home.

  Julie left the ice after she’d hovered around him at the beginning and watched him from the wooden bench.

  Kevin hadn’t felt this strong a sense of purpose and flow for a long time. That’s what had always drawn him to playing hockey. There were times when he just did it to spite his parents. But most of the time he really loved it.

  He passed Julie one more time. The pond wasn’t bigger than maybe 5,000 square feet. So there wasn’t a lot of space to practice.

  Julie had gone quiet some time ago, and she sat slumped over on the bench. Maybe she was just in therapist mode; except she wasn’t even looking at him.

  Kevin circled back and did a slow stop at the edge of the ice. “Hey, everything okay?”

  Julie looked up at him, her eyes shiny.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Julie sniffed and sat up. “Nothing, I’m just cold.” She looked at her watch. “I think it’s enough for today anyhow. Let’s get back to town, maybe stop by the bar, have a hot tea to warm back up?”

  Kevin nodded and stepped off the ice. He unlaced his skates next to Julie before they went back to her car and drove down the mountain.

  Silence engulfed them on their way back down and Kevin didn’t know what to say. He could still feel the energy coursing through his body and since Julie wasn’t in the mood for talking anyhow, he closed his eyes and imagined himself back between the pipes.

  When the car stopped, Kevin’s thoughts arrived at Coach screaming in the locker room, so he was glad to end his daydreaming. Maybe he didn’t like everything about playing hockey. Maybe being away from the day-to-day business of it made him glorify it all a bit too much.

  Kevin stepped out of the car and Julie hesitated. “Go on in. I’m with you in a sec. I just need to make a call.”

  Kevin tilted his head to the side but attempted to keep his face neutral when he nodded. He closed the door and walked into the bar. Whatever had ruined her good mood, Kevin would make it better afterward. Sex always lifted Julie’s mood. As it did his. He would miss this the most, when he left here.

  No, that wasn’t true.

  He would miss everything about his little fairy.

  17

  Julie closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being pushed deep into the mattress by Kevin’s weight. It was time… She knew it was time… so she took one deep breath before opening her eyes. The sun’s rays coming in from the windows of Kevin’s cottage hit her eyes and she blinked. “Enough, you gotta get ready.”

  Kevin gave her one more of the deep, scorching kisses she craved. This was it. Their time together was over.

  She pulled back and shoved him with her hands. “Now, get off of me.”

  Kevin smiled at her, kissed her on the nose, and rolled off of her and to the side of the bed.

  He groaned, stood up, and straightened his crotch.

  They were both being silly. Julie jumped off the bed on the opposite site. “I’m gonna wait at the Inn, so you can finish packing.”

  She ignored Kevin’s protest, donned her coat, hat, and boots, and raced out the door of the small cottage.

  She stared at the Inn. Then turned to the other side toward the lake. She carefully made her way along the pier, avoiding the icy patches on the wooden planks. This was it. She’d called Kevin’s coach after the first time on the ice. She’d cried in her car, before she entered the bar back then and had steeled her heart for this day ever since. And Kevin…he’d been so sweet, so good to her the whole time. But he never promised her anything. Never told her he loved her. Never gave her any inclination that he wanted more from her than the short time they had. And it was for the best. He had his own life to get back to. And she had her business and her home. She didn’t want to leave Moon Lake…not even for Kevin… Maybe.

  The cell in her pocket vibrated, and she pulled it out. “Hey, Paul.”

  “Hey, sis.” His cheerful voice tightened the pain in her chest.

  “Is he already on his way? I can’t wait to have my wingman back.”

  For a second Julie thought she might puke. “He’s still packing.”

  “Are you okay? You sound funny.”

  Julie struggled with the tears that threatened to spill and her clogged-up throat. No, she wasn’t fine, not that her brother would understand. “I’m fine”—she sniffed—“it’s just the wind making my eyes water.” He didn’t need to know that there was no wind. It was still freezing at night but during the day it was getting considerably warmer. Spring was just around the corner. Kevin wouldn’t experience how beautiful Moon Lake became during spring and summer.

  “Hmmm.” He paused for a moment. “Did you fall in love?” His voice had become quieter, less animated.

  “Wow. What. No. Of course not.”

  He sighed. “The parents told me, you know.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Maybe playing dumb would get him off her ass.

  “You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”

  She remained silent, but that didn’t defer him.

  “Damn, Julie… You, better than anyone else should know how hockey players are the biggest man-whores out there. Shit. I told him to not fuck this up.”

  Julie wiped at her tears and pulled in, then slowly released a deep breath. “He didn’t fuck anything up. He was being kind and nice and sweet.”

  “Hah? Are you sure we’re talking about the same guy? I mean I love Kev like a brother, but I’ve known him for years. He isn’t any of those things. He’s arrogant. Always treated women like shit. And they still flock around him.”

  He did? Not that Julie wanted to think about Kevin with another woman, but Julie couldn’t even imagine Kevin treating anyone like shit. She remembered how he always had time for Sunnie at the Inn. Joked around with her until she laughed like she didn’t have a care in the world. He’d bonded with Blake and Peter so easily, like they’d known each other forever. He’d also been so nice and polite to her parents and he had fit right in with the people of Moon Lake. The man Paul described was the polar opposite of the man she got to know during the last four months. Even when he hurt, and she was riding his ass during therapy, he’d never lost his poise and never lashed out at her. She would never forget his easy grin. The laugh lines around his eyes that made him even sexier.

  “You still there?”

  “Yes, I am. Hey, listen. I gotta run. Let’s talk another time.”

  “Wait—”

  But Julie pushed the button, slipped the phone into the pocket of her jacket, and took a deep breath.

  The cold rushed through her windpipe and deepened the ache in her lungs.

  It would be okay. She’d known this day would come. She knew it since the day at the pond, when she called his team afterward while she watched him enter the bar.

  When she watc
hed him on the ice. Completely at ease. That’s when she knew it. He was meant to be a hockey player. It was his destiny. And he was never hers in the first place. At least not to keep… She’d just borrowed him for a little while…was privileged enough to get to know him and share a piece of his path. And this kind, and nice and sweet and sexy man, never led her on. Never said I love you. Not a single mention of a future together. So the only thing left to do was let him fulfill his destiny.

  Julie wiped at her nose. Someday she would find someone else. Someone local. Someone who would want to settle down with her. Someone who couldn’t live without her. The same way Kevin couldn’t live without hockey.

  Julie squeezed her eyes shut. Wet residue on her cheeks burned on her skin. Stupid wind. She wasn’t crying, nope. No reason to.

  Julie turned her back to the lake and marched across the meadow to the Inn.

  She needed a distraction. Just to keep it together until Kevin left.

  She could fall apart afterward. But not now.

  When Julie entered the Inn through the back door, a very pregnant Claire was groaning and trying to find a comfortable position in her chair at the breakfast nook. Dorothy sipped at her tea and Lisa pulled Claire into a side hug.

  “I tell you, this baby is huge and I’m ready to be done being pregnant. I don’t think I’ve slept through a single night in forever, and honestly I might just move into the toilet, because I’m spending so much time there, anyway.

  Julie chuckled while she hung her jacket on a hook. “Hey.”

  The girls turned toward Julie and Claire gave her an annoyed look.

  “Don’t look at me like that. I know you don’t mean it. And in the matter of a few weeks you will have a beautiful baby worth all the pain.”

  Claire’s face lit up. “You’re right. This is a gift.” She laid her hand on her belly. “I can get through a few more weeks of discomfort.”

  Julie walked to the coffee machine and got herself a cup. How lucky her friends were to have found the men in their lives. Lisa was pregnant and married to Peter, and Claire and Blake would soon have another child to complete their family.