He stopped and looked up at me. “Uh-oh, this is your serious voice. What’ve I done?”
“N- nothing. It’s just—”
He placed a hand on his hip. “Go on.”
“Are we boyfriend and girlfriend, Milo? I kind of just would like to get some clarification on things, you know, with you claiming to be my dog’s father and all.”
Milo stalked right up to me and tipped my chin up with his fingertips, gazing down directly into my eyes. “Let’s make this crystal clear for you. I’m your boyfriend and you’re my girlfriend. I’m yours, and you’re mine, and I’m madly in love with you, Violet Blake. That clear enough?”
“Y- yes.”
He swallowed my stutters with a searing kiss that sent heat blazing through my body. Firing me up enough to make my own confession when his lips left mine.
“I love you too, Milo Waite.”
Once again his mouth fixed on mine, until the sound of another van coming into the yard forced us apart.
“Glad you finally realised what I’ve known since we met, Princess.”
“You’re insufferable, do you know that?”
“And you love me anyway.” He winked.
Josh entered the building. “Happy first official day, Violet.” He smiled. “Oh glad you’re here, son. What I have to say affects you. Employees are not allowed to fraternise, so I’m sorry, Milo, but you and Violet can no longer see each other.”
“I fucking quit then.” Milo announced, making his father laugh out loud.
Josh slapped him on the back. “I knew you’d say that. Bless you, Milo. You’re one in a million, son. One in a million.”
“Who wants a drink?” I asked them, while Rocky wore himself out on visitor number two who seemed to adore him as much as we did.
The morning passed quickly with making bookings and supplying the Waites with stock and updating them on their week’s tasks. The only one I’d not seen was Juliet who was still finishing up a job from last week.
I’d been putting off contacting my dad about visiting my mother in prison, but as it got to lunchtime I decided there was no time like the present.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Sweetheart! Good to hear from you. Everything okay?”
“It really is. The house is lovely, and I got a dog. A Staffy called Rocky.”
“Oh, I’m so pleased for you, honey. I know how you always wanted one growing up, and then Jay wouldn’t let you have one…”
“Well, I have one now. How’s Paula?”
“She’s good. We went out for Chinese Saturday night.”
“I’m dating too.” I announced and I told him about Milo.
“Another one with Dawson blood falls for a Waite. Well, hopefully this time it will have a much better outcome. I wish you all the happiness in the world, darling. You deserve it.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I felt a strange relief that he was okay with it, and then my stomach knotted as I stated the main reason for my call. “Anyway, the reason I’m ringing you is because, well, I’ve decided to go to see Mum.”
There was a silence at the other end of the line and I wondered whether even though he’d said he was okay with me contacting her, if the truth was he’d hoped I wouldn’t.
“Well depending on what’s changed your mind, I think that’s a good thing, Violet.”
“What do you know about her brother, Dan. My uncle?” I asked him.
“Other than him running off with Alice Waite, not a lot. I knew he was a bit of a waster, liked a drink, got in some scrapes. He only ever got in touch with us when he wanted to borrow money. We never gave him any, so then we stopped hearing from him. Why?”
“Because I found out that he and Alice Waite had a son. He’s called Elias and he’s fourteen. He’s my cousin.”
“Really? Your mum never said anything.”
“Maybe she didn’t know then? I just thought I’d go see her and see if she could tell me anything about him.”
“How did you find him? Through Milo?”
“No. Via Facebook. The Waites don’t know about him, and at the moment, Eli doesn’t know about them. Alice abandoned him when he was a baby and Dan… he died, Dad, in 2016, of an overdose.”
“Jesus, Vi. This could be one hell of a can of worms to open. What are you going to do?”
“See my mother and then decide who I tell first. Eli or the Waites. Eli’s family, but the Waites are grown-ups. At the moment I don’t know which way to go.”
“Personally, I’d tell the Waites first. See if any of them want to meet their half-brother. If they don’t you can prepare him for yet another disappointment in his life.”
“Yeah, I think maybe that would be best.” I sighed. “So, you’re okay with me going and seeing Mum? You’re absolutely sure? Because if not, I won’t go. You mean more to me than any answers my mother can give me.”
“I think it’s something you should do. For a few reasons. Let me know how you get on and if you don’t mind, while you’re there can you ask her to stop contacting me?”
“I will. Hopefully I can get some answers and some peace from seeing her. That’s my hope anyway. And maybe you can too. Perhaps it will draw a line under things for Mum. We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”
“If you’re upset when you’ve seen her, promise me you’ll come here. It’s what dads are for.”
“I promise.”
“Though by the sounds of it, you’ve a nice man who can take care of you now.”
“I think so, Dad. I truly think I’ve found a good one.”
“Well, I hope I get to meet him sometime.”
“Definitely. When I’m a little more settled and we’ve been together longer.”
“Sounds good. I’ll look forward to it, darling.”
“Bye, Dad. I love you.”
“Love you too, Violet.”
He rang off and I spent the rest of my lunch finding out how I arranged to visit an inmate. Eventually, I sent a request over the internet. It said I would hear back within one to three days. Although there was definitely a part of me that was fearing the unknown, there was another part that knew I needed to see my mum if I was to truly move on with my life.
On Tuesday evening I drove to a park on the other side of Willowfield where I thought I’d be unlikely to be seen by anyone I knew and met Eli with Rocky. Eli was over the moon to get to meet the dog and then of course unsurprisingly said there was no reason why he couldn’t visit my house now. I tentatively suggested the following Tuesday might be possible depending on when I got to see my mum. This meant that at some point I had to sit and confess everything to Milo.
I just didn’t know how I was going to do that. We had such a good thing going on and I was petrified that this could ruin everything.
I decided I would wait until after I’d visited my mother because who knew what she had to tell me about everything.
The next morning I received a pass to go see her on the following Saturday. Milo offered to come with me but I felt it was something I needed to do alone.
I hated the fact I couldn’t be honest with Milo, but I felt there was currently no other way.
Violet
I hadn’t seen my mother for four years. My last memories of her appearance were of a well-groomed woman who bought every anti-aging product known to man. Yet when I entered the room to visit her, I had to look twice to make sure this was my mother. Her hair was still vaguely blonde but threaded with grey and white and she’d aged, looking a decade older than her fifty years.
She stood up as she noticed me. I thought guards would leap forward and look wary, but they all seemed pretty chill. My mum had received a fifteen-year sentence for the spontaneous attempted murder of my father. In six year’s time she’d be able to apply for parole, but I didn’t want to think about that right now.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to think about right now. My feet seemed stuck to the floor as my thoughts wandered between potentially moving forwards and running the h
ell away.
Do it for Eli.
Slowly, I moved forward taking the seat opposite my mother. Her face fell as my expressionless face met her hopeful smile. All I could think was she nearly took my father away from me. My beautiful, generous father.
“I didn’t think you’d turn up.” My mother spoke first.
“Well, I have questions, and you might have the answers.”
“Oh.” She slumped into her seat. “You didn’t come in response to any of the letters I sent your father?”
“He’s not opened them in a long time. He asked me to tell you not to send any more.”
“Oh.” She said again. She cleared her throat. “So, what do you want to know? You look good by the way. Healthy. Hopefully you’ll tell me something about your life. Even if you choose never to come here again.”
“I’ve come to ask you about my Uncle Dan.”
“Oh God. What’s he done now?”
Fuck. She doesn’t know. My mother doesn’t know.
“Mum, he died. In 2016. Drug overdose.”
My mother’s face paled and then crumpled. She sobbed quietly for a few moments before attempting to compose herself.
“I can’t say it’s unexpected. But I’d hoped he’d sorted himself out.”
“Were you in touch with him at all? After he left with Alice Waite?”
Her red-rimmed eyes widened with surprise. “How do you know about Alice Waite?”
“I asked my question first.”
My mother sniffed. “No. When he left with Alice, he never bothered with us again. Mainly because your nan told him never to darken her door.”
“Oh. But did you not try to find him?”
“Nah. We weren’t a happy family, Violet. I know you loved your nan and she did her best, but your grandad when he was alive was a strict and unloving bastard and we kids suffered.”
It was the first time she’d ever spoken of my maternal grandfather who’d died when my mother was twelve.
“And it would appear that his temper went down the familial line, hey?”
That was my worst fear confirmed. I felt sick hearing those words. Was I going to turn into my mother one day? Hurt someone I was supposed to love?
“I think the large amounts of alcohol you’d consumed didn’t help, Mother.”
“We were both addicts, me and Dan. Him pills, me alcohol. The shrinks I’ve seen say it was our coping mechanism from our past. Doesn’t look like it worked seeing as he’s dead and I’m doing bird.”
I decided not to mention Eli. There was nothing to be gained by my mother learning about him at this time. We’d cross that bridge when she ever got released along with every other issue I’d have at that time.
“Why did you do it, Mother?” I asked her outright.
“Because I was so intoxicated I didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t remember it, Violet. What I told the court was true. I didn’t remember it then and I don’t remember it now. I’d love to sit and tell you how very sorry I am that it happened, but I can see you don’t want to hear it. That your father by not opening the mail I sent him still doesn’t want to hear it. I guessed as much. He never returned to sender, but he never responded either. And I presume it was all to do with the alcohol, but the fact is I had a temper. If I do get out I won’t ever try to become part of yours or your father’s life, Violet. Whether you’d allow me or not I wouldn’t risk it because I do love you and I loved your father. There’s not a day goes by where I don’t regret my actions, even though I don’t remember them. All I hope is that you’re happy.”
“I divorced Jay. He cheated on me.”
“I’m sorry, Violet. You deserve better than that.”
“I know, and I think I might have found it.”
“You’ve met a Waite boy, haven’t you?”
I gasped. “What makes you say that?”
“You came asking about Alice. Only one of those could have told you about her really. Something important must have happened for you to come to see me after four years. I’m not stupid, Violet. Are they asking questions about their mother, because I have no idea what happened to her?”
“They’re not asking questions, but I still wanted to know the answers if there were any. I wanted to know if you’d heard from Dan.”
Her eyes welled with tears again. “My poor brother. He spent the majority of his life in torment. I’m not surprised he ran away with Alice. She brought light to the darkness he lived in.”
Somehow those words made sense to me, and I understood for a moment the attraction and subsequent affair between Dan Dawson and Alice Waite, though it was never to last.
“I’ve finally found somewhere I feel settled. I’ve had therapy and will probably continue to do so. I won’t ever be able to forgive you and I think your decision to keep away from us on your release is the right one.”
My mother nodded at me.
“Please don’t write to Dad anymore. He’s finally moving on with his life.”
“Really? I know you won’t care but it does make me happy to know that.”
“You’re right. We don’t care. Your actions meant he might never have had that future and while you were his past and present at times you made his existence miserable.”
She nodded. “I understand that. Know that I love you, Violet, and I’ll continue to love you, no matter what.”
“And I have love for the mother who treated me well. It’s the parts of you I try and fail to remember though because all I ever see when I think of you is Dad laid bleeding.”
She just nodded again.
“Thank you for coming to see me. I’m guessing you won’t be coming again, so I’d just like to say that I wish you and your father the very best, and you can be rest assured I will leave you to get on with your lives. Like I said before, I wouldn’t want to do anything where I might put you at risk again. I wish you all the love and luck in the world.”
“Okay, I think that’s everything.” There was nothing else to say. Well, not for me.
“I know I’m asking a lot, Violet, but could I please just hug you as you leave? Only whatever has happened you are and will always be my baby and I just want one last chance even though I know I don’t deserve it. Just to say goodbye.”
I felt myself beginning to unravel. The mix of mother and attempted murderess morphing in my mind.
Then I nodded and stood. She stood too. I knew we couldn’t have a long hug, it was against the rules, but as I walked over to her, her arms folded around me and she kissed the top of my head.
“Goodbye, Violet.” She said.
I left her arms and walked away. I didn’t look back because I was scared if I did, I’d want my mother back, but that mother had disappeared when she’d sliced through my father’s neck.
I couldn’t drive straight home. I’d have been unable to concentrate. Milo was with Rocky no doubt feeding him his own bodyweight in treats and so I went through a Costa drive-thru, and then parked up in an industrial estate where no one was around and I just let all my thoughts run free. It had been traumatic and emotional, but I did feel closure. Knew that my mother had got to say what she’d wanted to say. Her apologies, her promises to not contact us; although we could never be entirely sure she’d stay away when her release came around. I felt she would though. That she’d want a fresh start for herself as much as it would mean cutting total ties with her past. But once again I felt like I was mourning for my mum; someone who on that fateful day had ceased to exist.
In some ways she’d provided more answers though because yes she might have had a temper, but on the day she attacked my dad it appeared it was not only her temper but her having drunk herself so far into oblivion that she didn’t know what she was doing. And that was something I could control. There and then I made a decision that from now on I would limit myself to a glass or two of alcohol, but no more drunken nights, fun though they could be. As they could also be not fun at all.
Once I felt a little more settled,
my thoughts more in order, I started the engine and drove back home. I couldn’t wait to see my dog and be back in Milo’s arms. I’d take the weekend to selfishly enjoy the love of a good man and then Monday evening I would tell him about Eli.
Milo
“You crazy pooch. Oh, is that a car? I think Mummy is home, Rocky B.” I gathered him up into my arms and took him to the window. Guessing his new mummy was home he barked and wriggled to be put down and then he ran to the door.
Violet’s eyes met mine through the window and she smiled, but she looked weary. God, I hoped her mum had been okay. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure why she’d decided to make the trip all of a sudden. She said it was to put a line under things, to say her goodbyes, but why now? I hoped that maybe it was because of us. That she was thinking of us going forward and so wanted to tie up loose ends that could spoil things ready for our happy ever after.
She opened the door and could barely get through for Rocky jumping up and fussing around her.
“Let me get in, little man.” She giggled.
“I ain’t small.” I added.
That earned me one of her gorgeous eye-rolls. “No, you aren’t.” She winked.
Though I wanted to take her straight to bed, I could see that what she needed now was a cup of tea. “I’m going to put the kettle on and then you can tell me about your trip… if you want.”
“One of your cuppas will be grand. Has Rocky behaved himself for you?”
“Course he has. Daddy’s favourite little boy, aren’t you Rocky B?” I went through to the kitchen knowing full well she’d be eye-rolling again.
When I returned with a drink for us each, placing them down on the coffee table, Violet was on the sofa with Rocky curled up on her knee having a chin rub. “I can’t believe we have a third wheel. How am I supposed to get snuggled with you when our boy keeps getting there first?”
“I’m sure you’ll manage somehow. God, it’s good to be home. I keep thinking about what sort of a state my house would still be in if it wasn’t for you Waite boys.”
“Yep, we’re efficient at delivering the goods.”
Waiting For Milo: THE WAITE FAMILY - BOOK ONE Page 16